Serious question/possible situation about drunk driving.

[BlondieK143]

You, your SO, and kids are out at dinner. You have three glasses of wine and are feeling pretty buzzed. Your SO drank quite a bit more than you, so you've been given the task to drive home. (You drive home, no choice in the matter in this situation).

On your way home, you think you see something in the road. You swerve a little to avoid whatever the object is. In your intoxicated state, you swerve too far. Your lose control of the car and it tumbles down an embankment. Your SO isn't moving and your children are barely breathing. You seem to be okay besides a few minor scratches. Once help is called, your SO dies in the ambulance before it gets to the hospital. Your children are in critical condition, but will make it out alive.

You're arrested and taken to jail. How do you feel? Do you believe you should go to jail for vehicular homicide or do you believe you should be set free to take care of your hurt children? (regardless of what the courts are going to say).

(May none of you ever have to experience this - myself included - but I would like to know your thoughts).

[Spinzonner]

1. Of course there was a choice

In fact, several:

1. Wait until no longer intoxicated

2. Take a cab

3. Call someone to bring another person with them to drive your vehiclae and your family.

There is both moral and legal culpability for making the wrong decision and have demonstrated the lack of judgment and sense of responsibility act in the best interests and safety of the children and do not deserve to retain custody.

[BlondieK143]

2. In this situation - I'm not giving you the choice.

I'm not completely stupid, I know there are far better things that the situation I presented you with. However, I'm saying in this particular situation, you did not call a taxi or use other options.

[Spinzonner]

4. False Premise

Unless you want to frame it as only selfish choices are appropriate

[BlondieK143]

6. Look, it's my question and my fake situation.

I didn't say you had to agree with the choices.

[bettyellen]

14. i was in that situation and i insisted on waiting two hours

until i was sober enough. my date was pissed and that was the beginning of that end.
i lost another friend by hiding his car keys once.
i lost two siblings to a drunk driver when i was a kid, so i could never drive really impared.
my brothers however drive drunk all the time. i'm not so thrilled about that.

[BlondieK143]

16. It's a terrible, terrible thing.

And I'm sorry for your loss. :( I've lost friends as well for not letting them drive.

[bettyellen]

23. my friend was completely hammered...

wanted to drive four blocks. granted he was having trouble walking, but i did offer him the couch. asshole.
i've had two friends use my name to get out of DUI's because my brothers a cop. and you know what? they never told me about it, my brother did! never mentioned a word of it.
weird, sad, shame based stuff.

[BlondieK143]

24. Wow, that's just so wrong!

I'd be pissed if they used the related cop thing on me!

[bettyellen]

28. my own cousin drove the wrong way through the lincoln tunnel---

and that's federal, so she's lucky. my brother was a little disgusted she never mentioned it to me. sleazy shit.

[LynneSin]

45. I lost a friend that way too

But I was tired of dealing with her drunk ass all the time and after nearly getting beatup by her because I wanted to do the right thing and take the keys from her, I figured she's on her own from there. There is only so much you can do to help out a drunk who does not want to be helped.

[leftofthedial]

3. drunk driving, vehicular homicide

sad, horrible, but true.

even if alcohol played no part at all in the accident, the law only cares that you were impaired and three drinks with dinner is enough to "impair" you for three hours or longer.

the moral implications are up to the individuals involved. There would be guilt with no alcohol involved. I'd guess the drinking would compound that.

In very few parts of the country now, in the wake of the MADD-fueled anti-drunk-driving pogroms, would the law take any grieving into account.

Bad situation all around, especially in the parts of the country where reasonable public transportation alternatives are unavailable and are actively opposed by repukes.

[uppityperson]

5. Is this a rhetorical question, or why do you ask?

I would be in grief enough to not need jail time. Drug/alcohol counseling and child protective services checking in all the time would be harsh enough. But then I would not get into this situation, esp not with my kids along.

Why do you ask?

[BlondieK143]

8. I'm just curious.

I know an individual that chooses to do this quite frequently, but expects there to be no consequence in his/her actions. I just wanted to know how DUers feel about whether they think they should spend time in jail for the crime.

