Insanity thread---post your non sequitirs and ramblings

[Zuni]

I can no longer stand the idea of carrots in ranch dressing. I like carrots and I like ranch, but the idea of seeing a carrot driping in creamy ranch dressing is too much for my old (by old I mean young) heart. By the way, if you ever go into that Armenian bookstore on 12th and Saratoga, do NOT bring in two slurpees and spill them upon the old scripts that are quite possibly, more than 3 years old.

I have had enough of you people. Stop with your damned enema talk and lets discuss chinese cuisine

[Left Is Write]

1. I like Iron Chef. It's on in ten minutes.

[Zuni]

2. I do enjoy the occasional "Full House" rerun, thank you

:hi:

[Left Is Write]

13. My nail polish looks brighter when I wear black sandals.

[Zuni]

16. my back is all itchy because of that stuff

I'll never wear a T-shirt made from fiberglass insulation again, thats for sure!

[Left Is Write]

19. The Pink Pather.

Is pink.

[Zuni]

20. when was the last time you called your mother?

She wants to hear from you, no doubt.

[Left Is Write]

31. Two days ago.

But we didn't talk about the Pink Panther.

[Zuni]

36. nor did we discuss Wiley Coyote

:grr:

[brainshrub]

3. Cheese.

I like it.

[Zuni]

7. I love a good back rub

I'll take one with no fish :D

[elshiva]

4. Always love the way they said "Lemon Curry" in Monty Python

because it reminded me of a guy we used to call the Duck. He wrote me a letter when I was in the hospital, hello, this is the Duck. He looked like Eric Idle, where IS HE?

[Zuni]

12. a French master chef? no way.

:hi:

[elshiva]

21. Well Sam could have been a butcher, but anyway

doesn't Kerry look femme in this photo? He has classic male femme movements looky:

[Zuni]

23. my old next door neighbor looked like Mick jagger in this pic

[elshiva]

28. You can't fool me, bullwinkle.

Sam and him would make a great gay couple. He'll be the ruin of her: RHYTHM METHOD!

[Zuni]

32. not to rain on your parade, but I am all out of cheetos

sorry :cry:

[elshiva]

44. Santa Claus is a BLACK MAN! Yes!

[Lannes]

5. Damn tortillas

They are mocking me!!!

[Zuni]

9. I feel the same why about macaroni

damned little elbow shaped bastards! :grr:

[Lannes]

17. dont get me started on macaroni

The bastards!!!!

[Zuni]

22. Chef Boyardee is hunting me down like a wild dog

[Lannes]

24. Yes.... the evil one

:P

[Zuni]

26. Hey---look at this Red panda!

[tarkus]

6. Not quite Chinese cuisine...

But I have a problem with "A Tori Amos Collection: Tales of a Librarian". I am listening to it now, I am almost at the end of the song "Way Down", and I know that after this song, as always, comes the dance remix of "Professional Widow". Now I am no advocate of skipping tracks on CDs, in fact I am usually opposed to it, but I always skip this one because it seems so arbitrarily thrown in with what is otherwise a great CD, and in my opinion ruins the mood.

Anyway, it is a lot of trouble to wait for the right moment where you are done with "Way Down", but don't have to listen to even the first note of "Professional Widow" to skip songs. I wish there were some way to avoid this.

Tori, if you are there, please send me a copy of the CD without Professional Widow, or at least not with the dance mix. I will repay you with my eternal respect and gratitude.

[progmom]

8. because of my corneal problems, when i look at the full moon tonight....

i see three of them.

[Zuni]

10. what about the spread beaver?

:shrug:

[progmom]

11. goofball

you need to shave

[Zuni]

14. I am also thinking of getting a colonic. great minds think alike, ya know?

:hi:

[grannylib]

15. It was spread all over the river bank last time I looked, right next to

the muskrat love in a mist blue velvet underground railroad station man, I've been waiting

[Zuni]

18. I never cared for their salsa

not spicy enough

[grannylib]

37. But the rhumba in the jhumba was sugar spicy, never mind the

salsa sassing
It's no good if it doesn't burn your tongue bath bathwater waterrain raingauge
Salt for spicy, salt for salsa, salt of the earthmother

[EC]

25. I can't wait to go to bed in the nice

soft, old clean sheets - I just put on the bed...they are really old and smooth Egyptian cotten and my favorites....

[Zuni]

27. was brian jones of the Rolling Stones murdered in 1969?

some people think his drowning was not accidental

[progmom]

29. they wouldn't allow dennis wilson to be burried at sea

too toxic

[Zuni]

34. Elvis died on the toilet

[EC]

40. Did they want Wood then ? Oh Well, all they got was

Taylor...but then again - Jones had already quit a couple days before he died, so they didn't need to murder him...Maybe, he got a cramp?

