Is it OK to be GLAD when houseguests leave? (I'm feeling guilty!)

[Radio_Lady]

My son and his wife and kids left yesterday. It was all I could do to keep up with the activity in this house. That doesn't even mention the noise, running around, washing, driving, discussions -- I'm pooped.

We had a good time seeing them. But I'm reminded of that quote about guests and fish -- can't remember the exact wording.

I got up at 3 AM this morning and have a mountain of things to do today -- and guess what! The house painters are coming on Monday to paint the outside of the house!

Oh, well -- the sun is out and I should be glad everythings back to SNAFU (situation normal, all "fouled" up).

[tjwmason]

1. It's fine

There are loads of guests who are equally welcome in their arrival and their departure.

It's not like you're being beastly about them, just that they had stayed for long enough.

Hope your day goes well. :hi:

[Radio_Lady]

17. Thanks, tjwmason -- your thoughts were very welcome.

[El Fuego]

2. It's normal to be glad when they leave.

With guests, you're happy when they get there, and even happier when they're gone.

[Radio_Lady]

18. El Fuego, you express my feelings exactly. Glad you're there!

[babylonsister]

3. "Relatives are like fish-after three days they stink." LOL!

Company is fun, getting back into your own routine is more fun! :hi:

[Radio_Lady]

10. Well, I gave out the best shampoo and soap, so nobody got into

that category! Yesterday (Friday), I was just exhausted -- stripping the beds and cleaning out leftovers from the refrigerator -- just getting back into our routine. Last night, we went out to our special Chinese restaurant and tea-toasted the successful visit. Today, we cuddled unti almost noon (that was VERY nice!) and then had a beautiful day together, just the two of us. Thanks for your kind response.

[caty]

4. We miss our privacy,

our freedom, and our schedule. Guests are great, but when our daily routines are messed with, we get messed up.:crazy:

[barb162]

5. how many days were they at your house

[Radio_Lady]

9. Let's see -- they arrived on Father's Day, Sunday, June 19th for our

barbecue and left here around noon on Friday, June 24th. Each day, we tried to do some "fun" activity with the four grandchildren -- three boys and a girl -- which worked out marvelously well. This is the first time the four cousins have all been together.

[Frances]

6. Guests are like a vacation

I am happy to leave home, but I'm happy to get back home too.

[Radio_Lady]

11. What a nice way to put it! Appreciate your sweet comment!

We received two wonderful telephone calls from eastern Oregon on Friday night and Utah this afternoon, Saturday. The family made it all the way home. (We arranged and paid for stops at two motels overnight -- the first on the way into Portland, and again on Saturday when they were going home to Salt Lake City -- rather than having them drive straight through more than twelve hours one-way from Oregon to Utah.)

[tanyev]

7. That's the best time!

Sadly, the only time I manage to psych myself up to get the house really clean is when company is coming. After they're gone, I can enjoy my nice clean house in peace and quiet. For a little while.

[Radio_Lady]

13. Interesting. I always clean the day before the cleaning man comes!

This is a BIG house and we have a dedicated male cleaning person who comes here once a month for four hours. It's the best money I spend each month.

I like things orderly and organized. Sometimes I feel I'm too much of a perfectionist, but I put things away from view in storage areas so things are "visually" perfect. Nothing is rotting, but there is much more I could do if I wanted to -- or had the time to do it! I do like to have the place organized when I leave on a trip -- so it is nice when I get back. I also like to do laundry almost daily. Luckily, my washer and dryer are on the same floor with the bedrooms and two bathrooms. It is a VERY convenient place for a laundry room!

Thanks so much for your kind reply. It helped me enormously.

In peace,

Radio Lady

[prole_for_peace]

8. i don't like to be anyone's guest.

i always feel guilty for changing their routine. i always find a close, decent hotel. that way i am comfortable and the people i am visiting don't end up feeling put out or that they have to entertain me.

[Radio_Lady]

20. Sounds just like us -- hotels are the best remedy!

Unfortunately, my son works in the food service industry and his income is not large, so we felt we had to put the four of them up in our home. We also paid for $300 worth of food and other entertainment, as well as two nights' stays coming and going from Oregon to Utah and back. We felt it was money well spent.

