I am going to anger every Texan on DU with this thread

[Taverner]

1 - I use gas, not charcoal or wood. And it's better.

2 - The Cowboys suck, and they have no idea how to play football.

3 - In addition, the Aggies, Longhorns and every other team out of Texas cheats to win.

4 - Golden California Poppies are way prettier on highways than Texas Bluebonnets.

5 - C'mon, the Alamo is just a bunch of rocks. Who would want to see that??? Especially since Pee Wee's bike isn't in the basement.

6 - Yes, Dubya is your fault.

7 - Stevie Ray Vaughn was a hack guitar player. Jerry Garcia could play circles around him.

8 - Your flag is incomplete. It needs a bear.

9 - Yes, Jessica Simpson is your fault.

10 - The Texas State Capitol is not actually taller than the one in DC. It's a wingnut lie.

[kick-ass-bob]

1. freakin California hippie.

Gas is not better.

:crazy:

[StopTheMorans]

2. agree with almost all of it, except Jerry Garcia is the worst musician

of all time, with the possible exceptions of Larry aka"the Edge" and Paul aka "Bono" aka "most pretentious human being of all-time".

[RPM]

3. actually, the alamo is adobe

so sayeth Pee-Wee's tour guide

[Taverner]

5. Even better - it's a pile of mud

I mean they all died defending MUD????

[DS1]

12. It's only still there because it never ever rains in San Antonio

[DS1]

4. Texas Bluebonnets are so fucking incredibly overrated

Just like most of Texas. I guess when you live in a wasteland the odd non-chemical spill originated color off the side of the highway is a nice change.

Besides, you probably all planted them on the highway, knowing nobody in their right mind would ever want to stop in one of your cities.

[texas1928]

59. Well do you know why we have those Bluebonnets on all the roadsides?

Do you?

Because a Democratic governor's wife started a beautification program. He also was Vice- president and President. Lady Bird Johnson started that program, not put native wildflowers on the sides of Texas Highways. So don't knock our flowers.

[Chicago Democrat]

6. Stevie Ray Vaughn is every bit as good as anybody....

I had a drink with him once and maybe he's a little uglier than Jerry but that's all.

[Burma Jones]

7. Yeee haaaw

[northzax]

8. well, is that gas Propane?

then you've made one Texan very happy...

[VelmaD]

9. I know you think you're being cute and funny...

but you're actually being an ass.

[Taverner]

13. Oh come on VelmaD

Be nice

[VelmaD]

14. I will...

if you will. :P

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. Good morning, Taverner!

Well, you won't anger me for obvious reasons! But I AM wondering why you felt like getting so much stuff off your chest and into this provocative thread? Or is it sarcasm on your part? Maybe you LIKE being in the center of a firestorm...Jus'wondering...

[Taverner]

16. Well I am shit disturbing right now

But this thread was meant to be a light hearted thread.

[VelmaD]

18. Well, given the amount of crap...

the Texans and other Southerners have to endure on this board on an almost daily basis...you can't tell me you didn't expect to have your ass handed to you.

[Taverner]

20. Oh I did expect to have my ass handed to me

but in a light hearted way.

I mean come on - would I really think SRV was a hack guitar player?

But the Alamo is a pile of mud :)

[VelmaD]

22. Fine then...

here's your ass. Have fun re-attaching it. Call me if you need any help. ;)

[Taverner]

23. Did you at least leave me some velcro tape?

[VelmaD]

26. Use lock nuts...

here ya go

[bluestateguy]

11. The Longhorns do not cheat

They have won all of their championships fair and square. It is a world class athletic program. Almost all sports are ranked in the top 25.

[Not_Giving_Up]

15. OK, I'm a Texan (born here), and here are my responses

1 - I use gas, not charcoal or wood. And it's better.

I don't own a grill, so I use none of those.

2 - The Cowboys suck, and they have no idea how to play football.

I live in Houston, I don't like the Cowboys, and yes, I know the Texans suck.

