Hypothetical: If you found out that someone you only know online...

[Maddy McCall]

,and had formed a pleasant online friendship with, was stalking and harrassing other women online and had been banned from the website through which you met, would that change your opinion of the person? Would you drop the online friendship and cease all contact, or would you continue to correspond with the person?

Totally hypothetical...was just wondering if it would change your opinion of the person. Does your gender have anything to do with your decision?

[sniffa]

1. i'm not staLking and harrassing

they so want it.

[Maddy McCall]

5. You called my painted toenails "delicate little candies."

LOL! (You really didn't, but if you met me you would.} :evilgrin:

[sniffa]

8. and they taste Like fritos

:evilgrin:

[Maddy McCall]

10. Honey BBQ fritos.

But better than chickenshit, I say. :D

[Sanity Claws]

2. definitely change my opinion of him

how could it not? He's a dangerous loon.
I'm female

[Book Lover]

3. Uh, yeah!

Online or no, if I found out someone I trusted was a harasser/stalker, the friendship is dead. And it wasn't me who killed it.

[oneold1-4u]

30. Get out and change ID

When it gets above standing on your toes depth, IT IS DEADLY!

[Book Lover]

34. I'm sorry

It must be the lack of sleep, but I don't get your post. Did you mean to reply to another maybe?

[Zomby Woof]

4. This is a long shot

But I think you're going against the grain. ;-)

[Maddy McCall]

9. shhhhh!

You're blowing my gig, pal. :D

[Zomby Woof]

11. When you use the word "hypothetical"

You blow your own. :D :bounce: :evilgrin:

[Maddy McCall]

But doesn't it make me sound intelligent?

:D

[Zomby Woof]

22. You already do by default!

Choosing to hook up with the CA DUers was the first sign. ;-)

[Maddy McCall]

29. Well, if you were still in Arizona, it would have been a tough choice.

Cali to see NSMA and MisU, or Arizona to see you. Riding on the train would have made visiting you in AZ pretty irresistable, as I am a major train fan.

:hi:

[Zomby Woof]

32. I am on the way to CA where I am

So you could have still done both. :D

And Maddy Jr. could have gotten a GCR engineer's cap.

[Maddy McCall]

53. Dadgummit!

I thought you were already residing in California.

Well, one day in the future we shall all meet, and I ain't waitin' until the roll is called up yonder. :D

[Zomby Woof]

61. I have 33 more days!

THEN I will be in CA. :D

[Maddy McCall]

62. Best wishes to you. You deserve much happiness...

I'm freakin' happy for both of you. I'd say that you're a lucky guy, and I'd also say that nini is a lucky gal.

:hug: to both of ya. :loveya:

[swag]

55. When coupled with the animated gif of Elvis snurfling the little girl,

it kind of scares me.

[Maddy McCall]

59. That's his daughter.

:eyes:

[swag]

66. Even worse.

[Maddy McCall]

88. Sad that you see something perverted in it.

Yours is the first negative remark I've received. Everyone else thinks it's sweet. I do, too.

I kiss my son. I'm not a pervert. Maybe you need to examine why you see parent-child affection as perverted. :shrug:

[madeline_con]

91. I'll second that.

She looks like a lot of little girls whose Daddies kiss them. Sweet and innocent.

[bicentennial_baby]

15. damn...

I'm good...maybe I'm psychic...

[Sugar Smack]

92. Hypothetically speaking,

I would lose contact. I'm a female with a low tolerance for weird, assumptive stalkers. Does that answer your question?

;-)

[Wapsie B]

6. That sounds spooky.

The friendship would be over. Period.

[onebox30]

7. I have a low tolerance for creeps.

And I can sense them a mile away. Once I get that icky vibe, I'm gone.

[GOPisEvil]

12. I'm afraid my opinion of this person would change.

I don't think I could consider myself friends with someone who would do such things. I prefer to limit my contact with people who treat people with disrespect.

[evlbstrd]

13. Over!

I'm a guy, and I hope nobody ever even suspects I'd do such a thing.
Do they?

[greatauntoftriplets]

14. Stalking and harrassing????

Two strikes...he's out. Life isn't baseball.

[Bok_Tukalo]

16. Perhaps there is more to the story.

This seems like a pretty cut and dried scenario.

[Maddy McCall]

20. More to the story...

It isn't just one woman, but many women.

[Bok_Tukalo]

25. Many women?

Sort of dilutes the "stalking" a bit, doesn't it?

I am probably mistaken and know nothing of the pathology but isn't the hallmark of stalking a focused obsession with one individual?

