Should I crash an 'End Times' Bible Study?

[gmoney]

A church on the corner is having a Bible study thing Wednesday night about "End Times" BS, and I'm tempted to go... whether I'd sit in the back and gain insight into their lunacy, or quietly laugh, or make a major disruption, I don't know. Your thoughts?

[notadmblnd]

1. sure, dress up as Jesus

and tell them it's time for the rapture. if done properly... it would be a hoot

[MN ChimpH8R]

29. This guy (?) did

"...and I'm his friend Jesus!"

[peekaloo]

2. string some wire to the rafters, connect wire to a body harness

and have a friend "rapture you" during the meeting.

:shrug:

[notadmblnd]

5. now that idea,

I like!

[complain jane]

6. Oh my God I'm laughing so hard.

and everyone's gonna wake up but it's worth it...

[AlienGirl]

3. Crash it SNEAKILY, and report back to us!

Do some spyin' on them and let us all know what they're saying!

Tucker

[lenidog]

4. If you did anything I would say go and gain some insight

if they have never screwed with you then why do you want to go and be an ignorant ass and disrupt their class?

[gmoney]

9. Directly, no, but indirectly...

Your rationale is a little like not protesting a Klan rally just because they haven't burned a cross on my lawn... yet.

These are the sheeple who are voting for the ruination of the country and the environment based entirely on the "short timer" attitude that they're going to be raptured anyway, so why bother conserving or salvaging a decent society? The same Christianist Jihadists trying to turn the country into a theocracy, unsafe for anyone who doesn't conform to their version of "morality." People for whom unjustified war is patriotism.

Granted, these people attending are at the bottom of religion's ponzi pyramid, but wouldn't I be doing them a service to alert them to BS they're swallowing? To try to point out to them that the preacher has no clothes?

Maybe I'll just go and steal all the yellow ribbon magnets off the SUVs in the parking lot...

[lenidog]

14. There is a big difference in a Klan rally and a bunch of religious

types getting together and talking about the end times. Also you are working on a stereotype. You have no damn idea how these people voted or what they truly believe in. Besides if you walk in there out of the blue and start raising royal hell with their beliefs do you think they are actually going to listen to you? From the sounds of it they are meeting in their own church and doing their own thing with out bothering anyone. So again I ask why be an asshole. How would you feel if they decided to come in to your meeting or church and try to disrupt it. Rebellion is great, but before you raise the red flag of rebellion know exactly what the hell you are doing and what you are talking about. Nothing more pathetic, annoying and dangerous than a rebel without a clue.

[libhill]

22. The hell there isn't -

The one thing worse is an intolerant religious crank with the audacity to put on the uniform of this country, and presume to refer to himself / themselves as Officers and Gentlemen.

[GirlinContempt]

26. Hmmmm

I think I'm with you on that

[libhill]

20. Don't underestimate them

The poison is spreading. I saw a clip on the news this morning about incidents of anti-semitism in the Air Force Academy. Instigated by, who else, Fundamentalist "Christians". Verbally attacking Cadets who won't submit to their proselytizing. And I hate these sons of bitches, because they're destroying my country, and everything that (I thought) that it stands for. Damn these people to the lowest pits of hell.

[SnohoDem]

7. Flush their Bibles!

Then ask them how they like it.

Actually, I'd stay away.

[libhill]

23. Nah

don't flush them. Just spray a little urine on them, or write obscenities in their pages. What's good for the goose, is good for the gander. I never thought I'd see the day, that I'd be ashamed to call myself an American.

[Lannes]

8. Tell them Jesus is outside the door

and he is real pissed!

[CanuckAmok]

10. Be very quiet and attentive, and after a while, raise your hand and...

...politely ask:

"So, to confirm, as long as I accept Jesus as my Personal lord and Saviour, I kan kill you all and eat your eyes? Just making sure."

Then when the study leader is composing an answer, just grab your head in your hands and start screaming.

[Kire]

15. As a Christian, I have to say:

that's cool

[RetroLounge]

18. OMG!

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

RL

[crimson333]

11. you could tell them if they are living right, it will not matter what day

Christ returns, so stop worrying.

[punpirate]

12. I would suggest, first, a short course...

... in speaking in tongues. That way, you can completely freak them out in a way that would impress them. :P

[evlbstrd]

13. You won't even phase them.

[Theres-a]

16. It's safer to watch the Jack Van Impe show

In the comfort of your own home.It would appear we have entered the end times.:hide:

[Theres-a]

17. He's on the web,too!

http://www.jvim.com/

[libhill]

19. Try to convince them

That W. is the Anti-Christ.

[Robeson]

21. Don't waste you time. They've already drank the kool aid.

[lala_rawraw]

24. Well, I say go and then ask them

What a "wolf" in "sheep's clothing means" and "behold...".

They are studying the bible according to Dobson and the others. By the way, during the end of times (supposedly), the people who get saved are not the ones wishing for death in order to bring about the end of times. They don't get that part.

[Iterate]

25. Anything stupid is worth doing once

...but don't sign anything and sit near the door.