3 - In addition, the Aggies, Longhorns and every other team out of Texas cheats to win.

I went to A&M for a year. Back then, they won for real. I don't follow college ball anymore, so I can't speak for what they do now.

4 - Golden California Poppies are way prettier on highways than Texas Bluebonnets.

That's your opinion.

5 - C'mon, the Alamo is just a bunch of rocks. Who would want to see that??? Especially since Pee Wee's bike isn't in the basement.

I've seen the Alamo, and yes, I thought it was boring. Of course, I was around ten at the time.

6 - Yes, Dubya is your fault.

No he isn't. I never voted for him. He's not FROM here, he simply happens to have a place here now.

7 - Stevie Ray Vaughn was a hack guitar player. Jerry Garcia could play circles around him.

That's your opinion.

8 - Your flag is incomplete. It needs a bear.

No it doesn't.

9 - Yes, Jessica Simpson is your fault.

No she's not.

10 - The Texas State Capitol is not actually taller than the one in DC. It's a wingnut lie

I wasn't aware that this was a controversy, but who cares?

[texas1928]

42. For Number 5

Hey at least we fought for our freedom. You pulled a white flag manuever when the US forces entered your land. What a bunch of wusses.

[paula777]

109. Man you gave up near the end of your responses ...

[matcom]

17. ALLRIGHT!!

:popcorn:

[NoPasaran]

19. If Jerry Garcia's so great

Where the fuck's his statue?

[Taverner]

21. In California, we don't like build fascist monuments

Like, man we make MURALS

[NoPasaran]

25. Murals?

We invented 'em!

[Xithras]

30. The pencilnecks pulled it down

This was put up in Golden Gate Park after Garcia died, but the city ripped it out because the proper permits and approvals weren't completed first. I have no idea what happened to it, or if it will ever go back up.

I've been told there's one in Portland too.

[Dukkha]

105. Hey that's not statue!

That really Jerry Garica! All the drugs in his system preserved him in that form.

[demily]

76. Woo hoo!

The building I'm sitting in right now is there in the background! (the tall cream-colored one with the stairsteps)

Oh, and Texas freaking rules. Why do Californians move here all the time and constantly tell us how much better California is? If it's so great then why did they move here? It gets really old.:P

[Guy Fawkes]

24. My advisor used to teach Jessica Simpson...

He says she was a bright girl, but her crazy and abusive mother had her fucked up by around high-school age.

[JimmyJazz]

27. ....

[Mutley]

61. That smilie works on so many levels in this post.

Where do you get all those smilies anyway? You seem to have one for every conceivable situation...

[mark414]

28. grilling without charcoal is not grilling

[Xithras]

35. What kind of amateur only has one grill?

I've got my 55,000 BTU gas grill, my smoker, and my charcoal Aussie all sitting on my back porch. Like my dad used to say: Always use the right tool for the job :)

Sad but true: In California there is a law that states that you can be FORCED to extinguish your BBQ if it smokes too much. I found this out the hard way when I lit all three at a party once, and a neighbor down the street called the fire department thinking that all of the smoke was coming from my burning house. When the fire department showed up, they made me shove a hose in my smoker :(

[redqueen]

46. No chit... why not just cook it on the stove?

I guess some people just like cooking with gas outdoors.

:shrug:

[Sandpiper]

29. I'm from California, but gas grills blow

Your average Californian wouldn't know good grilling if you slapped them upside the head with it.

[Taverner]

31. I will prove to you unwashed non-beleivers at the West Coast Gathering

Behold the power of propane and propane accessories!!!

[VelmaD]

32. Oh whatever...

Nothing is settled until you and matcom get your asses to Texas so we can hold the Great DU Barbq Cookoff.

[DS1]

39. No, silly, it should be a rugged BBQ cookoff - one where all

your usual ingredients are missing. So we'll have it in Vermont, where I think it's illegal to own anything hotter than yellow mustard :D

[jeff30997]

51. Yes I almost forgot.Lynching is illegal now but not burning at the stake.

And cannibalism.Another episode of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre ?

