Ladies - "I don't want a relationship right now"

[Doctor_J]

Is this the sort of brush-off that could actually be true, or is it somthing you say that's kinder than, "I'd rather have my fingernails pulled out"? Let's say for arguments' sake that you just ended a 15-year relationship.

[LynzM]

1. Certainly can be true

Could be a brush-off, but especially given the 'just getting out of a relationship', I'd say it's liable to be true.

[Stephanie]

2. well

"edited*

It means, I think:

"I am seeing somebody else."

[Maddy McCall]

3. With me, it means that I don't want a relationship RIGHT NOW>

I'm married to my career and becoming established in my field. I like companionship, but I don't want the baggage of a relationship RIGHT NOW.

[Doctor_J]

5. So let's say a male wanted to be such a woman's "companion"

what sorts of things would said woman want from said male?

[tjdee]

12. To go with her to the movies, and basically leave her alone, LOL.

Knowing her, you'd also be able to figure whether she wants to have casual sex, but I would assume not--as sexual relationships can get complicated.

She doesn't want you calling her every second, asking where she is/who she's with... I'm thinking a woman in that position just wants a friend.

[mcscajun]

13. Here's what I'd want...

...a friend first, a dinner companion, someone to go to the movies and the theater with, perhaps do some outdoorsy stuff if he's so inclined, someone who is a good conversationalist, and if things are good, a friend with 'privileges' -- yes, sex and cuddling. Especially cuddling.
Sometimes I think hugs are better than sex. Sometimes I don't. :bounce:

Not someone to be around all the time...not even every weekend. No possessive behavior, no asking who else I'm seeing. Maybe I'm seeing no one. Maybe I'm not. If it's not a relationship, it's only my business.

Oh, and could you please go home so I can put on my unattractive comfy nightshirt and get a decent night's sleep, please?

[Doctor_J]

14. Whoa

thanks. that was pretty enlightening.

[mcscajun]

15. You're welcome.

:)

[Maddy McCall]

16. I would want someone to come over and cook out with me...

and to make daquiris or cocktails and hang out.

Maybe go to some concerts together. Camping. Movies.

That kind of stuff. I just don't want anything heavy. Light and friendly, with fringe benefits.

Does that make sense?

I don't want anyone to whom I have to report. I don't want someone calling me and attempting to make me feel guilty because my child and I spent a weekend out of town.

Just light and friendly. With fringe benefits.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

4. Can definitely be true

many women feel that way after divorce or the end of a long relationship. Sometimes if women aren't in a good place (career, life changes, illness), they can feel that way as well.

[ForrestGump]

17. Men, too

Fifteen years will do it to you, for sure.

[Cerridwen]

6. From personal experience - YMMV

After a 7 year relationship - I needed some time to jettison old baggage and look around and see what options I had in my life before I could decide if I was okay to move forward with someone else's life intertwined with mine. I very much wanted to be "okay" with myself before I was ready to be "okay" with someone else.

But that's just my experience.

Good luck to you.

:toast:

[SarahB]

7. Different people have different needs.

It's not necessarily about someone being wrong or brushing someone off. Best thing to do when those needs are different is just to end it. No point in trying to fit square pegs in round holes. It only leads to pain and broken hearts. Besides, there's someone out there who wants what you want that you could be missing out on. :)

[yellowdoggess]

8. another perspective

and could be "I don't want entanglement now, don't want commitment now, but could spend time without pressure" - tho in reality that doesn't work well. Once a relationship becomes one-sided, somebody loses. Some men can't really have platonic relationships with women. Comments??

[mcscajun]

9. After ending a 15-year relationship, I'd definitely be taking a break.

I did pretty much the same thing. I swore I wouldn't get involved with anyone for about four years. Silly statement, but it seemed to make sense to me at the time.

Depending on the nature of the break-up, it would be natural to doubt one's judgement, or perhaps just feel a need to live on your own terms for a while before looking to accomodate another person.

[Doctor_J]

10. ok then, answer post 5

[jmm]

11. It's another way of saying let's be friends with benefits

A small portion of time people say that just to distance themself from somebody. There are also times when someone just wants to be friends because they have a lot going on in their life and can't emotionally commit. Usually when people say that they do want to be involved just not committed.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

18. With me it means I just don't want a relationship right now

I just got out of a 19 year one and I'd hope the other person would understand.

[Heidi]

19. Does it matter why?

If someone said that to me, I'd move on.

[LastKnight]

20. it certianally can be true.

what hurts is ive heard that, then a few days later seen em kissin other guys in public. why cant people just tell the truth about seeing somone else or not wanting to start a relationship with people. ahem, well not wanting to start a relationship with ME, more accuratley.

[radwriter0555]

21. It means *I don't want a relationship with YOU right now....*

Just so's ya knows.

[driver8]

22. Man, I am still kicking myself for using that expression my one and

only time. It was true at the time -- I was in college and had broken up with my girlfriend the previous semester.

I moved into another dorm, and there was this cute, sweet girl that was really into me. Things started getting heavy -- a few dates, etc...and I felt bad because I knew she wanted a relationship and I didn't. I came out and told her one night and that was it. She didn't want to casually date.

Man...was she cute!