Remind me why love is good...

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

for weeks i have been ripping my ass off courting someone who incited a feeling of love in a fortitude never experienced before. It was fun and there were more ideas popping up before they could be discounted or executed. Staying up nights in a row staring at the ceiling just thinking of nice things to do to her or with her/with her&her child.

And a stream a luck made me receive many free entries to festivals etc.

But after my 10th week without a single phone/or any other contact not initiated by myself, i'm experiencing a feeling of utter defeat. So little i wished for, almost nothing returned.

Ow yes she's back with her boyfriend who allegedly paid 1000's of $ to cheat on her 100's of times while her mother was dying and she had a child and a job to take care of while beeing broke FOR MONTHS.

FUCK THE WOMEN WHO PICK THE WORST MEN AND ALLOW THEM TO PROCREATE!

FUCK THE WOMEN WHO TEACH THE OTHERS, BEEING NOT AN UTTER ASSHOLE MEANS SOLITUDE!

FUCK THE WOMEN WHO SHOW, ABSENCE, EGOISM and PLAIN EMOTIONAL DISTANCE IS MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN EFFORT; EMPATHY AND SINCERITY!

If i ever should talk of beeing in love again...shoot me. You'll prevent an asshole in rising.

/end of rant

yes my mood isn't really good at these moments. Perhaps it's just the loner-by-destiny-mark itching again.


:wtf: :hangover: :puke:

edited not to condemn all women, just those who...

[Bridget Burke]

1. So--you constructed a fantasy around her & she didn't go along with it.

You don't know the whole story about her past. Even if she's been foolish, why condemn all other women?

[Hugin]

2. It's the "anger" phase...

I agree with you... One must first love one's self.

:popcorn:

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

5. a fantasy?

my fantasy was that i would get a call or a message asking to do something togheter(drinking a coffee, going to cinema something along these lines.) someday, but yes that was too much expectation.

Wasn't prodding her anyway because she had a hard time for various reasons. Just wanted to befriend her and get known to the person who caused that disarray in my emotions in one second...(and it's not i havent met her before.)

It's a feeling of reject, uglity and superfluence that come with the hang-over. Why care?

I condemn those that feel talked to. Those, that do...

[Ready4Change]

7. Love is a two way street.

Insisting on driving up a one way street never ends well.

Sounds like you've recognized the one way nature of this "relationship." Take the lesson in that recognition and move on.

I wish you contentment for now, and better luck for next time.

[redqueen]

3. Forget about this jerk and move on.

If you stay bitter, you're only hurting yourself.


Oh, and would you please change those "FUCK THE WOMEN FOR"s to "FUCK THE WOMEN WHO"s ...? Much much MUCH less offensive that way.

[johnnie]

4. Ehhh

Love is overrated. I gave up years ago. I don't have a lot of money, I'm not "tall dark and handsome", I don't drive a Jag, and I don't treat women like shit...that makes me undesirable.
It's much easier to enjoy what you do have and not mindfuck yourself thinking that what you really need in life is someone to love.
I'm sorry that you got let down. Who knows..maybe someone will come along for ya.

[redqueen]

That didn't take long. n/t

[johnnie]

9. What didn't?

[redqueen]

11. The insinuation that all women love jerks.

It never gets old!

[johnnie]

12. Sorry

Just in my experience so far. It seems everything I type on here ends up insinuating something to somebody.
I have just been having a rough few weeks, I guess it's best if I kept my mouth shut.

[redqueen]

14. It's no big deal.

Just try to remember not all women are idiots... just like not all men are selfish bastards.

:pals:

[johnnie]

16. I know

Once again I apologize for generalizing. I happen to think that most men are selfish bastards though..LOL.
I much prefer a woman's company.
:)

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

13. FYI

It was never my intention to blame ALL women. Just the ones (which of them there sadly are still to many).

Thank you for helping out a NNES with the little but important nuances ...

[redqueen]

15. I know...

If I had thought that was your goal I woulda scorched ya. :P

NNES? Whatever it means... my pleasure. :pals:

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

20. Non native English speaker/writer (eom)

nt

[Lydia Leftcoast]

19. See, here's the Great Young Guy Legend stated in all its glory

Get over yourself, johnnie.

Look at all the men who have little money, who are not tall dark and handsome, who drive old cars, and who treat women well--who are married. Yes, just look around.

In fact, from my vantage point, age 50+, it seems as if all the men who treat women well are either married, in a steady relationship, or gay.

You're going after the wrong women, and you have a chip on your shoulder.

