Still trying to figure out why women hate me.

[coloradodem2005]

Well, maybe it is the loser factor. I feel like frickin George Costanza.

[alittlelark]

1. Women like men who show no signs of desperation.

They are comfortable w/ who and what they are. They are casual and not clingy. They make us laugh. They are comfortable w/ themselves.

I think it's the same thing men look for in women minus the C+ cup.

[leftofthedial]

2. women like confidence

when you're with women are you as relentlessly self-critical and unsure as you are in your "Women hate me" posts in the Lounge?

If so, it's self-fulfilling prophecy, I'd guess.

[Maddy McCall]

3. If your behavior in the "real world" resembles that on DU...

maybe they get tired of your constant self-analysis.

It isn't nice guys that women don't like. It's guys who ooze desperation and then blame women for not liking "nice guys."

[Lydia Leftcoast]

33. Give that woman first prize!

We don't like whiners.

I've said it once and I'll say it again--have some platonic female friend or relative who knows you in person analyze how you come across to and interact with women.

Either take that difficult step or quit your self-indulgent whining.

[Spider Jerusalem]

4. Maybe you're trying too hard.

Being in a relationship is nice, yes, but it's not THAT important. You can live without it. Learn to be happy alone first, and when you're interacting with someone of the opposite sex just be yourself...if there's anything there it'll happen on its own.

[Maddy McCall]

6. Best advice yet.

You can't expect others to want to be with you if you're uncomfortable being alone.

Having a healthy self-esteem is the greatest aphrodisiac.

[LoZoccolo]

5. Gotta make your life what you want it...

...'stead of letting it happen to you.

[WindRavenX]

7. you have to love yourself before you can love others and be loved

NT

[Zuni]

8. dude, read your post

then think for a minute, then come back with a fresh attitude---the whole "Everyone hates me, I am a loser" thing will get you nowhere.

You are only a loser if you let yourself be. Act like you have a 12 inch cock and kick some ass, damn. You got laid like a week ago, you should still be revved up from that

[coloradodem2005]

9. twice actually.

[Zuni]

12. see, if youkeep it up, you could be considered

"a sex machine" :P

Just act confident. No one is gonna go out with you if you act like you are at a pity party all day. Chin up, buddy. Be confident but not cocky and start thinking positive

[bettyellen]

34. and now miss fucked you twice hates you?

WTF?
i highly doubt it. it's possible she doesn't want a serious relationship with you. so what?
i wouldn't either, if you posted about having sex with me here either. jeeze.
stop with the loser stuff, enough already. you're supposed to be counting your lucky stars when you're in the company of someone you really like, not whining for fuck sake, orthen bragging very publicly that you got laid twice.
while i'm being brutally honest, and get rid of that weird tee-shirt with the big graphic. you're not a bad looking guy. when in doubt, keep it simple, okay?

[The Traveler]

10. Hey man

All men feel these things and think these thoughts from time to time. Its just your turn in the barrel. The good news about that is that someday it won't be your turn. The bad news is, well, today it is.

You feel like a loser. Who taught you that lie? It is a lie, ya know. You are a fuckin' human being. Angels envy us. Demons tremble before us, fearing we will one day find our power. The Gods secretly admire us.

Crack open another beer. Deny the lie. You are not a loser, you are just acting like one. But when you are losing is no time to act like a loser. Crack open yet another beer. Deny the lie again. Leave tomorrow for tomorrow. Yesterday is gone. There is cause to enjoy every today. Find it.

[coloradodem2005]

13. It almost always is my turn in the barrell.

[The Traveler]

19. Wish we could talk

sometime. Once, I was stuck in that feeling a long while back. It really sucks.

[I Have A Dream]

39. I love the middle paragraph.

Amazing stuff!

[Floogeldy]

11. You nailed it!

It is definitely the loser factor.

Congratulations!

[Kire]

14. Because God wills it.

that is why

[SarahB]

15. Good lord, dude.

Someone f*ck the Hell out of this guy a few times and put him out of his misery. Seriously, there's got to be a woman around here in Colorado. I'm sure he's disease free and with plenty of energy.

[Heidi]

16. Tell us what you like about yourself, please. (nt)

[Madrone]

17. Women don't like needy.

No one likes needy.

Needy is like a steel trap locked on someone's leg - and they'd chew their own leg off to get away.

[CanuckAmok]

27. God, why does *that* turn me on?!

eww!

[Madrone]

32. LOL

What, precisely? Needy being a steel trap, or the thought of someone chewing their own leg off to get away?


I've been with people that make me feel like that before - a more apt description of the feeeling I cannot find.

