Need advice on socializing cats

[ceile]

My boyfriend and I just moved in together and we are having a hell of a time getting his female (8 yrs) and my male (7 yrs) to get along. I think if left alone in a room, my male would kill her. I've never seen him act this way. He's such a lover normally-spoons with me every night. He's terrorized her so much that she pisses herself every time he makes a run at her. My female cat (also 8 yrs) gets along with both just fine. What can I do about my male?

Thanks in advance!

[housewolf]

1. Are they all neutered?

If not, I'd start there.

[ceile]

2. all fixed

[Vinca]

3. It just takes time.

Eventually they'll tolerate each other. In the meantime, it's best to isolate them from one another whenever you leave the house. I had a similar situation a few years ago and it took a few months before peace prevailed. Ditto on the neuter suggestion.

[river2]

4. You'd think a male cat

would like a female cat...

But I don't know much about cats...

[Catamount]

5. Catnip!!!!! Have you tried it yet?

MAles have a reputation for loving the stuff and my three older females get high on it too.
Are the females spaid?
What about the male, is he desexed?
Since it's mainly a territorial matter, with the male as the "owner" in this case, he will resent any other cat, even if he gets along with one of them.
Basically time is your best friend, but if you keep them stoned, things should improve.
I hope this helps.

[ceile]

8. I think I might!

We were thinking sedatives for a few days (it's been 10 days with no change in his behaviour), but I think catnip would be better.

[Catamount]

13. You could do both!

:toast:

[noiretextatique]

17. rescue remedy...i used it on my cat

when i first got her cuz she was hell on wheels. i couldn't come near her without her growling and heaven forbid if i tried to touch her. i put a few drops of rescue remedy in her water, and gave her catnip to calm her down. she's a sweetie now, but god was she evil!!!

my friends had a hell of a time with their cats when they first moved together. the male was behaving like yours, but it all calmed down after a few months. i think separating them as much as possible is a good idea. eventually, they will get used to each other.

[ET Awful]

6. Put the male in one room, the female in the other and let them approach

each other through the bottom of the closed door. Let them sniff around and grow accustomed to each other.

Don't just toss them in together, make it a slow transition.

While you have them separated by the door, feed them both by the door on their respective sides. This will force them to get used to each other and associate each other with good things.

It can take a while so be patient.

Be warned though, sometimes you'll never get them to get along, it's rare, but it does happen. Above all, don't give up and be very patient.

[City Lights]

10. Good advice.

:thumbsup:

We have integrated 7, and not once did we just open the carrier and let them have at it. Cats need to adjust slowly. It may also help to put a towel on the floor in each room, and once a day do a towel swap. That will give each cat a chance to get used to the other's smell while still being separated.

[havocmom]

16. Separate rooms with sniffing at the door is good. Feed them on either

side of the door too when they seem to tolerate the sniffing. Give favorite treats this way. After a bit, they will start to equate each other's scent/presence with good things.

Take time. They are not young and will be resistant. Some cats never will get on, but most will give in and get along if it is done slowly and in a calm manner. No loud, sudden noises, no negative stimuli of any sort while they are learning through the door.

[the other one]

7. The Food Bonding Ritual

Cats are at there most affectionate when hungry. Take advantage of this by restricting food to meal times only. Keep the trouble cats seperate except for mealtime. Reinforce the feelings of affectionate hunger and satisfaction and combine them with shared time. The cats should begin to associate the pleasant experience of food with each other.

This may take several months.

[ceile]

14. I think you and ET may be on to something

My male is a pig (Fatty, Fat Bastard are among the most used nicknames) so the feeding ritual may work.
I just want one night of uninterupted sleep!

[Horse with no Name]

9. When I integrated my cats

I had to put a cat box, food and water dish on both ends of the house where my female couldn't guard it,lol.
After 2 years I was finally able to get them to share the same ones.
It's now been almost 9 years and they tolerate each other.
They have a ritual of stealing each other's spots.
One will find a really cool place to lie down, and the other will wait til they get up and then steal it.
I added another kitten to the mix 2 years ago. The male took to him better, but my female spits and hisses still.
Of interesting note, the day I brought the kitten in, the male growled and emitted a foul feral odor.
I had never seen or smelled anything like it before. It lasted for about 30 minutes. I felt like I was in Wild Kingdom,lol.

