DU men, I need your help

[CornField]

I want to encourage my guy to be more passionate without demeaning him. What's the best way for me to do that?

I'd like for him to be more passionate about his music, about politics, about our lives together and, yes, even in bed -- I'd like him to be more passionate about life.

[trotsky]

1. What does he like?

Is there something he IS passionate about?

[CornField]

5. Not much anymore

He use to be passionate about lots of things -- music, art, etc. Now he just seems to sit around and play games on the computer. When I do ask if he wants to hop on the bikes or take off on a road trip, he just kinda looks at me as if I'm insane.

[trotsky]

9. Could be tough.

Are you married? Would you need to come down with an ultimatum of "rekindle your passion or I'm leaving"?

Because like OldLeftieLawyer says below, this might not be something that you can change.

[realisticphish]

10. see

this sounds like there are some problems that you don't know about. not necessarily big problems, but at least some extra stresses or concerns that might be changing his attitude

[Wickerman]

12. he sounds depressed

Dr. Wickerman at your service.

Be patient with him, these are trying times.

[Deja Q]

2. Adderall?

Does he have an attention problem?

Is he depressed?

ho-hum mundane job that's sapping his energy away?

[CornField]

6. Hmmm...

I don't know. Maybe he is depressed.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

3. I'm not a guy

but I can't help myself.

You want him to be something he's not. That's dangerous.

Turn it around and consider why you aren't happy accepting him just as he is.

Otherwise, you're headed for disaster.

(This is the voice of experience talking.)

[CornField]

8. I'm not trying to change him ... just trying to get him back

Does that make sense? He use to be more passionate about things, but that has changed. I miss it.

[kick-ass-bob]

11. He does sound depressed.

Not doing things he used to enjoy, holing up and withdrawing from reality. Classic signs.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

15. But, we all change

Time does things to us all, which is exactly how it should be.

You've changed, too, maybe in ways you can't see. Maybe you're both better, in different ways, than you used to be.

But, if you've talked this over with him, that's about all you can do. Passion - which, by the way, takes its meaning from the word "pain" - is, by definition, something that doesn't last. That's part of its fascination.

Embrace the changes, and see what happens. If he's not what you want, then at least you have a clearer idea of what you want in a man. But, I've been in the spot where someone said to me, "I want you to be who you used to be," and I was heartbroken, because I knew I wasn't that person any more.

I wish you both luck. This is a great opportunity for growth - and, growth always sucks, by the way, but it's the best.

[kick-ass-bob]

4. If he's not passionate about it, you can't encourage him to be moreso.

You either are, or you aren't. I am not passionate about music, but I am about politics. No one can encourage me to be any different. It comes from within.

[Jara sang]

7. Unfortunately, that is not something you change in a person.

But you can lead by example.

[blueknight]

13. people change

accept him for what he is or move on.harsh, but i really believe this

[leftofthedial]

14. use the carrot

on his stick

[short bus president]

17. Vegetable-assisted masturbation... hrm...

I KNOW there's a sick Schiavo joke buried in here SOMEWHERE.

:P

[leftofthedial]

18. LOL

use of the carrot (enticement via a just-out-of-reach reward) can create out-of-control passion.

IOW, start in on an orchestrated course of c**k-teasing.

I guess this is close to a sex thread . . .

[Ready4Change]

16. Sounds like me.

I'm down because I'm having trouble finding work. And the last job was a total soul sucker, so my motivation is piss poor.

What would help is, maybe, whenever he DOES express interest in something, encourage it. It's very disenheartening, when you're having a hard time generating energy, to have the few things your ARE motivated about poo-pooed by your SO.

If he's like me, he's not happy without his passions either.

Do consider, though, the possibility that he DOES have passions that you aren't acknowledging, because you don't think they are worthwhile passions? For example, you want him to be passionate about the houses gardening landscape, while he's passionate about working on his car?

Hope things perk up for you both!