Question About Wedding Registries

[GiovanniC]

I was prompted to write this after reading another thread in the lounge:
Family having a baby...why do **I** have to buy crap for the kid?

So here's the deal. I'm getting married on the 31st of December to a great woman with four children. I have never been married and have no children, but I have lived on my own since I was 18. She has lived on her own since about then too. So between us, we already have double of everything that's necessary and double of a lot of stuff that isn't, and frankly, the house where we're going to live (where she lives now) is not big enough for all of the things we both jointly possess. We're going to have to sell or donate a lot of household items as it is.

So when it comes to making a registry, we are somewhat concerned. We don't need another toaster, we have one too many already. Same with lamps, blenders, rugs, coffee makers, etc. Sheets, towels, etc are okay because you can never really have too many of those, but we don't NEED them because we already have all that stuff.

We have so far decided not to create a registry because we honestly can't think of anything to put on one that we "need". However, we are sure that many people will want to buy us things and we're concerned we are going to end up with a lot of things we won't be able to use. As I said before, we've already got a monumental task on our hands of consolidating all of the things we already own. We have been told by various "experts" on wedding etiquette that it is not allowed for you to request "no gifts please" because it is "tacky" and presumes that people were going to give you gifts in the first place. Instead, you're supposed to circulate word of what you want (or don't) through intermediaries such as family and friends. I don't believe that will work... people in our circles will still choose to get us stuff because that's just how they are. With no registry to guide them, there is a significant chance we will end up with a lot of things we don't need.

One thing we have thought about is a honeymoon registry. This allows guests to go to a website and cover a portion of your honeymoon expenses by say, paying $100 toward airline tickets, or maybe a $40 dinner or maybe $50 toward your hotel room or whatever they want (from a list of expenses that you have established like any other registry). The website then sends you the cash prior to your honeymoon to be used to pay for the honeymoon expenses. To us, this is the best idea because we'd really like to have a nice honeymoon, it allows people to give if they want to, and we won't end up with even more things that we just don't have room for. However, my mother says it is tacky in the extreme and is very much against the idea.

Any suggestions/advice?

[shoelace414]

1. I have a friend who

picked where to register based on return policy.. so she could return the stuff easily.

(personally, since my wedding, I give cash)

[barb162]

54. register at a liquor store

a prosecutor in Wisconsin I know did that; she and hubby got all the booze they'd need for a few years.

[Bunny]

2. I believe the etiquette experts would also call it tacky in the extreme.

They just won't cut anyone slack for requesting money - apparently there are no circumstances where this is appropriate, I guess.

Are you certain your friends and relatives would insist on actually buying you things, instead of giving you a money envelope? If you aren't registered anywhere, that could be a clue that you don't really need household goods.

Unless it's a very young couple who need everything, I almost always give cash in an envelope. Then they can get whatever they want. It's not seen as tacky in my area, maybe it would be in others. I suppose a lot would depend on the traditions of your part of the country, or your culture.

Anyway, good luck and congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

[newportdadde]

3. I think your both too far along in your lives for wedding registries.

4 Kids and you both live on your own.. yeah I would just skip the wedding registry. Its going to look silly.

[GiovanniC]

8. If We Could Get Away With It, We Would

Honestly, we've both said that although we are not rich, we have everything that we need and that is enough for us.

I suspect, however, that if we do not have a registry, people will not take that as an indication that we don't need anything, they'll take it as an indication that they should get us whatever they feel like getting us, and I could see us ending up with like 14 George Foreman grills, 7 blenders, 3 smoothie makers, 12 toasters, 8 bathroom rugs, et cetera.

We've already told some people that we don't need anything, but for whatever reason people in our families refuse to take that for an answer.

[progmom]

14. yes - that is exactly true

you are right to fear that.

[BeTheChange]

57. You are right...

They will still get you things. Go over to any wedding website and do a search on no registries. Then you can chuckle at what the inventive guest comes up with.

We still had a couple of people get us things that were not on any of the registries.

[Orangepeel]

60. anyone who will give you a George Foreman grill would give you one anyway

whether you are registered or not because they give everyone a George Foreman grill, or it was on sale at their favorite store, or they are "regifting." (or blender, or toaster, or whatever).

