I just want to say something.

[SarahB]

I wish everyone here happiness, love, and fullfillment... in every sense of the word (emotional, physical, spiritual, etc). I hope you have that and if you don't, you will find that. I had to find that first within myself, then I could fully share it. It's nice. :)

:grouphug:

:toast:

[Cerridwen]

1. Congratulations to you and FinnFan!

I've been watching from the sidelines as the two of you found each other and began your celebration together. It's so wonderful to see.

Thank you for your wishes. Mine, too have recently been fulfilled.

May we all, as you say, have "happiness, love, and fullfillment... in every sense of the word (emotional, physical, spiritual, etc)" within ourselves and with the world at large.



:hug: :grouphug:

[SarahB]

2. Thanks.

He gets very goofyy and giddy about us (so do I sometimes), but both of us have been through a lot and what we feel is becoming something more intense. (I really didn't expect this, but sometimes it happens and one can either embrace the good or turn away from it. I'm ready to embrace that again in life.)

Sometimes, I don't know what to say when people respond to our happiness with barf icons, so all I can do is wish them well.

[bettyellen]

4. it's not the happiness that gets the barf icons...

it's the gloating and the "don't you wish you were us" stuff .
just don't start using the the word "magnificent" and jumping on couches, ok?

[SarahB]

7. Sometimes he handles things differently than I do.

I just know what he's been through, so I know why. (Not to mention what I know is his anger at the prolonged pain I had to suffer at the hands of someone around here that I don't talk about.)

I'm sorry if things come across as snotty, but things are more complex. I just hope somehow that comes across. If not, it doesn't matter much in the grand scheme of things.

[fudge stripe cookays]

8. It's not snotty, SB.

Look, we've all been there-- the looking for love, in whatever form it comes in, the disappointment, the broken hearts and sadness.

Some of us have actually managed to find happiness and do not begrudge anyone else that discovers it. And I would venture to guess that EVERYONE on this board is incredibly happy for both of you. Including me.

But you are taking the goodwill that people have for you, and ruining it by the constant lovey-dovey "schmoopy poo" talk at each other. It's private business that some people would rather that you refrain from posting an a public board.

reprehensor and I did the internet relationship thing for a year and a half before we finally were together full-time. Our relationship was carried out over personal e-mails, personal IMs, and phone calls. We didn't have to constantly announce it, no matter how happy we were.

Please do not take the barfing icons as an insult. People are trying to wake you up to the fact that you're becoming a spectacle. And we would like to keep you valued members of the community instead of laughing stocks.

FSC

[SarahB]

10. 99.99% of it is private.

Never mind on the rest. Nothing I say is going to sound right anyway. I like you and have no ill will there.

I get what you're saying. I just have seen different standards apply around here when others have been excited about their relationships.

[Zuni]

12. different standards

to "you are so Jealous of me" and constant pleas for attention and validation?

[greatauntoftriplets]

11. Well said, FSC...

I've been romantically involved with a member of DU for 2 1/2 years, but we keep our happiness between us.

[SarahB]

26. I was involved with someone else online.

We were entirely private. That man took my heart and stomped on it repeatedly like it didn't matter. FF just wanted to make sure I knew he cared enough to put himself out there enough for me to know he wasn't going to hurt me like that. That's all. If that makes us stupid, fine.

He's proved himself to me. We'll shutup now.

[gardenista]

38. So you don't feel that FF cares for you unless he "puts himself out there"

Well, I guess you feel cared for now, and that is wonderful, but as I'm sure you know, there is a lot more to love than that.

It's not that it's stupid. It's concerning that he has to "prove himself to you" by displaying your relationship all over the place. Why not take it off the board and really work on something that is between the two of you. Then, people who don't know a thing about you, like me, won't have these niggling doubts about overcompensation.

But then, I've never been impressed by public displays of affection...

I think that *everyone* here wants you to be happy. So go be happy! Get so busy with being happy that you don't have time to waste posting on DU about how happy you are! Then, we'll really know that you're in love!


Edited to round things out a bit.

[SammyWinstonJack]

41. Some people are just attention hounds. n/t

[SarahB]

42. Use the ignore feature.

Thanks.

[SarahB]

44. Let's see.

When he posted his original thread about feeling lucky to be with me and was attacked. He did feel lucky and at the moment he posted wht he posted, he had reason to. Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves and anyone who has a problem with that, to me, has their own issues in my opinion. I frankly don't care about impressing you or anyone else. I'm happy within myself.

We were very busy in real life together. We spent two days together and I spent all of 2 minutes on DU during those days. He spent about 5-10 minutes while I was out. People need to chill the fuck out and stop focussing more attention on these DU threads than either of us do. :eyes:

[gardenista]

56. Gee, sounds kinda defensive to me....

I don't need a timeline of your days together. Mayben that's the whole point?

[Lorien]

40. I have to agree

I believe in keeping relationship ENTIRELY private. I've got a mother that will try to break up any relationship that I become involved in, so I've needed to keep the identities of the men I've been in relationships with a secret over the years. I think it's actually helped those relationships because I've had no input or meddling in them from the outside, and that has allowed me to be entirely honest with myself and the person I'm involved with. I understand wanting to shout about it from the rooftops; that feeling will pass over time as the relationship grows and evolves. Believe me; it will do neither in a healthy fashion if you bring too many people into what is essentially meant to be a very small and intimate space.