[Maddy McCall]

35. A group of women, shall I say.

But, harrassment and stalking-behavior can extend to more than one woman. Maybe it's a situation of stalking more than one and hoping that one will cave in.

Add to the equation that, hypothetically, any rebuff is met with violent ranting and lunacy.

[bettyellen]

39. violent ranting and lunacy???

time to go....

[GOPisEvil]

43. Violent ranting and lunacy?? Check, please.

[Tsiyu]

74. Oh My God

people think stalkers confine themselves to only ONE object of obsession? Not so. Many are addicted to this behavior and they have to have a few or more victims to keep that fix up. You are so right on, Maddy.

Whatever happens to these folks (and they can be either gender) they have a sick, twisted view of the objects of their obsessions, and they go psycho when that "object" rejects them. If you've ever truly been stalked by someone, you know it is a frightening, surreal experience.

I think I'd just have to tell the person i didn't approve of their behavior and let them go, with some suggestions for counseling.

[micrometer_50]

89. If this is accurate

"violent ranting and lunacy."

then I would tell you to insist that this 'person'
go away. Far far away.

I don't know you very well, Maddy, but this can not be tolerated.

[Rich Hunt]

83. hardly

Many stalkers stalk not just one person, although one person is more than likely their main target. But when you stalk one person, you end up stalking others around that person, or people who remind you of the main target, etc.

"Addiction" is an accurate description for the stalker's mentality. Very often, cyberstalkers get "spanked" or banned, they hide, and then a few weeks later pop up somewhere else, doing the same thing again - just like other abusers, they always say they're not going to do it anymore and then they do.

[1monster]

45. Does this guy use a little

man in a snorkle as his sig line?

[Bok_Tukalo]

17. Dupe

Deleted

[tjdee]

18. I know what you're talking about--and I say YES.

I would want to be sure of the stalking/harassing though, but I think all of that is pretty verifiable in this particular....um, hypothetical....case.

Just goes to show that sometimes you don't *really * know people--whether you meet them on the internet or not.

[Maddy McCall]

21. Yes, it's hard to know whether people online have a dark side.

Sadly, some do, and they don't keep it very well hidden.

[Redstone]

19. Well, you alread did, didn't you?

Just like anyone else would, I think. I don't suppose you're going to get anyone answering "Nah, wouldn't bother me to find that stuff out." I think the answer is pretty much a given.

Yes?

Redstone

[Maddy McCall]

24. You would hope that other women would see the problems...

but, hypothetically, not all do.

I have been stalked online and in real life. It's a terrifying feeling. For me, it's definitely a no-brainer.

:hi:

[Redstone]

36. Not all do? Even hypothetically, that's not very bright of them.

Though they may just not realize the potential consequences if they've never had the real-life experience that you have.

It'd be my guess that you'd only have to have that happen once to never forget the lesson, but until that once, you may not think it's the big deal that it actually is.

Redstone

[KG]

23. Totally hypothetical, eh?

:)

[Maddy McCall]

26. Totally and completely.

;-)

[progmom]

27. well i would hope that before it got to that point...

...that i would have figured out just how creepy the person was. ;)

you know....hypothetically.

[Maddy McCall]

31. Yes. Hypothetically, I think I would have already had a clue.

:-)

[MrSandman]

28. How could you continue to trust...

Someone whose behaviors are irrational?

[SOteric]

33. Hypothetically,

Do I know for a fact that he was stalking and harassing women online, or do I just have the word of someone else I only know from an online relationship?

'Cause if it's a he said/she said thing, I tend to think I'd be inclined to cautiously continue the friendship until and unless the person in question had done anything specifically untoward to me personally.

[Maddy McCall]

38. Hypothetically...

the stalking and harrassment continued through off-the-board messages, all of which were forwarded to the website administrator, who warned the person to cease and desist. So, the person then used another board member to forward messages to the object(s) of his attraction.

[oneold1-4u]

40. Come on ! or Come off it!

The weirdos are here the same as on your block, in your church, at your job, even a few relatives you might consider??.
Take it from an oldie but "dummy" any action from on line (mind only)relationship is costly and dangerous.

[Zomby Woof]

42. I know that edge of the sword

Having been drawn through the muck of vicious online-generated rumor and innuendo once upon a time, not so long ago. And it was all based on a severely disturbed and disgruntled person spreading it via online friendships that this person created, and their word being taken as truth, for no other reason than well, why the hell not? I like the person! They wouldn't lie, would they?