Based on my experience, if you don't register, most people will give you a gift card (we got cards from department stores, Crate & Barrel, Williams Sonoma, Target, Home Depot, Bed, Bath and Beyond... and probably others).

[Mizmoon]

4. The honeymoon thing won't work

I know ... it makes sense because that's what you really want but too many people will have a bad reaction. I like the no registry thing. That sends the "cash preferred" message. Like the others I usually give cash anyway ...

Good luck and enjoy!

[Bridget Burke]

5. If you know the people, why not explain what you need?

If you don't know them--why are they coming to the wedding?

[radwriter0555]

7. You just said it all.

Perfect.

A honeymoon registry is just too tacky... it really can't be done.

[GiovanniC]

12. Because

I already explained the situation to my own mother, who said that it was tacky to ask people to help with the honeymoon and that we should just hope that people decide to give us money.

I tried to explain that honestly, it would be absolutely great with us if nobody got us any gifts, if people just came to our wedding to enjoy our day with us with no strings attached. I was told that there is no way to tell people this without being tacky because if you tell people not to give you gifts, that implies that they were going to give you gifts. My mother is a self-styled etiquette "expert"... to me, it all seems rather dumb. I don't want to seem "uncivilized" or anything, but at some point can't logic take over?

[cassandra uprising]

6. I'm in a similar boat myself.

My fiance and I have all the house stuff we need and are moving into a closet in New York city a month before our wedding. (he got into grad school) We will be lucky if we can bring all the stuff we already have to New York. A good friend of mine got married last year to a woman who he had been living with for five years. They did the Honeymoon website fund and it was really classy and I believe it was successful. They also had a small registry. There will always be those who just want to by stuff for the couple.

What I don't understand is what aren't registries considered tacky? Sure it makes life easier for all involved, but aren't you basically doing the same thing buy saying *buy me this if you're invited to my wedding* Is it not considered tacky because it makes the giver feel better about the transaction? Ah the joys of capitalism. Hang in there. I'm sure what ever you decide will be fine.

Good luck

[GiovanniC]

10. That's My Feeling As Well

I don't see how a honeymoon registry is any *MORE* tacky than a registry at, say, Target or Marshall Fields.

A lot of people on those wedding websites my fiance likes to go to really have good things to say about honeymoon registries, but the idea provokes a seriously bad reaction from some people (as others on this thread have already indicated).

It just seems as though we cannot win:

- If we don't say anything, people will buy us stuff we don't need.

- If we ask that nobody gives us any gifts, we are considered "tacky" and people will still buy us stuff we don't need.

- We've looked at things on registries but just can't talk ourselves in to asking for any of those things because we simply don't need them.

- If we sign up for a honeymoon registry, we are considered "tacky".

[Bunny]

11. Actually, the etiquette mavens DO consider registries of any sort

to be tacky. Apparently it is just too too declasse to actually let people know what you need or want. They are supposed to somehow figure this out, and you are supposed to be overjoyed upon opening your 12th toaster, or something.

I think gift registries are a fantastic way for a couple to get what they really want or need, without everything getting duplicated, but I still mostly give cash anyway. They can do whatever they want with that.

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. No, asking for money is tacky, which is too bad

It should be okay to ask for money for the honeymoon. But, there ya go.

So, put "please, no gifts" (or something similar which I can't write because it's too early in the morning) on the invitations (perhaps "Only the gift of your presence is requested").

Considering your situation, I think it's perfectly fine to put that on the invitations. Maybe something like "We are already blessed with all that we need, so please, no gifts". There's a better way to say it, but I can't find it right now.

And then, if people really do want to give you a gift, they'll get the hint, and know not to buy that asshole toaster or another set of four fucking yellow tacky JC Penney's towels or the ignorant 150 thread count fucking gray/brown bed sheets with flower motif shit that people always buy for weddings anyway.

[GiovanniC]

13. I Was Told That Putting "Please, No Gifts" on the Invitation

was more "tacky" than signing up for a honeymoon registry. The way it was explained to me, I might as well just show up for my wedding with ripped jeans and a stained wife-beater if I'm going to display THAT kind of lack of class and couth. Or something.

I don't know -- a lot of these idiotic "rules" concerning weddings seem to defy common sense.

