Open Letter to John Negroponte, Intelligence Czar

[queeg]

John Negroponte
Intelligence Czar
Secret Bunker
Washington DC

Phil Queeg, Patriot
General Delivery
Austin, Texas


Dear Sir.

I want to congratulate you on the new position of Intelligence Czar. I think it sounds like a really awesome job title, and I wondered if you work in the same building as the Drug Czar. I think whoever that is I really want to give him a hearty atta-boy for the great work of the Feds on the war on drugs. Gonna be over anytime now. Perhaps Karl or Donald could give a speech to that effect sometime. I really felt for the longest time that I was on the frontline of that war, but it's real swell to have moved into a position that I think I could be a REMF (hehe that's an old army term--look it up).

Well anyway to the really important part of my letter. Since the CIA and some of the other three letter groups that work for you have been having a hard time getting the head bad guy (sounds a lot like the 'War on Drugs'). I wanted you to know that many of us are doing their 100 per cent PATRIOTIC DUTY in searching all the nooks and crannies of the planet for bad dude numero uno Osamma Bin Laden. (what do his friends call him anyway? sammy?).

In doing my searches I wanted to report to you since you are in charge now of all the important info coming in to the Justice League HQ. So forthwith my report:

1. During the hours of 7-7:15 Osamma Bin Laden was NOT walking north in the 6000 block of Lamar Blvd.

2. During the hours of 7:15-10:00 (happy hour even though it is longer than an hour and I am usually pretty happy when I am there) Osamma bin Laden was NOT sitting at the bar of Lulu's Place. There was however a guy with a beard that said his name was Bobby and I think he was one of --well you know (GAY) --I really think you need to pass some laws about that so us Red Blooded AMERICAN PATRIOTS don't have to worry about WHICH bar we go into.

3. During the hours of 10:10-10:15 Osamma bin Laden was NOT walking south in the 6000 block of Lamar Blvd.

This concludes my search on this day for Osamma bin Laden. I do want to caution you about my data in point number three however. Some parts of that portion of the search are a bit fuzzy.


Yours Sincerely

Phil Queeg,
PATRIOT,
Capt. USN Ret.

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. ROTFL!

Fantastic!