[uppityperson]

10. Bad enough to kill your SO, leave the kids at home.

Jail time including drug/alcohol rehab (whether they are addicted or not), yes, then severe monitering when they get out.

[oneold1-4u]

18. Frequently?

Call in the law and save lives!

[BlondieK143]

22. Please see post #15

I have.

[Maddy McCall]

27. Seriously...

I'd call Child Protective Services and report the parents. Let the investigation scare the hell out of them.

People who repetetively put their children in this kind of danger DO NOT DESERVE CHILDREN.

Someone has to look out for the kids. Too bad the parents don't have sense to do so.

[BlondieK143]

29. I completely agree.

There's nothing I can't stand more than parents neglecting their children. There are so many women in the world that don't have the option to have their own kids, yet the ones that don't deserve them can easily.

And fortunately, one of their family members has done that for me already.

[Maddy McCall]

31. What was the result of the investigation?

Are they STILL driving drunk with the kids?

I've only called CPS once--and that was one time more than I would have like to have called. But I knew for a fact that a child was being molested by his uncle AND by his big brother.

CPS went into the home and the school and investigated the situation. The mother had three children by three different dads. All of the children were placed in the care of the dads' families.

The boy who was being molested is having grave problems in school and other social situations. Sadly, he's a time bomb. But at least he's not being molested anymore. I hope....

:cry:

[BlondieK143]

33. Wow, what a horrible situation!

Thank goodness you had the courage to call CPS. That is so unbelievable. :cry:

All I know about the situation and investigation is that the kids are currently in the custody of another family member. That still doesn't change the fact that they could've lost those kids in one of the countless times they made the wrong choices. I know the dad is trying to do the rehab thing, but I'm pretty sure the mom doesn't care.

[Maddy McCall]

37. Terrible.

At least they are somewhat safer than they were. :(

[BlondieK143]

38. I agree.

It's just a bad situation all around.

[Maddy McCall]

7. Here's my honest opinion:

You, your SO, and kids are out at dinner. You have three glasses of wine and are feeling pretty buzzed. Your SO drank quite a bit more than you, so you've been given the task to drive home. (You drive home, no choice in the matter in this situation).

Yes, you do have a choice. One parent should designate himself or herself as the sober driver. Or, you could call a cab and come back to get the car later. Or, you could call a friend or family member to come get the kids, and then if you want to smear your brains on the road, fine.

On your way home, you think you see something in the road. You swerve a little to avoid whatever the object is. In your intoxicated state, you swerve too far. Your lose control of the car and it tumbles down an embankment. Your SO isn't moving and your children are barely breathing. You seem to be okay besides a few minor scratches. Once help is called, your SO dies in the ambulance before it gets to the hospital. Your children are in critical condition, but will make it out alive.

Exactly why better choices should have been made early in the night.

You're arrested and taken to jail. How do you feel? Do you believe you should go to jail for vehicular homicide or do you believe you should be set free to take care of your hurt children? (regardless of what the courts are going to say).

The children don't deserve to live under the protection of such a negligent parent.

(May none of you ever have to experience this - myself included - but I would like to know your thoughts).

[BlondieK143]

9. I completely agree.

Although in this given situation, I'm not giving you the option of smarter ways to handle it. I'm telling you this IS what happened. No choices.

[uppityperson]

13. So the bigger question is do you report him/her or not?

By being aware of the situation, you are responsible. Tough choices here. I've reported friends driving drunk. It is difficult.

[BlondieK143]

15. First of all, I HAVE reported the individual.

On more than one occasion. After that, I am no longer responsible. And I cannot continue to be responsible for someone I don't see on a daily basis. It's not an easy thing to do, but there are only so many things people outside the situation can do.

[uppityperson]

19. Good for you. Sounds like some tough decisions.

It is very hard to report someone. I went to al-anon for a while, found some support for being around people with these behaviors. It can be hard to report them, but we are all part of humanity and I am glad you did because this is not acceptable behavior.

