Why can't people RSVP? And why do people leave kids out?

[Danmel]

I need to vent. My son is graduating from 5th grade and these parties and leaving kids out and hurting their feelings is really getting to me. My poor son was only invited to one party. Apparently there are at least 10 he wasn't invited to, including one kid in his class who made apoint of telling him he wasn't invited.

SO I made a party for him and it is on Saturday and half the kids haven't RSVP'd. SO I call the mothers and they say., "Oh, he was invited to the other party" Or "I never saw the invite, or "I don't know, we'll decide that day" What the FUCK is wrong with people?

I swear, my son is not a "conventional" kid. He isn't weird looking, he is clean and not gross or anything. He just has a slightly different world view (kinda like his mother). He is a nice smart kid and he is NEVER intentionally mean to any of these kids. I can't stand it. I really can't.

[Maddy McCall]

1. The pain of middle school cliques.

I know how you feel. It's so difficult to plan a party without knowing how many children will attend.

No matter how many kids show up, have a wonderful time--make it so special that word gets around that the Danmels through really great parties.

If I lived closer to you, we'd come. I have a fifth grader, too. :D

[MichiganVote]

2. Typical for the age. Let his closest friends come. Forget the rest.

[Lauri16]

3. That's pretty friggin rude

Sounds like some of those mother's have issues that they're passing on to their kids.

Hope you guys have an awesome party, though! Enjoy! And kudos to your son! :toast: <----That's root beer in those mugs!! :)

[SoCalDem]

14. We were lucky to live near fun places

and our kids had a choice. A trip to Disneyland with ONE or TWO great friends, or a regular party with a bunch of friends.. they always chose Disneyland, Magic Mountain or Knotts with a couple of good pals..

When we did the regular parties we always had problems because all of my boys were close in age, and had friends in common..and their birthdays were all within a month (11-11, 12-5, and 12-15)..The last "regular" party I gave.. we invited 15, and had 25 show up:grr:.

[deadparrot]

4. It's the cruelty of the pre-teen.

I went through the same thing.

Invite the people he knows and loves, people who really want to be there. It's better for everyone that way, I think.

[tjdee]

5. Same to my kid's friend..and, I can't go to a thing, should I have RSVPed?

Sorry people are such jerks!
My kid's friend had a b-day party two weeks ago, only 2 of the 11 showed up. They didn't call either way, which was nerve wracking for the parents, as you know. That day I decided to forgo my kid's party. Another classmate of theirs is having pony rides, I wonder if that will motivate people!

I don't know why people leave kids out. That's not very nice.

And this seems a good thread to ask, but I got invited to a bridal shower and I didn't RSVP (I'm not going though). Should I have emailed (that was the RSVP instruction) to say I *wasn't* coming? I don't know her or the maid of honor holding it well, but I am the groom's close friend.

[MissB]

7. To answer your question

Yes, you should rsvp to let them know you aren't coming.

[tjdee]

8. Aww, dang.

I've missed the RSVP date by about a week now, partly because I was trying to work out going, and partly because I wasn't 100% sure I needed to, as I wasn't going.

Dang. Now I feel like a jerk. But thanks for answering!

on edit: I just popped an email over to the person having the shower, anyway. So I'm very late jerk, but less of a jerk than I would have been. :silly:

[MissB]

10. Better late than never :)

[OldLeftieLawyer]

6. Fifth-grade graduations?

When did this start?

I think there should be one graduation - at the end of the senior year - and leave it at that. These parents have made occasions out of things that just aren't a big deal.

I'm so sorry for your boy. Kids are vile little creatures, we know that, but it seems as though there's a bunch of parents who never outgrew their vileness.

Celebrate his independence and individuality, and tell him OldLeftieLawyer was just like that, and, boy, did it ever pay off for her!

Give the kid a hug for me, please.............

[radwriter0555]

17. Luckily the school we just finished made real RULES about parties and

the socialising that goes with; the rules are first, if you're having a small party and not inviting the whole class, DO NOT DISCUSS THE PARTY AT SCHOOL. It was totally against the rules to discuss any party-related activities.

And with that, most parents were indeed kind enough to either throw the parties for the entire class or just either the boys or girls, so that no one was excluded. Smaller intimate parties were kept very private and and the kids were not allowed to discuss them at ALL.

Granted, some slipped through, but for the most part because of the type of school we were, everyone takes the rules seriously. The rules were promoted with the view to respect and consideration of everyone, which is a huge big deal at the school. Disrespect is not allowed in any way, shape or form.

