Suggested alternatives to "Don't Mess With Texas:"

[RandomKoolzip]

I don't know about anyone else on DU, but I've always found that "Don't Mess With Texas" bumpersticker pretty amusing. For one thing, why the odd, combative tone? Have other states threatened to "mess" with Texas recently?

And the refusal to clarify one's terms; what exactly does "mess"ing with Texas consist of?

So in the interest of clarity, I'm posting some alternative bumperstickers that Texans or OTHER states can wear with beer-bellied, bellicose pride. Here we go:

"Don't Date Arkansas and Cheat on Her With Florida"

"Don't Poke Connecticut in the Eye With a Pointed Stick"

"If North Carolina Asks You If She Looks Fat, Always Tell Her 'No'"

"Don't Give Pennsylvania a Wedgie"

"Don't Let Massachusetts Wear White After Labor Day"

"Don't Compare Wyoming to Her Sister Unfavorably"

"Don't Make Fun of Oregon's Cock Size"

"Stop Snapping Alaska's Bra"

"If You Give Rhode Island a Book Drop, You'll Be Facing a Suspension, Young Man"

"Don't Sell a Gram of Baking Soda To West Virginia and Claim That It's Cocaine"



So go ahead, give me some of your own! It's Fun!!!

BTW: PLEASE Don't tell me about how the "Don't Mess w/ Texas" campaign was about littering. I already know, and it'll just ruin the joke.

[terrya]

1. "Don't Marry Alabama - she's your sister, dammit!"

[RandomKoolzip]

3. Ooof. Good one!

"Ohio! Stop That! You'll Go Blind!"

[smirkymonkey]

15. LOL! Touche!

[norml]

98. "You In Bama Now Boy!"

I've heard this enough when I've been through Alabama to assume that it must be the official state motto.

[DinahMoeHum]

2. "Don't Screw With New York"

can you imagine a picture of a screw instead of a heart in the familiar logo?


:evilgrin:

[smirkymonkey]

20. Actually, that would be "Don't Fuck With New York"

we eschew the euphemisms here! :)

[DinahMoeHum]

34. but as I've said, with the word "screw", use a picture of a screw

in place of the heart in the I Love NY logo.

:evilgrin:

[UncleSepp]

86. Just the screw sticker

Remember those - a sticker with a screw on it that you could put over other people's stickers with hearts on them, so they'd say
I Screw NY
I Screw My Golden Retriever
and so and so forth?

[DinahMoeHum]

91. Yep, that's it!

Touche!

:evilgrin:

[politicaholic]

4. "Don't Mess With Seattle!...the rest of Washington on the other hand..."

"is already just a big meth lab so screw it."

[Shoeempress]

5. Don't mention S. Dakota in N. Dakota, she gets pissed.

[RandomKoolzip]

17. "Before you Leave North Dakota, Make Sure You Turn The Lights Off"

[aden_nak]

6. I was thinking along a different line when I read the subject:

"The Mess From Texas"

[Strawman]

7. Say Yes to Miss Michigan

[RandomKoolzip]

11. Since she looks like this:

Then, "YES YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES!"

[Strawman]

74. actually she looks more like this

[MazeRat7]

8. You do realize that sticker is for their highway anti-litter campaign ?

It does not mean dont fuck with texas it means dont make a mess.... ie dont litter.

I dont really care for it either, but in terms of an anti-litter slogan, it seems to work.

MZr7

Edit: tee hee... guess I didnt see that last line eh ? *LOL

[RandomKoolzip]

9. Re-read the OP.

Twice, if needed.

[alarimer]

27. It has been trademarked

for the anti-littering campaign by the GLO or TCEQ. I can't remember which. So the original post is wrong. It does mean don't litter. It doesn't seem to work here though. there is more crap on the streets than I have ever seen anywhere. I am in Corpus Christi, by the way so I can't speak for how dirty the rest of the state is. I think if Texas had a better recycling program and a bottle-deposit law it might make a difference.

[Allenberg]

10. Don't fuck with Jersey.

[billyskank]

12. "Don't Ask Oregon To Pull Your Finger!"

[RandomKoolzip]

14. "Don't Fart and Claim that South Carolina Did It"

[billyskank]

16. Hahaha!

:D

[undeterred]

13. "Put the sin back in Wisconsin!"

[sniffa]

18. new jersey - you try getting the smeLL out

[name not needed]

61. Hey, it only smells in Camden and by Newark Airport

[sniffa]

63. is that near hobokken and such (when you cross from ny)?

if so, you're right! it's fucking awfuL.

