Why am I now relucant to talk to my parents?

[Deja Q]

We gripe about everything; I understand their POV right away but they seem to ignore me when I speak of mine.

They say it's "just me" because I think of myself so lowly yet they don't seem to remember my childhood where people told me that all the time and usually when others weren't being cruel (from getting off the seesaw while I was on top to being bullied, molested, and assaulted.)

It ain't all me. I think my past has SOME small relevance here.

And then comes money issues. I'm about to lose everything and then they tell me about some lady on Dr Fool's show who cried because it rained on her wedding day. (how does a ruined wedding compare to ruined finances and being destitute, if not dead?!) While I don't owe as much, that doesn't mean squat.

I'm confused.

[revree]

1. They refuse to take any responsibility for their actions,

but you can, and my suggestion would be to stay away from them for awhile, don't even talk to them, until you feel strong enough inside yourself that you can withstand their dysfuctional bullshit.

You really have to protect yourself. They sound like they are seriously filled up with their own issues, but you don't have to buy into their BS.

Just hang in there. You sound like a really good person who wants to have a relationship with your parents, but maybe right now that is not what is best for you. It's not selfish to realize that sometimes you gotta come first.

I wish you well, friend!!!

[NoSheep]

2. I couldn't have said it any better. Your situation is very common

in dysfunctional families. It's as if your parents don't know you and have no ability to deeply care about you. Staying away from them will help you gain some perspective of your own worth. And ultimately, in your ability to parent yourself. You do have to put yourself first. Carve out your own world in your friends, activities, etc. Be who you know you are, not how they see you. I've been there. Hell, I'm still there. They never seem to change, but you can change the way it affects you. It's a shame we have to parent ourselves, but you know how to do it. You know what you need to feel whole. Give it to yourself.:grouphug:

[Deja Q]

4. But they really DO care, despite the oddity of it all.

I also know the "tough love" they're implementing about one issue right now and I can see that. But I dare not whine about it because what they're doing is for my own good and Dr Phil will be on at 4 anyway.

[Deja Q]

3. Oh. I'm sorry. They didn't assault or molest me, but...

they did punish me a few times (with a belt) and I often did not know WHY they did. I know there was a reason, but I did not know. But I didn't know at the time and hid in fear... and that may have made things worse. (I know of true child abuse cases, but that's far different from what happened to me!)

The assaults and molestations came from others, as did the bullying...

They have their own battles to fight as well. I know that too.

And they want to have a relationship with me too. It's just a communication thing and we're both blaming each other, they moreso of me.