Today 4 years ago

[MissHoneychurch]

my dad died because of a brain tumor called Glioblastoma Multiforme, a WHO 4 Astrocytoma. He died half a year after the first symptoms became apparent. Over this half year he lost all his abilities. He couldn't keep his body upright, he lost his speech, he lost the drive to eat and swallow. He only could move his right arm. We decided against Chemo because it wouldn't have saved him. It would have been only a pain for him because he wouldn't have grasped what happened to him. He was in the hospital for some three months near where I lived back then. I visited him every day and a lot of family and friends came by also. Four days before he died we took him home. I did arm wrestling with him. He won. And smiled. It is the best memory I have of him in his last days.
He died surrounded by his family.
My father was 55 years old. He had a Doctor in mathematics. He wrote a very specific book about analysis. He teached at an university. He worked in a software firm that programmed OCR.

He is dearly missed by me and the family.


with me in his arms, my brother is standing in the back

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

1. I send you and your family my thoughts today...

He sounds like a very smart and great man :) :hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

2. Thank you CarolinaP

he was very smart and funny.
He died way too young.

[tmooses]

3. Your Dad's memory lives on in you. Thanks for the post and thoughts

on this day that means alot to you. My Dad also passed away 4 years ago
after a long illness. I still miss him-when I'm out fishing alone on a stream I can almost hear him shouting over the rapids.

[MissHoneychurch]

5. yes, he still lives on in me

there is barely a day when I don't think about him. I remember things he said to me, things he did with me .... all the small things of him as a dad.

[MrScorpio]

4. He was most certainly a gentleman, a brilliant man and a fine Father

I'm sure that, even today, he is with you.

You were blessed to have his love in your life.

Rest in Peace.

[MissHoneychurch]

6. thanks for your words MrScorpio

I sure was blessed to have him as my father. He gave me a lot.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. My dear MissHoneychurch!

My deepest condolonces on the premature loss of your beloved father...you are so right; he went way too soon. He will live in your memory, and now he will live in all of us who read your thread.

I love the pictures you've posted of him through his life. What a beautiful and intelligent man he was.

Thank you so much for posting this here for all of us, and for yourself as well...



:grouphug:

:loveya:

[MissHoneychurch]

8. Thank you

the picture of him with the cat is standing in my living room. He is with me every day.

Even it is a sad reason but I wanted to share it with all of you.

[WCGreen]

9. I like your dad.....

And I never met him......

[MissHoneychurch]

10. I like that idea

he was a clever man and you could have great conversations with him.

[WCGreen]

12. I lost my dad about 17 years ago....

Right around now. Don't remember the exact date...

He did come and see me play right before he died. He was wheel chair bound and they wheeled him into the club and we jammed hard....

It was hard seeing him go but harder seeing him the way he was.....

I am so glad you were able to bring him home to pass with family and friends near him, surrounded by the things that were important to him......

[MissHoneychurch]

15. I am sure you will keep that concert in good memory

you are right. It was harder to see him in the condition he was in the last month than to let him go. He would have never wanted to live that way. I am not sure how much he grasped in the end what happened to him. But I know he knew he was going away. And he said good-bye to us.

[enigmatic]

11. Boy, he looked like a good dude

:hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

13. he sure was

:hug:

[NMMNG]

14. Hugs MissHoneyChurch

I remember you mentioned your father in a recent thread. It is obvious the two of you had a special relationship and that you miss him. I'm glad you have such fond memories of him, though it is sad that the last half-year of his life was filled with illness.

I will keep you in my thoughts during this time of remembrance.

With metta
:grouphug:

[MissHoneychurch]

20. yes I did mention him before

around this time of the year and around his birthday he is even more in my thoughts than he is during the rest of the day.
He is the only man that gets roses from me every time I visit him :)

[AlienGirl]

16. My ex-husband's dad died of GBM

:-( My condolences.

Tucker

[MissHoneychurch]

18. so you know what he had to endure

my condolences to you also. :hug:

[xmas74]

17. I'm so sorry.

[MissHoneychurch]

19. thanks xmas

:hug:

[xmas74]

21. haven't seen you as much lately.

[MissHoneychurch]

22. I am around

but don't post as much. Some days I post more, others less. And you are not here all the time either. We need to chat again.

[xmas74]

24. We do.

I'm tapping my foot tonight. Too much nervous energy (doesn't help that I'm loading up on coffee). I haven't had a cigarette since Wed night so I'm not too thrilled w/ life right now. I hope the no smoking sticks this time.

[MissHoneychurch]

25. I never smoked

I am lucky there. I wish you the best that you are able to resist the urge to smoke :hug:

You are right, coffee isn't really helping to calm down. Slow night tonight?