;)

[JackDragna]

18. Here's a suggestion, one I've taken to heart..

..don't worry so much about it. If you find a relationship, fine. If you don't, fine. Be comfortable with yourself and don't let yourself be defined by what women think of you.

[Ladyhawk]

20. I have found that pretending I am confident gets me most of the way

there, at least when it comes to singing solos in front of audiences. I don't feel all that confident with the opposite sex, but I'm sure that applying things I've learned in other areas will probably help when I am ready. At 37, I'm still not "ready" for a relationship. I've always known that I have to be psychologically balanced and physically pain-free before I enter into a serious relationship and so far, even though I'm trying, I'm simply not ready.

Have you looked into getting professional help? Your posts seem to be begging for someone to help you. In my experience, when I get too down, I can't function well enough to help myself. I've been trying to figure out why this is and where the line is for me. Perhaps you have crossed the line and need to find a professional to help you until you can help yourself.

There's something wrong, isn't there? Something fundamentally wrong. The sad fact is that most people can't handle being around someone who has serious issues. I've been there. I'm still there to a large extent. Even though I cognitively understand why others can't handle serious issues, it still hurts. Before I can let someone else into my life, I have to work on these issues...and I have to work on loving and caring for myself. Yeah, it sucks that people can't love others the way they are, but that doesn't make it any less true. Sometimes I get so frustrated I want scream, throw things, smash things, but doing so won't help the situation.

Please, seek help if you need it. A good therapist can be your friend. He can help you when you can't help yourself, then teach you how to tackle those tough issues. Sometimes the right medication can help. I'm looking into a brain-wave stimulation device that might help. All I know is that I have to continue to plug away and that if I lose the ability to plug away, I need to find some professional help.

Of course, each person is different and heals wounds in his or her own way. But please, at least look into it...and develop a wee bit of stubbornness. :) Yeah, I feel like giving up, but I'm still fucking here, which says something very good about me. You're still here, too, so you haven't given up. That says something good about you.

Now, do what you have to do to help yourself. :) (Please.)

[NawlinsNed]

24. I agree

Something I've learned in dealing with my own issues involving relationships is that first and foremost, you have to love yourself. To love yourself is to be secure in yourself, and to be secure in yourself is to be honest with yourself, much like being secure with a group of people is to be honest with that group.

So whatever secrets I felt were holding me back were discussed with family and friends. I figured that if it drove anyone away, then perhaps they weren't worth investing time in emotionally anyway. And that might be the hardest part of all... because you're gazing at the edge of the precipice. People shouldn't let fear of the future hold them back. If you know it's going to happen sooner or later, better that it happen sooner so there will be some later to enjoy with a clean conscience.

Another thing I did while working on my issues was simply to ask "Who, what, where, how, and why" to every one of them. By going round and round with each, I was able to come up with a solution that made sense on a logical level. Once it made sense logically, it was easier to invest the effort emotionally.

And this doesn't mean that people are going to always take a 100% positive tone all the time. Sometimes you just have to know the person and bear the brunt and know that they love you regardless.

Depression has a way of snowballilng on people. First it's a single issue. Then it gets compounded. Sooner or later, you're tangled in a web that's almost impossible to explain and you become ashamed of ever having gotten involved with it in the first place.

Right now, there's no cloud hanging over my head. Life isn't perfect, but I'm still a very young guy, and while I felt like I have wasted a number of years, I learned something from them, so it isn't a total loss.

Besides, the babes dig me now. Since my funk lifted, I'm able to be myself, and I think I'm a pretty cool guy. I don't know if it's the bald head (I started going bald at 14, though it wasn't really bad until 22 or so... but I've got the shaved look and the very wide shoulders to pull it off) or the size (I was picked on constantly until high school for being taller than the rest of my classmates, but it seems to work now) or just my personality that they like... but mostly I think it's just because I can talk to women without having anything to hide, and it's a great feeling knowing that I have nothing to hide.

I know that it doesn't work for everybody, and that some people have issues or conditions that need real professional help, but if you aren't willing to face up to your fears or conquer your own issues, you can't expect anyone else to understand them with you.

[NawlinsNed]

21. Women usually like men who are...

... well groomed
... well mannered
... show confidence
... are secure in themselves
--- are outgoing
--- are in good shape
--- are at least moderately attractive

Now, if you're all those things, I dunno, but it seems to me you're missing at least one of these elements.

[JI7]

22. why women hate you ?

why do you say that ? what have these women done that makes you think they hate you ?

[Robeson]

23. Hate? Hate is a strong word. Dislike maybe.....

...but hate?....

