Anti-Divorce Columnist Getting Divorce

[matcom]

<snip>

In many ways I think that this June, after 17 years of marriage myself, I am more committed than ever to the sacredness and significance of marriage, something I've written about so many times. So then this June finds me living a terrible irony: I'm passionate about the importance of marriage - but my husband has, sadly, ended our marriage and I will soon be divorced.

Dear readers it's because my commitment to marriage, and to my husband and our children, was all real that I worked hard to save my family, and to help my husband want to stay within its folds, for his sake as well as ours. I loved him. I believed we were close, and that I was loved and faithfully cherished in return.

But I was wrong. So, when he finally left, my shock and grief were total.

(Out of personal integrity and a desire to stand for what I know marriage should be, I eventually took the steps necessary to legally dissolve the union my husband had already discarded.)

Yet, I know the children and I will be OK.

That's because I remember Joseph in the Bible, who could say to his brothers even after they sold him into captivity, "you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good." I fully believe that God is sovereign in this, and is even (somehow) using these terrible events for his own honor and the ultimate wellbeing of my children and me.

Already I have been able to do a wholesome thing for my children, and move my four little ones and me from Virginia to a suburb of Chicago, my home, where we have been surrounded and supported by many friends and my large family. We have started a new life in a little town with people with big hearts. I'm thankful that the children are doing well - and that I have begun to find peace and even joy.

I didn't always think that would be possible. In the wake of my discoveries there were times when my pain and anger were overwhelming to me. But through this terrible ordeal, I've also come to see more than ever that sin is powerful - and blinding. And in turn, this has convinced me that my husband chose to leave his family not because he could see clearly, but precisely because he couldn't.

Such thinking is at odds with today's "divorce culture," which seems to consistently paint marriage break-ups as at some level rational, not wrenching and destructive (which is why it has to deny that there are so many innocent victims of divorce). In contrast, having the understanding that I do I can have genuine compassion for my husband - compassion which is completely compatible with my appropriate anger over what he has done.

Surely, there are folks who will say, "Ha! There they go again, people like Mrs. Hart, thinking marriage is so important, and her marriage is great, and this was never going to happen to her ..." well, yeah. Guilty as charged. I did think those things. My enjoyment of my marriage, my commitment to it and to our children, and my love for my husband, were all real. And so I end where I started: everything I ever said about the significance and sacredness of marriage - and yes, the tragedy of divorce - is true. Now it's just more tangible to me.

http://www.thenewstribune.com/24hour/opinions/story/2486919p-10830356c.html

[mark414]

1. see what happens when you let them homersexuals murry????

[Orangepeel]

2. *her* divorce is God's plan. Everyone else's is just selfish.

I have another biblical quote for her. Judge not lest ye be judged.

[gollygee]

11. That's what anti-abortionists who have abortions say too

They assume everyone else is divorcing or having abortions for no reason, but they really really need to.

[Orangepeel]

16. yep, exactly. n/t

[trotsky]

3. An awakening for a loudmouth moralist?

The excerpt doesn't say she's a Repuke but I'm guessing so. But I love how in typical wingnut fashion, it's not her fault. "my husband has, sadly, ended our marriage"

[sui generis]

8. of course it wasn't her fault

someone shoulda told her that you have to do more than just write diatribes about the importance of marriage to keep a marriage strong.

I suspect that her literary obsession with ideal marriage was a result of sensing some weakness in her own marriage to begin with.

Divorces don't just happen overnight, but one thing you can almost always be sure of is that if it gets that far, it's probably fubar and needs to happen anyway.

[bleedingheart]

4. ....and she Blames the Husband...

"my husband chose to leave his family not because he could see clearly, but precisely because he couldn't."

[matcom]

5. yup yup yup

couldn't be that she is likely a frigid fundie :eyes:

[LynneSin]

6. Hell, can you blame the husband

he's probably been wanting to dumb the idiot for years

[bleedingheart]

10. can't say that I do...

based on that column...she has yet to come to terms with what really ended her marriage...but what ever it was (most likely another woman) she has decided that it was his choice...

[Zomby Woof]

7. I was hoping it was Maggie Gallagher

She has the same sanctimonious views on marriage and divorce.

[Mizmoon]

9. I feel bad for her

It's not easy to wake up and realize that the last 17 years have been a lie ...

[Orangepeel]

14. ya know, I would too, BUT

she seems to feel bad enough for herself and not bad enough for everyone who has gone through the same thing.

Seriously, I'm sure that her pain is real and profound and I truly wouldn't wish it on anyone. But, based on the column, she still seems to think that her tragedy is more painful and more profound than other people who have bought into the "culture of divorce." Bah!

[trotsky]

17. Exactly.

Hard to garner any sort of emotion for her based on her treatment and condemnation of others.

[Patiod]

12. Friend's husband had affair with pro-marriage "Christian" author

My friend is getting a divorce, because she found out her husband of 15 years was cheating on her. Like any reasonable person in 2005, she googled the woman her husband was meeting at hotels, and found out that she's an author of several books on "Christian Marriage".