[texas1928]

33. Oh Son, I guess I will have to come out to California and do some

Splainin.

Oh and USC only gets what it gets cause the pay of the voters. So they suck.

[Taverner]

38. USC...Is there a USC here?

Ummm...are you sure you were looking for a USC?

(laughs nervously)

[texas1928]

64. Yes USC

and If Cal SO DESERVED to be in the Rose Bowl, why didn't they beat the pants off Texas Tech HMMMMMM?

[VelmaD]

67. That's an easy one...

'cause the Pac-10 is over-rated due to the coastal bias of the sportwriters who do the damn polls.

[Taverner]

70. Texas Tech beat Cal because they play dirty

Didn't they rack up penalty after penalty during that game?

[VelmaD]

78. Guess again...

Tech had 8 penalties for 50 yards and Cal had 5 for 59 yards in the game.

[Taverner]

79. But TT's penalties were all Unecesarry Roughness

Where as Cal's penalties were all personal fouls and false starts.

[texas1928]

81. Un necessary roughness is 15 yards.

DO the math.

[VelmaD]

82. DO the math...

there's no way Tech's penalties were all unnecessary roughness if they had only 50 yards lost on 8 penalties. You should know better than to try to argue about football with me.

[Taverner]

84. Why do you hate sports so much?

[VelmaD]

88. You have obviously...

lost your mind. The men in the white coats will be there to pick you up shortly.

[RedCloud]

34. Get your coat, Tex. Let's teach this Taverner some manners.

Nerve of you using any reference of Texas is some disrespectful way.
Such as to my friend Tex:

-Should I get your horse, Red Cloud?

-No, Tex! It's lame. Get your ass. Hear me? Your ass, Tex,ass!

[Shell Beau]

36. #7 on the list is an out right travesty!!! Stevie Ray

is waaaaaaaaaay better than Garcia!! :P

[GOPisEvil]

37. Thanks. Thanks a boatload.

I know you're being facetious, but now we have to deal with all the crap from all the Texas haters on the board. Thanks.

And yeah, we're defensive - deal with it. I've been here 2/3 of my life. It's my home, fuck 'em if they think they're running me off.

[Parrcrow]

40. Texas belongs to MEXICO!!!

[NoPasaran]

47. We won our independence fair and square

Not like California, conquered by the Yankee imperialists!

[Parrcrow]

68. Naw, you cheated

Californios simply made a really really stupid choice because then they all got kicked out of their own homes.

[texas1928]

86. Tell that to the 800 Texans who died in the Alamo.

And the 500 who were slaughtered at Goliad. Who Cheated.

[NoPasaran]

106. Not our fault Santa Ana took a nap

After boinking his mistress.

[redqueen]

41. How long before some Texan starts a thread slamming California?

Fun fun fun.

[Taverner]

43. I welcome it

In fact I was kind of hoping for it....

[jandrok]

55. Nah, I been to Cali and liked it too much to slam it.

The weather was great, the people were great, the whole trip out there was a blast.

Your housing prices are way outta whack, though.

Slam Texas all you want, but I pay $850.00/month in rent, and I have 5 bedrooms, two baths, a detached two-room workshop with running water, 2.5 acres of land, and a playscape in the back yard for the kids. The place was listed at $130,000 back when we were looking at buying it.

Yuk it up all ya want (and I know you're mostly just ribbin' us), but your housing prices make it very difficult for folks to seriously contemplate moving out there. I was offered a transfer and turned it down because of the housing prices.

[Shell Beau]

44. All I can say is Arnold Schwarzenegger!

[Taverner]

49. It's not my fault! I was dead at the time!!!!

[Shell Beau]

57. Excuses, excuses....

[texas1928]

45. And one thing.

AHNULD!!!!

[terrya]

48. Their governor recently signed a vehemently homophobic bill...

outlawing same-sex marriage. And he was bragging about it to no end.

Texas is one of the most virulently homophobic states in the country.

Sorry folks, but it is.

