I never ask, but I need advice

[simpleplan]

Here goes:

I recently left the big city and moved to a small town in a large but sparsely populated county. Why, you may ask? I'm still asking myself the same question....anyway, it took me a month but I found a good job. I work for the wealthiest man in the county, and we work together in a 20 X 20 ft. office literally in the middle of nowhere, 10 miles away from the nearest human. All of our other employees work away from the office. My problem is that he won't keep his disgusting hands off of me and is constantly begging me to come over or sit on his lap or marry him.......you get the idea. I tell him to leave me the hell alone about 20 times a day but to no avail. Now before everyone tells me how stupid I am, let me explain my dilemma.
Although I am frantically looking for another job, I don't have the cushion I need to just quit. I have children and bills. kids need food, car needs gas, etc. He is the highest tax payer in the county, he is friends with the only two judges in the county, is tight with everyone on the board of supervisors and has dirt on every official within a 300 mile radius. So, I'm screwed.
This is where the advice part comes in. Does anyone have any? Should I try to nail the guy and protect others, while stirring up trouble I don't need or just leave ASAP and let it lie?

[brainshrub]

1. Nail him.

If you just quit he'll torture the next woman. He's probably done this before. Nail him

[northzax]

2. buy a tape recorder

and let it run. then you have a bit more to nail him on.

[simpleplan]

4. Excellent Idea

[plcdude]

3. I think

given the circumstances you should leave asap. However, what you could do is record and document what is going on so that if you want you at least have back up in case you want to take some action. You remember the O'Reilly situation.

[simpleplan]

5. Yes,

What I have been doing is sending myself an E-mail, documenting each occurence, daily.

[plcdude]

6. voice activated

tape recorder would help. What is he suggesting?

[Radical Activist]

8. Good move.

This isn't as good as a recording but it can still be used as evidence in court. Keep those emails!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

7. Are you still in California?

If so, document everything (who, what, where, when) and contact a lawyer that specializes in work related sexual harassment immediately.

After hours appointments are usually available

[hyphenate]

9. My answer might be a bit unorthodox, but

I think it's probably worth a shot, anyhow.

Obviously he knows you're a single mom (and if you're not, there's no need to follow my advice, since that's what it's going to address), and that makes it a lot harder. He figures he has you over a barrel, and is going to keep flouting the law until you either leave or give in.

1) Go to the state employment bureau and ask for the "Sexual harassment poster." It will be the same size as most human resource posters which 99.9% of the country's employers HAVE to post in order to be obeying state regulations. Put up the poster, and if he takes it down, you can then inform the state employment agency, and he will get screwed by the state.

2) If you have any male friends, this is a fun one, but can certainly be all you need to give your boss the only warning he's going to need. Of your male friends, choose one that is a) somewhat intimidating; 2) can stay at your house for a couple of days, or who can be there for several nights; 3) one that doesn't live in the immediate area.

3) At one point, if he's out, and you can see him coming in to the office, pretend you're on the phone when he is coming through the door, and say something along the line of "can't wait til I see you tonight, honey!" Give the phone some smooches and then hang up, as long as you know your boss heard at least the last part.

4) Make up an excuse to have him call you at home, and have your male friend answer the phone. A couple of those calls and he'll get the picture. Even better, have your "boyfriend" come to the office and pick you up either for lunch or at the end of the day. Introduce him to your boss as your boyfriend, OR even better, have your "boyfriend" introduce HIMSELF (interrupting you, of course!!) and say, "Not boyfriend, fiance!" As I said, the bigger, the better.


This is what I would do to start. Confronting the only major employer in your area with a threat, albeit legal one, is going to alienate you in that part of town. Showing the asshole you're already "involved" and with someone who is bigger and stronger than he is will scare him off enough to give you some peace and quiet.

Of course, my other answer is to get a gun, and practice cleaning it in your office at lunch break. :D

[simpleplan]

10. Well, I like your idea

but the fact that I do have a boyfriend that I live with hasn't deterred him at all. Maybe that last idea. The poster is already up.

[flvegan]

21. This one works (idea #2), from personal experience.

I'm a gym rat, and I look it. One of my female friends had this sort of problem with someone at work (not a boss, but a co-worker). He was making her life tough as he was good pals with her supervisor. She asked if I'd play the boyfriend role for a couple weeks. I not only played the role, but the jealous role. The guy had little to offer physically, so he tried the ole "you'd look great in my BMW" ploy. His only tactic that I couldn't counter (money). She told him that "for his own safety" he shouldn't say things like that, as her boyfriend (me) was pretty possessive. He asked her why she'd be interested in someone like that. "I like big, muscular men. One that can protect me from trolls." He never bugged her again AND her supervisor (the guy's friend) started being especially nice to her.

[gmoney]

11. Rich, eh?

I'd go so far as to consider a hidden camera situation, if possible/practical.

Find out who the lawyer was for Andrea Makris (sp?) the woman who sued O'Reilly...

[simpleplan]

12. Filthy rich.

I did think about a small hidden camera, but I believe it's illegal to video tape somone without their consent. Not that what he's doing is right but I want to do this without messing up.

[gmoney]

14. might be worth consulting the attorney now

tell him the situation, and indicate you want to document the situation to protect yourself, and want to do it legally.

Might help to find a guy like Bill Murray played in "Wild Things" rather than a three-piece suit type. :)

Get a shark who can smell blood, because chances are, this rich guy has a GREAT lawyer.

[simpleplan]

15. He does have some of the best lawyers

and the worst part is, everyone thinks this guy is wonderful.

[amazona]

20. no it isn't illegal, not in my state anyway

You couldn't do undercover work if it was illegal to audiotape or videotape someone without their consent.

