I am confused

[MissHoneychurch]

Ok, here is the scenario. I am flirting with someone over the net. That person is at the moment deployed and will be back in September. Now we also talked on the phone. Connected pretty good I would say. From Sunday to Monday I had a male friend stay over at my place. I know this friend since almost 10 years. We studied together. He has a gf and there is nothing going on between us. He just slept at my place. The guy I met on the net calls me while the friend is at my place. I explain he is just a friend and the next day I write an email explaining it even more and apologizing for not telling. Still I get an email back telling me he doesn't want a female that lets stand male friends over night. And that he breaks off the contact. It really confused me last night. Is it really so bad to have a male friend stay over at night? Now, I don't need a man that can't trust me enough on that matter, so it is no big loss but still, it bothers me.

[XemaSab]

1. He's an asshole

and you're better off knowing this now than later.

[MissHoneychurch]

2. that is what I think also

good thing I found out now before I might invest more feelings.

[XemaSab]

4. I've met a bunch of people on the net

like, 5 or 6, and only one of them has been anything like their online selves in real life.

[Heidi]

3. If some guy you just met

thinks he _owns_ you and can dictate your social contacts, you're better off with out him. (I feel the same way about SOs and boyfriends who think they own us.) I'd consider the break-off a gift from the Universe, if I were you. :hi:

[MissHoneychurch]

8. After I got over the first shock

that he overreacted that way I got to the same conclusion. I don't need someone who can't trust me. I was just totally confused that he made it sound like a bad thing to have a friend stay over. I am better off without him for sure.

[Maddy McCall]

5. What about the crazy guy who owes you money?

Where does he fit into this picture?

[MissHoneychurch]

9. no where

my ex has nothing to do with that matter. He still owes me money, I have to check my account today to see if he sent at least some of it.

[LastKnight]

6. Fuck him.

he made an assumption, didnt let you explain, hes not even dating you and hes doin that shit to ya.

better off without him.

[MissHoneychurch]

10. thanks

my thoughts by now also.

[Tallison]

7. Waaayyy better to find this out about him sooner

than later.

[MissHoneychurch]

11. sure is

when I read the email I was like :wtf: But then I thought about what it would mean to date him and I was glad it came out now.

[Champ]

12. If he couldn't take you're apology and explanation

Don't worry about it. He has to atleast trust what you tell him, if he can't then don't let it bother you. If he doesn't want a female that lets male friends stay over night then he has the freedom to find one, that is his choice let him live with it.

[MissHoneychurch]

15. oh, I am done with him now

it was just so absolutely out of the blue.

[evlbstrd]

13. No, he's confused.

You are free to associate with anyone you wish.

By the way, here are those ribs I promised you.

[MissHoneychurch]

14. DAMN

bring them over. GULP. Those look yummy for sure.

[evlbstrd]

16. We got that TransAtlantic Bridge built yet?

I'd have to rest in Ireland on the way, of course.

[MissHoneychurch]

17. well, of course

Ireland can't be left out. I might escort you till there.

[evlbstrd]

18. Meet you in Kilkenny.

My ancestral home.

[MissHoneychurch]

20. have the guiness ready

would fit perfectly to the ribs

[evlbstrd]

21. Flowing.

No smoking in the pubs anymore, though.

[MissHoneychurch]

23. fine with me

I am not smoking anyway.

But some life music is required.

[evlbstrd]

26. Live Irish music is the best.

You'll be whirling and dancing, laughing and crying.

[MissHoneychurch]

27. ok, so we have

the food, the drinks, the music ... anything missing?

I love Irish music. I even love the bagpipe.

[evlbstrd]

30. The bridge.

The Irish version are called uilleann pipes. No puffing and wheezing.
They are very beautiful.

[MissHoneychurch]

33. ah yeah ....

that little thing ... the bridge ... how could I forget about that ....

do you play the uilleann pipe?

[evlbstrd]

35. Sadly, no.

I play no musical instrument.
I'm a graphic artist by vocation, and a painter by avocation.
What do you do in life?

[MissHoneychurch]

36. I do something comlpetely unartistic

I am a librarian. Some call it boring I call it a great profession I enjoy a lot.

[evlbstrd]

39. Just what the hell is wrong with being a Guardian of Knowledge?

It's a noble calling.

[MissHoneychurch]

40. nothing wrong with it at all

I really love my job. I enjoy cataloging books and I enjoy helping customers finding answers to their questions.

[evlbstrd]

41. And all of the books you can read.

Right at your fingertips.

[MissHoneychurch]

42. Oh don't I wish

wish I could - no time for that. Right now I am cataloging articles from books.

