I'm a Republican candidate for President. Ask me anything.

[GOPBasher]

[LynneSin]

1. Can I be your Secretary of State?

I promise to secretly pine away for you!!

[GOPBasher]

3. Before anyone makes my cabinet, I will make sure that he or she

hates homosexuals, hates middle-class prosperity, hates environmental protection, hates all non-christians, hates balanced budgets, hates peace, hates low energy costs, hates lower health costs, hates affordable education and hates pretty much everything else that's good. If this sounds like you, send me a resume.

[AntiCoup2K4]

22. Hell yeah, that sounds like me! Here's my contact info

Fred Phelps
PO Box 1822 (as in Leviticus)
Sheepfuck KS 66666
Phone - 1-800-God-Hates
e-mail [e-mail]

:crazy: :silly: :dunce:

[GOPBasher]

23. LMAO!

That contact info is classic! :rofl:

[Bluzmann57]

2. Ok here's a question

Why did Clinton do it? Whats his problem? Ooops, two questions. Damn Liberal, wantin' to know things.

[GOPBasher]

4. Do what?

:shrug:

[Bluzmann57]

10. Everything negative

Everybody knows Clinton is responsible for everything bad that has happened since Jan. 20, 2001. So I ask again, why did Clinton do it?

[GOPBasher]

13. Oh, that's a very good question.

Bill Clinton is lying when he says he's a Christian. He's not. I talk to God, and God hates Bill Clinton. He did all that bad stuff just to please his best friend, Satan.

[qnr]

57. I thought Santa only wanted you to do good stuff.

Oh. Nevermind. Haven't finished my coffee yet.

[GOPBasher]

58. LOL

[tjwash]

5. tjwash from toejam news...

...seeing how you are an incredibly handsome and virile man, and one of the smartest people to ever grace the halls of this land, what do you say to all the filthy liberal elitists that hate America, and that don't want to see your sincere greatness in office?

[GOPBasher]

6. Well excellent question, tjwash.

I'm not sure what "virile" means, since I'm not a liberal, elitist, "intellectual," but I'm sure it's something good. All I have to say to those liberal elitists is, Accept Jesus Christ as your savior, and then you'll understand why we need to bomb Arabs, deplete the treasury and make the dollar continue to decline.

[tjwash]

7. Thank you sir, I will immediately type this on my blog...

...cc'ing fox news and msnbc of course.

[NewJeffCT]

8. Is everything bad in the world still the fault of Bill Clinton?

It has been for the past 5 years.

[GOPBasher]

11. Well it's party the fault of Clinton, and party due to the fact that

our nation has turned away from Christ. I'm trying to bring us back to Christ. Hence, the bombing of A-rabs. Thanks for asking.

[Nothing Without Hope]

61. Actually, there's a theory that it's REALLY all the fault of Clinton's

PENIS! To simplify serious political discussions of blame accounting and avoid outraging automatic censors, this is generally referred to as "The Clenis {TM)."

[zbdent]

9. What was the bargain

and what did you get for your soul?

[GOPBasher]

12. My soul is going to heaven because I have accepted Christ

as my savior, and plus I'm bombing God's enemies, the Muslims. Thanks for asking.

[Pool Hall Ace]

14. Are you part of the culture of life?

And will you err on the side of life in all matters? :*

[GOPBasher]

18. Yes, absolutely.

For example, I have recently been told by people -- I didn't know this, because I don't read -- that a large part of our Christian earth lies beneath the feet of unsaved, hell-bound members of other religions. Therefore, I'll bomb all those "people" so that we can get their land, natural resources (like oil) and LIFE will be better for us good Christian folk. So, I'm definitely on the side of "life," you see.

[Arkana]

15. Okay. Why do you hate America?

:P

[GOPBasher]

19. I hate America for its freedoms.

I hate our freedom of religion. Why should people be allowed to pick their own religions? They may make a mistake and pick the wrong one, and then they'll be in hell forever. Instead, we should "force-save" everyone by making them be Christians. Our culture has gotten away from Christ. I want us to return to Christ; hence, my bombing on non-Christian, Muslim, Satan-lovers.

