"Hold the chicken salad."

[trof]

So I'm sitting here watching "Five Easy Pieces" (1970) starring a young and handsome Jack Nicholson. If you haven't seen it,in the most memorable classic scene in a roadside diner on his way home, he is again aggravated and exasperated by meaningless rules. A live-by-the-rules waitress (Lorna Thayer) stubbornly refuses to serve him a plain omelette (with tomatoes instead of potatoes), a cup of coffee and a side order of wheat toast, because she dryly explains: "No substitutions":

Dupea: I'd like a plain omelette, no potatoes, tomatoes instead, a cup of coffee, and wheat toast.
Waitress: (She points to the menu) No substitutions.
Dupea: What do you mean? You don't have any tomatoes?
Waitress: Only what's on the menu. You can have a number two - a plain omelette. It comes with cottage fries and rolls.
Dupea: Yeah, I know what it comes with. But it's not what I want.
Waitress: Well, I'll come back when you make up your mind.
Dupea: Wait a minute. I have made up my mind. I'd like a plain omelette, no potatoes on the plate, a cup of coffee, and a side order of wheat toast.
Waitress: I'm sorry, we don't have any side orders of toast...an English muffin or a coffee roll.
Dupea: What do you mean you don't make side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don't you?
Waitress: Would you like to talk to the manager?
Dupea: ...You've got bread and a toaster of some kind?
Waitress: I don't make the rules.
Dupea: OK, I'll make it as easy for you as I can. I'd like an omelette, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.
Waitress: A number two, chicken sal san, hold the butter, the lettuce and the mayonnaise. And a cup of coffee. Anything else?
Dupea: Yeah. Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.
Waitress (spitefully): You want me to hold the chicken, huh?
Dupea: I want you to hold it between your knees.
Waitress (turning and telling him to look at the sign that says, "No Substitutions") Do you see that sign, sir? Yes, you'll all have to leave. I'm not taking any more of your smartness and sarcasm.
Dupea: You see this sign? (He sweeps all the water glasses and menus off the table.)

'Cause Jack don't take no shit offa nobody.
;-)

[NYCGirl]

1. Ms. Thayer passed away just the other day...

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Movies/06/20/obit.thayer.ap/

[trof]

2. What a coincidence!

Thanks.

[Zomby Woof]

3. I have the DVD

One of his most nuanced performances, with that classic bit of Jack-rage.

I also have the "About Schmidt" DVD, and on the extras, it shows a deleted scene that Alexander Payne shot as a tribute to the "Five Easy Pieces" scene. It goes the other way... Schmidt is in a diner, and when the waitress says there are no substitutions, he meekly says "Okay." It was to highlight how conformist and conventional Schmidt was, and salute one of his most famous scenes.