GLBTQ DUers: a question

[bertha katzenengel]

Please read this if you haven't already: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=3409888#3410613

I imagine most of us are out. But are you out visibly?

Do you wear things that identify your orientation (rainbows, triangles, t-shirts w/ slogans, etc.)?

Do you hold your Other's hand in public? Kiss in public? Just like *gasp* straight couples do?

Do you have bumper stickers on your car that the general public would recognize (like "here, queer, get used to it" rather than, say, the HRC = sign)?

Now: what kinds of reactions, if any, do you get in your city/town? Where do you live?

Please reply after voting. Thanks.

Also posting in the GLBTQ forum.

[sniffa]

1. wouLdn't repLying here out you

if you weren't?

[bertha katzenengel]

4. well, one can vote without replying, of course

and I hope if we have any DUers who aren't out, that they at least vote, and that they know I harbor absolutely no judgment whatsoever. How could I?

:hi: sniffa

[sniffa]

5. hi back

:hi: :hug:

this topic comes up occasionaLLy but at Least you did it in poLL form, so you can get an idea of which DUers aren't out.

[tjwmason]

2. I'm out - but don't make a fuss

Some people know, some have guessed, others have yet to discover.

No great reaction.

No S.O. at present - but I'd behave just as with a straight couple (noting that I'm fairly restrained in public naturally).

[sundog]

3. i am out

small town, everyone knows everyone's business... so nothing to hide...

people fortunately don't mess with me :)

[BlueIris]

6. Just a nitpick: "Q"? I use the term "Curious."

I haven't heard anyone say "Questioning" in years. And years. Just a thought. I try to be as sensitive, respecftul and inclusive as possible when asking questions about, or discussioning another person's orientation and/or identity.

[bertha katzenengel]

8. Not "questioning." "Queer."

Some folks merely use the word "queer." Frankly I am not sure what it means to them. I want to be inclusive.... :shrug:

[BlueIris]

14. Sorry. My bad. I'm leaving my post up even though I made an

erroneous assumption, though, 'cause I'd like people to know I think "questioning" is an out-of-date, ineffectual, inaccurate and possibly hurtful term. People should avoid it, in my humble opinion. I know I do.

[bertha katzenengel]

16. It's really no problem, BlueIris.

:hi:

[MrScorpio]

18. Thanks for clearing that up.

That "Q" threw me.

[foreigncorrespondent]

7. I'm out visibly...

...but to a point.

I do wear a pride flag lapel pin on my jacket, and am out with my family and friends. However, I am back in the closet when it comes to work.

My supervisor knows, because he saw my paperwork. And for my superannuation and life insurance, Sapphocrat of course is the person mentioned to receive any entitlements if God forbid, something should happen to me. But he is the only one who knows.

A lot of the workers are bigots. If I was to come out right now, without them having a chance to get to know me properly, then it wouldn't make for a very happy work situation for me.

Plus, given the type of work I do, I would be putting myself into a more dangerous position than I already am. Sapph keeps telling me she wants me around for a long time to come, so I gotta try and protect myself as best I can.

I know these are piss poor reasons for my being in the closet with work. Unfortunately I can't explain it any better than that, at this time.

[sundog]

9. do what's right for you fc...

no judgement here :hi:

[jonnyblitz]

11. i NEVER judge anybody who remains in the closet

partially or completely.everybody's circumstance is different and personal safety may be a factor. the only time i DO get annoyed is if they are a politician promoting anti gay stuff then I am all for outing their pathetic piece of shit asses.

[BlueIris]

23. I don't judge those who can't be or aren't ready to be out either.

For starters, how could I? Boring straight woman. But also, you're totally right when you point out that everyone's circumstances are different. There have been lots of times when I have not felt safe talking about my sexual identity, or lack thereof, even in the allegedly accepting, liberal communities in which I have resided. And if safety is a valid concern and being out would endanger you or your partner or your family? Well, I don't know how anyone can say it's valid to judge someone who keeps his or her identity private.

[jonnyblitz]

10. i am out but don't advertise it or go out of my way to hide it.

i had a friend in amsterdam when i was visiting who would grab me and give me a liplock right in the middle of a busy street when we would part ways and no one ever paid much attention but i wouldnt do that here in Bumfuck, CT to be honest. I was never one to wear rainbow stuff mainly because i dont wear colors.
My straight sister has the HRC equal sign sticker on her truck and used to subscribe to "OUT" magazine (which i hate because its all ads and fashion and real vacuous stuff)

[Rowdyboy]

12. Out but don't advertise it....My family knows; people at work knew that I

have lived with a man for 17 years and never dated any women. They'd have to be pretty dumb not to figure it out. The members of our small town Episcopal church know, as do my neighbors.

Living in central Mississippi, I don't do "Rainbow" flags on my car because I like my windows unbroken. Nor do I feel any particular need to advertise my sexuality. I'm in a monogamous relationship and not in the market for a new boy friend so there's not much point in it.

[MuseRider]

13. Oooh Nooooo!

You added another letter! Ok, I will adapt. I have to admit it took me quite a while to not say GBLT's and getting my stomach growling but I finally got that so I can do this.

Sorry to hijack. I hope to see a day when it does not matter who and how you touch or act in public.