[Rabrrrrrr]

16. I don't think so at all

I think people will find it nice that "Oh, thank God, I don't have to try to find a gift for two people who have lived on their own already and have everything..."

It's tacky if you say "No gifts, please, we'd prefer money". Or, sadly, some find it tacky to say "No gifts please. If you feel the need to offer a gift, please give to these charities: (list of charities)"

It's okay for funerals to say "memorials may be made to the following:" but it's too bad yuo can't do that at weddings. Go figure.

But, in my opinion, it's not at all tacky to say something like "We have so much stuff already, please, we ask only for the gift of your presence".

Especially when you've been on your own, have two houses, four kids, and a whole lot of stuff already.

[GiovanniC]

20. *You* Don't Think It's Tacky and *I* Don't Think It's Tacky

But apparently *someone* from high upon Mount Olympus has said that it is tacky, and therefore I should be absolutely mortified to request "no gifts, please", and if I am not absolutely mortified about it, then my mother and other etiquette cops will be absolutely mortified on our behalf and will never, ever let it drop.

[BeTheChange]

59. Saying no gifts on an invite makes it look like you have the presumption..

that gifts are somehow normally required.

Do the hm registry.. Old and young alike loved ours and nobody even for a second looked like they thought it was the least bit tacky.

However, we made our registry descriptions very fun and informative. It was interesting to see who picked what. Our Aunts all picked the swanky things.. like dinner atop Mt Bordeaux in St John.. and then they wrote us beautiful notes, or shared wonderful stories at the reception.. like how whatever they picked for us reminded them of something that they had done on their honeymoon or wished that they had done.

The uncludes picked the action packed things, like our jeep rental, snorkelling equiptment, a day of windsurfing, a sailing trip to the baths. And every gift suited the gift givers personality.. in a way a toaster or a coffee maker never could.

[northzax]

21. don't mention gifts at all

if you are doing the invitations, it is tacky to 'assume' that people will want to give you gifts, even though they are obligated to do so.

anyone who wants to know what to give you can ask someone close to you, best man, MoH, mother, etc. You are allowed to make it clear to immediate family "look, we simply don't need anything, if you must get us a gift, then how bout some help on the honeymoon so I can take her on the vacation she really deserves for putting up with me?" They'll get it.

If one of the six weddings I'm going to before labour day (oh yes, I have two free weekends for the rest of the summer) in essence asked for cash, I would be annoyed, to say the least. If I don't konw you well enough to give you something you will like, then I'll go to the registry and buy towels or something. If people don't know you well enough to come out and ask, or know someone close to you as a proxy, why are they coming to your wedding?

[GiovanniC]

30. I've Told People Close to Us

However, I know my family. They think that saying, "Please don't get us anything. We don't need anything. We don't even have room for anything," means, "Get us whatever YOU think we might like."

Then they think, "I know he said not to get them anything... but what if everyone else gets them something, then I'll look stupid by not getting them anything. I will get them something. There's no registry, so I'll have to figure out something on my own. Maybe a crystal punchbowl?"

Then someone else will say, "I know they say that they don't need anything, but that's just them trying to be modest and not wanting to burden people. But it's no burden for me. I will get them something. There's no registry, so I'll have to figure out something on my own. Maybe a crystal punchbowl?"

Then yet another person will say, "Well, they say that they don't need anybody to give them anything, but that's just for the unwashed masses. I'm different, I'm his {grandmother/aunt/cousin/close family friend/etc}. I will get them something. There's no registry, so I'll have to figure out something on my own. Maybe a crystal punchbowl?"

And then we have three crystal punchbowls, when we would probably never even use one in a million years.

I guess it's not the worst thing that could happen -- we're very lucky to have so many people around us who care enough to WANT to give us wedding gifts. It just complicates things for us somewhat.

[supernova]

15. *Ahem* Here's what you put in the invitations:

"In lieu of gifts, the bride and groom request that you make a donation to the charitable organization of your choice. Here are some of our favorites":

List your favorite charities here.

[Thtwudbeme]

17. This is the correct solution; I used to do wedding planning

You might want to personalize the message by writing something such as: "we were blessed to find each other later in life (or something to that effect), and therefore we would love to share our blessings with others in the community."

Then, choose a couple of charities....I would choose at least three...and toss in at least one that benefits animals.