[TXlib]

27. Stay away, or go and be quiet

If you can't be respectful, then stay away from it.

If you go, go simply to learn what they believe, and why they believe it.

You might even approach them and tell them what you believe, and that you want to understand the basis of their belief. They might actually enjoy having an opposing viewpoint to stimulate discussion.

[arwalden]

28. Disrupt Their Meetings

The Religious Right have shown support for the idea that public outbursts at gatherings of the "morally-challenged" is a justifiable method of spreading the word. They have disrupted rallies that support equal rights for Gays. They have gotten into shouting matches at meetings of Liberal politicians. They have heckled leaders of Planned Parenthood when they give speeches.

Based on their actions, do we not have a mandate to do the same to them?

In your Sunday best, go into their sanctuaries and wait for the service to begin. Plant yourselves in different places interspersed between the regular members. Then, in five or ten minute intervals, take turns standing up and yelling at the preacher and the congregation. Heckle them about their support of oppressive legislation. Shout out against their opposition to equal rights for women. Disrupt their services with arguments against their stance on homosexuality.

By spreading out and waiting between outbursts, you can avoid the possibility of all of you being escorted out of the building after the first disruption. The church leaders won't be able to pick you out of the crowd until you are already standing and shouting. With enough people, you can effectively disrupt the entire hour-long meeting, making it impossible for the church's members to ignore your protest.

And if you do it well, the Religious Right will be truly impressed with your ability to do to them what they have been doing to us.

http://www.elroy.net/ehr/dountoothers.html

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

30. Accounts of what the kooks talk about when we're not around are gold

Go there, stay quiet, if anything try to look like you agree with them (i.e. make an evil smile and mutter "yeah!" when they speak of the heathens going to hell).

Bring a notebook and pencil. Try to write down everything you can. What's beingt said, audience reaction, anything.

Back home, try to make it into a news report. Pretend you're a Rolling Stone reporter doing an article.

[Rabrrrrrr]

32. And exclaim racist and bigoted things loudly

Like "yeah, leave behind the fuckin' niggers!" and "the goddamned whores and bitches who have jobs outside the home" and "the fuckin' no-good immigrants".

See how they react to it.

[Taverner]

31. Fifty things to do if you go

1. Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."

2. A week beforehand, find a member of ACT-UP. Tell him the scheduled sermon is entitled "Why God Sent AIDS to Punish Homosexuals".

3. Put stray dogs in coat closets.

4. Un-tune the piano.

5. Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven".

6. Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.

7. Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAYEEEEE-VED?"

8. Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at Grateful Dead concerts.

9. Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would you rather be stoned or crucified?"

10. Hide copies of Hustler inside the pulpit. Point them out.

11. Start a wave.

12. Do cool things with the lighting.

13. When attendance is taken, sign on fake names like "Hugh G. Rection" and "Oliver Klozoff".

14. Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant.

15. When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Are they gonna do another SONG?"

16. Make up your own words to the songs.

17. Twenty minutes into the service, look at your watch, stand up, and say: "Oh sh**. This isn't the wedding!" Run out quickly.

18. Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.

19. If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT @#%$ THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL IT!!!"

20. Dress all in black, or in camo. Act like you're having flashbacks.

21. Pierce the body of a tiny animal with stainless-steel wire. Wear it in your ear as jewelry. If you are male, wear two. Change sets for the evening service.

22. If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead.

23. At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce that you can see an image of Jesus.

24. Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your shoes and socks.

25. Hide near the baptismal pool with a block of sodium. At the first mention of "fire and brimstone", throw it in.

26. Inflate balloons, then send them off.

27. Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far Side cartoons.

28. Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17). Add the words "in bed" after each one.

29. Make the sun reflect off your watch into the preacher's face.

30. Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen.

31. During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone asks what you're doing, tell them in a childlike voice: "im playing with dinosaurs, what the hell did you think i was doing?"

32. Discreetly position a number of bottle rockets on the floor. Discreetly light them.

33. Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned, especially Stephen.

34. Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate on how good it is.

35. When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.

36. Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of me," and lick them.

37. Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"

38. Blow bubbles.

39. Fake a possession.

40. Distribute condoms.

41. Speak in tongues.

42. Ask where the nearest ashtray is.

43. Drool in the collection plate.

44. Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians. After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peleponnesians.

45. After a Catholic service, stand outside and tell Polish jokes. When someone points out that Pope John Paul II came from Poland, act embarrassed.

46. Show unusual interest in any reference to the word "Ministry".

47. At a church supper, bring a casserole with a ring or piece of a wristwatch embedded inside.

48. Overnight, have the stained-glass windows replaced with new ones depicting comical, erotic, or death-related imagery. Send the bill to the pastor.

49. Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon you!!!"

50. Spread the word that there'll be a rave at the address of the church next Saturday at midnight.

[JRob]

33. Get the hand-out, scan and post it...

[GreenPartyVoter]

34. Yes and hand out brochures for

UU churches. *g* Or maybe the link to my site? :P