[name not needed]

67. Newark is

Camden is across the river from Philadelphia.

[regularguy]

19. Don't talk badly about Delaware's mother. She's a Saint!

[WeRQ4U]

21. Arizona - Hotter than Shit

North Dakota - We have a black dude in Bismarck, his name is John.
South Dakota - Without Rushmore, we're expendable
Wyoming - Think "Deliverance" only with less trees
Minnesota - Our favorite baseball player likes to grab boobies
Maine - Beautiful but Bored Silly
Oregon - Where motivation is used sparingly

[RandomKoolzip]

25. I like the Oregon one.

:thumbsup:

[sniffa]

22. massachusetts

where mississippi can marry missouri.

it's a pun, get it? mrs. sippy and ms. zori.
bu dum bum!

[Not_Giving_Up]

23. Don't associate dubya with Texas - He just happens to live here!

As a Texan, I HATE being associated with that transplant!

[sniffa]

24. deLaware - it's kinda cLose to phiLLy

[RandomKoolzip]

26. "Delaware: Sure, We're Dick-Shaped. What Of It, Punk?"

[sniffa]

28. deLaware: fucking boring!

or the edited version:

deLa..zzzzzzzzz

[RandomKoolzip]

29. "Wyoming: You Guys Hear Something?"

[bridgit]

30. "Go Ahead And Mess With Texas"

"Texas Is Messing With You"

[RandomKoolzip]

33. Ah! A switcheroo!

[sniffa]

31. come to fLorida.. and show us your tits

[RandomKoolzip]

32. "Florida: The First Guy To Bring Up Fred Durst Gets a Cockpunch"

[Xipe Totec]

87. Better Yet, Come to Wyoming

And we'll show you our Grand Tetons.

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

97. I think that's best suited for LA... specifically the French Quarter.

[johnnie]

35. Don't piss on Mississippi

That just sounds cool.

[redqueen]

36. What's a Book Drop?

:shrug:

[RandomKoolzip]

41. You're kidding.

Please tell me you're kidding.

[redqueen]

47. I'm not

:blush:

What does that say about me? :(

But... if it's what it sounds like... then I think someone did that to me one time in 6th grade.

[RandomKoolzip]

49. Yeah. You're carrying your books in your arms....

And someone comes up and knocks them out of your hands.

I don't know what this says about you that you didn't know the "scientific" term for it. :shrug:

[redqueen]

54. Well yeah then

that's what happened... stupid Donald F... x(

[norml]

37. "Don't Play Grab Ass With Texas" and "Don't Fuck With Florida"

"You're In Bama Now Boy"

[Swede]

38. Idaho-the other white state.

nt

[sniffa]

39. gosh

:rofl:

[benny05]

40. It is a litter campaign

Started by Gov Ann Richardson. It was kewl when it first came out.

Sounds terrible now because of F**kin' W.

[RandomKoolzip]

42. I know. That's in the OP.

[Left Is Write]

43. Don't Tell Minnesota You Get Her Mixed Up With Wisconsin

[RandomKoolzip]

44. "North Dakota: Yup, There Really Are TWO Dakotas."

[sniffa]

45. north dakota: south dakota is our bitch!

[sniffa]

46. rhode isLand weLcomes your smuggLed goods

[RandomKoolzip]

51. "Illinois: So Corrupt It's Thrilling"

Actually, credit must go to Lenny Bruce for that one.

[KitchenWitch]

108. Wisconsin: close the door or you will spoil the milk

[swag]

48. Try to be polite about New Jersey's pantload.

[RandomKoolzip]

50. "New Jersy: Yeah, About the Smell...It's Delaware's Fault"

[Taverner]

52. Wasn't the "Dont Mess" campaign originally an environmentalist one?

The idea being, not to dump your mess in texas? Dump it in a trash recepticle like a responsible adult.

How this became a machisimo slogan is beyond me.....

[RandomKoolzip]

53. Yup. It's in the OP. (sigh)

DU 3, RKZ 0

When I lived in New Orleans, it used to amuse me how many times I saw this bumper sticker on horrible, dirty pickup trucks and beat-up camaros.

[Taverner]

55. You do know we live to taunt you

Taunt! Taunt!

[RandomKoolzip]

57. I'll grind your bones to make my bread!

Revenge is a dish best served on multi-grain. :bounce:

[Ikonoklast]

56. When entering Ohio....

.....please be gentle.

[RandomKoolzip]

58. "There's Nothing The Matter With Kansas A Good Swift Kick In the

Pants Wouldn't Fix"

[ComerPerro]

75. LMAO

[sniffa]

59. you do know it's a Littering campaign, right?