Stephanie

[Misunderestimator]

19. Doh.... didn't know you said the same thing...

:) Good idea.

[Misunderestimator]

18. Ask them to donate to causes you support instead of buying gifts.

[northzax]

23. but that doesn't solve the problem

of paying for the honeymoon, the original question wasn't how to avoid getting anything, but how to direct that in the way you want it.

[Misunderestimator]

24. Well.... I was offering a suggestion that would be my choice...

of where to direct it. I wouldn't ask my friends to pay for my honeymoon, so I have no suggestion for that.

[northzax]

25. that's kinda what we're all dancing around

as usual you cut right to the chase.

[Misunderestimator]

27. thanks...

I think... :)

[GiovanniC]

31. The Problem Isn't Really Paying For the Honeymoon Per Se

The problem is getting gifts that we don't need. We are not begging for people to pay for our honeymoon -- I just know that there are a lot of people in our families and circle of friends who will want to give us a wedding gift and who will do so even if we tell them not to (not to mention the fact that I've been repeatedly told it is "tacky" to ask everybody not to give a gift). A honeymoon registry was one solution that we had considered, but we were told that is "tacky" also.

The only option that we haven't been told is "tacky" is to sign up for a registry for a lot of stuff that we have absolutely no room (or need) for.

I like the charitable organization idea personally, but I'm not sure how that will go over with family/friends... I can see them ignoring that suggestion and getting us stuff anyway. I will talk it over with my fiance though.

[northzax]

32. I know! a handmade wedding!

those uncomfortable with donating money to the World Socialist Worker's Front to Overthrow the Evil Capitalist Pigs (WSWFOECP) can simply make something, it'll be oldschool! You never know, you might get a fabulous tablecloth or some pillow shams or something that will always make you think of Aunt Gladys.

please don't do the honeymoon registry, please.

[distantearlywarning]

22. I got married last December,

and this whole stupid registry thing was hands down the most stressful part of our wedding. I couldn't figure out what to do, and was told everything was tacky (including the "no gifts" thing, which is what I really wanted to do, since we were in a similar position to you). I actually was so mad and frustrated about the whole thing that I considered calling off the whole thing and just eloping and not telling anyone.

It's like, you have barely enough money for the wedding, don't have money for the honeymoon and you both have been living on your own for 10 years and don't need more useless household junk, and yet the only appropriate thing to do is to force your friends and relatives to buy you crap (because you're not allowed to tell them they shouldn't buy you anything at all - that would be TACKY, after all). :mad: I think the whole registry thing is just a scam designed to make people buy unnecessary crap from places like Macy's and the Pottery Barn.

And it's irrational, which is the part that really pissed me off. Like everything else about the Wedding Industrial Complex, the registry thing is expensive, guilt inducing, and makes no damn sense to anyone.

What we finally did was register for a few interesting things at Target, but didn't tell anyone about this registry unless they asked first. We said nothing to anyone about anything else. We were pleased and surprised that only one person bought something off the registry (and it was the thing we wanted the most) - everybody else got us cool, creative gifts or cash. We didn't receive even one gift that we didn't like, or that was a duplicate. Several people didn't give gifts, and we were happy to just have their presence during that time in our lives.

So maybe you could try the "do nothing" route and see what happens. Your friends and family might just surprise you with their taste and thoughtfulness.

[Rabrrrrrr]

28. It's stupid it's okay to say where you are registered, but NOT "no gifts"

I don't get it at all.

YOu can say "We're registered at Macy's and Target and Pottery Barn, under the name ________", which is basically saying "We want you to buy us a gift, and it better be from one of these places".

But it's "tacky" to say "We have so much already, please, just bring yourself".

i don't fucking get it.

(and that's not an attack on you - I'm just ranting as an amplification of what you said)

[Bridget Burke]

40. You can "say" anything you want to friends & family.

But putting it on the invitation--sent to people you rarely see--is tacky. One doesn't do that with registries, either.

[northzax]

41. no, it's not ok to advertise where you are registered

but if someone asks, you can tell them, "well, if you insist, we've registered at %%%%, but all we really care about is having you with us on our special day" just like you can tell them "spend the money on a nice hotel for your stay here, all we want is you. If you must, please make a donation to Children's hospital"

you don't put "get us loot at Macy's" on the bottom of the invitation.

