Request for romance advice

[jokerman93]

Hi All!

I'm posting to the lounge today to request some ideas from all you great lovers out there - male, female, and everything in between!

At long last, my fiance is coming to California. She'll be moving in with me in July. When she arrives after a long journey, I want to bring her into her new home and life in a romantic and memorable way. I'm taking the week off from work and we'll spend that week getting settled and going out - having fun!

I could use ideas! Lots of ideas. Any ideas.

First, what should I have ready at home when she comes in the door. Dinner? Roses? A banner? Something entirely surprising and heart warming? What??? I want that first day to be memorable.

Also, advice on (romantic/fun) things to do together during the week. I'm thinking of things that will help deepen our bond and get things off on the right foot. I live in the Bay Area (SF) but don't go out all too much, so I don't know the possibilities.

In the name of true love...HELP!!!

[kanrok]

1. Nothing says "romance" more than a six-pack and a porno.

[jswordy]

4. THAT'S what I'm talkin' about! BEST POST EVER! LOL n/t

[jokerman93]

5. Yep.

And that's exactly why I know I need to get a second opinion before she shows up!

:toast:

[Hugin]

10. Don't forget the pizza.

[jswordy]

26. ..still LOLing here...yeah, pizza is good!!! So to recap...

1.) pornos
2.) beer
3.) pizza
4.) real-time carnality WITH SOMEONE ELSE!

Hmmm...it's GUY HEAVEN!

:rofl:

[jokerman93]

27. Hey!

Have you been reading my biography???

[jswordy]

29. Yep. Got it here now: "Guy Heaven" by jokerman93 LOL

[northzax]

32. no no no! no pizza.

fried chicken goes much better with porn.

what, you never had a porn and chicken night?

[Hugin]

33. No... Never tried it.

Sounds kinky tho. ;)

[northzax]

34. hard to eat pizza with one hand, see?

but you can have a breast (chicken, fool!, not babyfeeder) in one hand and the er, remote, in the other. simple.

[jswordy]

39. Uh...THAT is deviant behavior! LOL n/t

[kanrok]

50. You mean porn and live chicken?

[northzax]

60. now THAT is deviant behaviour

pagind James Dobson, Dr. Dobson, please pick up the white courtesy phone.

[DaBigBadJoiseyWolf]

48. Brilliant Idea! Make sure you have chips also!

[Orsino]

62. Don't forget to pile your dirty laundry neatly for her by the front door.

Seriously, though, maybe the best thing you can do for her is to clean--really clean your place, so that there are no outstanding chores to distract either of you from enjoying the week.

[Yit]

2. Does she know the area?

[jokerman93]

7. Nope

She's new to CAlifornia...and America!

[Yit]

11. Buy her a map. She'll need it.

[jswordy]

3. Here's mine...DON'T LISTEN TO MATCOM!

Just ask Mrs. Matcom!

:rofl:

He may be the Walter Cronkite of Bizarre News, but Dr. Ruth he is NOT!

:rofl:

[jokerman93]

20. LOL

Matcom os in his own category!

[jswordy]

21. (Psst! Actually, he DA MAN! But you didn't hear it here!)

I will disavow all knowledge of that comment. LOL.

[tjwmason]

6. One small point

She may well be utterly exhausted when she arrives.

Whilst you will be bursting with energy ready to start on your new life together - she may just want to collapse. I wouldn't make any plans which cannot be changed for the first evening - but a quiet home-made meal sounds like a wonderfully welcoming yet flexible idea.

[jokerman93]

9. Good point

But a visual impact when she comes in--that's worth a lot!

Yeah, of course she'll freshen up and rest. I'm just wondering about context and plans!

[TlalocW]

8. Hand her...

A basket of your dirty laundry and tell her to get to work.

If she doesn't belt you but laughs, you've got a keeper. Then go out to dinner.

TlalocW

[jokerman93]

12. LOL

She'll laugh for sure. She's a keeper. No doubt!

[SmokingJacket]

13. Well, I don't know your fiancee, but if it were me...

I'd appreciate lots of stuff for the bath -- make sure there are plenty of fluffy towels and soaps and bubblebath. Guy bathrooms can be... well, gross. Having a nice bathroom when she arrives will probably delight her.

Make sure you have all her favorite foods, too.

Flowers NEVER hurt.

I don't know SF, so I can't help you there. :hi:

[Bunny]

23. I second the 'clean bathroom' thing. Few things are more of a

turn-off than a nasty-ass bathroom.

I also agree with the poster who said she is likely to be very tired, even jet-lagged. So, go easy on the first day she gets there. Some flowers in a few of the rooms would be nice, get some good food prepared, add a nice glass of wine (or two), and fresh, clean sheets and blankets on the bed she'll be sleeping in.

[jokerman93]

44. Going easy

is good advice no matter what I think.

:-)

[bettyellen]

57. yeah, bed and bath stuff is a good start....

i have been in one too many skanky man bathrooms myself.
and Muir Woods on the other side of the bridge is awesome. and Carmel is beautiful too.

[yvr girl]

14. Flowers and Champagne are nice

Make her arrival a celebration. A nice meal could also work depending on time of day etc.