[Zuni]

45. I didn't say the Stones killed him

a man named Frank Thurogood who was at Jones's house on the night of his death claimed he held Jones under water when he was dying of cancer in like 1993

A movie called 'stoned' is coming out about it.

[EC]

50. Humph, yeah, he and his girlfriend were swimming with him...

It was in the book Paint It Black...

[madeline_con]

64. Egyptian cotton...

that IS old!

[DerekG]

30. Here goes...

Go to Pete's Videos on Main and Fifth (NOT 5 Main), go into the adult section and look behind the 1987 reissue of "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" cassette (NOT the 1994 one that's adorned with "A Walt Disney Masterpiece" in silver). It is here where you will find a pamphlet detailing the National Socialist/Zionist alliance plot to poison the first-born daughters of every Amish household. Bear in mind, this will be written on a cocktail napkin that was imported from a lesbian bar in Sweden. When you are done reading, crush the napkin in your fist, walk over to the counter, and demand that Pete sing "O, Fortuna" as you shred said napkin in a tempestuous dance.

[Zuni]

33. I have never been to Estonia

I heard it is kind of depressing in the winter

[elshiva]

42. Could Kerry have been the first "gay" president?

Like Toni Morrison called Clinton the first "black" president? Certainly, Big John would fit in well at gay pride and not just because of his voting record:

[DerekG]

48. No dice, Carpozo

Keep your finger out of my dog's snout and go sell your miracle-whip racket to someone who doesn't derive pleasure from seeing diseased yaks jettisoned from an outdated Apache and into the left molar of Captain Ken (who is a freedom fighter in Tanzania's forthcoming war).

[Zuni]

52. I never slept with that anteater!

no no never :cry:

[DerekG]

66. If only denial was just Moses' blood-drenched watering hole

No, it wasn't your fault at all, was it Count? I suppose the anteater's cedar skirt--crafted by 6th circle hedonists, the ones that slipped through--was cut too short; or perhaps it was the depression talkin' (as is expected when one is dismissed from the task of using one's Snickers-soaked maw as a urinal for the Campus Crusade For Christ cadre). Sorry snuckums, rape is rape.

So stuff your illusory insights of falsetruth, and pursue mammalian pleasure at a joint that doesn't allow for handicapped parking.

[Zuni]

76. you are the worst beekeeper ever!

When I hired you, it was for you to watch, take care of and generally "keep" bees. But yet, the neighborhood children have all contracted leprosoy? are these things related. To me, they are.

Lay off my chewing tobacco, you damn ducks!

[DerekG]

97. It seems your memory serves as the lascivious harbor to delusion

I was contracted to have a tete a tete (and I will NOT be putting stress marks on those, as I am a snake charmer) with the beloved but sociopathic mascot for Honey Nut Cheerios. (To understand the experience, find the Gnostic parallel to Ezekiel 6, chapter 7 and play John Williams's "Duel of the Fates" in a loop until you froth yourself into unconsciousness). Suffice to say, I lost; and your ugly, talentless children have leprosy.

Alas, the Prince of Peace can not save them...salvation will come only with the sage dwarf who lacerates himself with the left frame of Joe Smith's glasses.

On edit: On second thought, stay the hell away from my dwarf.

[elshiva]

35. Hahah!

I think I'm in love!

[DerekG]

55. Pipe down, elshiva

That abortion of a dissertation--Darth Vader-as-Cronus--may have earned you your pass to that goat-cheese laden ivory tower, but I for one will never accept your Dionysian/Pharisetical delusion that the meaning of life can be found in Frame 238 of John Hughes's "Curly Sue." Jim Belushi's mullet held sway over the Fourth Age, but not mine. So accept the nuances of Nutrasweet or you will share the fate of Doris Kearns.

[elshiva]

57. Pipings...I am in love with Wellstone or

DerekG as Wellstone. But I am afraid that you are correct and I accept...

[Redstone]

38. This is all pretty weak stuff.

For REAL insanity, start right here in this thread: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=3082593&mesg_id=3083478 and read sequentially (it's important);

Then continue here: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=3113722 (again, reading sequentially)

Ramblings? They don't get more rambled than those two threads.

Redstone

[Lannes]

41. Damn didnt know lynn was such a hottie!

Too bad she is married :)

[Redstone]

56. She grew those just for the picture, and as a foil for the

commies we later discussed...she's very good at knowing what is needed, and when it's needed, and delivers the correct goods each and every time, and boy were the commies distracted long enough for me to get them down off the walls and onto the floors, where I was able to deal with them in the way in which such two-dimensional people need to be dealt with.