[xmas74]

27. Yep.

At the motel (again). The air conditioner is not working in the front lobby so now I'm sweating up a storm (since I'm not allowed to open a window and we've had days in the mid to late 90's for the past week).
The coffee is agitating me more than anything.

[WCGreen]

29. Keep steady, you are almost past the worst part.......

After 5 days, the physical addiction is gone.....

[xmas74]

32. I so hope that my boss does not show up before I leave her

this morning. I'll kick her ass, I swear I will! (she's dumping alot of shit on me lately. I think she's trying to make me quit my job).
It's more than just the cigs. The cigs were a way to placate my senses, to dull my emotions. I'm not smoking anymore so there might be some trouble soon. I tend to stand up and fight it out more when I don't smoke (not kidding. When I smoke I will just walk away and tell them I'm going to have a cigarette. When I'm not smoking I'll duke it out since I have no excuse to leave).

[WCGreen]

34. Fiesty......

I've had bosses try and do that to me....

OnceI told one to Fuck off and he then asked me if that meant I quit. I said no, I always tell my bosses to fuck off then ask them for a raise...........

HE baited me..... I couldn't get uneployment then.....

Oh well, I went out and made thousands painting houses.....

[xmas74]

35. The job market around here is really bad.

I've been actively looking for about 8 months and there is almost nothing out there (unless you count McDonalds). I can't afford to tell her to fuck off right now. If I can find another job I sure as shit will tell her off right to her face w/o batting an eyelash.

[WCGreen]

38. Oh do bat the eyelashes, that'll drive her up the wall....

You told me about the job situation....

I'm stuck now, on disablity and all. All I can earn is about 9,000.
That ain't shit for me. But I can't take the risk of not having Medicare.......

[xmas74]

40. I'm not asking for a lot of money.

Just enough to live off of w/o anything fancy. And some insurance might be nice too. I'd love to get a physical someday. It's three years overdue.
If I could earn a living wage I could easily survive. I'm able to budget enough that my daughter could still be involved in activities yet I can actually afford to put some in the bank.

[WCGreen]

44. Well, I would say a prayer for you if I prayed that is

but if positve vibes from 600 miles away can help, I am sending them now.....

It's frustrating and hard to keep it going when you keep getting beat on but keep it going hon, we need you.......

[xmas74]

47. Kid needs me more than anything.

I had an offer to buy an old trailer a few months ago. It was on ten acres, had siding put up, and had a screened in porch. Old place but in good shape and alot could be done w/ it and the land if you had any imagination. They wanted almost nothing for the down payment. I couldn't even swing that. Pissed me off since it would have been a place to call my own (and much cheaper than rent).

Maybe someday...

[WCGreen]

49. Yo'll get there

You got two great things going for you

Drive and Ambition......

[xmas74]

52. Ambition-wise I really don't want that much.

What I really want is to own a few acres out in the country so that I can grow my own veggies and fruits. I want to build my own strawbale home on my property. I want to have enough to retire on. I want to send my daughter to college. I want to be able to go to the doctor (now that's a sad reality for almost 45 million Americans-no insurance to be able to get even basic health care from a physician).
You just get worn down after awhile.

[WCGreen]

54. I know......

Believe me.....

Went bankrupt after going through everything to not... All due to an illness and huge medical bills and a lost job... Three whammies at once....

But you have your daughter to keep you going....

And that, my friend, is the best tonic there is.....

[xmas74]

55. She's the only thing that still keeps me going.

I would have given up long before this if it hadn't been for her. I just want her to learn to be a stronger person than me and I want for her to learn to never allow someone to push you around.

[WCGreen]

58. Stronger than you.....

You are stronger than anyone I know.....

Having to go through the day to day struggle just to keep afloat is tough and it takes a strong willed and caring (for your daughter) person to make it through another day.....

Tough it out....

One thing I learned in AA and that I keep with me today, 22 years after I took my last drink, this too shall pass...

And it does......

[xmas74]

60. I know that it will pass.

Sometimes you just feel a little sorry for yourself and need the chance to let it all out.
I have friends who have said that when I finally die they want to be at the autopsy for proof that I'm dead. They have told me that they will need that much proof because they don't think that much of anything will really destroy me.

[WCGreen]

62. Now that's a keeper.....

I love that... Like I said... Fiesty

[xmas74]

64. My friends just view a funeral as a day to get drunk

so they actually look forward to them. And one of my friends is especially fascinated w/ autopsies (we thought that he would become a serial killer but he is working on a masters in CJ instead) so I'm not surprised that he was the first person to think of that idea.

