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After I tried to cancel AOL, I was so irritated that I sat down and wrote a transcript of the conversation from my memory. It might not be exactly word-for-word but it's pretty close:
AOL: Hi, this is Sherry... blah blah blah... What's your name?
ME: Giovanni {Last Name}.
AOL: Okay, Mister {Last Name}. Is it okay if I call you Giovanni?
ME: I really don't care.
AOL: Okay, Giovanni. I need to ask you your security question. What is your mother's middle name?
ME: Anne.
AOL: I'm sorry, that's not what we have.
ME: That's her middle name.
AOL: Could it be something else?
ME: No, Anne has been her middle name, like, my whole life. Do you mean her MAIDEN name?
AOL: No, her MIDDLE name.
(arguing about security question for five more minutes before determining that they are actually looking for her MAIDEN name)
AOL: Okay, and what can I do for you today?
ME: I want to cancel my account.... again.
AOL: Ha ha! Well, I'll need to get some information from you. You said that you want to cancel your account again? What do you mean by that?
ME: I called a couple of months ago, and spoke to some guy and tried to cancel. He tried very hard to prevent me from cancelling.
AOL: Okay.
ME: He asked me a bunch of questions asking me what I use AOL for -- music, news, sports, video, whatever...
AOL: Yeah.
ME: ... and he was trying to tell me that I can do all of that stuff with AOL.
AOL: Well, you can do all of that stuff with AOL.
ME: Yeah, and I can do all of that stuff without AOL. I'm not my grandmother. I can use the Internet without all the little Playskool pictures and colors.
AOL: Ha ha. I agree with you there.
ME: Anyway, he wanted me to sign up for AOL with Broadband. I told him no. Then, the other day, I find out from my bank that you guys are still charging me.
AOL: Okay. He must have thought that you said that you wanted to sign up for AOL for Broadband.
ME: Why would I want that? Why would I spend an extra $28.90 every month to get something that I don't want and that I don't need?
AOL: I don't know. Well, what would you like to do?
ME: Well, first off, I want this cancelled. And I want you to listen very closely to me right now, okay?
AOL: Okay.
ME: If you have some stupid little script where you're supposed to beg me to stay with AOL, I want you to save your breath.
AOL: Um, all right...
ME: I mean it. I've already heard it before, it's stupid, so save it. I'm not going to use AOL.
AOL: I wouldn't do that, sir. We're on the same page here.
ME: Good.
AOL: I think that cable internet is definitely the way to go. It's very fast and you can do so much stuff with it.
ME: I agree.
AOL: So what kinds of things do you do online?
ME: I do all sorts of things. I do all of the things that I do, with my cable internet, without AOL. I haven't used AOL for months. I haven't missed AOL.
AOL: Well, like what sorts of things do you do, though? Like, sports, or music, or video, or what?
ME: You're reading the &@%# script. I just told you not to read me that stupid script, and you're doing it.
AOL: No I'm not.
ME: Yes, you just did. I asked to have my account cancelled, the guy didn't. I ask you not to read the script, and you did.
AOL: No, we're on the same page here.
ME: If we're on the same page, then you'll realize that I want you to cancel my account, and I want you to do it now.
AOL: I can do that, but first I'll need to get some financial information from you so we can take care of the outstanding balance of $57.80.
ME: Have you cancelled my account yet?
AOL: No, I can't cancel your account until you give me the financial information to take care of your outstanding balance.
ME: I tried to cancel months ago, before you guys charged me this outstanding balance.
AOL: Well, I wasn't there in that conversation but he didn't think that you cancelled so you still owe this $57.80.
ME: I want my account cancelled now.
AOL: I can't do that until you --
ME: Hold on a @&#$ minute. Do you mean to tell me that you guys refused to cancel my account, you charged me for two more months, and now --
AOL: Sir, I --
ME: And now, you're telling me you won't cancel until I pay you for two months that I shouldn't even owe in the first place!?
AOL: Sir, that's --
ME: (very loud) Do you mean to tell me that you're not going to cancel my account unless I pay you money I don't owe!?
AOL: Sir, no, of course I wouldn't say that.
ME: Good. Then cancel my account. Right now. Cancel it.
AOL: If I cancel your account right now, we'll just send you a paper bill for the amount you owe.
ME: I don't owe you anything, but that's fine. Send the bill, and I'll fight that then.
AOL: (very quickly) All right then, your account is now cancelled effective the sixth of next month. Please listen to this recorded disclaimer. Thank you --
ME: Wait!
AOL: (annoyed) Okay. What else can I help you with?
ME: Did you just say that the account is cancelled effective the sixth of next month?
AOL: Yes, sir.
ME: Meaning the sixth of November?
AOL: Yes, next month.
ME: Do you mean to tell me that you are going to try to charge me for ANOTHER month of your stupid service I don't use?
AOL: Yes.
ME: Even after I'm cancelling?
AOL: Yes, the billing period has already started.
ME: Whatever.... I'll fight that when that gets here too. There's no point in arguing with you, you're too stupid to do anything anyway. (*click*)
They continued to send me letters trying to charge me close to $90 forever... I had to fight with them and fight with my bank to get everything cleared up. It was the biggest hassle I've ever dealt with for ANY COMPANY, EVER. I convinced everyone I know to cancel AOL and sign up with someone else.
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