Look into some of the things to do in your area. There is most likely a book on the subject. Or, you could go to a hotel and look through phamphlets.

You could make of a list of activities but describe them in a coded/poetic fashion. Let her choose what you do. Take pictures of everything. Make a scrapbook of your first week.

I don't think you need to go for wow things to do either. Introduce her to the city. Have fun together. Create some memories.

[radwriter0555]

15. Lots and lots of SEX.

You two have met in real life, right?

Does she know she's engaged?

[jokerman93]

18. Real Life?

What the f*** are you talking about? Haha!

[radwriter0555]

40. Don't laugh. I knew a guy who thought he was engaged to a gal and she

broke it to him at a dinner party with her parents that they weren't even DATING.

Turns out he was a bit of a stalker with a brilliant imagination.

[jokerman93]

41. Well even though

Even though I DO fit that description nicely, in this case at least I'm not delusional.

That's what my shrink tells me anyway...

:silly:

[radwriter0555]

55. How do you know your shrink isn't lying to you?

=))

[jokerman93]

56. My Shrink

My shrink tells me what I pay him to tell me.

:crazy:

[radwriter0555]

59. *slams table* EXACTLY!

Great champagne, strawberries, a nice dinner... what a lucky gal!

[jobycom]

16. I'd suggest taking her to a hotel her first night

instead of to your house. After the long trip, she'll be tired, and if she sees your house tired, she'll just want a nap, and then she'll think of the house as a place to go when she's exhausted. Maybe not the image you want. Check into a hotel, let her get some rest, take her out on the town, and then the next day bring her to her new home, so she can discover it without being exhausted. I'm sure you'll get lots of advice on how to make that part memorable, so I'll yield from that point on.

Oh, and one more thing: Don't confuse romantic games with a real romance. Real romance comes from discovering each other--all those flowers and chocolates and stuff are just there to aid that process, not to replace it. Keep the focus where it should be--on her, and on the both of you.

Congratulations, joker! Live it for all it's worth, because it's worth a lot.

And if my advice sucks, just ignore it.

[jokerman93]

19. Thanks jobycom

That's some good advice. And true! I'll have to think about the hotel idea. She may really want to "come home". Have to find out...

Mmm.

[jokerman93]

17. This is great

If you want to know exactly what NOT to do, ask any DU guy! LOL

Now the DU women have it going on! I like the bathroom idea. and the scrap book idea too!

[northzax]

22. you're asking a bunch of people who spend all day on the internet

for romance advice? for the love of Kali, man, if we knew, would we be here?

[jobycom]

24. DINGDINGDING!! Jokerman, this is the absolute best advice given!

[jokerman93]

45. Birds of a feather

Who else can I turn to folks?

[bugslsu9]

25. Not all of us guys are bad

Can you cook? If so, why not make her favorite meal, follow it up with her fav. dessert, and some time on the couch.

What can I say, I'm a romantic, and my wife loves it!

[jokerman93]

28. Yeah

The cooking thing was part of my seduction! I'll be sure to cook for her. :-) Here's to you, your wife, and plenty of "couch time".

:applause:

[Dora]

30. Moving is a drag, no matter what the reason is

Arrange for outcall massage at your home or book one at a day spa. I think it's important that you do not offer the massage yourself. That way she can relax into the massage - no wondering if it's precursor to lovin'. If she's not into full-body massage, then a reflexologist and some good foot massage will work too (again, given by someone who is not you).

Aromatherapy works. Get her some body lotions in a variety of scents - lavender is balancing, ylang-ylang & sandalwood are good for romance, grapefruit and other citrus are stimulating, and the mints are enervating.

I like the bathroom & fluffy towels post from above.

Small gift cards for little shops and places around town - museums, coffee shops, boutiques.

I don't know, I'm kind of a grump sometimes, but I think providing her with some alone-time and down-time might be really appreciated too. (that's where the fluffy towels and scented lotions come in handy)

[jokerman93]

43. Yeah!

Aroma therapy. Even a massage - maybe on the second morning. That's a terrific idea! Thanks.

[jokerman93]

46. Yes moving is a drag

This whole thing has been stressful for both of us. That's why I'd like to really give her a great first week here. Thanks.

[UncleSepp]

31. Ask her.

The only way to make it all about her, and welcoming her, instead of about you is to ask her what she would like and then do that. It won't be a surprise, but surprises aren't worth as much as you might think.

My experience with men in relationships is that they will very often come up with ideas of what would be romantic, what would be valued and appreciated, and then they will do that. Most often, it's stuff that is formulaic, ritualistic, and impractical, like roses and chocolate and champagne. The man generally expects to be rewarded for these gifts, and the woman has to pretend to be overjoyed by it to please her man, making the entire exchange about the man being rewarded instead of the woman being pleased.

Asking what she wants is a great way to start out. It indicates that you're interested in what she really likes, which also reaffirms that you love her for who she really is.

For your first week's activities together, you might want to start by giving her information about the area. Tourist guides, restaurant guides, anything she can use to pick out some things she would like to see and do. Letting her make the decisions might help her feel like less of a guest and more of a resident.

