For "Nice Guys" & the women who know them...

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http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml

"Nice Guys! - bleah"

"All too often we hear self-professed "Nice Guys" complaining about why they can't get a date, and whining that women just want to date jerks, etc. etc. The truth of the matter is that there are genuinely caring, compassionate, decent, fun guys out there who have NO TROUBLE meeting people, getting dates, and having relationships.

Unfortunately, many of the guys who DO have trouble, insist on laying blame and asserting that women don't want them because they are too "Nice". These people who call themselves "Nice Guys" can't see that THEIR OWN behavior is the problem. Whether it is targetting women who are troubled to begin with, or acting in a manipulative, patronizing or obsequious fashion, these guys sabotage themselves and blame others for their misfortunes."


There are whole bunch of articles on the subject at heartless-bitches.com.

I think they have an interesting take on the subject.

[RandomKoolzip]

1. Oh well.

I just wish that we could all be a little more clinical about breeding, like emperor penguins.

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2. are emperor penguins "clinical"?

[RandomKoolzip]

3. If by "clinical," you mean, "gnarly and wicked bitchen," then yes.

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4. I was just trying to figure out

what YOU meant by clinical. LOL

I don't know that I would want everyone to be "gnarly and wicked bitchen" :shrug: :D

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5. "Women Don't Want Nice Guys" (they want "kind" ones)

"Women don't want nice guys. In my experience, with friends, partners, and other interactions, they like *KIND* guys. The difference is a subtle one, but it's important.

'Niceness' is a set of completely superficial behaviors that boils down to 'being inoffensive.' Someone can be a 'nice asshole' just as easily as a caustic asshole. Niceness also comes along for the ride with kindness in many cases, but is motivated by genuine care for others regardless of how it 'pays off.'

My experience has been that most of the deeply embittered 'nice guys' are just as self-centered as the jerks they gripe about; they just don't have the balls to weather rejection from healthy women while playing the numbers game, hitting on women until one responds favorably."

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/predicate.shtml

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6. "How "niceguys" come about (and when they are ready to change)"

By John Russell


"I can say you were made a nice guy because you were severely bullied and unpopular in school, that you suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, alcoholic parents, a wounded inner child, absence of a "risk taking gene", raised too near magnetic field of high voltage line, have repressed memories of aliens giving you the anal probe, or your parents raised you according to Dr. Spock, etc. .

That wouldn't help you, it would just help you to feel helpless.

The niceguy is continually made in the present, forget the past. Your actions can change when your beliefs change, you can change who you are, in the present, from moment to moment.

Is it permanent change? no. You may have to challenge those beliefs defining you as a Niceguy every day of your life. When you neglect to do this you slip, as I myself have recently done. Don't expect a catharsis, don't expect that a few good months means you won't slip back into old patterns. How many alcoholics can go back to drinking in moderation and not get sucked right back in?

There aren't any easy answers, lets look at this insidious paradigm.

Being the "nice-guy" is needing others for validation, an inability to validate yourself, and nothing else. Without realizing it, you place yourself in an adversarial position with people when you do not need to be, even if it seems like the quest for a pat on the back isn't so bad...it is... And I'll explain:

First of all, when you do get the praise, it isn't ever enough. You know this, don't you? Some of you who call yourself "nice-guys" get appreciation, praise, and professional recognition on a fairly regular basis. It feels good for the moment, and then you are alone again and you do not know what to do with yourself. Perhaps you forget the people who appreciated you and dwell on the people who you can't get appreciation from. If everyone in the world you encountered told you that you were wonderful, validated everything about you, would it be enough? Would it mean anything? Many niceguys who think having a girlfriend can satisfy that need are as insecure when they get a girlfriend -- even one centered around them like a Stepford-wife. There seems to be a long list of suicidal, alcoholic, or drug addicted celebrity sex symbols and rock stars who were literally worshipped by groupies 24 hours a day. They couldn't get enough approval, still miserable, they didn't approve of themselves.

If you know that you can never get enough approval, that fishing for more of it will only give you temporary relief, you are behaving like an addict who can't get enough of a drug... <more>

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ngc/ngi-2.shtml