[evlbstrd]

43. What kind of library do you work in?

Research? University?

[MissHoneychurch]

44. Research library

it is actually a museums library. We collect books to the time between 1750 and 1850. Time of Johann Wolfgang of Goethe.

[evlbstrd]

45. Wow! That's fascinating.

I studied printmaking in college, and worked for a publisher for a while. I also learned hand bookbinding. The method used for medieval Bibles. Incredibly durable construction. I made a few sketchbooks that way.
Do you work with period manuscripts?

[MissHoneychurch]

47. not with manuscripts

but I do work with books of this period and even older ones. I love old books. When I studied one class I took was about rare books. We learned about the history and we also learned how to read the different writing styles.

[evlbstrd]

50. You obviously do important work.

I would equate it with the (Irish reference again!) monks of Dark Ages Ireland, copying manuscripts to preserve and disseminate knowledge. Of course, once the Roman Church came to ascendancy, they put a stop to that crap.
Praise Gutenberg!

[MissHoneychurch]

52. Book of Kells

Book of Lindisfarne ..... SIGH ... incunables are just great. The coloring, the art of writing, the pictures .... don't get me started ....

[evlbstrd]

53. OK, I won't.

But those designs are magnificent. And you can hear the equivalent in the music?
A sublime combination of the pagan and christian.

[MissHoneychurch]

54. I am collecting reprints of rare books

but even those are so expensive you can barely effort it.

[evlbstrd]

56. That's a beautiful page.

I would like to buy a facsimile of the Book of Kells, myself.

[MissHoneychurch]

58. I don't have it

the picture is from the Internet.

Believe me, I would be beaming with joy if I had it. I do have the "Très Riches Heures" by the Duc de Berry.

[evlbstrd]

60. I get all of my images that way, too.

But I have reference books on the Irish graphic and material arts.
That Duc de Berry print is lovely. Early Renaissance, depicting secular activities, centered around a stronghold. Very radical for the time. I like the pregnant woman's image in the lower left, and the peasant's ass in the path.

[MissHoneychurch]

63. There are more books by Duc de Berry

actually he didn't paint them. He gave the order to make them. Tres Riches Heures is the most beautiful in my opinion.

The Irish book art is something special with the ornaments and fantasy animals.

[evlbstrd]

67. Patrick,the Bishop of Ireland,

converted the "Wild Irish" by relating the concept of the trinity with the Irish pagan tradition of three. And it wasn't just the shamrock.

[MissHoneychurch]

69. isn't that what the Christian Religion did with a lot of pagan ones?

taking pagan tradition into the Christian religion?
Unless they were only destroying it.

[evlbstrd]

71. Oh, absolutely.

Patrick found a unique way to convert the Irish. Much less death involved.
It's very late for me. It's been a nice conversation.
Gut Nacht, MissHoneychurch.

[MissHoneychurch]

72. Good night

I enjoyed our conversation also.

[WCGreen]

46. That is so cool

Another reason you are hot.....

[MissHoneychurch]

51. :-)

give me old books and you see one happy woman :D

[WCGreen]

57. Man I wish I had your dedication....

That would be one of my dream jobs....

Got a book you might be interested in...

It's calle d the Historian and is about a few scholars looking into the juxtaposition of myth and history when it comes to Dracula or Vlad the Impaler....

Kind of slow compared to other novels out now but obviosly the aurthor has done her home work......

U read after I check out of the lounge....

[MissHoneychurch]

59. I will check it out

by who is it?

[WCGreen]

61. Elizabeth Kostova is the author...

She does a fairly good job of weaving three different stories from different times....

It's woth a read, I think....

[MissHoneychurch]

64. thanks

sounds a bit like "Obsession" by Antonia Byatt.

[WCGreen]

65. More like a thinking mans Da Vinci Code.....

Although I will take heart in your suggestion.....

I have retreated to fiction as of late....

Reality has been so crappy as of late I just can't get into political books anymore....

[MissHoneychurch]

66. ok

"Pobsession" (not Obsession - my bad):

"Literary critics make natural detectives," says Maud Bailey, heroine of a mystery where the clues lurk in university libraries, old letters, and dusty journals. Together with Roland Michell, a fellow academic and accidental sleuth, Maud discovers a love affair between the two Victorian writers the pair has dedicated their lives to studying: Randolph Ash, a literary great long assumed to be a devoted and faithful husband, and Christabel La Motte, a lesser-known "fairy poetess" and chaste spinster. At first, Roland and Maud's discovery threatens only to alter the direction of their research, but as they unearth the truth about the long-forgotten romance, their involvement becomes increasingly urgent and personal. Desperately concealing their purpose from competing researchers, they embark on a journey that pulls each of them from solitude and loneliness, challenges the most basic assumptions they hold about themselves, and uncovers their unique entitlement to the secret of Ash and La Motte's passion.

[WCGreen]

68. That sound lovely......

Now I'm off to bed....

See you soon

[MissHoneychurch]

70. good night

sweet dreams

[xmas74]

25. She's supposed to come stay w/ me someday.

We'll swing by for ribs when we leave KCI.

[MissHoneychurch]

29. now the best company showed up

how you doing today? :hug:

[xmas74]

48. stuck at work.

peeking in and out. my boss is supposed to make his presence known tonight.

[MissHoneychurch]

55. that is why you are barely online?

hope he isn't showing up.

[xmas74]

111. He did show up last night and was there all night

into the next shift. Got home an hour ago and have to work tonight (in just a few hours). 16 hours sucks.

[evlbstrd]

32. Party on the porch!

Maybe we can hire the Elders.

[xmas74]

49. That would be cool.

[evlbstrd]

62. I'm planning on being at Wednesday's meetup.

We can try to figure it out then.

[xmas74]

112. I wish I could.

I have to work at 9. I couldn't make it there and back on time. Plus, I have Girl Scout leader meetings the entire week (getting ready for the new year of Girl Scouts).

[evlbstrd]

113. I remember you saying that now.

But good for you. Your kids come first. We're planning a more local picnic activity for the next one.

[xmas74]

115. I'll try to make that one

(though it seems like I say that every month and then something comes up at the last minute).
We will say this: someday my happy ass will get in a car, drive from Warrensburg to KC and attend a Meetup!

[WCGreen]

19. Nah, I have a lot of friends that are women that I see

socially all the time. I just like the company of women more than men.

So this guy should just get over his bad self. Obviously he didn't know you well enough to make any kind of snap judgement....

But then again, he may have known some women who treated him like shit so that is what he expects from all women.....

Anyway, if he has those kind of issues, move on......

[MissHoneychurch]

22. he told me that he had one case

where a very good friendship turned into more.
But that doesn't mean he can make assumtptions. I have male and female friends. I don't see them that often. Of course I let my friends stay over at my place.

[WCGreen]

24. Like I said, if he can't get over that....

Get over him....

Come on MissHoneychurch, there's gotta be a lot more guys scratchin and sniffin around you.

Your a babe...

If I was younger and single and in Germany, well lets just say there would be snitzel involved.....

Seriously, if he over reacts to this, what else will he over react too?

[MissHoneychurch]

28. oh he is history

as I said, I don't need a man who can't trust me.
And there are more guys waiting to meet me :evilgrin: No shortage at the moment ... LOL

[WCGreen]

31. Good.....

Cause you are hot

[MissHoneychurch]

34. thank you

:blush:

[NMMNG]

37. If he is just an Internet and phone friend and is *that* posessive

He sounds like bad news. It is likely good that things are ending now rather than later. It is not bad to have a male friend stay over at night. Did your friend's GF have a hissy about him staying at your place? Then why should this other guy be wigging?

:hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

38. not at all

I know his girlfriend. I stayed over at their place also.
That is what confuses me, that someone thinks it is a bad thing.

:hug:

[NMMNG]

73. An old friend once told me

People who have overly suspicious minds sometimes have guilty consciences. For example, if they think their SO is cheating every time s/he goes out the door, it is because they have roving eyes or hands. You think it is odd for someone to think it is bad to have an opposite sex friend sleep over since you know full well it is possible to do so without hanky-panky going on. Some people have the notion that it is impossible for that to occur, because they've never been able to do such a thing.

It's also possible some people just don't believe in the idea of purely platonic male-female relationships and automatically assume a man and woman are getting it on if they spend any time together at all. It's sad really. I've even had rumors going around that my good friend Mike and I were "dating"--and we are both gay (he's quite obviously so). :rofl:

[MissHoneychurch]

74. I think your friend might be right about that

the crazy thing is that he told me he has a very good female friend he knows since his childhood. I guess he never lets her sleep over :eyes:

[SarahB]

75. Two things.

1. The man is possessive and invasive. You are a grown woman with a mind of your own. If you have a friend of the opposite gender, it's your business. I could see where honestly if it were reversed, it might make me nervous, but I realize that would be more about my own insecurity than anything else. Same with him.