[Rabrrrrrr]

12. I'm always glad when they leave

Love to have them, but always glad when they go.

I've had very few guests that I was actually sad to see go and wished they could stay longer. Those guests I really treasure!

I've never had any that I wanted to go home early (thank God!), but I am the type that I like my space, my own routine, my own thing, and not having to be someone's entertainment.

[Radio_Lady]

14. This sounds so much like me, I could have written your answer, Rabrrr!

I'm an only child. My mother worked every day with my father, and we had few guests in my home.

I'm kind of a solitary person and had to give up my bedroom to my son and daughter-in-law (my husband is a very restless sleeper and we have had separate rooms for years). I "bunked in" with him and also felt the need to empty at least 1/2 of my closet and five or six drawers.

The good news is that I got to organize my bedroom and we're going to shampoo the beige rug next week.

You're right --- it's good to get back to my own routine -- my husband is out gardening in our backyard -- by the waning June light at 8:40 PM.

We've had a nice visit -- and a beautiful Saturday. Your response was most welcome.

[graywarrior]

15. I'm ready for them to leave before they even get here.

[Radio_Lady]

16. Well, let's not go there, graywarrior. I really don't feel that way about

my own son and his family. His sister lives here and there are pretty close, considering they live in different states and have even chosen different religions.

As an only child, I miss the fact that I have no siblings. I'm glad my son and daughter have each other. They are only 14 months apart in age and don't remember being without each other.

Thanks for your response!

[graywarrior]

19. You're lucky you love your family.

No one in my family ever calls me unless they need something or someone is dying. I gave up doing all the calling, writing and trying to keep a family together after years of emotional abuse. I envy happy and emotionally healthy families.

[Radio_Lady]

22. OK. We're in a "blended" (NOT!) stepfamily. In a nutshell,

I have two plus-forty-year-old stepdaughters who don't communicate with their father and me. Their mother died when they were 11 and 8; I took over and for whatever the reasons were, they are still unable to accept a marriage that happened in 1973. Thus, we have five grandchildren who we do not know, and five with whom we have a good relationship, including the one grandson of my stepson, who carries our family name.

I am sorry for your pain. For a while, I was active in a group called Grandparents United for Children's Rights. How dare these women deny us access to our grandchildren? Poison them against us, and deny them their birthright? Nothing has helped -- letters, visits, money, paying for marriages, counseling, etc. It has taken me more than fifteen years of trying to "repair" and/or apologize for any damage I (or we) have caused these two women. Finally, like you, I gave up.

I did find some solace in the book "Family Estrangements" by Barbara LeBey, an author, lawyer, former judge and interesting woman to boot! Take pleasure in your friends -- luckily, you can choose them. You can't choose your family -- but you don't have to take sh** from them, either. We'll be your DU family -- warts and all!

In peace,

Radio Lady (also "gray", but I cover it with Miss Clairol #39 Sunset Brown!)

[graywarrior]

24. Thanks for that.

I finally realized that my family is just incapable of stepping out of their own self absorbed misery.

[deadparrot]

21. In my book, it's fine.

I feel the same way when elderly relatives leave. :)

[Radio_Lady]

23. I'm actually looking forward to seeing my "elderly" aunt age 81 --

my mother's younger sister. (Mom died at 71 in 1991.)

We'll be taking a vacation with her in October in Hawaii. She used to live on Maui years ago, but hasn't been to Honolulu for 20 years. I know we'll have a good time -- she's a hot ticket -- still funny and bright after all these years!

Have a good night, everyone!

"To bed, to bed
Said Sleepyhead
Tarry a while
Said Slow.
Put on your cap
Said Uncle Jack (????)
We'll sup before we go!"

[bertha katzenengel]

25. The Washington Post had two great articles on house guests-links enclosed

From Friday, June 17

Knock, Knock
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/06/17/AR2005061700525.html

"We Were Just Passing Through:" Houseguest Horror Stories
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/06/17/AR2005061700581.html

OF COURSE it's okay to be relieved! It doesn't mean you don't love them.

[MrSandman]

26. If I wanted houseguests permanently,

I would have built a larger house and kitchen.

Seriously, changing your routine to accomodate someone else is extremely distressful, even if it is someone you care for.