[BlondieK143]

21. And the same to you.

It's never easy, especially when you love and are close with the people with destructive behavior. :hug:

[bettyellen]

25. wow, i am proud of you...

i know it's not an easy thing to do, but you were right.
:hug:

[BlondieK143]

26. Thank you.

That means a lot. :hug: I knew it was the right thing to do, but it certainly doesn't make it any easier.

[bettyellen]

30. you have to realize that coulda been you, your mom......

me, anybosy else out on the road. and somehow, it doesn't matter to some people as much as their convience does, and that's all it is.
lotsa people take cabs, walk, stay home to drink. it's very do-able, if you take the time to think about it. there's nothing wrong with getting a nice buzz, it ain't that hard to be a little responsible about it.

[BlondieK143]

32. I know.

Everyone that dies from drunk driving is a mother, daughter, son, father. I consider it a very selfish act and very irresponsible. Unfortunately, not everyone believes the way you and I do.

[bettyellen]

35. that's when you have to remember: you don't matter to them.

so they deserve whatever the law dishes out. seriously, fuck those people, they'll only bring you grief. do not feel sorry for them in the least.
i am so impressed, that was a rare display of courage. :hug:
many caring people would rationalize, and ignore the situation.

[BlondieK143]

36. I'd like to say fuck them and move on.

I didn't do it for the parents. I could care less what type of punishment they endured. But it's those children (who have no one standing up for them) who deserve the chance at a full and healthy life. :(

[bettyellen]

39. i meant fuck the parents, sorry....

i know for the kids, it's very sad. i hope that at least one of the parents grows up a bit and starts to do right by them. one of them probably won't bother, it always seems to work that way. :shrug:
oh dayum, i must go to sleep now, darlin! nice to see you here!
:loveya:

[BlondieK143]

40. Goodnight!

Sweet dreams and so good to see you! :loveya: :hug:

[bettyellen]

41. thanks baby! same to you!

:hug:

[Pale Blue Dot]

11. Wow. Way to put a downer on the night, BlondieK143

A parent needs to take care of their children, in this case. Society would not gain if the mother were placed in prison.

Now, can I go back to being happy? Please? :P

[BlondieK143]

12. I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be a downer, I'm just being realistic. There are quite a few people in this world that believe this is acceptable behavior. I didn't mean to ruin your night. Please, by all means, be happy. :)

[LastKnight]

17. how one feels at that point is really moot.

because the law will convict you in all likelihood. along with taking your children... factoring in that it is considered child endangerment to drive drunk with a child in the car. and (in some states) if going more than twice the speed limit can be considered attempted manslaughter to both the people in the car and any pedestrians that may be in the area... so my money is on the assumption that one would be convicted.

but how do i feel? shit. i would want to raise my children. I'm 19 and child-less now but i look forward to fatherhood. i would do everything in my power to remain a father to the children, not just under this circumstance, but under any and all circumstances.

oh... and... yea, i donno why i responded because i dont drink. the only measure of alcohol is a bit here and there for communion at church.

why do you ask?

-LK

[BlondieK143]

20. See post #8

And like you, I'm 19 years old with no children. Thank you for your opinion. :)

[moof]

34. Your moof hut sentence " never again drive anything bigger than a moped "

If you are ever caught in control of anything larger you get house arrest
for the rest of your natural life and lose of the priviledge of driving the moped.

[fleabert]

42. should have taken a cab.

or not had drinks in the first place. responsible people decide the driving bit in advance.

and if you are going to make me only answer based on the situation you propose...yes. I belong in jail.

[Maine-ah]

43. I say the person was completely irresponsible and should

pay their dues.

I can count ten people I know that have died as a result of drunk drivers, and the last one was the worst. My best friend's twin brother was walking home, because he had too much, and someone else coming home from the same party decided to drive. He was hit by the guy, and left in the road to die, found by his best friend in the early morning when he didn't come home. I have known this family since I was a small child, and her brother was like a brother to me. They are from a small town, and it happend right in front of someones house. The asshole could have gone to the house to get help, but he got back into his truck and left him there to die.

[jukes]

44. Homer Simpson

put dead Marge in the driver's seat; leave passenger door open, take a nap under a tree so the cops think you were thrown clear...