Comparative personals ads: An object lesson

[Lydia Leftcoast]

I went through my personals ad stage about ten years ago and gave up on it because the people were never as advertised. However, I still read them for fun, and the thread about "assholes" versus "nice guys" reminded me of something I've noticed over the years--the complete mismatch between what women are looking for and what men are looking for.

Here are some actual personals ads (identifying details omitted but actual punctuation and spelling) from a recent issue of a Twin Cities entertainment weekly. First, the men:

Healthy, athletic, confident Guy, mid-40s, seeking an active, positive, H/W/P Woman, late 40s, for conversation, romance, and TLC. I'm fun-loving, kind, caring, compassionate. Race unimportant.

SWPM, 58, monogamous, secure, genuine, business owner, well-traveled, in search of companionship with a fit, attractive stable Lady around my age for LTR. Prefer no kids at home.

Silver-haired homeowner seeking sensual, romantic, nice-looking female of any race or age. Widowed, attractive, enjoys most activities (indoors and outoors)

SWM 42, n/s, n/d, n/drugs, down-to-earth, loving, caring, never-married, no kids, stable job, enjoys fishing, camping, traveling, bicycling, canoeing, ATV'ing, most anything fun. Seeking pretty SWF 32-38. LTR. Trust, honesty important.

41-year-old Caucasian Male looking for a fun-loving, voluptuous Lady, 25-50, to have fun and games with. I enjoy going out, ice fishing, Vikings. Casual drinker.

Okay, here are the women:

Canvas-painting, instrument-playing, song-writing, and/or club performing, sincere boyfriend desired by picky, educated, pretty, passionate, supportive Bohemian type Puerto Rican-Black mixed early 30s St. Paul newbie. Hoping for a special Guy to match my interests: Kurt Cobain, Bill Corgan, Lenny Kravitz, Berlioz, Van Gogh, live music, art museums, bookstores, an occasional altered state, independent films. Lanky build a plus.

I know where the oldest tree in Minneapolis stands and good music when I hear it. I know the yin-yang of city and country living, but soulmate I have not yet found...can you find me?

Bleeding heart...but at least I have one! Parent, health care professional, independent thinker, passionate, spiritual, fit, 50. Enjoys bicycling, gardening, home projects, traveling, learning, laughing, dancing, singing, sharing meals and wine.

You up for it? SBF, 35, seeks partner in crime. Let's meet weekly to exchange writing, ideas, books, see films. Looking to challenge myself. Need a regular shot of boy energy.

Progressive? You are a Democrat or the like, are 34-42, college educated, like political duscussions, have a good sense of humor and have an interest in the arts, animals, and nature. Let's talk.

This is the kind of pattern I have noticed in personals ads in both Portland and the Twin Cities ever since personals ads became popular about thirty years ago.

Discuss.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

1. No takers?

:shrug:

[RagingInMiami]

2. "need a regular shot of boy energy"?

Please translate

[mark414]

4. well

we don't want this thread to get locked

[Samurai_Writer]

3. I've done personal ads for years...

and have always noticed this. The men always focus on the physical traits they want in the woman. The women focus more on esoteric, nonphysical traits.

Bella, who automatically dumps a man's response to my ad in the trash if he mentions 'attractive' 'pretty' 'HWP' or 'fit' in his ad. Needless to say, I don't respond to many who contact me.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

5. Another thing I've noticed is that

the men's ads seem to be vague and cliched, while the women give you a glimpse of their personalities.

The husband of one of my women friends in Oregon said that when he read the personals, he always found several women that he'd be willing to inquire about if he weren't married, while the men struck him as boring and clueless.

Note, for example, the times that men brag that they're "homeowners" or "financially secure." Note how few of the women ask for someone who's a homeowner or financially secure.

Furthermore, imagine a dinner party to which only the men in the ads above were invited. What would the conversation be like? It would probably focus exclusively on the Twins and the Vikings and the NCAA championships, this being Minnesota.

Now imagine a dinner party to which only the women in the ads above were invited. What would the conversation be like? Lively and interesting and unpredictable, I'm sure.

[BlueJazz]

6. I would like to point out that from my travels, I've noticed that...

...Republican cities (Jacksonville..etc) seem to have an over-abundance of "Men Wanted" ads (from women) that usually state they desire a Man of means, financially independent, Love to visit Europe and other catch phases for wealth.
But..of course, we knew already that Republican women (like Republican men) are more interested in what's on the surface than what's in the heart.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

8. In this paper (Minneapolis), there are 9 columns of women's ads and

17 columns of men's ads.

[tigereye]

7. the men mentioned sound more "traditional"

in the sense that they think that women are looking for financial security and stablity, whereas many women who are looking are probably employed professionals looking for someone to complement their life-style. Makes me wonder if there is a disconnect between the kind of men who place these ads and the women who do. That is an interesting question, though.

[TahitiNut]

9. My "personals ad" -

"Matrimonially experienced man, leading edge baby boomer, seeking long term relationship with warm sunshine, seawater, soft breezes, coral reefs, palm trees, and the meaning of life, the universe, and everything."

It's been amazing to me how many women apparently think they're possessed of attributes equivalent to what I said I'm "seeking." :silly:

(Perhaps I should have also said "literacy"??) :shrug:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

10. Or maybe they're just seeking the same things, in which

case, go for it! :-)

[redqueen]

11. Very interesting.

I'd like to believe that it's a case of how we nurture our boys, as a society.

I said on the other thread, that women have been mostly freed from being raised as doormats. However men are still raised in a cookie cutter mold for the most part, and I think it shows in this type of situation.

How many men have the strength of character to state what they like, if it goes against the grain? How many will get in line with the rest, even if they don't really mean it, just so as not to stick out as the outsider?

I think boys are pressured more than girls are nowadays to fit into a stereotype of how they should act. Maybe I'm wrong...

That said, girls are still pressured WAY more than boys to fit into a stereotype of how they should look.