What Canadian propaganda did to me

[KurtNYC]

I grew up about 40 miles southeast of Toronto (in western New York). Being so closed to the border, the onslaught of Canadian propaganda was relentless.

There was a blowtorch station broadcasting across Lake Ontario, filling my young mind with the seductive rock of Canadian rockers. The Buffalo Sabres were full of Canadian talent: Gilbert Pearreault, René Robert, and Rick Martin. They made us love hockey and then got crushed by a team with even more Canadian talent -- the 1973 Montreal Canadiens.

Tourism ads tantalized us with images of the world's tallest tower and this high tech hairdo:


And then there was Pierre Trudeau! The charismatic sandal-wearing (in the House of Commons), celebrity dater who sprang to prominence during the Quiet Revolution.

Then came more ads and invitations to visit Canada -- Winter carnivals in Quebec, the Old Spaghetti Factory in Toronto, Expo and all kinds of great food in Montreal!

What did Canadian propaganda do to me? It made me love them. Now, save yourselves! Avert your eyes. Do not look at their health care system or the many inscriptions on the Stanley Cup. They will seduce you!

[whirlygigspin]

1. America must be in worse shape than I thought...

...if Canada is now considered seductive.

God help us all,

Good day,eh.

[ghostsofgiants]

2. You know you want us

[KurtNYC]

4. Just surrender

resistance is futile

[WeRQ4U]

3. I worked at a Northern North Dakota Shoe store... they made me hate them.

Always large bus-fulls showing up shopping at the malls, exclaiming how the exchange was so ridiculous. They'd walk around with their hands folded behind their backs, noses in the air, asking about reasonably priced "runners." They would remove a shoe from the rack, glare at the price tag and then at me over their low-riding Canadian spectacles, and then replace the shoe on the rack....backwards. Even though all the other shoes were facing the other way. Then, if and when they ever DID buy anything from me, they would have me incinerate their old, smelly shoes along with the box, all to avoid the duty. They spoke in a strange tongue and reaked of mustard-pickles. On one particular occaision I was bludgened with a Bauer Hockey implement for pointing out Wayne Gretsky's ineptitudes as leader of the National Hockey Team. How he smuggled that thing into the Mall, I may never know. I still have flashbacks of his squirley mullet lashing back and forth wildly, beads of sweat cascading from it onto the newly vaccumed store floor, as he lashed me mercilously. When it was over I was dazed, laying face up on the store floor with a silk Canadian flag draped over my face. In my front shirt pocket was a note. All it read was "It's ZED, Motherfucker." I live in fear.

Edit: For spelling.

[kedrys]

5. Um, western Canada does *not* count

It's like a whole 'nother planet out there. The further west you go, the weirder it gets, until you're in BC and things are cool again.

[WeRQ4U]

6. A little like the US... eh?

[kedrys]

7. Alberta in particular is like the worst parts of the South here

Except even worse, in some ways. :P

[ghostsofgiants]

8. Alberta is Texas Jr.

And WeRQ4U, that was probably the funniest thing I've read all day.

[WeRQ4U]

9. Well thanks,

'preciate it. Actually, Alberta is like North Dakota's rural school-house cousin.

[kedrys]

11. Oh, don't remind me...

I live in Texas...expat from the Great White North (don't tell anyone) :P

[IChing]

10. I was forced to listen to Neil Young and Joni at an early age

then I moved on to the harder stuff,
like the kids in the hall.

I couldn't stop, I tried to get help
but then
it continued with even worse addicting hallucinating behavior

I started to see red leaves on some trees in the fall

Is there any hope for me?

[kedrys]

12. Quick! Put on a Bryan Adams CD!!

Just kidding. :P

[KurtNYC]

13. If you start believing that you attended DeGrassi Junior High

we can send you to a deprogrammer.

[WeRQ4U]

14. I've archived every single You Can't Do That On Televison for...

...a ceremonial burning. I have nightmares of Alanis Morrisette as a teenager sucking face with a much older Dave Coulier. I scream "Water Water WAter" hoping that the Gods of the biosphere-looking set would douse me and I would wake up. Instead I wake up in a pool of my own sweat and tears.

And every time someone says "I Don't Know" I have a tiny seizure.