For the first night and day, there are probably some simple, welcoming things you can do. Have space for her things in the bedroom and in the bathroom, and don't forget to have space for her things in the living room also. Give her some room to put up pictures if she wants, a place for her mail and her keys to go, things like that. Make the bath more woman friendly - for example, make sure there's a trash can within arm's reach of the toilet. She might need more space in the bathroom than you do, also. Have a towel and washcloth out for her, too, so she doesn't have to look for them. If she's a lot shorter than you, make sure that things which are often used in the house are either stored where she can get them, or that there's a step stool. Have some easy to prepare food in the house, but plan to go grocery shopping and to the drugstore early on in the week. It's a good bonding experience, and it serves the practical purpose of making sure she knows where the store is and also making sure that the things she needs and foods she likes are in the house. If you already know some of what she likes - her favorite beverage for example - have some of that on hand.

All that's pretty plain and practical stuff, but I can almost guarantee she'll appreciate it.

[Dora]

35. Most. Practical. Post. Ever.

Hey, where were you when I was moving in with MY fiance?

I like what you said about roses and chocolate - my sentiments exactly.

[jokerman93]

47. Thanks

This IS good advice, and along the lines I've been thinking too. The small things make the difference. And yeah, the reason I asked here was because the old hackneyed formulas of chocolate and flowers, although nice, aren't terribly personal, imaginaitive or very meaningful anymore.

I'll be sure to take your suggestions into account.

Thanks again!

:-)

[kwassa]

63. Flowers are never hackneyed

There are very few women who don't like getting them, as cliched as it might seem to you. It is one of the most reliable gifts.

[MissB]

36. Well, if she likes flowers

then probably the best first visual impact (romantically speaking) would be rose petals leading from the front door to whatever room you'd like to lead her to. At the end of the trail of rose petals, have a bouquet of flowers and a nice, handmade card (or buy one that is handmade and write your own words inside- just don't buy some stupid Hallmark card please.)

Buy more candles than you've ever bought before, and have them bunched together in some of the major rooms - like the kitchen and living room and entry way. Group 10 to 20 candles together and have them lit. When I say a lot of candles, I'm talking like 100. Just don't burn the place down.

Have a bottle of wine and some wine glasses on a tray in the living room. Some nice cheese and crackers, or some chocolate would be a nice touch.

Order takeout. Don't cook a big meal on the first night. Or go to an upscale deli and get a bunch of prepared foods.

Long walks are always nice, especially if you haven't spent a lot of time together recently. Listen to what she has to say- that's romantic. Men generally suck at the listening thing.

[short bus president]

37. WWEHD?

What Would Englebert Humperdinck Do?

[jokerman93]

42. ???

Yes but...what would Dirk Diggler do?

[EC]

38. The other women here had some good suggestions

as to where to take her, I always liked to get an idea of the person I was with...such as seeing your usual hangouts (local bar or diner) meet your friends and other places that she may be able to get a handle on who you are and your interests so she can relate...That will make it easier for you to draw out of her what she likes. Go to places less formal, outdoors is always good, where it will seem more like just you and her among the throngs of people where you can talk and talk without pressure or intrusion...I say outdoors because for some reason people seem to feel freer, sitting on the beach, watching a sunset, or a park bench, in my experience people seem to open up and talk about their futures and all, I figure it has something to do with being in the vastness of the world instead of within a protected cocoon of our own worlds like it would be in our homes...

After a long trip, most people I know, look forward to good food, (maybe not a whole meal, but something good to nibble on with some wine or a beer), CLEAN SHEETS AND PILLOWCASES, maybe hang them outside to get that fresh smell. Nice long shower and fluffy towels and soft slippers.

And for goodness sakes, don't be all over her the minute she gets in the door...let her unwind first.

[jokerman93]

49. :-)

I'm on it! Great tips.

Thanks!

(Oh, and she already knows me quite well. We've been together for two years. And, I'm not a kid, so I won't be "be all over her the minute she gets in the door". That's kind of smarmy. I know. LOL.)

:-)

[DaBigBadJoiseyWolf]

51. Pal...you best listen to the women on this one!

[jokerman93]

54. Yeah LOL

I'm getting that impression too!

:-)

[48pan]

52. Chicks want to have deep discussions with...

lots of eye contact. Hold her hand. Pretend you care about her endless stories about her friends.

On the other hand, you could stop in at the local adult store and get some lube that gets warm when you blow on it and tastes like strawberrys.

[mongo]

58. Woo Hoo!

And nothin' says lovin' like a Rabbit Vibe!

[jokerman93]

61. Glad to see you weighing in Mongo

It's always smart to get input from your local progressive smut purveyor.

:toast:

[northzax]

64. strawberry? no no no Cherry

see, you are symbollically saying that she's a virgin, no man before you matters anymore. works a charm.

[Warren DeMontague]

53. Angel Island makes for a nice day trip in the summertime

Bring a Picnic, bikes, whatnot.

http://www.angelisland.org/faq2.htm

It's been a long time since I've gone, but I think you can take the ferry from Tiburon or SF.