[fudge stripe cookays]

25. If you continue posting threads....

where you label yourself a loser, everyone else will begin to believe it too.

I'm not responding to any more of these pathetic cries for attention. You need more help than can be found on an internet message board.

[Bok_Tukalo]

36. What about really well thought out and articulate cries for attention?

<ope>

[KG]

26. but, do you look like frickin George Costanza?

see, things could be worse. besides, relationships are over-rated; self-love is what it's all about.

[Heidi]

30. No, he doesn't look like George Costanza.

CD2005 is a cute guy, nice eyes especially. He's also an intelligent guy with a good heart. As I see it, his least attractive quality is that he can't name one thing he likes about himself.

P.S. I think the actor who portrayed George Costanza is very attractive, in the same way that Richard Dreyfus, Ruben Blades, Albert Einstein and my husband are attractive.

[short bus president]

38. hee - I do!

It was even a nickname for awhile there.

;-)

[OldEurope]

28. So I´m a woman, I don´t hate you

:toast:

[Heidi]

29. There's a difference between "hate" and "indifference."

I learned early on that where other folks are involved, it's good to know the difference.

[The Flaming Red Head]

31. I ignore the male/female tag and pay attention to people

There are so few persons that I'd actually consider being intimate with that I make friends first and consider the other possibilities much later, so I guess it depends on what you're looking for, a sexual partner, a life mate (yuck, for me, I love being single) or just a friend.

[hfojvt]

35. well, hate is not the opposite of love

indifference is. I seem to inspire more indifference or contempt than I do actual hate. Shoot, George Costanza got more action in a year of Seinfeld than I have in 28 years in the field. He was even engaged to be married.
I should be as successful as George Costanza. Even Charlie Brown had Peppermint Patty and Marcie fighting over him. Even Marvin the robot somehow had "I love you" recorded in his databanks.
My role model in this regard is more like Jon from "Garfield". Now, there is a guy I can relate to, except what is up with the cat? Dogz rule!

[El Fuego]

37. Maybe it's your taste in women.

Maybe you should stay away from the girls who think they're All That.

[iconoclastic cat]

40. Well, if you don't know by now, I'm not going to tell you.

[Lannes]

41. If its a confidence issue...

"Fake it till you make it" works for me.

[I Have A Dream]

42. Please don't think that I'm being a smart a**...

but I'm wondering if you are always talking about yourself when you're with a woman. If you don't have a lot of confidence, this is easy to do. (Do you need the woman to constantly be reassuring you and analyzing you?) To her, does it seem as though everything is about you?

If you do this, it would probably turn most women off. It would be OK periodically after you have known each other for a while, but, if it happens too soon or too often in a relationship, I'd rethink the relationship.

I have a friend who does this to me, and I've finally gotten to the point where I just ignore her calls. I'll be there if she really needs me, but I can't handle being around an "energy vampire" all the time. It is just emotionally and physically exhausting.

This may be the total opposite of what you do. I'm just offering it as something that you might do without really realizing it, and I offer it as constructive criticism if it is true.

[AntiCoup2K4]

43. If you really feel like George Costanza, then do what George did

Remember the episode where he did the opposite of every instinct, and it worked?

[CornField]

44. Time to leave the girls alone

There is nothing more attractive than a man who doesn't really need a woman. Take up a new sport or hobby (preferably one with mixed company) and concentrate on yourself.

[I Have A Dream]

45. What are you looking for in a woman?

Maybe you're ruling out a lot of women for small things and are only pursuing what you consider to be "ideal" women. If this is the case, you've greatly limited your chances of finding a compatible woman with whom you can have a wonderful life.

[Redstone]

46. Dude: One last time,

please, PLEASE do yourself (and us) a favor and stop whining.

I don't meant to sound harsh, but your posts with this theme are getting old, and are not helping you score any poontang (sorry for the insensitive phraseology, ladies) at all.

The LAST thing most (99.95%) of women want is a guy who whines and feels sorry for himself.

You gotta pull up your socks and get on with life. Other DUers may try to soothe your feelings (because they're nice people and want to help you feel better), but I'm going to tell you the truth, even if you don't particularly like hearing it.

The more you consider yourself a loser, the more women will too. And women don't go for losers.

At this point, after your many posts on this subject, I'd advise looking for some counseling if you can't find it within yourself yourself to buck up a bit.

Redstone

[MrSlayer]

47. If you come on with that attitude you'll never get any.

Unless you are hideous looking and unwashed you should at least be able to score drunk girls at the end of the night. What is your approach and attitude? Where do you look for women? How do you dress? How high are you aiming as compared to what you look like? These things are important.