[NoPasaran]

52. No, that's a vehemently homophobic CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT

The vehemently homophobic bill came last session.

[redqueen]

53. States can't be homophobic.

Only the people that live there.

Or are all us Texans homophobic by association?

GOD, how I love these kinds of threads. So lighthearted and fun!

[Taverner]

73. States are just land

Land is an inanimate object in all places except California and Japan, where earthquakes occur on a regular basis.

People are homophobic, and to say all Texans are homophobic is a broad brush to paint everyone with....

[VelmaD]

54. So you know...

like most other states, Texas already had a law banning same-sex marriage. This new one didn't change a thing...was done purely because he's about to start running for re-election. Texas is no more virulently homophobic than many other states.

[Shell Beau]

75. Well the thoughts of one man (although I know they

voted for him) do not speak for a whole state. Every state has homophobes. Not just TX!

[BikeWriter]

50. Did someone fart? It stinks in here.

[jeff30997]

56. Nah.It's just your aftershave.

[BikeWriter]

58. I don't think so. I haven't shaved in four years.

[jeff30997]

62. Not even your legs ?

;-)

[crispini]

60. If you had to deal with the amount of shit I take on this board,

or if you had to deal with the amount of shit I take IN REAL LIFE as a PROUD LIBERAL TEXAN, you wouldn't post shitstirring garbage like this. So, fine, hide your pansy liberal ass in California, where nobody keys your fucking car because of your fucking Kerry bumpersticker. Where you can talk about your politics in the grocery line without getting the hairy eyeball from the freeper next to you. Where you can wear your Kerry button to work every day (and I certainly did so) without wondering who's going to tease you for it, and mentally composing your comebacks as you do so. It takes more balls to live in Texas as an out and proud liberal for ONE DAY than it does for you to live as a liberal in California for one year. So congratulations! Does it feel good to know that you made one of your fellow DU'ers feel bad today? Does it feel good to know that you pissed somebody off? Does it feel good to know that you pissed off a HARDWORKING DEMOCRAT who contributed hundreds of hours to the Kerry campaign last year?

[GOPisEvil]

63. That is one hell of a rant!

:applause:

[crispini]

77. Thank you, I DO feel better now. :P

[texas1928]

83. Remind me never to piss you off.

MMMKay.

I know Tav, I did not take it wrong, but there are others on this board who do it on purpose and mean what they say.

[VelmaD]

65. The truly sucky part is I know Tav...

we're friends. I know he was jus ttrying to be cute and failed miserably, pissing off a some good liberals in the process.

And I'm gonna rat him out...he was in Texas not too long ago and all I heard while he was here was raves about the barbq.

[texas1928]

96. And I bet that BBQ was cooked on Mesquite too.

Not even Propane or charcoal.

[Taverner]

102. Now on that i will not bend

Although The Salt Lick was truly orgasmic....

I can make excellent BBQ comparable to Texan with GAS and WOOD CHIPS.

Don't beleive me? Come to the West Coast gathering. You will eat your hat!

[BlueCollar]

103. BBQ...with Gas and woodchips?

I have to admire your intellectual independence from reason...

[Taverner]

104. Ve Vill See....

I shall bring gas grilled ribs to zee cookov!

And I shall PREVAIL!!!!

[Taverner]

66. No it does not make me happy

This whole thread (if you'll notice from the tone) was to make a joke. People got pissed, although if someone made fun of California I would have no problems with it.

I mean seriously - you don't think I really believe that all Texans are responsible for Dubya or Jessica Simpson.

That would be like saying California is responsible for the 89 quake!

I apologize for pissing you and the other Texas Dems off, but on the other hand, I do think you're taking this thread a tad bit too seriously.

It's 11 o'clock here. Stop by my house after work and have a bong hit. Trust me, you'll feel better.

[VelmaD]

69. Do you not grasp...

that oftentimes people on this board make the same kind of comments you did in your op...only they DO mean them in all seriousness?