[Bunny]

13. I always marvel at people who say they "don't believe in divorce".

Well, who the hell does? Nobobdy "believes" in divorce, until they're sitting in the middle of one. You can't MAKE someone stay married to you.

It's too bad for this woman and her children. Perhaps being humbled like this will give her true compassion for others.

[mcscajun]

23. Not likely this will change her any...

...she takes great pains to distinguish her divorce from the reality of all the rest.

Hers is Oh, So Different. Yeah, right. :sarcasm:

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

15. Why is it that the people who run their mouths about

things others do seem to always have the same thing happen to them?

[Scratching Post]

18. It's always sad

when a person's dreams die, whether we agree with that perosn's political opinions or not. We should all feel some compassion for this unfortunant woman, as we should for anybody going through the pain and distress of a divorce.

[brainshrub]

22. Welcome to DU.

:toast:

[Scratching Post]

25. Thank you.

I intend to enjoy my stay.

[nini]

32. I KNEW IT!

FREEPER

[nini]

29. It's the hypocricy of people like this that is in question

She has put people down in the past for whatever reasons they had for a divorce. Now the shoe is on her foot and it's just what she has to do to move on with her life. EXACTLY lady. That's what happens to people.

Whether or not people are sympathatic to her is not the issue here.

[Name removed]

19. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[brook]

20. It's all about her 'pain'.

She moves her kids away from their father - to a place where she's the focus of sympathy. There's something really wrong with her thinking, imho.And I know what I'm talking about. Going back near my family after my divorce was the first thing I thought of too- until I realized my kids needed their Dad in their lives, even if I didn't.

[bleedingheart]

24. thank you for bringing that up...

I too think that it is really selfish of her to move her kids far away from the father....if the two of them don't get along that is one issue but to put that much distance between them seems really vindictive.

disclaimer: i can see doing this in abusive situations or if financially there are no other options

[LeftyDarthBrodie]

21. Reading stories like this

while I'm waking up make me happy.

[liberalitch]

26. He was probably irritated by the self righteousness of his wife....

I knew a couple who seemingly had a great marriage, but THEN she got god.
It was okay at first, then she smashed his records (a 30 year collection) with a hammer in the yard.... she pulled the kids out of school and began to home school.... his gay brother was no longer allowed in the house (his brother LOVES his kids and is like the best uncle in the world), she stopped with the birth control.... they already have three and he is a chef so there's a limit to how much they could do, but she said God would provide.... so they had another child (who is absolutely precious and greatly adored by her father and three other siblings).
BUT when the kids started tellin' people including their father that they were going to hell, he left.... took all four kids and the dog (the cat had already been given to the gay uncle because it was a calico). Both are remarried, she to a fellow snake handler and and ex-child molester, he to the therapist he hired for the kids (they call her mom now.. not Dr. Sutton)

[elperromagico]

28. Ay yi yi. That's worse than a soap opera.

[Deja Q]

31. Ding ding ding. We have a winner.

Her article is so viciously one-sided, her own words got me more interested in what he'd have to say. Marriage IS a two-way street, the last I recall... maybe she's 100% in the clear, but her own wording - clever as it is - is lacking the Christian trait of 'turning the other cheek'.

I wonder how long before her shiny happy new neighbors get tired of her as well. It might happen. Or maybe it won't.

And if this lady you mentioned is married to an ex-molester, hopefully he had his goolies removed. We don't need any more child molesters.

[elperromagico]

27. Don't you love the way this woman takes personal responsibility

for the collapse of her marriage!

I didn't have anything to do with it. I loved him! I thought he loved me! Society's to blame; it's the "divorce culture"! I had nothing to do with it!!!

Divorce is a two-way street. It's rarely the fault of one spouse exclusively. Typically, it's a team effort.

[Deja Q]

30. She moved her four little whats? And why won't she say what he did?

Is she that much of a coward? Well, if she moves her four little whatevers half across the country...

Sounds like hubby cheated on her. For a marriage columnist (aka paid nagging complainer) she's being very hush-hush about it all. Which alone should be suspicious, she counsels people on marriage and divorce in her tabloid articles.

She's also making it sound like it's all him. So unless he's gay (and even then, she's spouting enough hocus pocus to make me cringe) I would not be sheepified enough to accept her side at face value. Maybe something about her got him to cheat, though it's just as possible he went out on his own out of selfishness (or not as a reaction to her in any way shape or form, humans can be such wonderfully vile little creatures at times).

Her book title seems anti-Hillary for some reason. And "it takes a village" is far more truth than "it takes a parent". One parent can be wrong. Unless you're *, the entire village is rarely wrong.

I'd debate her personally, but I'd rather watch frozen butter melt in the summer heat while having my wisdom teeth pulled without anesthetic.

She can go sell her preachy vomit-inducing pile somewhere else.