See an attorney in YOUR county and get the real deal, but I bet it's perfectly legal.

[Mizmoon]

13. Be careful - remember Linda Tripp

You can get in very serious trouble for recording someone without their consent in many states.

Please call a lawyer. S/he will tell you how best to move forward ...

[simpleplan]

17. I believe that in CA

it IS legal to audio tape, not vidoe tape. I think that so far, audio taping is going to be the best thing I can do.

[barb162]

16. leave ASAP

If you file a complaint while you still work there, he'll probably fire you. Call EEOC and discuss with them first before you do anything like file a complaint. I like the tape recorder idea, get this pig if you can while you are still there. But leave sooner than you think you can. The whole situation is too unhealthy for you

[simpleplan]

18. Unhealthy is right,

It takes a lot to rattle me but this guy has me awake at night, and the thought of him makes me loose my appetite..........anyway, thanks for all of the great advice everyone, and keep it coming, I'm starting to feel better already.

[barb162]

27. I worked for a sex harasser and filed a complaint but it is no

picnic. With only the 2 of you and no one else seeing anything, I think the guy has you over the proverbial barrel, especially when he's the rich fuck in town. Sex harassers are total bastards; they know eactly how it is to fuck with someone's mind when that person is depending on a paycheck from them. They are worse than dirt.

Good luck to you.

[friesianrider]

22. I agree.

Try your best to find a new job, I know how tough it is when you're depending on that income.

Also I'd definitely try a tape recorder - get the most information you possibly can on him before doing anything with it.

Above all, please be careful. Let friends know of this situation in the unlikely event anything bad happened. You'll be fine though,I'm sure. You seem very intelligent and responsible, so the best thing is probably to try and get out of there ASAP.

[Betsy Ross]

19. Hang the SOB but not

from a traditional part of the anatomy.

Get evidence. Get a good attorney. Go after him.

You are probably already screwed. Whatever happens, this is the type of guy that will spread malicious rumors about you for fun. He may be doing this already. If he has so much pull with most of your community, it may be even harder to find another job. Try to contact former female employees. But first, cover your own a**.

[marzipanni]

23. How well I remember the aged poet, Sophocles, when in answer

to the question, "How does love suit with age-are you still the man you were?" replied, "Peace, most gladly have I escaped the thing of which you speak; I feel as if I had escaped from a mad and furious master!"-Plato(427?-347 B.C.)

[elehhhhna]

24. Document, tape if legal, and discuss with an OUT OF TOWN

attorney.

When confronted with the evidence, Mister Bossy will be inclined to cut you a handsome settlement check in exchange for a mutual gag agreement.

[radwriter0555]

25. You may as well ask him for a raise! I know it pains you to be at the

mercy of this guy.. and I understand the situation you're in, COMPLETELY. It then becomes one of how to make the best of it.

Some kinda creepy guy bothering you all day, in a non-malicious way is irritating as hell. I get the impression you're not afraid of him, just BOTHERED by him.

So what has to happen is how to make the best of it. You can use this situation to your advantage, I believe, if you use some imagination and creativity. Especially if it's a good job and he's well connected. Putting up with a bothersome guy isn't that awful if you USE it.

[48pan]

26. Yup. Tape him and sue him.

You may not need to work again for several years.

[Ikonoklast]

28. You need an ally

there is someone out there that doesn't like this guy. It is hard to be rich and powerful in a setting like that without having made some enemies. People will pretend to like this guy but deep down may hate his guts and are unwilling to voice their opinion publicly. Ask around, quietly; former employees are usually a good place to start. See who has sued this guy in any civil action; find out who the opposing attorney was; stuff like that is available at the county courthouse. I bet you are one of many that have found yourself in the same predicament with this guy.

[simpleplan]

29. Thank you

I hadn't thought of that angle yet. I do have a phone number for a former employee....maybe I'll give her a call.

[davsand]

30. A different take on it:

If this guy is the only game in the County then you are probably gonna have to move if you piss him off. PERIOD. Do you want to move? Then by all means, nail his ass to the floor. Go for it and hire the biggest meanest lawyer you can find from someplace other than that county. Then start packing your house up and figure out how you are gonna pay the bills while you wait for it to work its way thru the legal system.

I'm not being sarcastic--that is most likely the scenario you face if you take the legal path. It takes guts, and it will make a point but I doubt it will really stop him from doing it again because guys like that really don't give a shit after they write that last settlement check.

Now, if you really like where you live and the only beef you have with the job is he's trying to get in your pants, I think maybe I'd suggest sitting down with him and telling him the truth: That you like the job but really have zero interest in screwing him in any way shape or form.

Tell him you feel harassed and that you really hate the idea of being forced to file any kind of lawsuit. Maybe he's still running around in the dark ages thinking what he's doing is just fun and games. MAYBE he'll stop if you bluntly tell him No WAY, No How, Not if he was the last guy on the planet.

The alternate suggestion would be tell him that you have something like herpes or some other STD that can't be seen and is most conveniently incurable. Render yourself undesirable. Do it AFTER you have him documented, and if he fires you because you are "damaged goods" then by all means sue his ass off, and hire a few buddies to kneecap the fucker while you are at it.

Just my two cents.


Laura

[simpleplan]

33. You, unfortunatly, are absolutly right.

I will quit very soon, with no warning and when I do he will start badmouthing me to cover his butt. So it may be a wise decision to plan my escape, although that would really suck. Or I can just just "be brave" and tough it out. Either way, thanks for your two cents.

[auntAgonist]

31. I'm so sorry you're going through this!!

You are getting some excellent advice from some good people. I have none to offer that is any different.

I just wanted to tell you how badly I feel for you.

and offer a :hug:


sincerely
aA.
kesha

[simpleplan]

32. Thank You for your kind words.