Opinions wanted- child with possible eating disorder

[Danmel]

I had a little party fro my son's graduation this weekend and while we were eating lunch, a few of the girls were talking about a kid in their class who they do not like.

She is one of those girls who dresses very provocatively, is clique-y and mean and is very very thin. (I should add they are 5th graders.)

The girls told me she is always on a diet and that she throws up after lunch. One of the mothers confirmed this with me later. She said she had told the child's 4th grade teacher, but that the child is still doing it and that her daughter (who is a very nice kid) told her she has seen this little girl vomiting after lunch.

I talked Abeu it with my husband who thinks telling the kids mother would do nothing because she probably pushes the kid to be thin (knowing a lot of the women around here, I think he may have a point) The child wants to be a model.

I thought perhaps I should tell the school nurse. She would be in a better position to discuss this with the mother and perhaps even make some observations of her own regarding the kid's physical condition. I would feel terrible if something happened to the kid and I did nothing. (even if she is a little bitchy to my son).

What do you all think?

[bertha katzenengel]

1. Skip the school nurse. If you know the child's last name, call

social services in your county. IMO allowing a child to go on with an eating disorder without treatment -- let alone pushing the child to be thin -- is child abuse.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

3. Not a good idea

You're making a diagnosis without any medical training, and that'll get the people doing the reporting sued.

How do you know this kid's not undergoing chemotherapy, for instance, or having some sort of digestive or psychiatric problems, and how do you know that they're not being treated?

You don't. You don't know.

So, if the poster has concerns - and I sure would - I'd go to see the parents, both of them, and in the friendliest and calmest manner, address the concerns she's posted here.

After that, it's out of her hands, but she's done the right thing.

[Blue Diadem]

8. But this was already reported to a teacher in 4th grade,

an entire year ago according to the OP. Wasn't the teacher required to report it to the parent?

[OldLeftieLawyer]

12. What does OP mean?

"Other parent"?

Listen, there's an old saying: Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.

Who cares about the gossip? Who cares what the teachers' duties are?

The question is what will this poster do about HER concerns - not the responsibilities of others.

As I said, no one knows if this child is ill, undergoing treatment, or what. The shame is that no one's asked the parents. That's really cowardly.

[Blue Diadem]

17. Original post,

I've been told that it was the law that if a teacher or other school official heard of or suspected some type of issue that would endanger the child, they had to report it to the parent and or proper authorities. If indeed that is true and the other mother has already notified a teacher an entire year ago, then that should have already been done.

If the child was having chemo treatments, I'm thinking it would be obvious...just from my days of taking a parent to a cancer treatment center. There are also other diseases which could cause her problem. However, since several children speak of her weight conscious attitude & her wishing to be a model, I suspect eating disorder..and no I'm not a doctor...just another concerned parent/grandparent that hates to see kids be hurt.

I see where you're coming from, that the kids aren't telling the truth. It is perhaps better then to have a chat with the girl's Mother. At least that would give the poster an idea of whether it's being addressed.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

19. Please don't misunderstand what I wrote

I didn't mean to imply that the kids aren't telling the truth - I'm reminding you that little kids tell stories, and those stories travel at the speed of light. They're not usually accurate, since kids aren't, by nature, accurate creatures. They're not supposed to be, and that's why adults are blessed with reasoning abilities.

As for your having been told what the law was, I'd say that's another form of spreading inaccuracies. Unless and until you see it with your own eyes, hear it with your own ears, believe it with your own heart, it's always wisest not to come to any conclusions about other people.

Has anyone met this family? Do they know that they're not all skinny? Do they know anything about these people they're so quick to want to report to social services, or nurses, or teachers, or anyone else they can think of?

Has anyone bothered to get involved with the truth?

[bertha katzenengel]

9. Good points. DANMEL, be sure to read OldLeftyLawyer's post.

I reacted from my experience. I hope Danmel takes your post to heart more than mine.

[tavalon]

5. Now wait,

that's skipping a really big step - talking with the parents.

[aintitfunny]

2. I would go with the Nurse

She would be best equipped to handle it with the girl's mother. So scary that a 5th grader would be a purger! I don't think you can take a chance not to say something. Just my humble 2 cents. Good luck.

[Blue Diadem]

4. I agree with BK,

Social services will be better equipped to speak to the parents, get the child into treatment and find out the family situation.

[tavalon]

7. Yikes, no!

Now, if it's clear the parents aren't going to do anything, then ok. But that is a huge, dangerous bureaucracy you would be engaging there, a bureaucracy that could tear that family apart, even if it wasn't warranted.

[Blue Diadem]

10. see post #8. n/t

[OldLeftieLawyer]

13. Not to mention

rightfully aggrieved parents who would - I hope - sue the ass off these uninformed meddlers who don't have the courage to go directly to the parents and inquire honestly as to the health of the kid.

All of this is based, keep in mind, on gossip.

If I believed everything my kids told me when they were in fifth grade, I'd still be waiting for them to come home from parties "where nobody has a curfew."

[KurtNYC]

6. That sounds like a definite eating disorder

but it is the symptom of something psychological going on with this child. Since the girl is doing this at school, there may be some possibility that the parents don't know. Or if they do know that she is bulimic, they aren't aware of how dangerous it can be.

I gather you don't know the girl's parents but someone needs to tell them just as nicely as possible "hey, I overheard from my son's classmates that your daughter is making herself throw up at school." But I don't know the politics of the situation so the nurse may be your best intermediary.

[Danmel]

11. I would go to the parents before social services

Especially since it is hearsay- My son didn't see it (obciously he isn't i the girl's room) and I didn't see it. I don't know the parents at all. This is the first time this child has been in my son's class. I do know that she is very appearance consious (she taunts kid who are overweight, or even thos who arent who she thinks are overweight).

My inclination is to tell the nurse but I thought maybe someone has a better idea.

[Catchawave]

14. On the other hand....

...these girls could be jealous of her thinness and style, maybe they're making it up :shrug: Girls can be so mean at that age.

Making the school nurse aware is a good idea and perhaps the school staff will pay closer attention to her post lunch behavior.

If this child is vomiting....her parents should be notified and she should be sent home. I volunteered in a school clinic, fevers and vomiting required parental notification!

[bleedingheart]

15. I would not make a call to anyone based on rumor

and "he said ...she said"..

I have a neighbor that has been in my opinion emotionally abusive to her children and neglectful and I have witnessed it...and even then it is hard for me to call social services because I feel I need to collect more evidence...however to be honest ever since I told them I would call the police about the situation...they have been making a better effort....perhaps they finally woke up...but we will see.

[amazona]

16. rumors about a kid they all dislike and would love to see in trouble

Kids get hospitalized for bulimia/anorexia and their whole life turned upside-down. I wouldn't do that to anyone based on gossip. All thin girls throw up after lunch, just ask their chubby enemies.

My vote is MYOB.

[Danmel]

18. Not this particular kid

She is a very reliable kid- I really don't think she'd make something like that up. I wouldn't go to social services with rumors though. As far as turning the kid's life upside down- if she does have an eating disorder, it is really important that she get help now- she is only 10 or 11 years old. She could really harm he r health, her growth and her development both physically and mentally if she doesn't get help. I'm thinking about calling the parents- doing nothing doesn't really seem like an option- if I knew she was on drugs, or cutting herself or something, I'd want someone in a position to help her know.

If the other kids are wring, all the better- but knowing this particular child who told me about it, I don't think she'd make that up.