[RandomKoolzip]

60. I'll hurt you emotionally.

[crispini]

62. It's a littering campaign, dude!

:evilgrin: :rofl:

[RandomKoolzip]

66. Is that the wind?

[Maestro]

64. No need to mess with Texas,

the republicans have done fucked it up already!

I like mine! :applause:

[NoPasaran]

65. "Missouri---Do you hear banjo music?"

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

99. *snort*

Nice... I've been there. It was my first exposure to 'southern culture'.

[ksilvas]

68. Arizona-It's not California, Yet.

[noahmijo]

94. Ha no shit

We're feeling it in Tucson with all the Cali folk moving down here with their money to throw left and right but bringing zero jobs and rising housing costs.

[dubyaD40web]

69. Arkansas - We couldn't think of a name so we put "ar"

in front of Kansas.

[dubyaD40web]

70. Illinois - Our Springfield is better than yours!

[dubyaD40web]

71. Rhode Island - Thank you for coming...nevermind..please come again!

[dubyaD40web]

72. Nevada - Don't forget to give a big tip to your waiter and your hooker!

[ComerPerro]

73. "Ill uh noy. Don't say the "S". It only makes us mad"

[ComerPerro]

76. "Get outta Kansas, and take your science with you!"

[CaliforniaPeggy]

78. GOOD ONE! alas.....

That one is hysterical and true, or nearly so....near enough...*sigh*

[RandomKoolzip]

95. There ya go!

Good one.

[RandomKoolzip]

96. OR: "Kansas: Them Fossils is Fake"

[nytemare]

77. "Florida, we don't know how to drive, or vote!"

:)

[Karmageddon]

79. Turn down the damn music, punks, we're trying to sleep in Florida

[Karmageddon]

80. Watch out for your cornhole in Kansas

[gizmonic]

81. Come to Ohio and Leave Your Loose Coins In the Ashtray

:hi:

[Deep13]

112. Ohio, the Mississippi of the North

[Orsino]

82. Quit usin' them big words in Georgia.

And talkin' too fast. Y'all cut it out.

[Eyeball Kid]

83. Washington state...

"Pets welcome! Californians glared at."

[swag]

85. Washington: It's not just for sadistic sociopaths any more

[GOPisEvil]

84. Don't blink in Rhode Island - you'll miss us.

[Robeson]

88. "West Virginia: No teeth, no toothbrushes".

[VOX]

89. "Florida: The Persistent Vegetative State."

In keeping with recent events... :evilgrin:

[RandomKoolzip]

101. Hey, that's good!

[sniffa]

90. deLaware, because 32,000 credit card companies can't be wrong

[In Truth We Trust]

92. Nothing would be finer than to cum in Carolina

[Dukkha]

93. Don't mae Ohio take it's belt off!

You'll get rusty

[Aristus]

100. "Don't carry an umbrella in Washington......

We'll know you're not from around here!"

[LeftyMom]

102. Yes, we do think we're better than you. California.

Thank god for the casinos and hookers, because there's nothing else to do in Nevada.

Ohio- whiter than the Republican party, but without the rythym.

[kwassa]

103. Don't eat Ohio Buckeyes, they are a useless nut!

[kwassa]

104. self-delete

[kwassa]

105. Land that moves, trees that burn, air you can see! California!

[kwassa]

106. Don't call us crabby! We're just from Maryland.

[NMMNG]

107. "Texas--we don't like gays, but sheep are another story"

Yes, bestiality is perfectly legal in TX--but the govorner says gays are not welcome. How's that for "traditional family values"?

[AlGore-08.com]

109. Indiana: Hoosier Daddy?

(You have 30 seconds to groan... )

[sakabatou]

110. California: No,He Still Can't Pronounce it Right

[Deja Q]

111. "Don't Bother With Texas"

:wow:

No offense to Dems stuck in that filthhole of a state, whose airport alone smells like a gigantic used leather boot. (I've been there...) Not to mention the filth in that state redistricting all the doo-dah-day to make re-elections easier for themselves, vile fascist cheaters...

Let them secede.

[Bridget Burke]

113. Texas has its faults--but if all you've seen is the airports...

You really don't know the whole story.

And why have you omitted YOUR home state from your profile?

[GOPisEvil]

114. Well, apparentl;y there's only one airport in the state.

:shrug:

I give up. I'm tired of fighting against it. If the ignorant want to stay away, let them. More Tex-Mex for me.