[Taverner]

71. What - dismay over Pee Wee's bike not being in the Alamo

I gotta admit, I was kind of dissapointed when that revelation came through ;)

[crispini]

74. Oh, I was fine until I got to #6.

THEN I got mad. :P

It just gets old. If you live here, you catch shit from people IRL for being a liberal, and you catch shit from people on DU for being a Texan. So I don't take any shit from anybody anymore. I am pretty much usually set on, "Don't start with me!" You have to be. :shrug:

[Shell Beau]

80. I know you're kidding!! Who in their right

mind would bash a state that a lot of people are from in a thread unless they were just looking for a fight? I can take a joke, even if it's not funny (ha! ha! just kidding about not being funny!) :P

[johnnie]

85. I could see what you were trying to do

I learned about 4 years ago not to ever say anything bad about a certain state to the people who are there. They take it VERY personal.
But to be honest, the people I have met there have no problem calling me a Yankee, and say a lot of things against the northerners, but I learned real quick that it is best to let them get it out of their systems and don't try to defend yourself.

[redqueen]

90. Oh yeah... let's keep it going.

Those behaviors are NEVER EVER exhibited by ANYONE but Texans, right? Or wait... anyone but SOUTHERNERS, right?

I need to ingore this thread... that's what I need to do.

[johnnie]

93. You probably should have hit ignore from the get go

If I ever saw something on here that pissed me off that much, I wouldn't read it.

[redqueen]

95. Thanks for your kind and helpful advice.

:hi:

[johnnie]

I'm sorry

I'm not trying to be a smartass. I like Texas, and I like the people I know from all over the U.S. I think this was one of those threads that started out with one way of thinking, and then got out of hand.
I didn't mean any disrespect to you. I swear.

[Taverner]

98. Exactly

Im not sure how it got out of hand, but out of hand it did get indeed...

[johnnie]

101. I had one of those not too long ago

I just asked for it to be deleted. I was asking one thing..and bam!! All hell broke loose.

[redqueen]

107. Oh come now...

The thread title shows you at least had some expectation of what was going to happen.

Several on this thread have tried to explain why it happens... but just like when we try to explain why "Bitch" isn't appropriate... some people just won't get it.

[Taverner]

108. But you can't take a post seriously when I blame Texans for Jessie Simpson

Or the last one?

Or The Pee Wee Herman references....

I apologize, but I do think some Texans did react with way more hostility than necesarry.

Truce?

[redqueen]

113. Of course....

However you have to consider the responses are also part of it. You start it out with a jokey joke intent, but then others stop by to point out things like how we're the most homophobic state in the country. (just the first example I thought of... not picking on anyone)

[redqueen]

87. The difference is Cali isn't shit on regularly.

"Red States", however...

And GOD ALMIGHTY do I hate that term! They're nearly all PURPLE, FFS!

[Taverner]

91. Are you kidding???

Do you know how much shit I had to endure when we elected Ahhhhhnuld Governor?

Anyone I met from another country thought it was insane. Dems from other states thought it was insane. REPUBLICANS from other states thought it was insane.

I mean hes a dumb-ass musclehead, a horrible actor and responds only in catchy phrases and we elected HIM to solve our budget problem????

[redqueen]

92. Okay, so you know what I'm talking about...

now, extrapolate that time period when y'all elected Arnold to ALL THE FUCKING TIME and you have some inkling at what we have to endure... then again, as crispini said, there's a whole world of shit that we endure trying to turn this state blue that you'll hopefully never have to experience.

[ChickMagic]

99. Woo hoo Crispini!

Way to go Crispini!!!! People just don't get how tough it is to be a native born Texan dealing with the crap that goes on around here. We're ornery because we have to be. Ya'll just don't get how much shit we get being proud Texas Democrats. Every time I put on an anti-Bush t-shirt, I have to weigh the likelihood of getting my ass kicked. It never stops me. We work hard for our party, we're proud of what we accomplish and it's just not right to piss on that.

[crispini]

110. Exactly.

"Every time I put on an anti-Bush t-shirt, I have to weigh the likelihood of getting my ass kicked."