[johnnie]

22. Well

I'm just crabby. Things have not been going well for me as of late and I have been in a crabby mood. I shouldn't post..lol.
I just think too many people put too much emphasis on relationships. I have seen too many people really mess their lives up pretty bad over failed relationships. It really makes me sad to watch so many people sink into depression because they haven't found the "love of their life". I know I came off harsh on what I said up there, but all I meant to say was "don't base all your happiness on someone else".
I'm over myself now..I think. :)

[tigereye]

30. well

my husband had none of those things when I met him, none when we fell in love, and none when we got married either. He is tall and dark, though.

From what I have seen and read, any woman would be glad to have you. :) We don't all like "jerks" or rich guys.

also, love has this weird neurochemical aspect, pretty hard to figure...

[johnnie]

33. Thank you for the kind words

Like I said up there ^ somewhere..I have just been a little crabby these last few weeks. I feel better now that I ate..LOL.
I honestly do still believe in love, and I know it can be a wonderful thing to have. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time to find the right person.

[tigereye]

35. sure!

:hi:

sometimes I feel like a cheerleader for good relationships. They are out there.

[redqueen]

58. It's that neurochemical thing that'll send you to the loony bin!

[SarahB]

6. That's sad.

:(

I hope the next woman you come across is on the same page as you. Sounds like this woman doesn't have much self-esteem to want to be involved with a man like that. It's her loss. Move forward and be open to better possibilities. Don't try to be the knight in shining armor. A healthy, mature woman wants a man who can be her friend and her lover, not her savior. A woman like that needs to process her own baggage before she's even capable of a healthy relationship.

[MissMillie]

8. Well said

A healthy, mature woman wants a man who can be her friend and her lover, not her savior.

:thumbsup:

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

10. I'll hope i die before i do.

there are those funny butterfly-beeing-in-love-feeling trying to get a nice companion.

No matter the how it works out it will have been a refreshing movement even when the match is lost.


But there's an other type, which is much more vicious. With the feeling that you are born to this planet because of that person, that she is the second half of your soul, your counterparrt, the puzzle-tile that connects so many plot-threads and brings sense to happenings and mishappenings of the past that its plain frightening. These people you love even if they are miles away and not with you.

Those matches are are not easyly lost. They take a bit of your soul with you. And a bit of your heart, your hope, your strenght and your sanity. And the willingness to expose oneself emotionally.

I'm on one hand so reluctant giving her up because she's the latter type for me. I love her no matter what. I just do.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

17. I've been there, Niccolo, but in the end, it takes two to play, and

if the other person hasn't returned your attentions after a couple of contacts initiated by you, you're wisest to bail before getting too worked up. You should have realized this before the tenth week, before you made all this emotional investment in that one-sided infatuation.

It's only in the movies that a man can wear down a woman's resistance to his attention through ardent courtship. In real life, resolutely going after someone who does not reciprocate just makes you crazy and makes the woman see you as a stalker.

Have you ever been in a mutual relationship? If not, you may mistake this infatuation for true love, simply because it can be so intense. But a mutual relationship is so much more fulfilling.

It will take a while to get over the infatuation, and it is VERY frustrating, especially when the object of your infatuation goes off with someone whom you consider unworthy (voice of experience here), but in the end, you'll be better off and available when someone who appreciates you comes along.

Go off and rage and mourn for a while, and when you feel better (which you will, hard as it is to believe), and when the next object of your affections comes along, take it slowly. If she doesn't "facilitate" you ("Oh, I'm busy on Friday. How about Saturday?" or "I'm running a 5k on Saturday and I need someone to cheer for me" or "Could you come over and help me take my old couch to Good Will?" or "I was thinking of seeing that movie" or "You like swimming, too? I know a really great beach" are just some examples of real "facilitating" lines that I have used or have heard used), back off a bit.

But whatever you do, don't fall for the Great Young Guy Myth that "women want to be treated like shit." That's what disgruntled young men tell each other when some woman they're infatuated with has the gall to reject their heartfelt advances.

Listen up, guys. If she rejected you, she wasn't the right one. And if she rejected you for a creep, then she's a neurotic with issues, and you are lucky to be rid of her. And if you are constantly being rejected for creeps, then you have to ask yourself why you're always attracted to masochists. Could it be that you have a "knight in shining armor" complex and are on the lookout for "damsels in distress" to rescue?

Next time, look for a woman who isn't "in distress," e.g. struggling with addictions, taking a break from her abusive boyfriend, unable to hold a job because of personality issues.