[Seabiscuit]

16. Are your children gay?

[GOPBasher]

20. No, that's why I haven't killed them.

If they were gay, I'd kill them, so Satan can give them what they deserve.

[Seabiscuit]

24. Isn't it about time you got on Dick Cheney's case then?

[GOPBasher]

29. Yes, that's the very reason I want to replace this ticket. n/t

[Seabiscuit]

42. So... we're going from really, really bad to the down-and-out worst?

[GOPBasher]

47. No, you're going from great to better!

Have you been reading your bible? I'll do exactly what Christ would do: kill all the Muslims and piss on the middle class in America. Oh, and rape the environment for profit, too.

[Wapsie B]

17. How much do you love the fetus?

As long as they're white feti of course. :sarcasm:

[GOPBasher]

21. Fetuses (feti?) -- I don't know the plural form -- rock!

I love the fetus so much, but after it's born, I think it's on it's own. I'm totally against any programs that help infants, because I think infants should have to work just like anyone else. I'm against handouts to anyone who doesn't work, no matter what age they are. I'm sick of hearting the excuse, "He's only six months old; he can't work!" Shut the hell up and work, you piece of shit. Don't kill our puritan, Christian ethic of work with your welfare shit. I fucking hate those people -- in the name of Christ.

By the way, we need live babies to provide our military with soldiers 18 years later, so of course I like the fetus.

[YankeyMCC]

25. Word Association -

White Mountain National Forest

Go...

[GOPBasher]

27. A big place with lots of stuff for us to pillage!!! Mmmmmmmmmm...

Yummy yummy. I'm foaming at the mouth. There's nothing like raping the environment!

[ImpeachBush]

26. Do you trust our judicial system?

Yes or no? Why (or why not)?

[GOPBasher]

28. Yes, when it's good, evangelical, Christian fundamentalists

who are judges. But not when anyone else is a judge; then it's terribly untrustworthy.

[ImpeachBush]

30. OK .... Do you believe in Evolution?

Or Creationism?

[GOPBasher]

35. I believe that the earth and universe are about 6000 years old, and

the earth is the center of the universe, created in six days. This is what the bible teachers. Scientists are Satanic.

[Commendatori]

31. If someone tries to kill my dad, will you

kill him and everyone who lives within a time zone of him?

[GOPBasher]

33. Well, that depends.

Are you and your dad good, saved people in Christ Jesus? If so, I will definitely avenge you against hell-bound inferior people, especially Satan's people, the Muslims. Now, if your attackers are also good Christians, then I don't think I'll take sides, unless of course I could get some oil or other natural resources in the process of bombing the shit out of them. Now, if you have not yet been saved, please see a pastor today and do so; and get baptized while you're at it. If you don't, I'll cancel your citizenship and you'll live a horrible life before you rot in hell for eternity.

[Commendatori]

37. Don't worry, not only am I fully

baptized and indoctrinated, but I am highly skilled at stealing from the poor and giving the cash to the rich (what I don't keep for myself). Am I covered, then?

[GOPBasher]

39. Absolutely!

It's good to hear from like-minded people. And you can be confident that as President I will fight for people like you and me. If fact, I'll fight for ANYONE just like me.

Christian are commanded in the bible to steal from the poor, kill them, piss on their corpses, and give the money to the filthy rich -- or at least keep it for themselves. This is exactly what it says in verse 5:34-38 of the gospel according to Falwell. So I'm glad you are obeying our good Christian laws.

[lumberingbear]

32. If, like the right wingnuts, you think the world will end soon...

Why do you want all that oil???

