Help ... separation anxiety

[Carolina]

My husband of 22+ years moved out 7 weeks ago, saying he was unhappy, needed space, needed to figure out who he is and what he should do with the rest of his life, denied the presence of another woman ... blah, blah, blah

I was devastated, no appetitie and loss of sleep for the first couple of weeks. We're in counseling, his family has rallied around ME and our son is furious with his father which I secretly, quietly enjoy but which I don't openly support. I let him experience his anger and inform him that I can't help because I am not neutral of objective.

And I was getting stronger until today. A confluence of things:
gossip and what if consultations with a lawyer and financial advisor, have me reeling and in an awful funk, especially about what younger women can do to a middle-aged man's head (the big one). I actually feel sick right now and with no one to talk too, I am turning to the DU community for help.

Anyone out there been through a spouse's midlife crisis, possible infidelity? How did you handle the emotional roller coaster? When does this pain and angst become manageable?

[Shoeempress]

1. I am so sorry. Wish I had words of comfort to help.

[funkybutt]

2. I don't have experience or expertise...

But I'd try focusing on myself. Maybe a new hobbie, group, activity, pet, ect.

That sounds like an awful situation. Can you forgive him for putting you through this? I hope everything works out. Take care of yourself.

[Carolina]

5. I have been

a pilates class, pouring myself into work even to the extent of taking on new responsibilities. But then I go home and it just kills me. Were it not for the dogs, I wouldn't go home until it was too late and I too exhausted to think ...

It's the emptiness, the loss of familiar comforts, and yes, his presence. Ours was not an ideal marriage and there were some problems but nothing that prepared me for this.

It doesn't help too that right now is the anniversary of my mother's fatal stroke.

Sorry to be such a downer; I just feel orphaned and lost ...

[Shell Beau]

3. It will get better. In the mean time, go out and enjoy yourself!

I hope everything works out!:hug:

[oneold1-4u]

4. Seek help-

- from some type of women's aid group and be as strong as possible.
There was a time when you were you and you need to be there again. Your son needs your strength, too, right now, so put on the big boots and kick butt! Check out everything you have that would be there if he had died and use it. It is alright to even hate for a while, but know that you are not guilty for hate when you have been hurt.
Put off all legal crap until you feel more self assured. Anxiety causes big mistakes!
One thing you need to know is that "real loss" feelings take up to 3 years to heal on their own so make plans for who you want to be at that time and get busy soon to get there.

[Carolina]

6. thanks

you're right about self-assuredness and anxiety. Although I am documenting all our marital assets, my large contribution to helping him become the successful person he has become, and all the events of the past 7 weeks, I do not plan any legal action. I hope to come through this better and stronger and for all the fault, so to speak, to be his. He will be the one to have to file for any legal action.

Our son is a young adult (21) with his own observations about his Dad from which he has drawn his own conclusions. And ironically he has been strong for me and supportive of me, but I am encouraging him to enjoy being a young man and not feel the need to take care of old Mom.

Still, it's just awful. Good days and horrible ones for both of us.

[xultar]

7. Get therapy for yourself. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise for you!

I wish love, happiness, health and prosperity in your future.