FREE STRESS TEST

[sniffa]

ever see these signs/booths/tabLes at the train station? or the maLL?
or anywhere?

usuaLLy the most friendLy peopLe in the worLd work the tabLe... and they Love, Love, Love coLLege kids and teens as that usuaLLy seems to be the age bracket of the crowds they draw. every time i see them, and kids taking the tests, i want to stop them; grab the kids and teLL them to watch out; knock their tabLe over and throw their shit in the street; or set up a sign/tabLe next to them informing peopLe what they're actuaLLy about.

do you know who/what the stress testers are?
maybe more importantLy if you do, do your friends/kids know?

[Ariana Celeste]

1. Never seen anything like that..

who are these people?

[sniffa]

4. their ceLebrity spokeperson

has been aLL over DU as of Late.

[Ariana Celeste]

5. ahhhhh

Gotcha.

[sniffa]

6. the free stress test

is the in to their cuLt. everyone faiLs the test.

[China_cat]

11. Not everyone

You pass it if you let them know you're poor.

[Ariana Celeste]

14. LOL

They'll never bother my poor ass then. :7

[sniffa]

15. good point

:rofl:

[jmm]

39. I have an ex who was a magnet for them.

When we went out together I attracted more of the Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons but it was funny to see Scientologists flock to him on a nearly daily basis. When he pointed this out to me I told him to stop dressing like he had money.

[arcane1]

2. saw them yesterday on Powell St in SF

kind of hard to miss who they are, since they had so many copies of their "bible" on the table :P

[sniffa]

3. *snicker*

science fiction something or other?

[redqueen]

8. Best joke EVER

Sad so many suckers don't realize it...

[Q3JR4]

7. I bet I can find a link to the

"answers" to their free stress test.

Then again, they'd probably still try to reel you in.

[sniffa]

12. there are no correct answers

every one of your answers wiLL be wrong, and you'LL need heLp.

there is an e-meter though.

[jonnyblitz]

9. what, no poker game tonight?

awwwww :(

[sniffa]

13. but now i'm around

:D

[jonnyblitz]

19. oooh..

wednesday night sleep ovahs.. *squeal* :P

[sniffa]

21. wouLd you Like to come over for an audit?

:evilgrin:

[jonnyblitz]

22. oh..for stress?

yeah...i need to calm down. :crazy:

[sniffa]

23. my cuLt is coming together niceLy

[jonnyblitz]

24. oh...but we are already using the tents

for the "queering up" folks..:shrug:. it's gonna get crowded near that stream under your balcony.

[bettyellen]

32. i want the queer reversaL tent, i already have a go go boy under my beLt..

well, under my shirt, actuaLLy, but you know what i mean.
gosh, is spLash stiLL open? good times.

[KFC]

10. Saw those fuckers at the mall

Was with friends, so I didn't confront them other than saying "xenu". Blank look. They probably don't know about xenu yet. Confronting them won't really work anyway - they are trained to act like robots.

http://www-2.cs.cmu.edu/People/dst/Library/Shelf/xenu/xenu-05.html#TR1

George sat beside me and put an ashtray in the chair across from me. I read the instructions in the bulletin. Taking the ashtray in my hands, I shouted in the loudest possible voice, "Stand up!" Then I raised the ashtray off the chair and held it in midair. "Thank you," I acknowledged the ashtray. "Sit down on that chair!" I shouted, lowering the ashtray back to the chair. "Thank you!" I shouted again.

"Not loud enough," George looked at me. "I don't feel your total intention. Theoretically, if you do this drill with complete Tone 40, the ashtray will rise by itself off the table. When you give the commands, you can have no other intention than the commands. You're still somewhat self-conscious."

He was right about that. I couldn't believe I was sitting here yelling at an ashtray. But if I had to do it, I was determined to do it well. So I yelled even louder. "Stand up!" I screamed, raising the ashtray off the table. "Sit down on that chair!" My voice was getting hoarse. I lowered the ashtray and looked at George triumphantly. "How was that?"

