Advice for newbies that may not be found in DU's rules.

[Maddy McCall]

Since I'm noticing an influx of newbies in the past couple of weeks, let's help 'em out by giving them advice that may not be found in the DU rules. Of course, these rules can be humorous. :D

I'll go first.

First, and foremost, Do not EVER call NSMA a "cupcake" or Skittles an "idiot." Do not ridicule Matcom's ass. And, for fuck's sake, do not ever ask DS1, "Why do you have such an attitude?"

Your turn.

[jmm]

1. if you see someone write "moran" that's not a typo

[Left Is Write]

11. Oh, that's a good one!

I've seen a few newbies "correct" others on that. :hi:

[CatWoman]

13. Don't forget the *

next to Chimpy's name.

[jmm]

18. I've seen that too.

Little things like this are why it pays not to be a grammar snob :D.

[AmyDeLune]

2. Remember to wear Kevlar and Nomex

when posting in GD. ;)

[Maddy McCall]

3. And...

lately, in LBN.

[Sannum]

4. *=Bush

[Sannum]

5. Do NOT speak ill of anyone's cat in the lounge.

[Maddy McCall]

6. Ever.

:nuke:

[bertha katzenengel]

12. LOL Sannum.

Dig your av.

[CatWoman]

7. any time you see DS1 posting, back slowly out of the thread

once you're safely out, run like hell.

GOPisEvil is a lousy driver, and will run over your toes with that damn golf cart.

If Matcom starts an Iron Chef thread, ridicule his ass. He gets off on that.

ZombyWoof is full of piss, vinegar and wisdom. You may complement him on the wisdom, but steer clear of piss and vinegar comments.

Namenotneeded is a member of Hezbollah. Tiptoe quietly around that fact.

NSMA and Misunderestimator are indeed one in the same, however YOU ARE FORBIDDEN to comment on that fact. If you do, not only will I kick your ass, Skittles will too.

Cat threads are to be WORSHIPPED, dammit. No fooling around when you post in one.

CatWoman will fuck you up if you comment on her movie bombing like nuclear device at the box office.

[sakabatou]

25. Who is DS1?

Why is everyone making such a ruckus about him? Examples?

[CatWoman]

30. hahahahahaha

you'll know when you run into him :D

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x3470551

[sakabatou]

34. OMG! Lewinsky grew a beard?

[GOPisEvil]

60. Fear the cart!!!

:P

[purr]

74. Dont mess with the cats!!!

I agree!! :)

[brainshrub]

8. Don't register with a name like "Bush_is_god".

That's a sure-fire was to get tombstoned.

[Sannum]

9. Freepers aren't that obvious.

oh yeah:eyes:

[uppityperson]

15. Or "dogsihsub"

backwards things are a tip off.

[uppityperson]

17. Delete, double post. I hate my dialup

don't be afraid to say oops, sorry.

[nickgutierrez]

65. Did somebody try that? n/t

[madrchsod]

10. never ask hey hey if he`s been

drinking..

[Rick Myers]

14. LIHOP and MIHOP

Let or Made IT (9/11) Happen on Purpose

[xmas74]

16. JJ is Skinner's favorite.

Always refer to Matcom as the Lord of Hellfire.

If you venture into GD please be advised:
only refer to Lieberman as a profanity.
And don't start a thread on Clark unless you are prepared to defend it (how many flamewars have we had on there).

And, just for good measure: if you begin to spout off KKK ideas, I will alert your ass.

[Guy Fawkes]

19. If you value your sanity, stay out of General Discussion.

[Chemical Bill]

42. If I valued my sanity, I'd stay in bed 24/7 n/t

[norml]

20. When posting some breaking news, check first that it's not already posted

Check back several pages, or do a search if you can. This will prevent later having to say "Doh!"

[SOteric]

21. No. You're not the only person posting who's getting no attention.

There's no secret plot rendering you posts invisible until you hit a specific, magic number.

And don't listen to those naysayers, DS1 is one of the most honest, most decent people I've ever known. He just doesn't suffer fools gladly.

[uppityperson]

22. Don't get discouraged if no one replies or thread sinks when you post

It happens to everyone, especially me

[BikeWriter]

24. GMTA! :-)

[Nye Bevan]

41. It doesn't discourage me....

The trick is to think of it not as killing the thead but as having the last word!

[BikeWriter]

23. Most of the threads you start will sink like a rock...

Don't let that discourage you. Your next one may get a hundred replies.

[Nye Bevan]

55. To avoid your thread sinking like a rock....

Post it in the Connecticut state forum.

It may get zero replies, but it will be on the first page for at least two months.

[BikeWriter]

63. Rofl! You can go back regularly and visit it, huh?

[Nye Bevan]

64. Yes, my highly regarded April 22 thread for example....

which is about two thirds of the way down on the first page.

[BikeWriter]

67. LOL! It may be there this time next year. :-)

[GalleryGod]

26. Don't EVER use the term "CLIQUES"...

It will be like trying to return a punt without blocking!:argh:

[BikeWriter]

27. Henry Fonda's oldest offspring = flame bait.

[ghostsofgiants]

28. Find yourself a clique and settle in, it's the only way to survive!

Haha, nah, not really.

My real advice: Take everything with a grain of salt.

[Zomby Woof]

29. Be nice to Zomby

And Zomby will be nice to you.

:D

[CatWoman]

31. see my response above

:D

[Zomby Woof]

33. LMAO!

HAHAHAHA!!! *smells vinegar* :loveya:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

32. If you plan to declare yourself to be a lifelong Democrat but

then post a list of beliefs that make you sound like the reincarnation of Chairman Mao--don't bother. We've seen that stunt hundreds of times.