Look for an equal partner, not a project.

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

25. as sad as it is...

i'm faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar from perfect either.

My first relationsship was a suicidal junkie. I was just suicidal then.

Was the most difficult year in my life, but the best as well.

But exact on the 365th day we broke up. No heroine addiction, no med addiction or suicide desires anymore by either of us. We CURED ourselves lasting to today (and hopefully much longer).

From the murky dark of desperation the heavens of first love.

There were other loves, but only one person caused me an emotion that surpassed the first rocket launch love ... the one that caused me to write here.

I sure like beeing the knight in shining armor, but i then like to have an amazon by my side. Beeing "knights" togheter mainly and occasionally for each other. Now that would be fulfillment.

[tigereye]

31. nicely said LL

:thumbsup:

[Deja Q]

18. Isn't moneyanity lovely?

They all cheat or connive because of money.

[Debbi801]

21. I'm sorry... Sometimes some women do stupid things...

I wasted a good part of my life, including the end of my teens and all of my 20's on a man who treated me like crap. For a multitude of reasons, i let him. In my 30's, i grew up, realized what i wanted and needed out of a relationship, and moved on.

Now, i am with a wonderful man who treats me great. i cannot imagine life without him. But, if i had met him earlier in my life, i probably would have passed him by. Sad, but i had to learn what was important and what i needed first.

Hopefully, this will come true for you, too.

:hug:

Debbi

[jpgray]

23. If you're not attractive to a woman, no amount of niceness will work

But then, no amount of meanness will either. And if she is very much attracted, she will forgive a lot of meanness and be touched deeply by any niceness. Being mean or nice in isolation has nothing whatsoever to do with attraction, in my experience. In combination with other factors sure, but in isolation not so much. And the implication that a man or woman is somehow a creep for pursuing what they are attracted to rather than some supposedly "objective" measure of what a good mate should be is really appalling to me.

[StopTheMorans]

24. exactly

:thumbsup:

[simpleplan]

29. You have recieved a lot of great insight today.

It's going to hurt. For a long time. I am a woman who has been on both sides. I have been in love and dumped for the ex-wife (who was a real bitch) and I have been pursued by a man for a year and never gave him what he wanted. I suppose it's something that happens to each and every one of us at some point.

It does leave you with feelings of failure, lonliness, pain (the kind that starts in your chest and spreads to your finger-tips), no trust in love, and sometimes you end up hating even yourself. But please don't beat yourself up. Some of us do believe that there is one person in the world that is born for us. If she was the one, then perhaps she still is and maybe it's just not the right time. I know you don't want to hear that but we all have things in life that we have to fix before we can be healthy and move on. Maybe she needs time to fix her life. But it's more likely that you will meet a woman that IS perfect for you. Let your heart heal but keep it open in the meantime.....there are millions of wonderful women who are looking for the same exact thing you are looking for. I wish you the best of luck......keep your chin up.

[nini]

26. oh grow the fuck up.

Not all women are assholes. Not all men are. But there are sure a lot of selfish pigs in both sexes.

YOU are responsible for whatever relationships you allow yourself to get into. You chose to ignore early signs that should have sent you on another adventure.

Learn from this and don't make the same mistake again - that's the best thing you can do for YOU.

[prolesunited]

28. My, aren't you the sensitive one.

:eyes:

[nini]

38. When it comes to misogynistic crap like this - YES

I sympathize with the heartbreak but once a guy pulls the 'FUCK WOMEN who...' to generalize what this woman did - no way will I take it.

I see it far too much misogyny on this board and it seem to be tolerated too much because of hurt feelings.

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

54. Actually it was a summary feeling

rooted in the experience of school, gymnasium, apprenticy , work and private...

The biggest dicks are the best bait period.

It's empirical and i related to THOSE women, NOT @ ALL women.

And it works vice versa as well, having some friends words in my memory.

And shouting misogyny at all that has to with SOME women in a negative context is laughable.

Shall i cry misandry everytime someone says something bad about SOME men (which happens too here)? What if a gay lashes out that way? is it misogyny/misandry then?

[nini]

57. You've had shitty experiences then..

which I will give you some credit for on how you worded this. I see you edited your original post so obviously the way you said it came off as anti-women so for me to take it that way is justifiable. I still stand your statements are over the top as I read them - I will take your word for it now that you do not stroke a broad brush here - I will atribute for you being pissed off at this woman since you clarified it. My subject line was crappy and out of line - I apologize for that to you.

