DUers with low self-esteem: Who is to blame for it?

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

I remember being 8 years old and wearing my little bikini with blue and yellow flowers on it. The neighbor boy, who was probably at least 15 at the time, said, "When God made bods, you thought he said rod, so you went straight," meaning I had no figure. I was EIGHT! I took that to heart and hated myself for years afterward. Damn you, Mr. Griffin, wherever you are! Took me YEARS to get over that!

[hippiepunk]

1. Wow,

that kid was one hell of an asshole.

[lenidog]

2. What a jerk!

[Huckebein the Raven]

3. What an asshole he was

[Beware the Beast Man]

4. Ultimately, despite any past mental anguishes,

I believe one's self is to blame for a low self-esteem. Trust me, I have one, and I can be my own worst enemy at times.

But yes, it doesn't help when others offer such criticism. :thumbsdown:

[imenja]

5. I couldn't even count all the asshole remarks I heard growing up

children can be extremely cruel

When I was in 7th grade, I basically looked like a fully developed woman. I was at a park with my friends, and went swimming. I was wearing a bikini. They took my top off and swam off with it. Here I was 12 years old, and a size 36C chest, entirely topless. I had to get out of the water half naked and find my clothes. I never again wore a bikini until I was in my 30s, and in Brazil--and only then because I would have stood out badly if I didn't.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. That is UNSPEAKABLY CRUEL!

That just takes the cake for me...I've heard of children being cruel to each other before, but this story is the worst!

You are so brave to tell us! Good for you to overcome this trauma. I hope that by telling us, you lessen your own pain with it.

:grouphug:

[imenja]

7. that's very sweet of you

I'm long over it.

[MercutioATC]

8. I'm responsible.

I can't do anything right...





:evilgrin:

[Zuni]

9. While other people can hurt your self image

Your own self esteem or lack thereof is solely your issue. If everybody let everything bad anyone has ever done to them destroy their self-image, we would have a world filled with depressed, self hating sulkers.
Everyone has been picked on. Everybody has inner conflicts. Hell, I take anxiety medication to deal with hyper anxiety. But my own inner conflicts are my fault--I let them get to me. I know it is not easy to just shrug off insults, but you can never achieve your full potential unless you learn to cope.

[imenja]

10. no question that it is one's own responsibility upon reaching adulthood

But all child psychologists will say that a child's personality and self-esteem is mapped by age 2 or 4. One's parents have a great influence on who we are and for some people it's just much harder to develop confidence than it is for those raised in loving homes. Nonetheless, who one is as an adult is their own responsibility.

[sharonking21]

11. I brought it on myself (NT)

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

12. I'm not really blaming anyone but myself

Despite the implication of the title of the thread. It's just the point at which I can pinpoint the beginning of my feelings of inadequacy. Certainly my parents never made me feel that way. Ask my husband - I'm the first one to underestimate myself and shoot myself down.

[Nikia]

13. Most of my negative self talk was said by someone else

Some of it came from the kids at school. Unfortunately, a lot of it came from my mother, who little children think have the correct view about the world, and my evil stepfather.
My therapist asks why do I let those people have so much power over me when I know that they weren't treating me how children should be treated? What good does it do to beat oneself up?
Unfortunately, I am at a time in my life that I don't have a lot of counter evidence. In high school and college, I became a super achiever to counter these negative words, to prove to myself that I had worth. In the real world, there are less opportunities for achievement and my current job provides none.
She is right though. It doesn't do any good to beat up oneself.

[Briarius]

14. Like all of my problems, it's my fault

:evilfrown: I think a lot of my problem is that I don't feel like I know how to relate to people. I definitely got picked on a lot in school and it's taken me a while to get over it :( Oh well, life goes on

[SarahB]

15. That stinks.

:hug:

Seriously, you are a man with it all and all that relating stuff is hard even for us semi-outgoing types too (sometimes we stick our feet in our mouth or otherwise act stupid at the wrong time due to our inner turmoil stuff for example). This stuff gets better as time moves on and as you get older though. :)

[Zhade]

16. To blame? My picture in the mirror!

:cry:

I kid, I kid. I actually have fine self-esteem...for a loser.

Again, I kid. I like myself.