You said it ALL right there. THAT is why.

[Blue-Jay]

116. Well ranted!

Bravo!

[ChickMagic]

122. Blue-Jay, that picture makes me giggle

every single time I see it. Well done.

[Zomby Woof]

72. This Californian loves lots of Texas things!

The blues greats such as Albert Collins, Johnny Winter, T-Bone Walker, and yes SRV (sorry, but Garcia was SLOPPY and acid-worn), Willie Nelson, great food, diverse landscapes, Molly Ivins, Jim Hightower, and lots of great DUers.

[Left Is Write]

89. Are you bored today?

:P

[derby378]

94. Y'all insult us Texans all you want...

We've got DemocracyFest this weekend. What have you got? :P

[Texasgal]

97. Oh great...

Not another bash Texas thread..... do these EVER stop?

To all of you elitist out there that think living in a blue state somehow makes you superior, KISS MY ASS.

Texas is MY HOME and I am PROUD of my state.

So PISS OFF!

[Schema Thing]

100. Ohhhhh!!! Rosco P. Coltraine!!!!

*shakes fist angrily at Taverner*

[Arugula Latte]

111. California oleander along the highways kicks ass!

nt

[hfojvt]

112. Well Bobby, it is certainly alright to use propane

and my other favorite team in the NFL is "whoever is playing the Cowboys" but they a) have played in more superbowls than any other team, and b) have a better win loss record than the Bills (0-4), the Vikings (0-4), and the Broncos (2-3)

[slutticus]

114. Gas is better than charcoal??

And wood?!?!

:crazy:

"It's the wood that makes it good."
--Newman

:D

[proud2BlibKansan]

115. You're either kidding about

Jerry Garcia or you don't know much about good guitar playing.

[Taverner]

117. Dissing SRV was a joke

SRV is an amazing guitarist...HOWEVER, Jerry Garcia was an amazing guitarist.

Listen to any show from 1977 and you'll know what I speak of.

[Blue-Jay]

118. If only he'd stopped in 1977.

Then *I* would've been Greatful.

[Taverner]

119. Well I think he had good music in him until about 1980

The minute they entered the Brent Mydland era, however, the music suffered.

[proud2BlibKansan]

120. SRV was far better at guitar

JG was an awesome and incredibly talented musician. He probably understood the music biz a bit better than SRV. I would be willing to bet JG sold more records than SRV and we both know he played lots more gigs. But on guitar, (technically) SRV wins the prize in my book.

[Taverner]

121. technique vs style

SRV had the technique, and chances are could imitate any great blues guitarist. And he did have his own style, but on the other hand...

Garcia had a style that was his own, truly. Many imitators, but no one came close to the trill he could make when going down a scale.

[proud2BlibKansan]

123. True n/t

[texanwitch]

124. I have never heard of the Texas State Capitol being taller then the

one in DC but the San Jacinto Momument is taller and much better looking then the Washington Momument.

I just checked the internet and the Washington Momument is 555ft and
5 and 1/8 in. tall, the San Jacinto Momument is 570 ft. tall.

www.sanjacinto-museum.org

[texas1928]

125. Here.

An extraordinary edifice by any measure, the 1888 Texas Capitol is t he largest in gross square footage of all state capitols, and is second in total size only to the National Capitol in Washington , D.C. Like several other state capitols, the 1888 Texas Capitol surpasses the National Capitol in height, rising almost 15 feet above its Washington counterpart.

http://www.tspb.state.tx.us/SPB/capitol/texcap.htm

[texanwitch]

126. Wow, I did not know this, things are bigger in Texas.

The first time I went to Washington DC I rode the subway and came out of the tunnel entrance in the Mall area, I looked around and was not impressed. Neither the capitol or the Washington Momument impressed me at all, the big open mall area was nice.

I do wish we had a mass transit system like Washington, DC, that did impress me. I stayed in Washington for a week and went everywhere on the subway, wish I could do that here.