[GOPBasher]

34. Well, the bible isn't totally clear on when the Rapture will happen, so

for now we need oil to keep our good, Christian, gluttonous lifestyle going. Now, if Jesus comes back soon, we won't need the oil, but surely He will be happy that we killed a lot of Muslim Satan-followers. So it's a good thing to bomb the shit out of Iraq regardless.

[Zuni]

36. Are we at the mercy of unelected, black robed tyrants who hate Christians?

[GOPBasher]

38. Yes, they clearly hate Christians and our drive toward theocracy.

I promise that, as President, I will fight those black-robed tyrants. They are clearly bigoted against our bigotry. They won't let us have our Christian theocracy, and it's pissing me off. That's why I'm running for President.

[GOPBasher]

40. I'm going to shamelessly kick this for another round. n/t

[ZombieNixon]

41. ZombieNixon, Freedom-Liberty News here...

my friend Dino Ironbody couldn't make it tonight, so in his place, I'd like to ask: "Do you support President Bush's awesome plan for social security?" Also, Dino would like to take you to dinner and spit-shine your shoes. What should I tell him?

[GOPBasher]

49. I do support his awesome plan, but I would make it awesomer

by privatizing more of it. And I would stop giving payments to anyone over the age of 78 so they can go meet God sooner -- unless they're unsaved slime, then they'll go home to Satan.

Tell your friend he can spit-shine my shoes anytime.

[UrbScotty]

43. Are you better off now than you were four beers ago?

:evilgrin:

[GOPBasher]

50. Hmmm, I'm not sure. But I'm a good Christian man, not some evil

Satanic non-christian, so I'm pretty much always well off.

[Frogtutor]

44. Were you born with your head up your ass,

or was it caused by some freak accident?

:evilgrin:

[GOPBasher]

51. That rudeness to "The Party" will get Big Brother watching you

at all times. Be careful. And remember that War is Peace. We can make it so you never existed.

[Huckebein the Raven]

45. When do you receive your position in the Carlyle Group ?

[GOPBasher]

52. I'm not sure. n/t

[Generator]

46. Why do you hate America?

Seriously. I get all serious in the lounge. And just laugh like a fiend over LBN. It's too much, this politics thing.

Why are you ruining my country? Why do you hate those that stand for the original ideas this country was founded upon, like free speech and SEPERATION of church and state?

I feel like that little girl in the original Grinch.

Why why why?

[GOPBasher]

54. I hate America for its freedoms.

I hate freedom of religion. It's not compassionate to let people choose their own religions, because they may choose the wrong one and burn in hell forever. Thus, we should force-save everyone by making them be good, evangelical, fundamentalist Christians, preferable Southern Baptists, but I'll accept Presbyterians or Methodists.

[Atlas Mugged]

48. When are your daughters "open for business"?

nudge nudge wink wink

[GOPBasher]

53. Please don't denigrate my daughters, unless

you have more than $1 million on hand to give me. Our souls are pricey in the GOP.

[Catchawave]

55. Why do you want to become President?

I hear it's "hard work"?

[GOPBasher]

56. Yes, it's hard work, but someone's got to do it. You see,

I want to be President so I can make the world a better place for everyone exactly like me; and I'd like to get rid of all the other people, unless they're good for slave labor.

[Catchawave]

59. Follow-up question Mr. Candidate.....

Speaking of slave labor, is Wal-Mart a big contributor to your campaign? If so, does this mean you support sweatshops in third world countries?

[GOPBasher]

60. Yes. Walmart embodies the great American, Christian ethic of

stomping all over the weak to gain profit. Jesus spoke highly of this behavior. And sweat shops are great! It's so wonderful to abuse non-Christian losers for the gain of good Christain folk like us.

[Nevernose]

62. Ronald Reagan: sainthood, or merely canonization?

Hah! Trick question! Don't you know thay catholics are all burning in hell, along with anyone else who doesn't share the mutual support of both fundamentalist Christian organizations and the National Rifle Association?

I knew we should have endorsed David Dukes in the primary...