[Bridget Burke]

46. That's assuming the happy couple actually talks to the guests!

You can express your wishes in conversation. But there's no polite way to add them to an invitation sent to semi-strangers.

[northzax]

50. I don't want semi-strangers at my wedding, personally

unless it's a family member, and then I can use intermediaries. Why am I paying $100/plate for someone I don't know and who doesn't know me, or my family, well enough to pick up the phone and call?

[Rabrrrrrr]

49. Oh, *I* know it's not okay to advertise it, but the majority of America

seems to have decided that now it is okay. I've had it in all wedding invitations for the last few years.

I find it fucking offensive, especially when done by people who have decent jobs and have already established themselves on their own.

If it's a couple that are both moving out of their parent's homes after the wedding, and starting from scratch, that's one thing. But for people in the 20s and older, it's fucking crap.

[GiovanniC]

36. This is EXACTLY, EXACTLY, EXACTLY What I'm Saying

Exactly.

Exactly.

[LynneSin]

26. I personally think asking for cash is a good thing

I'm so fricking sick & tired of this so-called 'etiquette experts' idiots who keep pushing people to register for gifts and that giving/asking for cash is tacky.

Personally I think these people are in cahoots with the wedding registry industry because if you ever see these lists you know that the registry list consultant is pushing more more stuff than needed on the list and the more expensive stuff to boot.

I would check with your closest family & friends and mention the idea. If they're fine with it then personally I think there is no reason why you can't just ask for cash.

But the honeymoon registry sounds like another great idea if the cash thing falls through. Since it seems you have all you need why not take a dream vacation and let people help pay for it through a honeymoon registry

[Midlodemocrat]

29. Asking for money is extremely tacky. Don't do it.

But, it is NOT tacky to say on the invitation 'no gifts please, your presence is present enough' or something like that. I don't know why the wedding planner would tell you that it is.

[GiovanniC]

33. The Way It Has Been Explained To Me, Repeatedly

Is that if you say, "No gifts please", that means you are assuming that the guest was going to buy you a gift. But it's "tacky" to assume that a guest was going to buy you a gift, therefore you should not request that they NOT buy you a gift.

It makes no damn sense to me, but much of the wedding etiquette and rules and traditions and superstitions don't make much sense to me.

[Midlodemocrat]

35. I never heard that, to be honest.

I think people expect to bring or send a gift to a couple that is getting married, so I don't, personally, think it is tacky to say that you don't want people to bring a gift.

If you don't need the requisite toaster, et al, maybe do something like a contribution to a favorite charity? Or ask people to contribute to a scrapbook about the two of you?

And, before I forget, best wishes on your upcoming wedding. You sound like a great guy.

[Left Is Write]

I was going to suggest charitable donations myself.

[distantearlywarning]

37. But registries don't assume that the guests will buy you gifts???

How does that make sense?

:silly:

(Not attacking you - more like commiserating with your dilemma)

[GiovanniC]

38. I Know!

It sounds like we're on the same page here.

Saying, "Get us this stuff" = Not Tacky
Saying, "Don't get us anything" = Tacky

:crazy:

[Left Is Write]

52. Yes, they do.

And many strict etiquette experts - Miss Manners, for example - are against those too.


edited typo.

[distantearlywarning]

34. Actually, I heard the

"no gifts" = tacky thing numerous times from different sources while I was planning my wedding.

The primary reason, as I understand it, is that asking for no gifts will be interpreted by many people as "give us cash".

My personal opinion is that asking for no gifts doesn't make money for corporate America and therefore they have chosen to use guilt against anyone that wants to use it.

[LynneSin]

39. That tackiness is because people running wedding registries...

..don't want you to overlook them when your wedding comes around. Wedding Registries are the biggest ripoffs because the people who run these things are there to push you into the more expensive items and these massive lists. They are in cahoots with all these etiquette know-it-alls who keep telling us that asking for money as gifts is tacky

If people were just giving money as wedding presents the wedding registry business would start to hurt.

Personally, if someone asked for cash I'd probably spend more than what I would on a registry gift since at least with money I don't have to go through the hassle of buying the preseant, the wrapping paper, the ribbon etc.