[hippiechick]

35. Post hundreds of threads ....

... the best way to get popular around here, apparently, is to post infinite stupid threads with titles like
"I just picked my toes"
"I just picked my nose"
"My cat just picked its nose"
"Who wants to pick my nose?"
"Why can't I pick (insert DU'ers name)'s nose?"
"Post a pic of yourself picking your nose"

ad infinitum ...

It's a guarantee of high popularity ratings amongst the Lounge Lizards, even if it is total fucking stupidity.

:freak:

[DS1]

36. and don't forget the deep discussions about what your favorite

toilet paper is, and why :eyes:

[Redstone]

39. What? Did I miss that thread? Damn.

I was so looking forward to a good toilet-paper argument.

Redstone

[gardenista]

37. By all means, support and reinforce the status quo. nt

[lpbk2713]

38. There was no presidential election in 2000.

Or in 2004 for that matter.




It is correctly referred to as "the SELECTION".




And bear in mind that Katherine Harris will justifiably rot in Hell for her role in said selection.

[BikeWriter]

40. Vote "Over" in the toilet paper polls.

[uppityperson]

48. unless you have cats or small children

not to start the tp wars again.

[BikeWriter]

51. ROFL!

[qnr]

43. Take some time and explore the DU Groups and other forums (for example,

the forum for your state/country). There are some fascinating things going on outside of LBN, GD, GD:P and the Lounge.

Edit: Disabled smilies due to GD:P

[graywarrior]

44. If you venture in on a Friday or Saturday night

Show up either shitfaced, drooling on quaaluds OR have at least 10 years sobriety in AA, NA or Al-Anon so you can "accept" the things you cannot change.

[flvegan]

45. Post pics of kittens. Sure to make you beloved.

Oh, and KLEEB!!!

And never mention the name of the website who's name shall never be spoken. Sounds like "see you later" without the "later" or something.

[qnr]

47. In addition to cats and dogs, there can never be enough cowbells & speedos

Just saying, that's all

[Robb]

46. "Dingbat" is rarely derogatory. n/t

[benny05]

49. Damn--had to learn all of these things myself

If only the sage advisors would be allowed to post these things on the DU rules...:-)

Actually, I've managed pretty well, and in some ways, I consider myself young when I've only been posting for 7 months...

Good advice, all! :yourock:

[uppityperson]

50. Don't call someone out, hit alert at left bottom side of post

Don't say things like "you are a freeper" or "you are a stupid butt head" because your post will get deleted. For freepers, hit alert and send a message to the moderators. For stupid butt heads post "behavior like this goes along the line of stupid butt heads". If someone calls you a "stupid butt head" either take it as a compliment or hit alert on their post.

[snickersnee]

53. how'm I doin?

this smells like the sort of advice apt to be given by a freeper, who is a stupid butt head, and is also french.

do I hit ALERT now? do you?:popcorn:

[uppityperson]

56. Good. You didn't call me a french freeper butthead, just "sort of advice"

You have to stay. Welcome to DU. :toast:

[snickersnee]

57. ok, let's compromise

i will leave and then return in a semi-regular oscillating pattern, repeatedly.

you better add crap like i'm pulling to this list, right quick!:spank:

on edit:: thanks for the Welcome!

[loudestchick]

52. a member's user name isn't always indicative of the gender of a member

but some are.:hi:

[uppityperson]

54. When you add someone to "buddy", they might know. Not so with "ignored"

There is a place in Options you can check to be notified if yo uare added to someone's buddy list. There is no way to be notified if you are on someone's ignored list that I know of except they ignore you and never reply but I that happens a lot anyway.

[Arkana]

58. Do NOT try to claim that you know better than us.

I don't know if that applies to this group, but it certainly has to a few past ones.

Also, do not try to claim the title of official comedian and/or magician. Those titles are mine, and I shall set a herd of angry llamas on you should you attempt to do so.

[NMMNG]

71. NOOOO, not the llamas

:scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared:

[uppityperson]

59. When your partner complains about you spending time on DU

set them up with their own account on their own computer. But do not use DU as the primary way of communicating with your partner. Except when you are in seperate states or rooms or something.

[philosophie_en_rose]

61. If you invite your loved ones to DU,

please make sure that they're democrats and/ or liberal.

Please don't be offended if DUers don't love your libertarian Bush-loving uncle/ cousin/ sister/ whatever as much as you do.

[blondeatlast]

62. Don't tie yourself in circles, nor try too hard.

Despite what many believe, there are plenty of moderate to conservative progressives here. If you have to "make" yourself fit, it never works.

Don't waste your precious time or ours if you have to make yourself belong.

[mac56]

66. Every music thread eventually becomes a "Your Favorite Band Sucks" thread.

Immutable law of DU nature.

[driver8]

68. It is tradition that the newbie buys pizza and beer for the rest of us

Ok...I made that up. But, it should be true.

[driver8]

69. One more thing -- U2 is the greatest band in the world!! End of

discussion. To disagree with this statement will automatically get you kicked off of DU.

Ok...I made that up, too.

But, it should be true.

[BikeWriter]

70. Hey, I like that one!

[dbt]

72. Never, EVER post concerning ANY topic that is NOT on the list of

Approved Beliefs. (I have not been able to actually FIND the list, but it must be here somewhere. You will see when you dare to stray from it.)

[Phentex]

73. Avoid the word "remake" if at all possible.

:)