[doodadem]

11. Sounds like you went too fast

If you just throw a couple of cats together that don't know each other, you're asking for trouble.
The best thing to do, is let them get used to each other gradually. Keep them in separate rooms, but take the most troublesome guy and put him in a crate once or twice a day, so that the others can check him out thru the gate, but no one gets hurt. Ideally, do this at feeding time, and feed the one guy in his crate, and the others in front of the crate (food is a powerful motivator!) so all can see/smell each other, while associating it with reward (food). After a couple weeks of this, you can try letting him out of the crate in the same room after they've eaten, for limited amounts of time at first, gradually increasing if he behaves.
The other thing you may try is giving everyone (both aggressor and victim) the herbal calmative, Rescue Remedy. You can buy it at any health food store, it's made by Bach. Easy to squirt in their mouths, comes with an eye dropper. Sometimes it works, sometimes not, but it's worth a shot.
Cat bites have a nasty habit of abscessing, requiring antibiotics. So you don't want things to get to that point. I have six neutered males in the house. They've lived together for years. Several months ago, for no apparent reason, my oldest one started attacking one of the other guys who is lower on the status quo. The bites always abscessed, always a vet trip, yada yada. We put the aggressor cat on Clomicalm. It basically solved the problem.
Good luck!

[ceile]

18. They've only been in the same room twice in 10 days

We have them separated and transfer them day and night to alternate sleeping with us. But there is always at least one pawing and whining at the door at any even given moment.
What is Rescue Remedy?

[doodadem]

20. Rescue Remedy

is an herbal calmative, made by Bach Flower Essences. Good for animals and humans.

[im10ashus]

12. I have two females.

When one goes to the vet and comes back home, the other one freaks the hell out. It's because of the scent they don't recognize. Cats are very scent oriented. This always works for us: Take a towel and rub one down with it, then rub the other one down with the same towel. Do this a couple of times. Then their scent will be all over each other. When we first got our younger one, we had to keep them separate for a while. Eventually, they were playing with each other from underneath the door, and our little plan worked. Good luck! Keep us posted.

[0rganism]

15. Is it possible that your male cat is jealous of your boyfriend?

"He's such a lover normally-spoons with me every night."

Perhaps he's seeing a reduction in "spoon time" and taking it out on your boyfriend's cat, since your boyfriend is too big to reliably intimidate. I have seen cats get territorial over human owners of the opposite sex.

[ceile]

19. That's possible

I was with my ex fiance for 4 1/2 years and my male never took to him. Never once slept with him or laid in his lap, etc. He would take out his aggression on my fiance's dog.

[bertha katzenengel]

21. Good info, and a recommended product. Good luck!

Info (first paragraph snipped)

http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?articleid=2926

The introduction to other pet cats in your home

Keeping the new cat in a quiet, separate room is especially important if there are other cats in the house. The other cats will quickly become aware of your new cat's presence. The cats will usually sniff at each other under the closed door. Do not be surprised if there is some initial hissing. Help the cats get used to each other's scent by rubbing a towel over each of them in turn. Feeding them on either side of the door that closes off the room the new cat is in is also helpful. They will start associating the smell of the other cat with a good thing (food). After a few days, take the new cat out of its room, put the old cat in that room with the door closed, and let the new cat begin to explore the rest of the house for a few hours each evening.

The next step is to let the cats see each other, yet still keep them separated. An old screen door or a piece of Plexiglas works well for this. Another option is to prop open the door of the new cat's room, just enough so that the cats can see each other and put a paw through, but not enough that they can get through the door. After a few days of this, try feeding the cats together, but at opposite ends of the room. Monitor the cats during this time, and separate them except at mealtime. Each day, move the food dishes very slightly closer to each other, until the cats are eating side by side. The idea is for the cats to associate each other with the pleasant experience of eating. It is not unusual to hear occasional hissing, but this should decrease as the days go by. If things do not seem to be improving, try decreasing their interaction for a few days.

Once the cats seem comfortable with each other, you can move on to the final step. Open the door all the way, allowing the cats to come and go as they please. Monitor them closely, in case they fight. Do not leave them alone for any length of time until you are sure they will get along well. Make sure there is at least one litter box per cat. This helps to prevent a more dominant cat from stalking the other and keeping him from using the litter box.

Bold added: this is key.

Feliway http://www.drsfostersmith.com/product/prod_display.cfm?pcatid=1061&Ntt=cat%20stress&Ntk=All&Ntx=mode+matchallpartial&Bc=1&Np=1&N=2002+113757 (they also make this in a plug-in diffuser)

[JohnnyBoots]

22. Cats are more Libertarian than Socialist........