[sniffa]

16. wait tiLL he gets to the invisibiLity training

it's even harder.

[khashka]

17. Fuck yes

They are called Scientoligists. You wanna join a cult - I got a better one that's much more fun.......


Khash.

[Spider Jerusalem]

18. $cientologists...

'name the three things that most trouble you. Now take this little test...it's called the "Oxford Capacity Analysis" (has nothing to do with Oxford, and doesn't measure anything). Hmm. Well, you have problems here, here and here...but $cientology can help you with that. Why not come in for an auditing session?'

[Dukkha]

20. I 'm not taking no FUCKING STRESS TEST!

I DON'T NEED IT! NO TIME FOR ONE! SHUT UP!

[sniffa]

25. just hoLd onto these nodes

[bettyellen]

27. i leave long bloody scratch marks down the length of those nodes.......

how's that for using my digits?
:evilgrin:

[sniffa]

28. if by nodes, you mean some parts of my body

Let's do this! :evilgrin:

[bettyellen]

30. they are fuLLy sharpened.....

and your recovery time may vary....

[sniffa]

34. so what are you doing this weekend?

:evilgrin:

[bettyellen]

35. i am fLoating in a boat and painting my toes at dusk whiLe the bats

swirL around my head whiLe they dive for insects.
the bats scare me exactLy the correct amount every singLe time.
i Love them for that.

[sniffa]

36. that's beautifuL

i am fLoating in a boat and painting my toes at dusk whiLe the bats
swirL around my head whiLe they dive for insects.
the bats scare me exactLy the correct amount every singLe time.
i Love them for that.

it's poetry.

[bettyellen]

37. and it's true.

a bottLe of naiL polish and a nice drink and i am cLeopatra of the catskiLLs.
i am easy Like that. and scary is fun sometimes, don't you think?
:blush:

[sniffa]

38. yeah, i Love being scared.. even though it's scary

:D

you shouLd have someone paint for you.

[bettyellen]

40. this is true... i need some hands with reaL skiLLs ....

and they couLd heLp getting the adreniLine out of my system as weLL.
sometimes it takes a whiLe to caLm me down.

[xmas74]

26. Now I want to take one.

I would like to answer in a way that would frighten them all.
I enjoy fukkin' w/ their heads.

Do you think if I tell them I have 10 kids and that I'm on welfare I'll pass?

[bikebloke]

29. Once upon a time in Amsterdam....

...I was exploring, walking the streets in the rain. One of wee little Tommy's freaks approached me, asking if I wanted to come inside for a free stress test. To get out of the wet and have a quick sit down, I went along for the craic. Said I was Swedish and took the test in Swedish (Jag pratta svenska.) It's easy to see where the test was leaning. In the end, they said I was very stressed out. Actually, I was quite relaxed (without patronizing any of those coffee shops with the funny leaves on their signs - not for me, matey). Anyway, they wanted me, a poor traveller, to cough up my precious guilder to haul around a bunch of their books in my backpack. No way. The wet had ceased, so I went my merry way.

[no name no slogan]

31. Yeah, those bastards hate my I [heart] XENU t-shirt, though

:P

[sniffa]

33. pfft

:thumbsup:

[sniffa]

41. kick

cuz i'd Like everyone to know

[BlondieK143]

42. *sigh*

If I didn't love you so much, I'd really hate you. :D

[sniffa]

43. why?

[BlondieK143]

44. Oh just because.

:) We're not having this discussion again.

[sniffa]

45. fair enough

how do you feeL about david koresh and jim jones then?

[BlondieK143]

48. Well...

I don't adore them nearly as much as I do you. :D

[Mutley]

46. I've never seen a stress table.

What is it Scientology's new recruiting method?

edit: see I should have read the whole thread before I posted... but at least I was right!

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

47. Here's a good stress test

And you don't even have to join my cult...

http://webpages.charter.net/hkirtley/stress/

[Mutley]

49. HAHAHA!

I saw a cow! I guess I am stressed.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

50. I prescribe a few days off...