To answer one of your questions that I can answer since I am not GLBTQ, (see I can learn!)in my town I never see any same sex touching and I would imagine it would not be taken well here but then other than hand holding I rarely see much more between hetero couples. The only time I have ever seen affection between same sex was working on the campaign or at parties. This is Kansas so I doubt anyone is surprised.

:hi: Bertha!

[bertha katzenengel]

19. Hi, MR...

Did you happen to watch the Muppets' Wizard of Oz? There was a scene in which someone (I don't know who) asked Dorothy who she was. Then that person asked the scarecrow, tin thing, and lion who they were. The scarecrow (Kermit) answered, "oh, we're friends of Dorothy's!"

:rofl:

[BlueIris]

15. If anyone cares, back when I had a functioning sexual orientation,

(for the past few years, I've been celibate because I don't care about relationships or sex anymore) I was straight, but I wear stickers in support of my fellow citizens who may or may not be heterosexual. Just to raise awareness. I also tell the bigots of the world and around this site to fuck off. So, I'm open about not be an asshole.

[Lisa0825]

22. I'm also straight with an HRC sticker to show support!

I also attend Pride parades and wear the stickers at simialr events. I feel happy when I see people with bumper stickers or flags. I think it's sweet when I see two guys or two ladies holding hands. I admit it took me a while to get used to seeing same-sex kissing without feeling a little weird, but I think that is more because I rarely see it than any other reason.

It kind of annoys me when I see girls kissing just for attention though.

[Misunderestimator]

17. Out, always have been. BUT...

I still experience such a weird feeling when someone who doesn't know me (particularly at work), asks if I'm married or whatever. Especially when it's someone who works for me. Most of the people who I manage are not American and have an even more conservative stance on homosexuality. Some have invited me and my husband (assuming a woman of 42 would be married) for dinner, and I have had to correct them. It's always awkward but I don't shy from it.

The pity is that I still have that hesitancy (fear of not being accepted? :shrug:) every time. I also hesitate to be at all demonstrable with a partner in public... and I hate that too... it's so ingrained.

[Plaid Adder]

20. I'm usually visible if I'm with my partner.

And frankly I have no idea how visible I am individually. I'm not sure I necessarily 'look gay,' but I'm pretty sure I don't look straight either.

It's been a long time since I got overtly harrassed in public. Used to happen in North Carolina and Texas sometimes.

C ya,

The Plaid Adder

[ronnykmarshall]

21. A visible as a zit on a McDonald's workers face.

[bigwillq]

24. Out but not visibly---

Sometimes I hold hands or kiss my man but only if we're at a gay function like a club/bar, walking to and fro, or at like Gay Pride Weeks.

No stickers, no clothes, no rainbow tags, nothing.
It's not that I'm not proud of who I am but--I know who I am and I'm content with it. I don't need to promote who I am. That's just how I feel.

I have nothing against people that are visibly out--to me it's like someone wearing their fave team's shirt or hat.

[Misunderestimator]

25. Had a rainbow sticker on my car for a while once....

but only because I lived in a conservative neighborhood. To me it was no different than putting up all my John Kerry yards signs. :hi:

[Terran]

26. I'm visibly out as part of a couple

not so much individually (I'm butch like that). Seriously, we are an interracial couple living in a small (40,000 +) town, and we are together in public about 75% of the time, apart 25%. I have never seen another gay couple here (obvious ones are rare as it is) that was interracial, so we're pretty unique (being middle-aged makes it even more noticeable). We often get addressed as you guys by people who don't know us but who see us a lot, like at markets, so I know people notice. I have never once felt hostility toward us because of this, which isn't what you'd expect in a small conservative Midwestern town. In fact we have made a lot of straight friends and acquaintances over the years here who just accept it without comment.

I'm also going to be putting a rainbow "unity through diversity" bumper sticker on the car, as soon as it gets cleaned. Does that count? :)

[Dastard Stepchild]

27. I'm not big on PDA

with either my male or female partners. So, gender of partner makes little difference to me when out and about in public. That said, I am more cautious when holding a gal's hand than a chap's hand. I tend to scan the horizon more... an ever vigilant watch for idiots and ne'er-do-wells.

I used to have a rainbow sticker on my old car. I have a new car now, and I didn't put a sticker on. Since I am bi, I never really wear symbols of GLBTQness....I felt comfortable doing so when I was younger and considered myself a lesbian, but as a bi... not so much. Must be some internalized biphobia. :)

I tell people I am bi, but since I am not with a woman, most people just say "huh." In the same way that one might respond if I tell you that I just bought a new pair of shoes. "Huh." Seems like when you are in a relationship with a person of opposite gender, even if a self-identified bi, the bi-ness just fades into the background.

In Chicago, I got no reactions in certain neighborhoods. In more public areas, the tourists and 'burbanites would stare, but the city folk generally kept their thoughts and their eyes to themselves.

[terrya]

28. I do pda with my partner.

We hold hands when we're together. And kiss when we part.

[mondo joe]

29. I'm out, but I don't offer any outward signs - but that's because I'm a

privacy nut, not closeted at all.

I don't have ANY bumper stickers or signs, and I don't kiss my partner in front of our friends much less strangers.

I think there are probably times we might have held hands in public if not for having to be the center of attention. But I think even those times are few.

I think I come by it naturally - my whole hetero family is just as private.

[bertha katzenengel]

30. thanks to everyone, and here's a kick -- anyone else? remember to say

where you live (generally) if you don't mind.

Thanks :hi: