Man, Scared To Tell Girlfriend About Strip Club, Makes Up Kidnapping Story

[matcom]

<snip>

The details in Douglas Kelly's elaborate story of robbery, kidnapping and assault just didn't add up.

He went to a local Exxon to buy dog food Wednesday about 1 a.m., he told Slidell police detectives, but Exxon doesn't sell dog food. The escape from the trunk of his 1994 Cadillac was aided by an emergency release lever that wasn't there.

And despite being hit in the back of the head, robbed and forced into a trunk, he somehow managed to have $400 in his wallet.

The only thing that was clear to detectives from Kelly's tangled tale was that much of it was made up, and after about an hour of questioning early Wednesday morning, they figured out why.

Fear was a motive, but not fear from the harrowing experience of being kidnapped. Instead, Slidell police said, Kelly was more afraid of his girlfriend back in Higden, Ark., learning that he had squandered away most of his money during a night of carousing at Scuttlebutt Gentlemen's Club.

Kelly, 39, an aviation mechanic from Higden working a contracting job at Slidell Airport, told Slidell Police Detective Reggie Relf that his fib about being kidnapped from the Exxon and robbed of $500 was "to insulate himself from the wrath of his pregnant girlfriend finding out he had been at Scuttlebutt's."

After stripping bare Kelly's erroneous story, police booked him with falsifying a police report, a charge that carries a $500 fine or up to six months in city jail, said Capt. Rob Callahan, a Slidell police spokesman. Kelly paid the fine and was released Wednesday morning, Callahan said.

The Police Department gets numerous false police report cases each year, but Wednesday's case was one of the more unique, Callahan said.

"He really truly feared the wrath of his pregnant girlfriend, to the point where he was willing to go to jail," Callahan said. "Plus, the wrath is still going to be there now."

One of the other details that tipped detectives off about Kelly's ruse was that he claimed to have been forced into the trunk and driven around Slidell for 45 minutes to two hours. Police didn't receive his call until 5:30 a.m., more than four hours after his supposed kidnapping.

He also told police he was hit in the back of the head while facing his attacker head on.

http://www.nola.com/news/t-p/sttammany/index.ssf?/base/news-3/1121317505110910.xml

[Shell Beau]

1. Idiot!

[WCGreen]

2. Dumn F**k....

or his girlfriend is really really really overbearing....

[Zuni]

3. that guy is a real sharp cookie

just sayin'. That was a great idea to make up an elaborate kidnapping story to cover up the fact that you spent the rent money on drinks and lap dances ;)

[Mutley]

4. It would have been easier to NOT go to the strip club.

[JohnnyBoots]

5. A horrible waste of beer money

[Mutley]

7. Right!

I don't have a "moral" problem with strip clubs or anything, but I never quite understood the appeal for guys. Isn't it just a big tease to go there?

[JohnnyBoots]

11. The $5 + dollar beers always soured me, back when I was single

I would much rather of gone to a bar where at least I had a chance of getting laid.

[Mutley]

15. I think that would be my reasoning if I were a guy.

[BikeWriter]

6. Ha ha ha ha ha! A mere amateur.

[sasquatch]

8. I guess that stripper funk didn't get washed off in time

[Omphaloskepsis]

9. I did the same thing in 1997.

Except I was at Lollipops. And I didn't get busted.

[Misunderestimator]

10. LOL... and he lost another $500 paying the fine!

:rofl:

Damn... his girlfriend must be intimidating.

[Richardo]

12. "Just wait'll that little shit gets out of jail...."

[DS1]

13. Sheesh, where to begin

I wouldn't date a woman who would react like that to news that I'd been to a club

[XNASA]

14. Reminds me of a Richard Harris story I once heard.

Harris, a well-known boozer, was living someplace in the south of France and went out one morning for coffee at the local cafe. He didn't return home for 5 days, after meeting some people and going on a bender. When he got home, his wife had changed all the locks.

So he started pounding on the front door and yelling to her, "Why didn't you pay the ransom?!?!?"