The biggest dicks are NOT the best bait and most women will attest to that. Women do not like to be treated like crap either. To be sure there are plenty of major B*tches out there who will use men etc... My advice to you is to take this experience and run, not walk from the next woman you see doing the same thing. NEVER waste your time on women with that kind of baggage. Easier said than done because of the manipulation factor but if you ever have to put another before yourself time after time, it's just not right. Someone who truly cares for you will openly do all the things for you, you want to do for her. Believe me there are good women out there dying to meet someone who will treat them right. Do not let this woman ruin your faith in that.

And yes, when a woman lumps all men as bastards here jump all over here that is not right either. I know not all men are bastards just as I know all woman aren't evil either

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

61. concerning relationships that was really a shitty indeed

a barren time, listening to classmates, collegues et al screwing around their gfs or move on multiple rails and beeing proud of it. Gawd i miss these lamers not a bit.

Yes my original wording was misleading. I apologize for that. And no i'm not angry at her...just disappointed.

At this moment she has to find herself which she said to me exactly. And i'm not digging for a intimate relationship (not that i would object to) it was not an objective when i decided i wanted to get known to that person and it was not an immediate goal when i fell in love for her. My goals were sincere altruistic to help a friends sister in a hard time. The other stuff came after the lightning struck me some week later.

well at least bf coky-jerky has sensed the heat and is placing some more effort to assist her in this time. Jalousy can be a funny thing now and then.

i guess patience will be my best ally.

[nini]

65. the jerk boyfriend will behave for a while but once he is comfortable..

.. he'll probably leave again. Be careful then. don't let her play on your good side again.

Patience is best and learning love's lessons as you go along.

Good Luck.

[Zomby Woof]

42. She is actually VERY sensitive

And has the biggest heart of any woman I have ever known.

But sometimes confrontation is necessary in the face of such overt hostility. "FUCK WOMEN..." is a sign of some serious anger which needs to be worked out.

Nini RARELY flames anyone, so I think when she speaks up, attention should be paid.

[Susang]

36. Yikes

Too much coffee today? :wow:

I get what you're saying, but you're phrasing it kind of harshly, given the context, don't you think? :shrug:

[Zomby Woof]

41. I think she handled it perfectly

And there is no such thing as too much coffee.

Plus, the OP was overly hostile and self-pitying. It needed some harsh rebuttals.

[Susang]

44. I just saw a guy in pain lashing out

Someone who doesn't use English as his primary language. Of course, I could be wrong.

PS. Obviously, it all depends on what kind of coffee. ;-)

[GirlinContempt]

47. I missed the part

where he said all women were assholes :shrug:

[redqueen]

59. Check this post...

It states what he originally said, plus a helpful suggestion of what he might change it to, in order to avoid being roasted alive. :)

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=3488841&mesg_id=3488909

[prolesunited]

27. My perspective

"Staying up nights in a row staring at the ceiling just thinking of nice things to do to her or with her/with her&her child."

If I knew you spent this much time obsessing about me (and it would come through in your demeanor) I would be running FAST in another direction. It sounds very obsessive and stalkerish.

I once dated a guy who fawned over me, kept trying to to nice things, buy me things, spend all his time with me. It lasted all of a month before I felt completely smothered. On the other hand, I don't like assholes or "bad boys" either. You treat me like shit and you were out the door that day.

BUT, there is a middle ground between those two extremes and I think that's what most (normal, mentally healthy) women are seeking. You have your own life and interests and then come together to share things. You're not somebody's whole world and they are not yours, but the world you create together is amazing.

It's not that women hate nice guys. Most of us don't want to the the center of someone's obsession.

[tigereye]

32. as usual Proles

excellent point.

"You're not somebody's whole world and they are not yours, but the world you create together is amazing." I really like that!

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

37. just to make that clear

that was not deliberate. nor was the feeling i got for her. never had you couldn't sleep laying on the bed staring up. The ideas were popping up in my mind all by themselves. It was inspirative. And no dope or drug could stop that even though it usually works.

And to qualify for beeing a stalker i assume she has to voice discontent about the attention... which isn't case either. I feel when i'm unwelcome and retreat fast then.

I don't blame her for the absence of feelings towards me, nor do i blame me for the presence of mine and the wish to get known to the person they are directed at. It's bad luck...but it sucks nontheless.

[Bunny]

39. Don't assume that discontent has to be voiced, or else everything

must be fine. Unease with too much attention can be explained by her not initiating contact, perhaps?