[Midlodemocrat]

42. That is possible, but I think that wedding registries

give your friends and family an opportunity to pick out something that will be meaningful.

When I got married, I really didn't register for a whole lot, because we were both in our 30s and had separate households, so I got some really nice gifts that are still very sentimental because of the person who gave them, especially since some of them have passed away.

I think the registry is just a place to start. I recently purchased a Cuisinart for a friend who got married; she is much younger than me and she really wanted it and her friends couldn't afford it.

[LynneSin]

45. But I don't see those lists as something that the bride/mother-to-be..

...is responsible for.

When shopping this past weekend for my mother with the list she has there was so much crap on there that I couldn't possibly imagine that there was stuff she really wanted as oppose to what the registar pushed for her to get. Seriously, does anyone think "Gee I can't wait to get married so I can ask for a $25 muffin pan or $40 Salt/Pepper shaker"

These registars are doing whatever it takes to push the lists to the limits and using excuses as "You only get married once so get everything you want" knowing that family & friends will subsidize your future with overpriced stuff.

My mother jokes about that muffin pan that we ended up buying. She said she hopes they stay married because if they divorce who get to keep this overpriced useless gift or will it just be sold for $1 at a future yard sale.

[Left Is Write]

53. They're not in cahoots with Miss Manners.

She does not like registries of any kind.

[Bunny]

43. Okay, Miss Manners has spoken:

http://www.weddingchat.com/printthread.php?t=250930

SNIP
• "My son and future daughter-inlaw have 2 beautiful children and have lived together for 8 years. She wants to put on the invitations that they would both prefer money instead of gifts. How do you word it in the invitation?’’

• "Where does the information about gift registries go? I have seen it on the back of the invitation and on a separate card (with the couple’s mailing address for convenience). Which is the right way?’’

• "What would be the proper way to tell guests that we would appreciate monetary gifts, certificates, cash, checks, etc., without sounding snobbish? Someone suggested a poem on the subject but neither of us are poets. Would you happen to have anything to that effect in your archives?’’

• "I know it is tacky to ask for cash or checks in lieu of regular gifts, but what about gift cards? A friend suggested I use these lines: ‘For the gift-minded, we would like to keep our light load as we (all) will be traveling. Gift certificates or cash is acceptable.’ Help!’’

• "What is the polite way to express that money would be more welcome than physical gifts? We don’t need anything but do not want to disallow monetary gifts by saying ‘No gifts, please.’ ’’

Miss Manners is sorry to have to tell them all that she does not have a gracious and tactful extortion plea in her files, and that their qualms about sounding tacky, greedy and crude are fully justified. Only gimme pigs regard their wedding guests as cash cows.
SNIP

[GiovanniC]

48. What About People Who Want No Gifts At All?

[Bunny]

44. Wait, check this out:

http://www.hair-style-inc.com/Wedding/wedding_gifts.shtml

SNIP
But like most couples we found the cost of the wedding taxing enough -- even though our parents did pay for most of it. There was no way we could afford a honeymoon, too. So we got this crazy idea. If our loved ones would be willing to shell out for glassware and new pots, would it be terrible -- crass, rude, self-serving -- to ask for contributions toward what we really wanted?

Financial wedding gift etiquette
To be honest, I've never liked the idea of a traditional registry. No matter how fancy the store (or your china pattern), you're basically telling guests what wedding gifts to buy you.

Miss Manners, aka Judith Martin, pointed out in a recent column that commercial gift registries used to be kept ONLY in the event that customers inquired about a bride's china or silver pattern. Now, she says, all sentiment is being stripped from the gift-giving tradition. People turn to registries, she says, "to put generosity under the control of its beneficiaries." And, she concludes sternly: "These practices are no less vulgar for having become commonplace."

Her point is well-taken. Some couples seem to equate "getting married" with "shopping spree" and use the registry system to shamelessly upgrade every item in their home with wedding gifts.

On the other hand, there is a financial reality that cannot be avoided. Custom dictates that a wedding gift must be bought, so for most people the financial sanity (and sheer convenience) of bridal registries outweighs the inherent crudeness of this system. Guests don't waste their money buying gifts couples don't want or can't use. Couples get what they need, so they don't have to buy it themselves.
SNIP

[BeTheChange]

47. www.thehoneymoon.com

Is who we used. We also registered at Crate and Barrel and LNT because I too had heard about how tacky my honeymoon registry idea was from a couple people. So, we wanted to give people a more traditional option as well. In our invites, we included a link to our wedding web page which had information on fun local activities, hotels, restaurants, etc. It also had a section regarding registries, if they cared to look. I didnt want to have my family members schlepping around informing everyone of my gift decision.