Not pleasant, but it had to be done.

Despite my carping, she was a staunch ally in dealing with that dude, not to mention the chick (ah, the chick, those were the days indeed)...a true pal, and I should have never maligned her courage.

And yes, she'd a cutie but, as you mentioned married, and that's a fact that will definitely give you some pause, given that her husband is even taller than me, AND he plays the Tuba.

You, yourself, would be perfectly welcome to risk the wrath of an almost-seven-foot tuba player, but don't expect any assistance from me if you do. I know when I'm outclassed.

I'm staying out of it.

Redstone

[Zuni]

43. I told you sir, that I kept bees in my closet

but did you listen? noooooo. Well if you hadn't been so eager to shave your eyebrows, than perhaps Rhonda would not be in jail and the barbershop quartet would still be singing.

[Redstone]

47. But they'd be singing a damn sad song,

wouldn't they?

AndRhonda got just exactly what she deserved, or would have if she'd actually deserved it, instead of the alternative.

And my eyebrows don't enter into the equation, no matter how much you'd like for them to do so.

So let's leave them out of it shall we?

Redstone

[Zuni]

49. the eyebrows you purchased from those estonian basket weavers

were STOLEN.

I can't believe your callous apathy

[Redstone]

58. So I received stolen goods? Feh.

They'd no sooner be able to track me through the streets of Riga than they'd be able to find a WMD, even were it fissioning right under their noses.

Apathy? You bet, when the stakes are this high.

Redstone

[SarahB]

67. I remember those threads.

To even attempt analysis frightened me. Cryptic and incognito I say. Cryptic and incognito. :crazy:

[Redstone]

72. Oh, no, young lady, you're not weaseling out of this one...

You were RIGHT THERE when I first saw the commies! Yes, you were.

And I suspect you knew they were there, and didn't even bother to lift a finger to warn me.

And the fact that at the time you didn't even know me, nor that I was going to be there, or when, or that the commies were going to start up all the travail that ensued, or that you had nothing at all to do with anything except to be on the periphery lighting up people's lives and making strangers feel welcome just because that's the kind of nice person that you are, and don't think I don't appreciate it because I do, even if others don't, and they're welcome to their opinions but I refuse to agree with them under any circumstances, even extenuating ones, nope, I've made up my mind and nobody's going to change it...do you honestly think you should be excused the "attempt of an analysis" just because of THAT? Huh?

Well, I guess you should. So there's no need for you to be frightened at all.

Redstone

[micrometer_50]

39. It's a dry heat

:popcorn:

[elshiva]

46. Do you want to come upstairs?

[Zuni]

53. only for a good piece of fried chicken

:9

[elshiva]

54. Sorry, I am a vegetarian. This is a vegetarian restaurant...

(excuse while I slip into Monty Python sketch) "This is a vegetarian restaurant. We serve no animal flesh of any kind...." But..."TRY ME WITH RICE!"

[elshiva]

51. Bobby! Bobby! Bobby! oops....

[OldLeftieLawyer]

59. Oh, man

More stoner talk..............

[Tsiyu]

70. I resemble that remark, Missy!

You wanna talk about food blasphemy? Mustard on a sausage biscuit. OH.MY. Everyone knows you put strawberry or plum jelly on a freakin' sausage biscuit.

What is wrong with people? :smoke:

[OldLeftieLawyer]

71. I was there when the pig was born

There were Damson plum preserves everywhere and we were all excited, because we really expected a new Ford Explorer.

It was great. Then we had cake and I think we went swimming. Maybe I just wet myself. I'm not sure.

Did you hear that? Just now?

[Tsiyu]

73. Can I have some?

of what yer smokin'?

....MMmmmmm Damson plums...but Fords? Yech! We awaited a Suburban with four wheel drive and SPF 42

and I've gotta scratch so don't look, 'kay?....:crazy:

[Zuni]

75. I think there is an orangutang in my attic

it speaks latin and told me that Y2K will actually hit in 2008

[Tsiyu]

82. That is the year Jesus turns 47!

Dayum!

Carpe the diem and caveat empty just like the cabinets when we ate all the rice and lentils and there were no more songs in the land because the top bid on e-bay covered the jukebox with cotton candy.

Does my butt look bigger? :shrug:

[Zuni]

86. Is June a good month for piercing the webbing between your finger

[Tsiyu]

91. See post #90 OR contact the proper securities

in your particular jurisdiction, without stepping on anyone's nose and with all due inspect.