[fudge stripe cookays]

40. Don't assume...

that just because a woman doesn't TELL you she's uncomfortable with the attention that she isn't. VERY IMPORTANT. She does not have to voice discontent to be EXTREMELY uncomfortable with things.

Some women would have problems trying to express how you're making them feel. They may feel smothered, and afraid to say something in case it would make you angry. Some stalkers have been known to go berserk when rejected. She might be afraid to risk the violence she could incur by rejecting you.

Others may just not know how to tell you to slow down. And may try to avoid you completely rather than having to deal with the discomfort.

FSC

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

43. since i'm not a telepath yet...

i'll just have to rely on vocal feedback. We are on good terms, just not close.

I saw her turning down other guys and comparing to those i'm still faaaaaaaaar up the ladder. We get along and it isn't i'm seeing or contacting her every second day. There's a semblance of selfcontrol with me concerning my actions... it's just the thoughts that keep popping up in my mind all the time.

[Bunny]

46. I think what FSC and I are trying to say is that you may not ever GET

vocal feedback. If you're depending on that as an indicator, it may never happen. You may actually have to rely on other indicators of interest or disinterest.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

49. Niccolo, if she's trying to be "nice" and "pleasant" and

doesn't hate you, she may be at a loss about how to tell you to stop trying to win her over.

I was once in that position. Once when I was a college student, a guy pursued me for a whole year, and it turned into stalking. He figured out my class schedule and was waiting in the hallway after every class. He would follow me into the campus cafe and sit down with me uninvited. It was clear that he had built a fantasy life around me and that he envisioned a future with me as his 1950s-style housewife--which is not the real me at all!

I was a "good girl," brought up to be polite to everyone, and I didn't know how to tell him that his attentions were annoying me. After months of being "nice," I finally had to humiliate him in front of his housemates in order to get him to stop following me around.

Niccolo, if a woman returns your feelings, she WILL encourage you. If she doesn't, move on.

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

56. you might have a point there

allthough she ain't that type by what i've seen. she belongs to the "bad" and mouthy sort (yep nini you can now diss me). But alas a green heart, spiritual and quite a few other common grounds, it's just hard to give up on such a person.

Perhaps i'll just call the shots and set things straight or leave her be.

It's hard but one can love someone enough to give them up...

[Lydia Leftcoast]

60. And sometimes you just have to give them up, unfortunately

Don't declare your feelings. She's already made hers clear by taking up with that other guy. It will only be embarrassing for both of you.

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

63. yeppers

well so be it. better a lost fight than no fight. I had that once before i felt nearly as strong for someone and i never dared to risk friendship for love. The following years after i lost touch were the most cruel and selfdestructing experience i ever had. Been there, seen that and NEVER EVER AGAIN!!!!!

I'll prefer a honest serious but unsuccessful attempt over not knowing and wondering if it could have been etc ANY DAY.

I WILL tell her, it's just a matter of WHEN.

[cestpaspossible]

52. Infatuation isn't love, but it also isn't obsession.

When you are first falling for someone, it seems pretty normal to think about them a lot... obsession comes later (hopefully not).

[leftofthedial]

34. love is a delusion

[KG]

45. relationship are over-rated; self-love is where it's at!

:)

[BreweryYardRat]

48. Ouch.

Unfortunately, I think some women never grow out of the high-school mindset where they enjoy being treated like shit. You're trying to deal with one of those, and nothing you can possibly do will snap her out of her idiocy. Give up and move on.

[Nikia]

50. I didn't always get the guy who I "loved" either

I usually did get to know them and become friends with them, but they did not want a partner type and/or physical relationship with me. Sometimes, there were obvious reasons for this, like they were dating someone else or did not want to get seriously involved with anyone at that point in their life. A couple times though, they didn't think that I was their type either because I wasn't attractive enough for them or they didn't want to date a smart, successful woman. I met my husband when I was in college so most of these guys were high school or college guys, but I suspect the same thing could happen now. Love has to be a mutual thing. Of all the things that you can convince someone to do, you cannot convince someone to love you if they don't. It just doesn't work that way.
It sounds like she wasn't completely over her ex. Perhaps, she had fallen in love with him and has trouble accepting that he is not the man that she once idealized.

[cestpaspossible]

51. You said yourself why love is good

someone who incited a feeling of love in a fortitude never experienced before. It was fun and there were more ideas popping up before they could be discounted or executed. Staying up nights in a row staring at the ceiling just thinking of nice things to do to her or with her/with her&her child.


