hey you, review my Letter to the editor

[LastKnight]

Playing Politics with National Security.

With all the talk of honesty, family values, and restoring honor and honesty to the oval office, and especially with the all the fuss over national security last fall, I fail to realize the following:

I can’t see how this administration all the sudden has nothing to say over the scandal that has arisen over Karl Rove outing a CIA agent (Valerie Plame). When before Rove’s name came out they were throwing out feel-good quotes like

"If there is a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is and if the person has violated the law, the person will be taken care of."
--George W. Bush, Sept. 2003

Not to mention everything that’s come out of White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan’s mouth, he has plenty more along the same lines. Rove still has a job, the White House is covering up lies, and national security is being played for politics (again). Count the flip-flops for yourself.

[fleabert]

1. I love it, esp. the last little dig! nt

[madeline_con]

2. "... all the sudden ..."

That's "all of a sudden"


"Karl Rove outing a CIA agent (Valerie Plame). When before Rove’s name came out they were throwing out feel-good quotes like ..."

Shouldn't that be "(Valerie Plame), when before...

instead of a period, and the next sentence beginning with the words "When before..."

I hope I'm not too harsh, but those editors like it all spit and polish, so they don't have to work. ;)

[LastKnight]

3. no, dont worry, i want this thing ripped apart.

thats why im posting it.

[Rhiannon12866]

4. Excellent! I love the last line, too! My only changes would be:

Original:
I can’t see how this administration all the sudden has nothing to say over the scandal that has arisen over Karl Rove outing a CIA agent (Valerie Plame). When before Rove’s name came out they were throwing out feel-good quotes like

Change to:
I can’t see how this administration all the sudden (I'd change to suddenly, shorter) has nothing to say over the scandal that has arisen over Karl Rove outing a CIA agent (Valerie Plame). When before Rove’s name came out they were throwing out feel-good quotes like(and I'd add another : right here...)

That's it from me, two tiny changes. IMHO, very well done!:D

[crispini]

5. Grammar nit

"Not to mention everything that’s come out of White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan’s mouth, he has plenty more along the same lines."

You need a strong break (dash) instead of a comma, or you could even make this two sentences:

Not to mention everything that’s come out of White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan’s mouth. And he has plenty more along the same lines.

Good job! :hi:

[LastKnight]

7. i reviewed it before i had read your critique.

but thanks for the response! lol.

[LastKnight]

6. Reviewed Version

Playing Politics with National Security.

With all the talk of honesty, family values, and restoring honor and honesty to the oval office, and especially with the all the fuss over national security last fall, I fail to realize the following:

I can’t see how this administration suddenly has nothing to say over the scandal that has arisen over Karl Rove outing a CIA agent, Valerie Plame. Before Rove’s name was revealed, however, they were throwing out feel-good quotes such as:

"If there is a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is and if the person has violated the law, the person will be taken care of."
--George W. Bush, Sept. 2003

Not to mention all the similar things that White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan has said on the situation. Let’s recap; Rove still has a job, the White House is covering up lies, and National Security is being played for politics (again). Don’t forget that outing an undercover CIA agent is treason. Count the flip-flops for yourself. Honor, Integrity, and Family Values indeed!

[Bossy Monkey]

8. "Oval Office" is a proper noun; both words capitalized nt

[Rhiannon12866]

9. Even better. This is much more filled-out. I wouldn't change a word.

:thumbsup:

[shugh514]

10. Great letter!

I have one suggestion, hopefully not to picky. Using the word "honesty" twice in the opening is redundant. It might flow better if the second instance were changed to "restoring honor and integrity".

Good Job!