I hate fungi.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

84. That's awfully high for sunscreen,

but if you mix it with some coconut butter and a little iodine, you're on your way to a pretty decent salad dressing, if the olives would just stand still long enough .............

[Zuni]

85. frankly, I use Franks Hot Sauce as shampoo

[OldLeftieLawyer]

88. I did that once,

but my underarms got jealous.

That's why I stay with KY and the Damson. One on each slice. With Velveeta and some salsa in between.

I have a cousin named Velveeta Clapp.

[Tsiyu]

90. I have a cousin named Vinnie

and he is piercing the webbing between his fingers but he won't let ANYONE touch the egg salad.

My bass is vibrating. Look at that! The amp is talking to us and it says the time has come for all good men to rickenbacker and humbuck to the third power.

Hail to the Reef! All strands on deck!

[CanuckAmok]

60. you stole every idea I ever had get out of my brain you earwig!!

Trombone, my ass!

[elshiva]

61. LOL!

[Evergreen Emerald]

62. My boss told me today that God is a big black woman

[elshiva]

77. That is true.

[Tsiyu]

83. Holy Moley. I knew it

rocking back and forth in a rocking chair...back and forth....back and forth...

smoldering, ready to whoop some ass. But first, she will sing....

[madeline_con]

63. Seen at Walmart...

Just a peeve of mine, when something does not sound right. Like misspelling, it grates on my nerves SO bad.

(I don't mean the occasional typo, I mean not taking the time to check the correct spelling before wasting a bunch of paint to create a misspelled sign or something. AARRGGHHH!!!) And I usually mispell misspell, anyway.

O.K. seen in Walmart: banana display, you know over by the produce and bread, telling us that bananas are an easy, "nutritional" snack.
Is it me, or isn't "nutritious" good enough anymore?

What's with the "Historical" Districts that are popping up all over old downtowns? Aren't they just "Historic"??

I never was too keen on Ranch, and was thrilled to locate Green Goddess the other day! YUM.

(had to be edited for typos wouldn't ya know)

[Heidi]

80. Seen painted on a restaurant window in Lincoln, Nebraska:

"Burritos as big as your head." That description struck me as really odd.

(Edited to remove extra word.)

[madeline_con]

96. really...

bad connection, like a guillotine was on the premises.

As long as your arm, I could understand, but the head thing's just creepy.

Remember the dead rats on the Quizno's commercial? (Maybe not in your part of the country).

[Ilsa]

65. W. is a dickhead, a real fuckwad, and I'm not apologizing. eom

[SarahB]

68. Psst....

Beware the happy dust from the muffin man. It is both contagious and dangerous like a drug. I'm addicted to the muffin man. I'm holding out for a discount on office supplies. :evilgrin:

Mmmmminivans! Just don't let your record with the cops follow us. My record is clean. :7

[GiovanniC]

69. The Guy on the Quaker Oatmeal Box Scares Me

And so does that mountain climber guy from that one "The Price is Right" game.

[progmom]

74. minivans with DVD players are dangerous

i am always trying to see what movie people are watching when i drive past their cars.

when did kids stop reading books?!?!?

[Zuni]

78. what ever happened to mad libs?

that is what we used to do in the car when i was a kid.

[Tsiyu]

93. I need a plural noun

and don't say "farts" again. or Granny will get up off the rocking chair and throw the commies at you and THEN you'll wish you'd wriiten in the pad with a permanent marker. What?

[Pale Blue Dot]

79. Hey...

In reciept of your message. Meet me at the Gardens at 1. We will exchange the package there. I'll be the one who appears to be floating.

Try the veal. It wards off law enforcement and men with hair-plugs.

:evilgrin:

[GOPBasher]

81. It's strong enough for a man, but it's PH-balanced for an active woman.

My bread grew moldy. How come my socks don't match when I specifically told you to trim my buffalo on the third Wednesday from the river? The bricks are making patters in Sprite lemon-lime, and all I'm doing is chewing on some old crappy books while my imaginary friend is desk on his writing. Todd is a good name.

My cat's name is Fluffy.

[Reverend_Smitty]

92. I drive a Dodge Stratus!

I'm a Division Manager in charge of 49 people!! I drive a Dodge Stratus!! You don't talk about my Dodge Stratus that way!!

on edit
Whoops meant to reply to original thread

[Beware the Beast Man]

87. It's time for turkey roll-ups.

[Zuni]

89. yay

:bounce:

[bbernardini]

94. Never, EVER offer Robert Fripp a serving of baked alaska. TRUST ME.

[trackfan]

95. Non sequitur; sed nihil obstat quin sequi potest

Igitur eos sequar. Nugas meas ignoscite.