You experienced some good feelings - love, fun, etc. - now you are experiencing some bad feelings - hurt, anger, despair. The alternative would be to feel nothing.

You gotta take the bad with the good... I am in the process of opening my heart... it is scary... I think I will get hurt... but I've had enough of emotional numbness.

[sendero]

53. Wow..

.... seems like every time I visit the lounge there's one of these situations.

I don't wish to kick someone when they are down, but seriously, how many weeks? If you can't get a positive vibe and reciprocal interest in 2-3 weeks, MOVE ON.

As for your complaint about women going for jerks, there is some truth to it IMHO. But generally only young women. Fact is, jerks create excitement. Much of it might be "negative", but there is no logic or reason attached to attraction. If a woman is attracted to a guy, really attracted, or if they have sexual chemistry - she will put up with a lot of crap to be with him. I've seen it a zillion times, and anyone here who hasn't is most likely in major denial.

To us on the outside, it looks crazy. From her biological imperative outlook, it makes perfect sense. Don't bother fighting it. Learn how to do it.

I don't know your age, but I'm guessing you are young (under 30?). This stuff gets better as you get older. Women get more sane and they become more interested in a real partner, not a kicks partner.

Lastly, I can guarantee you this - a woman who is courted endlessly and selflessly by a man will become less and less interested in him. Why? There is a simple logical reason, think about it.

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

55. no challenge?

guess so.

[sendero]

62. Sort of...

... IMHO it's not quite that simple. Basically, if you are a puppy dog who will give and give while getting nothing, what does that say about your self-esteem? What does that say about your neediness? What does it say about your ability to fulfill your role as a man in the relationship?

A woman would be crazy to be interested in a guy like that, and few are.

Hey, I've been where you are, it is no fun. Don't go there again, there is no reason to :)

And whatever you do, don't start "hating" women for being women. That's like hating a cat for being a cat. Just because the things that drive a woman to do what she does are not apparent to you, that doesn't mean that she's doing anything wrong. Try to understand what does drive a woman's choices, and you'll love them even more :)

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

64. good point

i'll keep that in mind. Unfortunately i know quite a lot of her through close friends who lived with her or are related.

[Fleshdancer]

66. Thank you for being so wonderful.

You're one of the good guys.

I would love to tell you that I understand why some women make stupid choices, but I don't. As much as I wish I could believe that women were somehow smarter, better, more emotionally evolved than men...well, as you already know from experience, I can't.

Women are human and there are many out there who make mistakes and for some, it takes years (if ever) to finally realize it. She hurt you deeply and for that I'm sorry. But if you can, try to seek a little comfort in knowing that she will never forget your kindness and will probably regret her decision later on. When that time comes, I hope you don't mimic her stupidity and go back to her.

Short story time: My first roommate was (still is) a beautiful woman. She was also kind and smart but she would date one asshole after another. I couldn't understand why and one day we had a long talk about relationships and so I asked her if she just wasn't attracted to the "nice guys". Her response: "I never thought I deserved one of the nice guys."

She dated the men she thought she deserved and never felt worthy of the good ones. She was caught up in the cycle of abuse. For some men she dealt with emotional abuse (such as cheating) and others would abuse her physically. That conversation was a little over 10 years ago and she's just now realizing she deserves better.

Heartbreak is a painful thing so I'm not going to pretend that a post on a political website can you feel any better. Just know that I'm thinking about you and that I'm 100% confident that you will someday stumble upon a woman who will erase most of this pain. Not a rebound sort of thing...it might take a while to find her, but when you do, all the pain from your past will take on a very fuzzy, distant quality and you'll barely feel it at all. That is the trick of "true love"...it makes you feel better about your entire life for some odd reason.

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

67. you do me too much honor

can't think of not beeing "worthy" as an arguement. Perhaps a conclusion in the aftermath...but as prevention..weird.

Much luck to your roommate.

[Fleshdancer]

68. well....

personally I agree with you. I myself can't think of not being "worthy" as an argument and yet I see so many women who do. What do you think the argument is for the woman who chose a cheater over you - the person who treated her well?

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

69. habit.

3,5 years vs 2 months

not wanting to be alone

not wanting to lose the emotional investment

she trust his "proof" he didn't cheat (even though she found condoms and stuff in his stuff and her brother told her so).Denial, wishful thinking perhaps he tells the truth though.

not wanting to start from "scratch"

me never stating my intent to want her as my gf

my takes on this

[rstlne]

70. love being in love

...so if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with...

When the right one came along, I was already in love with him, all of the "others" were fun in the mean time.