[WCGreen]

66. Well there is nothing like an irish wake here in Cleveland...

I remember one where I walked in to a retired judges funeral with a friend who was running for office....

One the way out I asked if had paid his respects.....

He said, man I got 13 yueard sign locations in there.........

[MissHoneychurch]

30. no A/C here either

but so far it is cool and the windows are wide open. But that will change during the day. Room will get hotter. But tomorrow the temps are getting down in the 70s again. Won't be as hot anymore.

No coffee here but tea. That reminds me, need to make me my tea still :)

[xmas74]

33. We haven't even gotten to our worst temps yet!

She won't let us open the windows (per her rules). She also doesn't want the air fixed and wants to get rid of the fan up here(she calls it a distraction).
She's a bitch!

[MissHoneychurch]

36. uhh .....

how can a fan be a distraction???????? Sounds like she isn't really there anymore and doesn't has to work in that heat.

[xmas74]

37. Because it's loud and we might not be able to hear someone

who speaks softly (according to her). And she never is here. She expects everyone else to run this place for her.

[MissHoneychurch]

39. so the customers are suffering as well

right?

[xmas74]

42. Only when they are in the lobby.

They have their own a/c in each room.
They really don't give a damn about this place anyway. It's on the market right now. They are trying to sell it off.

[MissHoneychurch]

43. they want to make as much money as possible

and don't care ybout anything else. I cross my fingers that you will find another job soon. You deserve better.

[xmas74]

45. I've been trying for months.

I'm either overqualified for everything or underqualified. And the few I've been offered it hasn't been worth the money (even less than what I make now).
I'm ready to blow up at someone.

[MissHoneychurch]

48. I know you are looking sweetie

and I really wish with my whole heart you are getting lucky soon.

[xmas74]

50. I wish the same thing!

I've got to get something decent. I'm still stuck w/ my parents and I really want to make enough to move into my own place again. Plus, my kid deserves better than she is getting.

[MissHoneychurch]

51. I hear you

I know you do the best for your little girl.

[xmas74]

53. Right now it's not good enough.

She deserves better.

[MissHoneychurch]

56. she sure does

and hopefully sooner than later you will be able to give it to her. I am sure of that. You are not someone who gives up.

[xmas74]

57. But sometimes I want to.

You get really tired of dealing w/ it all. Like tonight I came into work and found a mess. I didn't want to deal w/ it but I knew that I would be the one in trouble for not doing it (even though it wasn't mine). I have quit smoking so I'm not happy right now. I also have an ear infection to boot and cannot afford to go to the doctor to get any meds for it since I don't have insurance.
Right now I'm pretty crabby and down on myself and life in general.

[MissHoneychurch]

59. when will you have the chance to chat later today?

give me a time and I will try to be online then. Sounds like you need to spill your guts. I am more than willing to listen. I know I can't help you, but my ears (eyes) will be yours when you need it.

[xmas74]

61. Maybe not until tomorrow.

I don't know yet. I don't have to work tonight so maybe on Tues I can get logged in. I try to log in more often during the day but my family bitches about not spending every single free moment w/ my daughter (even though I try to keep her inside in the afternoon because of the heat so she is usually right next to me when I log in).
I am just around a group of people who keep trying to convince me that I am a loser and don't deserve to be around anyone anymore.

[MissHoneychurch]

63. xmas, you are not a loser

everything but that. Don't you dare to start thinking that!!! Ya hear me???

[xmas74]

65. I know. That's my family talking.

But I get tired of hearing about it after a while.
Kid came in this morning to tell me hi and then said "Grandman says you're a loser and that you are lazy."
Love my Mom telling her those things!

[MissHoneychurch]

67. your mom is telling that to your child??????

:wtf:

[Tallison]

23. And he was apparently a kid and a cat person!

Just the type of man this world needs more of. So sorry for your (and apparently a lot of people's) loss. At what university did he teach?

[MissHoneychurch]

26. well, it was me held in his arm

I think the picture was taken not long after I was born. He always denied to like cats but he sure did.

He teached at the University of Jena and Leipzig.

[Tallison]

28. Isn't that a cat with him in the second picture?

[MissHoneychurch]

31. it is

... even though that was one stupid cat (really).

He liked cats, he just always said he wouldn't. It took us 2 years after our first cat died to get him agreeing to a new cat. And me, my mom and my brother talked for 2 years every evening at dinner about cats ....

oh, and the cat on the picture wasn't our cat. It was the cat of one of my dad's gf's. Our cats were never that stupid :)

[hfojvt]

41. that is wirklich schade

He sounds like a neat guy. Of course, I am a math major myself, so I am biased in that regard.