2. Secondly, it is only an internet relationship. I cannot say how strongly I feel at this point in time that a relationship where you have never met the person is not at the same level as one where you have. They may be a wonderful person, but you don't know until you know and have moved to another level with that person. Until you can move on to that other level (especially if you can and are willing and they are not or perhaps unable to for whatever reasons), they can't expect you to sit around and wait for them indefinitely anyway. Internet-only relationships can be nice, but never ever do they replace something something real.

[In_The_Wind]

76. It's better to find out early if the new guy's a JERK. He is!

What happened to people who can understand that two people can be close without being in a sexual relationship.

[MissHoneychurch]

77. don't ask me

I am wondering the same thing.

Oh and I am happy for you that your friend called you again after such a long time :hug:

[In_The_Wind]

82. My Scorpio is back in my life!

I'm glad that she called. We have a 33 year history of unconditional love ... we may not always agree ... in-fact we do disagree at times ~ but I wouldn't have it any other way ... I strongly dislike having someone around me who is afraid to challenge me.


... back to your OP ... I've shared my apartment, my bed with friends AND there was nothing improper or sexual about it! The jerk you just ditched has real issues to get over before he'll be fit company for any woman:grr:!

[MissHoneychurch]

83. His loss, not mine

I am rather glad it came out now.
My friend slept in the living room on a spare bed. I was in my bedroom. Doors closed.

[In_The_Wind]

84. yep ~ onward ... to better things

[MissHoneychurch]

85. for sure

there are at least two other guys who want to meet me.

[In_The_Wind]

88. remember

my first link to you yesterday ... there may be potential

[MissHoneychurch]

92. I have to check again

potential for you or for me?

[In_The_Wind]

97. moi

[MissHoneychurch]

98. wonderful

I sure have to check it now again ...

and you are getting better with those smileys.

[In_The_Wind]

100. I loooove my new avatar

and this one

[MissHoneychurch]

103. both are really cute

now please send this good fairy over my way

[In_The_Wind]

105. ~ *capture one*

or I'll share with you my friend ~ www.websmileys.com/cartoon.htm

[MissHoneychurch]

106. Thank you my friend

that site will go to my favorites :hug:

[In_The_Wind]

107. YOU are one of my FAVORITES !

[MissHoneychurch]

108. you too Joan

you too :pals:

[Brewman_Jax]

78. Not much you can do about it

if chooses to break contact. You've lived your life before him, you'll continue on without him.

You can do it!

[MissHoneychurch]

80. I barely knew him

so it isn't a big problem.

Seems like I need to come back to you :D

[Brewman_Jax]

86. You waited all day just to say that

didn't you? :D

[MissHoneychurch]

87. I have to use every chance I get

:loveya:

[Brewman_Jax]

91. You're too kind

:blush:

[MissHoneychurch]

95. aw, you don't have to blush ...

... I guess I need to make another trip to Atlanta ... LOL

[LaurenG]

79. Control Freak

Be glad. Can you imagine the "rules" he must have?

[MissHoneychurch]

81. I rather not imagine them

:scared:

[Lorien]

110. Plus, guys like that can become abusers

I should know; I was engaged to one in my misspent youth!

[northzax]

89. curb him- he's got more issues

than the periodical section of the library of congress.

sorry, but better to learn now than later.

[MissHoneychurch]

93. LOL

now that is a very interesting way to put it ... you know I am a librarian ... LOl

[northzax]

101. I like to customise my cliches

for the recipient at hand. Would have been much more effective without the 50 posts about your occupation above...

seriously, drop him like a plague infested rodent.

[LynzM]

90. Dude, don't wait on that guy....

Someone who, from the outset, does not trust you to have non-sexual-relationships with other men? You don't want that, I promise!!

[MissHoneychurch]

94. I won't wait

I guess he did me a favor to tell me now instead of later

[Rising Phoenix]

96. You didn't do anything wrong...

In my opinion.

[MissHoneychurch]

99. thanks

only mistake I did was probably not telling him in advance but sheesh .... I apologized for that.

[no name no slogan]

102. You did NOTHING wrong, MissHC

He sounds like an insecure jerk. You can do better than that. You DESERVE better than that.

I wouldn't worry too much about this fella. If he can't handle the fact that you have male friends, then he needs to grow up. He'd be lucky to end up with a beautiful, intelligent and charming woman like you. :hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

104. thank you

:blush:

it was a real surprise yesterday when he wrote me the email. But in the end it is really better for me.

[NoSheep]

109. Run. Run as fast as you can away from this jerk. You've done

nothing wrong. You have been warned. Tell him to get fucked. :D

[Catherine Vincent]

114. This guy doesn't trust you because if it was the other way around

he would sleep with the chick. You don't need anyone like that. If he can't trust you, then forget about him.