Nobody bought a single thing off our traditional registries and we got so many compliments on the honeymoon registry and how unique it was and how they wish it would have been around when they got married. It also allowed them to kind of pick the honeymoon we would have- it was interactive :). We took pictures of each registry "gift" and included them in our thank yous :)

It worked really well for us.

[GiovanniC]

51. This Is What We Looked At

We have a page on www.theknot.com and thought about adding a link to www.thehoneymoon.com and setting up a registry there. However, again, we were told how horrifically tacky that idea was.

We like the idea but we don't want to offend our guests.

[BeTheChange]

61. Middle america...

Who knows... and you know what? If they are offended, honestly.. who cares? They dont have to get you anything, nobody holds a gun to their head and forces them to get you something off a registry. If you told everyone who asked, listen.. we dont need anything... if you absolutely must get something for us, we'd love a honeymoon to remember.. how can they be upset? If they are giving out of the kindness of their hearts, not some type of obligation then wouldnt they want you to be happy?

It makes no sense to me.. and maybe Im just lucky that my family and friends thought the hm registry was the coolest thing ever and that they got to play "decide a course" for our hm.

The best man bought us the hm get away (3 hr)limo ride.. he was incredibly proud of himself and wont shut up about how he hopes we made good use of it.. wink wink..

Someone actually bought us a private yacht charter for a half day..something we had put on there kind of as a.. yeah right... my 87 year old aunt whose husband passed away recently.. they used to sail together.. they sailed the same journey we followed that day.

Another aunt purchased massages on the beach. It's her one guilty pleasure and she was happy to share it with us. Neither of us had ever had a massage before.

I dont mean to sound like a hmregistry spokesperson.. but it's just ridiculous to me that people who have actually gotten an invitation to a wedding with a hm registry and sat down and looked at one could really dislike it.

[Rabrrrrrr]

63. messages on the beach? What's that?

[BeTheChange]

64. massages on the beach....

You know.. person comes out and relaxes you in preparation for a time of fruity drinks and lazy lounging in bed. :)

[Rabrrrrrr]

65. Oh, massages

Sorry! I read it "messages".

My eyes aren't working the best today - allergy problems.

[sandnsea]

62. Go for it

People would much rather help you with what you need than worry about out-dated notions of "etiquette". I'm a big etiquette person too. "We're registered at thehoneymoon.com" says it all. People will either give money there, get whatever gift they give everybody, or give you cash anyway. My daughter also set up a money tree at her wedding and nobody thought it was tacky, you can even have the wedding dance where people pin money to the bride although she didn't do that. I thought that was a bit much!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

55. You can make it easier

In your announcement card, you can say that no gifts are necessary and there will be a money tree at the reception where people can contribute to your honeymoon if they wish.

If you followed every piece of etiquette advice ever written about weddings, you would have a boring wedding and a bunch of crap you don't need.

There is nothing tacky about saving your guests the time and expense of getting you things you won't use.

[cally]

56. I like the idea of a honeymoon registry

I think most of the wedding etiquitte is absurd and I would do what seems right to you. Maybe let it be known to your closest relatives and friends that this is what you want and have them pass the word. If you are forced to register by family pressure, register at Costco where you can return easily. Maybe there is a camera or barbeque you have always wanted. :shrug:

I caved on so much of the wedding etiquette stuff due to pressure from my m-i-l. It was ridiculous and twenty plus years later I'm still embarassed that I registered for traditional gifts.

[Orangepeel]

58. We didn't register and I'm very glad that we didn't

We got some cash, lots of gift cards, and a few gift certificates to restaurants. We also got some donations to charities in our honor, which we appreciated.

We also got some special and personal things that people picked out for us -- decorative items and art pieces and such. Some of the stuff I wouldn't necessarily have picked out myself, but it was much more meaningful than if someone had just, say, gone to the Crate & Barrel website and clicked on something than anybody could have clicked on.