The irony being that these people were willing to believe the worst of what this person said, and the worst about me, and yet, believe the best about the accuser and what they said. A strange and unfortunate double-standard. A person should make up their own mind and find out for themselves. But life doesn't offer a warranty, so what the hell.

When pressed for evidence, the accuser couldn't offer any, because it only existed in their vivid, vengeful, and twisted imagination.

It was simply a my-word-against-theirs game, and ultimately I had faith the truth would prevail, being that I have a healthy network of offline DU friends who can vouch for my character and general disposition, and whereabouts, for that matter.

I will leave it at that, as I will any further comment on the veracity of the claims made by others on the subject of this thread, because said evidence was presented, in spades.

[nini]

52. I'll vouch for your character any time

You are the most honest, respectful, decent man I've ever met.


You stalking someone is beyond ridiculous. Disagreeing with, or calling someone's lies out for what they are does not make a stalker.




:loveya: :hug:

[Redstone]

67. That must have been a copper-plated btch for you to go through...

and it could happen to anyone, couldn't it? All it takes is one monomaniacal lunatic...

Redstone

[Zomby Woof]

70. One day I will be able to sum it up in 2 hours or less

Copper-plated indeed. With gilded edges!

The fallout lingers to this day, but is of no consequence any longer. :-)

I do like to lord my victory over the corpse though, when I win a hard one.

[Maddy McCall]

77. I was around when it happened to ZW.

He had been a member of DU a LOOOONG time...he posted in all forums on DU--the political ones, I mean. He wasn't here just to "pick up chicks."

He instantly became my friend. He NEVER made an inappropriate comment to me (well, yeah he did--we both made inappropriate, tacky comments through PM, but NEVER of a sexual nature :D ).

The rumor that went around about him was completely unfair and was started in a "jilted lover" kind of situation. Sadly, many people bought it and ran with it.

I so felt badly for ZW during that time. I KNOW ZW. He's a nice guy and certainly didn't deserve the shit that came down on him during that time.

But, the hypothetical situation about which I speak is completely different from the ZW situation, because it seems that the hypothetical poster in question hypothetically joined DU just to "pick up chicks." He, hypothetically, rarely posted anywhere but the lounge, and maybe a couple of other non-political forums. And his unnerving behavior affected more than one person, and the person that I know--who complained--had never been a lover of any type to the hypothetical guy, maybe except in his hypothetical dreams. There was no way that this hypothetical situation was like ZWs, which was a revenge type of situation.

And all of the PMs were forwarded to the hypothetical admin, who took appropriate action.

[SarahB]

37. My take...

I know exactly what you're saying and let me just say that when I had to deal with a particular hypothetical person like this, I was grateful for a room full of people who were looking out for me.

I wouldn't have hypothetically wanted to deal with the hypothetical person alone having had a few drinks in me. I think it could have not-so-hypothetically turned rather dangerous for my well-being. I have never been forced to do anything I didn't want to do with a man and I'd like to keep it that way. Certain people are bad, bad news. That's all I'll say here.

[progmom]

41. hey sweetie

:hug:

[Redstone]

46. I'm sure those people who were in that room are pleased to hear

that you knew they were looking out for you, and that it made you feel more comfortable to know that at the time.

You were indeed well-protected. There wasn't anything going to happen to you that night that you didn't want to happen.

At least, that's what I heard. My hypothesis, so to speak.

Redstone

[Amaya]

47. very true indeed

Redstone :hi:

[Redstone]

51. Hey, you! Good to see you around!

How have you been? Doing well, I hope.

Yes, I did mean you in that reference above.

And, by the way, I still consider you to be a saint. Unless you've turned horrible or something since last time, which I doubt.

Redstone

[Amaya]

69. Hey you!

I'm doing ok. Things could be better, oh well...
we'll see what fate has in store for me.

I don't think I'm a saint, just a loyal friend. Always loyal.

:hug: to you.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

68. And you're right on the money

I would avoid that hypothetical person like the plague. Definitely a deep-seated rage there, coupled with desperation.

[BlondieK143]

71. A HUGE amen to this!

I've been in a very similar hypothetical situation and thank goodness for those around me is all I can say! Maddy, take care of yourself and be careful. People seem one way online, but you never know what dark, deep things they hide.

[Sugar Smack]

93. Hey, girl!

:hug:

[1monster]

44. I used to frequent a message board where just such a situation existed.

This guy made several women just absolutely miserable and eventually drove them from the board.

He was an absolute freaking jerk. Neocon jerk too.

[fleabert]

48. I hypothetically think it was hypothetically sad that this

hypothetically happened.

He hypothetically seemed like a good nut, a nut, but a good nut. and I consider myself a good nut...my powers of intuition were a bit off I guess.

hypothetically of course.

[progmom]

60. you are a good nut

let's say this hypothetical person had a lot of anger, which manifested itself in posts and threads that were quickly deleted. :(

[fleabert]

78. :-) thanks...guess I missed all that.

hypothetically.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

49. Absofuckinlutely. Um, even though you're a scary precursor to a serial

killer, I still think you're cool! NOT

[musical_soul]

50. I think I'd stop the friendship.

Learning the truth would make me realize I did not really know this man like I thought.

[LisaL]

54. Well, that's a no brainier-of course I would drop the friendship.

I wouldn't want to be friends with a stalker.

[JohnKleeb]

56. Stop contact

and did something happen?

[The Flaming Red Head]

57. After hearing BTK talk about trolling for victims

What do you think?

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

58. There actually was a dude, not BTK, from Kansas, an S&M guy, who

was a serial killer and found his victims on the web. John Robinson I believe.

http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/predators/john_robinson/index.html?sect=2

[all.of.me]

63. i'd be pretty creeped out

i had something similar happen to me. there used to be a writing website, where authors got paid per view on their articles. we read and left comments on other people's work.

there was one guy who was especially attractive. there were a lot of women leaving comments on his pieces, some of which were quite provocative but VERY funny. he and i started emailing. we had a lot in common. after a couple months of this and talking on the phone, he said he'd come visit me for thanksgiving.

well, in late october, i got an email from a woman chastising him for his behavior on this website. this email was addressed to about 20 women (most from this writing website!), and it was signed by his girlfriend! he had a freakin' harem that included about 200 icq names! ack! it was a nightmare! he had told ALL of these women he was coming for thanksgiving! now that i look back, it is pretty funny, but then it was horrible.

turns out, all us women got to be friends, comparing notes (one had actually been engaged to him previous to this mess!) and swapping stories. we scared the shit out of him with essays of our own. he threatened to sue me for libel, but there was no identifying info in what i wrote. it was fiction. i threatened him right back and never heard from him again.

i was a newbie to the internet, and what a wake up call!

so if i met someone else online with dubious behavior, yes, i'd nip that friendship in the bud. or is it in the butt?! hahaha

[Schema Thing]

64. Drop 'em like a bad habit; that pleasant online friendship was uninformed

[CanuckAmok]

65. whadda you mean? I haven't been banned!

n/t

[JimmyJazz]

72. Dude! You are next on the list!

Hypothetically speaking, of course :P

[NMMNG]

73. Drop them like the cliched hot potato

And being a woman probably has something to do with my decision.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

75. Maybe the guy only loses it in Online LaLaLand, and is perfectly sweet

in real life. Maybe. Or maybe not.

I wouldn't take the risk, personally.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

76. Could someone hypothetically PM me more about this hypothetical situation?

I'm hypothetically "out of the loop".

[fleabert]

80. check your inbox.... nt

[JohnKleeb]

82. can you pm me too?

[fleabert]

84. enable your profile...

[JohnKleeb]

85. sure thing

[fleabert]

86. check your inbox...nt.

[JohnKleeb]

87. thanks thats freaky

but I am not surprised.

[madeline_con]

79. ".... would that change your opinion of the person? "

Let me think for a minute. YES!!


"Does your gender have anything to do with your decision?"

No. Either sex can stalk either sex.

[Rich Hunt]

81. being a contrarian here...

I'd keep an emotional distance, taking care to not appear to approve of his behavior, but I personally wouldn't cut him off - I'd keep him talking. We're talking about behavior that is possibly criminal and potentially dangerous. This tactic is not for everyone, of course.

Of course, if he's a stalker, he will try his damndest to hide from his online "friends" the behavior he's ashamed of, so you won't have to do much pretending anyway, but if you have an "in" with this person, I'd say....get as much out of them as you can. You might get some evidence this way.

[gardenista]

90. I think we all know that this is not a "hypothetical" situation.

It looks like the admins did the right thing.

But this whole thread, your need to post the thinly veiled re-hashing of the situation, the need for others to ;-) chime in with meta references, and drop hints and send out PMs to spread the "hypothesis" makes me wonder...

Why beat a dead "hypothetical" horse?

[supernova]

94. Yes, of course

I'd stear clear of that person. Ted Bundy could pretend to be a great "friend" too.

The problem is, you never know if they percieve you as "friend" or prey.

I know the hypothetical person, so just let them go. S/He will most likely get in trouble somewhere else down the line, if s/he hasn't already.

[Moderator]

95. Locking

Locking