[MissHoneychurch]

46. no, you are not biased

at least not with me. Even though I am not doing anythng anymore with math I sure loved it in school. But then my whole family is somehow connected with math. My mom also studied math. My one grandfather was a math teacher and my other grandfather was a math professor. Wrote books also. Hey, my dad was even under the first three of the international math olympics in the 60s. Ok, now I am bragging ;)

[katinmn]

68. Miss Honeychurch, your father sounds like an amazing person

Anyone who is a master over math other than the other way around is a genius to me.

I'm sorry for your loss. :hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

69. thank you katinmn

:hug:

[Left_Winger]

70. I would like to extend my deepest sympathies to you and your family

My mother passed away rather unexpectedly from ovarian cancer fourteen years ago. There is not a day which goes by that I do not think of her and deeply miss her.

[MissHoneychurch]

71. Thank you

and my deepest sympathies to you and your family also. I am thinking about my dad very often also.

And welcome to DU :hi:

[gmoney]

72. Hugs Honey...

Losing a parent is so rough... I lost my mom and stepfather around the same time. You're right about the chemo/radiation... my mom had it and stepfather didn't, and I don't think it bought my mom anything more than a LOT of misery...

Many hugs today and always. :hug: :hug: :hug:

P.S. Hope you were able to enjoy the long weekend trip!

[MissHoneychurch]

74. thanks

:)

what the doctor told us was that even WITH the radiation there would be no possibility to IMPROVE my dad's health. It would only have kept him on the level he was at that point and then in the end going down hill fast. Without it he was getting worse slower (if you wanna call it slow) but without the misery. In the beginning they told us he has a time span between 8 weeks to half a year. He didn't even made the 8 weeks. So it was the right decision. And the good part was that my brother and I made the decision together.

I had a wonderful weekend. We brought a lot fresh flowers to the grave. Otherwise I enjoyed the great weather and my family.

[Tsiyu]

73. He looks like a beautiful person

I am sorry you lost him so soon. And sorry for your grief as you remember today.

:hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

75. thank you

he was a good man.
I remember when I was a teen (I lived with him when my parents got seperated) and went out to a party, he stayed up till I was home. Trying not to fall asleep.
Those are the memories I have, not the pain.

[Brewman_Jax]

76. My condolences

and I'm glad that his memory is cherished by you and your family. :hi:

[MissHoneychurch]

78. thanks sweetie

:hug:

he is with us all the time. I even dreamt of him the night before my 30. birthday. For me it was his way to say Happy Birthday.

[indigo32]

77. Looks like a great guy

I'm sorry he left you too soon.

[MissHoneychurch]

79. me too

I wish he could be with us still.

[LynzM]

80. Hugs and good memories to you and your family

I hope that his good memories can live on through you and your family :hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

81. you can be sure of that

he is with me the whole time.

[In_The_Wind]

82. thanks for celebrating the good things about your dearest father

He sounds like a wonderful man whose life was far too short I'm sorry your dad isn't there with you and your family today.

[MissHoneychurch]

83. Hey Joan

thank you so much :hug:

Did you go on your short trip?

[In_The_Wind]

84. yes, it was exactly what I needed for myself

> the Atlantic Highlands in New Jersey are PERFECT if you want to really get away from everything except the ocean ~ no amusement parks, arcades or boardwalks with endless noisy vendors. In short ~ it's a place to walk away from the insanity of everyday life, to return a balanced outlook on current issues, which is exactly what I did. Time to sort out what really matters in life (Virgo style).

[MissHoneychurch]

85. I am so glad you did go

and you sorted yourself out. Wonderful :hug:

and it sounds like a place for me too.

[In_The_Wind]

90. it's been an interesting few days for me

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x3656294

&

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x3665191

then only yesterday http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=3669378&mesg_id=3669378

[MissHoneychurch]

92. I will check it when I get home

[In_The_Wind]

93. Happy Monday!

for your entertainment! enjoy reading all the post you've missed ... if you get bored I'll send you a link or two from last night.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

86. My condolences to you and your family

Your father sounds like a wonderful, intelligent, compassionate person. I haven't lost a parent but I know what it's like to have lost a loved one. I know that time doesn't necessarily make it any easier but rest assured you have my thoughts, prayers and condolences on your loss. At least he lives on in your heart and in your mind and in the lives of those he touched and those who benefited from the work that he did here on earth

[Burma Jones]

87. Add another person that is thinking well of your Father

and you.

[MissHoneychurch]

88. thank you

it is appreciated a lot.

[no name no slogan]

89. I am so sorry sweetie

Your father sounds like a brilliant, compassionate man. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

91. thank you

:hug:

[Lavender Brown]

94. MissH

:hug: