Kudos to Divorced Parents who put Kids First

[bleedingheart]

This weekend, my hubby and I visited his parents, both sets, his parents divorced long ago but they did a great job. Overall they put their children first and did their best to keep their personal problems from their kids. (note...just like the rest of us they aren't perfect but the did a great job) Today my husband has a good relationship with both his mother, father, stepmother and stepfather...My hubby is the good guy he is because of these four people.

I know it isn't always possible and in cases where one of the parties is abusive it is downright dangerous.

Why am I saying this? One of the people in our office is playing games with the ex-spouse and using the kid as a weapon...it is ugly, it is sick and it has now resulted in a tit-for-tat battle.

It is so easy to slide into petty behavior....it is far more work to rise above it and move on.

[Patiod]

1. My cousin's husband was exemplary

My cousin cried and cursed him constantly, but he never missed a child support payment, he took the kids over the summer which they really enjoyed, and he stayed in close touch with the kids, even though he was remarried and lived in TX and she was in PA. (The divorce was because he got a job in TX and she refused to go with him b/c she didn't want to leave her family and her small town).

When he showed up at his oldest's HS graduation, our entire family welcomed him warmly. A stand-up guy deserves some credit.

[MissHoneychurch]

2. my parents were the same

when the got seperated, me and my brother stayed with our dad. But it was never a question that we saw our mother often. They stayed friends, they just didn't love each other anymore. And it was never a question for my mom to be there when my dad died.

[jedicord]

3. That's how it is with my husband's ex-wife

The beginning (when I showed up) was kinda rocky, but now we could be best friends if we didn't live so far apart. We have 2 teenage girls and the ex will call me for advice or with news.

We just spent an entire day at her house a couple of weeks ago for a birthday part BBQ for the youngest. All of her family was there and all of her husband's family, and we had a blast. We are not considered outsiders, we are family.

And there's nothing better for the girls in my opinion to have it this way. And it's easy and natural for it to be so.

[Samurai_Writer]

4. My son was 1 year old when my husband and I separated.

He was not even 3 years old when the divorce was final (after a one week long custody trial by jury). I got full custody, but his father saw him as much as he could (he moved to another state when my son was 4). My son went ALL summer, every summer, to his dad's, until he was about 15. He also spent every school holiday with him. I swore when we separated that I would NEVER say one bad thing about his father in front of him, and after 24 years, I am glad to say I never did, even when his father stopped paying child support when he was 11 (and never paid it again, because he had a 'new family' of a wife #5 and 3 step kids to support). To this day, my son has a good relationship with his dad, and goes to visit him once a year, using almost all his vacation time from work to do so. However, when my son needs something, whether it be advice, a shoulder to lean on, or tangible things such as money, he comes to me. He knows that his dad is a nice guy, and he loves him, but he knows that his mom was the one who did all the 'dirty work' of being a parent, and is the one he can come to. He's grown into a very responsible, caring young man. And I think in large part, because he had a good relationship with both his parents, even though he doesn't ever remember us living together.

Peace,
Bella