[Patiod]

22. In my town, we had Bar/Bat Mitzvahs & Sweet 16s to torture kids

we didn't need Elementary or Jr. High graduations!

The Jewish kids had elaborate, catered Sweet 16s -- roller skating parties, DJ dances, luncheons or dinner at a local restaurant or nightclub, often with a Camaro or Firebird as a present. (I think the tradition started back before Bat Mitzvahs became popular, so the girls had something, too)

Because of this, the gentile parents felt obliged to have Sweet 16s also, but a little more low key. My depression-era Irish parents were stumped by the whole thing!

[Left Is Write]

9. "I don't know, we'll decide that day."

How incredibly self-centered and rude. I'm sorry people can't bring themselves to behave with common courtesy and a little thoughtfulness.

I hope your son has a great party anyway!

[YellowRubberDuckie]

11. Invite the friend that invited him to the party...

And take them for the day to the nearest amusement park and out to eat. Take pictures. Have him take them to school. Those kids'll be jealous and pissed. Everyone wins. lol
Duckie

[GoddessOfGuinness]

13. Great idea!

Since nice kids are hard to come by, it's important to truly appreciate the ones who show kindness.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

12. Come to my party...

You all sound like our kind of people!

I remember the pain of those middle school years. I tended to get feisty when the "cool" kids went on their insult rampages; so they really loved me.

I saw one of them at a high school reunion several years ago. I figured we'd all changed...heck, we were almost 40. I mentioned to this woman that I had a son who tended to take after his mother as far as being high-strung was concerned, and she replied, "Oh my god, they're breeeeeeeeeeeding."

Same old asshole.

I don't go to reunions anymore.

[Danmel]

15. Yeah assholes are assholes

My daughter was at our neighbor's daughter's bat mitzvah about a year ago. The girl is one of those "Alpha" mean girls with all the designer shit and my daughter is a really down to earth girl who checks clothing labels not for designer names, but to make sure they aren't from a sweatshop!

So one of the "cool" boys ( and for the life of me, I have no idea what the criteria are for "coolness") loudly says "I can't believe Melanie is here. What is SHE doing here. I have to tell everyone and they all laughed and walked away"

SO this other girl who was a friend of the parents daughter and not in the "cool" crowd fro their school says to Melanie "They think THEY'RE cool? In my school we'd laugh them out the door~" She told her she is much prettier and nicer than those kids and that at her school she'd be in the "cool" crowd. She told her to tell that boy what a jerk he is.

So she went over to him and said "You know, Brett, you're an asshole. In 10 years from now, you'll be an asshole. When you're 30 you'll be an asshole and I still won't care what you think:"

He hasn't said a word to her since and he's in a few of her classes this year.

[Hobarticus]

16. BWAH-hahahaha!!! Schmackdown!

Nothing crushes a teenage bully's ego like a teenage girl's put-down!

[radwriter0555]

18. I bet he has a crush on her now!

That's how that happens.

[Shell Beau]

Kids can be so mean at that age.

I don't know why it is, but that is typical 5th grade behavior. It kind of gets worse in Jr. High. Most kids eventually grow up and realize how mean they were. I hope all of his friends come to the party! I know it probably hurts your feelings more to see how these kids are being mean to your son. But don't fret, he'll only be more resilient b/c of it. I worked at the YMCA with kids ages 5-13, and I saw this type of behavior all of the time. I always pointed out to the mean kids their behavior, and I always explained it to the kids getting picked on. It stems from self esteem and sometimes just plain meanness. Parents contribute as well. Be thankful your child isn't one of the meanies!

[matcom]

19. i just don't get the whole 'graduating from 5th grade' thing

when the hell did this start? some here in MA had parties for their kid 'graduating' from THIRD GRADE!

what the hell is the point of THAT?

[Blue Diadem]

20. It begins early,

We went through it with my granddaughter who just finished Kindergarten. A few kids told her they were having birthday parties and she wasn't invited. She was heartbroken. The teacher had strick rules she sent to parents about no invitations going through her classroom unless everyone was invited..but the rule apparently wasn't or couldn't be enforced.

Sorry you and your son are experiencing the hurt from ignorant people who lack manners. The responses from those other Moms show they lack respect..unfortunately they will pass that on to their kids.


:hug: to you and your son. Tell him Happy 5th Grade Graduation from Ohio!

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

21. They still do that through senior year...

Get used to it :(