Weekly World News: "Dick Cheney's Cellulite Nightmare"

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

DICK CHENEY'S CELLULITE NIGHTMARE

THEY SAY HE WEARS THE PANTS IN THE WHITE HOUSE -- & it's a good thing!

By NED STACK

http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/politics/61690

THIS IS the photograph the White House and Second Lady Lynne Cheney didn't want you to see: Vice President Dick Cheney in a skimpy Speedo swimsuit with his cellulite popping out all over the place.

That's right, cellulite. Cheney is one of a handful of men who are cursed with unsightly and embarrassing "cottage cheese thighs," an affliction that victimizes one in three women over the age of 25 but just one in a million of the guys.

"Honey, he's got it bad," says the disgruntled White House secretary who leaked the explosive photo to Weekly World News after Cheney -- who often hurls epithets at other men on the floor of the U.S. Senate and in church -- told her to "F@#% off, ho," when she asked him for the time as they passed in a hall.

"The last time I saw saddlebags like that was on an old Gunsmoke rerun on the cowboy channel. Lynne's got thunder-thighs herself, but she's better off than 'Mr. High and Mighty.' If I were him I'd get liposuction. But I guess he's too old for that." Cellulite is a genetic condition caused by weakening of the sub-skin webbing that is supposed to hold fat in but, once compromised, lets it pop out instead.

[Sequoia]

1. That's pretty darn funny!