[SarahB]

45. How about..

getting help to deal with your "mommy issues" and not rain on my parade. Do you say this to everyone who has been public about their relationships here? I love NSMA and Misunderestimater, but the were pretty mushy here at first. Did you write them some diatribe on keeping their relationship private? I think not. I'm just fed up with fucking hypocrisy. Other people can and have celebrated their relationships here. Hell, there's even people who celebrate non-traditional, polyamourous relationships. Fine. Cool. Just don't begrudge me.

USE THE IGNORE FEATURE!

[Misunderestimator]

49. I was sort of wondering when we might get brought into this...

and yes, NSMA made a couple of tribute threads to me last summer (and I one to her on Valentine's day this year) that probably made a bunch of people puke... I think, however, that there were not multiple threads, and if either of us felt that we were starting to annoy people, it would have ended pretty quickly.

I know that you didn't mean anything bad by bringing us into this, I can definitely see where you are coming from, but I think if NSMA and I had carried our public affection to the extent you both have we also would have started getting some puke smilies as responses. And that would have been a signal to me to tone it down.

I don't really think the puke smilie response is personal (except for maybe a few people, and there are always a few), it's more of a tease and a signal that it might be enough. The other stuff comes out because you're feeling defensive (which is natural), but it makes it spiral into more than a non-personal puke smilie.

Most of the people responding to both of your threads of happiness are responding with support and congratulations... I know that all of my responses to you have been that way. The pukes and other things should be ignored, or taken as a signal.

Anyway...just thought I needed to say something since you brought us up :) It's clear that FF is crazy about you, and that's very sweet. I'm very happy for you both.

:loveya:

[SarahB]

51. I'm sorry, hun.

I hesitated to say anything because I do like you guys, but people seem to know who they can get away with jumping all over around here and who they can't.

FF and I have talked and he is toning it down- for me- because he knows it hurts me when people do this. Plus too, out of respect for past stuff and me not wanting to hurt anyone else. Again, someone else kicked the thread. Hopefully, it will be locked soon. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be hurtful to anyone. It just kind of hurts me. :(

[Misunderestimator]

52. I saw that kick...

that by itself was pretty cruel I think... given that this was put to bed last night.

I wasn't hurt, by the way... I was just trying to explain why we didn't get the same reaction... that's my perspective anyway.

[Sugar Smack]

58. KICK?

What do I know? When I logged on today, I was going through threads & checking them out, pages 1-6 is my typical browsing material first thing.

So, CRUELTY was the furthest thing from my intention at that point. One person's "kick" may very well be another's playful "threadjacking", which is encouraged and a common practice here anyway.


I was responding to the bit about Paris because that's my personal "trigger".

I think that ANYONE starting a thread is fully aware of the fact that it can go any way it wants to, and they are responsible for opening the topic, or requesting that it be locked.


So let's not call a "kick" or "threadjacking"-(again the intent) cruel.

[Misunderestimator]

59. On edit... My mistake... I thought the first post this morning was from

someone else... that poster had a :hide: smilie as the entire post, I was DEFINITELY not referring to you.

Now that I see that it was your post that inadvertantly kicked it, I was totally wrong in saying there was anything cruel about it, since there obviously wasn't.

Since I had assumed it was someone "hiding" while kicking it, that's why I drew the conclusion.... in retrospect it appears no one was being cruel at all... Sorry.


I really should never have posted on this thread.... you know I :loveya: Sugar Smack. I would NEVER think of you as cruel.

[Sugar Smack]

60. AW, I love you too!

I love you too & so does Joanie. We were so upset we had to go out to breakfast!!

I'm glad we're back.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :yourock: :yourock: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya:

[Misunderestimator]

61. Oh good.... I just sent you a PM too...

:loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya:

*whew*

:yourock:

[Lorien]

54. "Mommy issues"?

That's a little over the top SarahBelle.You know, you are one of my favorite poster on DU, but I honestly do think that making a personal relationship public can be a danger to the relationship. Look at celebrities; they have no choice in the matter and rarely do any of their relationships survive. I don't begrudge you anything; I hope you love long and prosper-and that's why I wrote what I did! Once it's out in the public, it's open to interpretation and public input, and often that can bring with it some very negative outcomes.

[bettyellen]

9. gloating and look at me, look at me stuff...

whatever the reason for it, is going to come off making the person look narcissistic.
i get the feeling he's doing it to make you happy and just be silly, but it kinda backfires because it's a wee bit obnoxious. that kinda kills any envy right there.
i'm really happy for you SB, really just trying to explain it's not the love people are raining on, it's the parade.

[bicentennial_baby]

14. well put

"it's not the love people are raining on, it's the parade."

:thumbsup: :loveya:

[bettyellen]

15. i know someone who actually organised a lil parade for her husband

as a birthday gift. they are theater people, and thought this was normal. people held signs and wore masks with his likeness. the rest of us were a little confused by it. and yeah it rained. the party after was good though, LOL.

[bicentennial_baby]

17. hahaha

i get pretty giddy, but even i wouldn't go that far... :P

:loveya:

[bettyellen]

20. full disclosure.. i was forced to march.

they gave me a triangle and i was not too happy about it.

[bicentennial_baby]

23. oh man...

i can well imagine how much you loooved that :P

but, i'm sure you looked good, at least :)

[bettyellen]

25. i cut enough holes in the mask to make it sort of demonic

i was smoking through his eyeball. and i refrained from sleeping with his son. so i think i was being pretty nice.
your trip is what in 5 days?

[bicentennial_baby]

27. After today, 4 full days

I leave the 28th. Did you get my pm?

[bettyellen]

30. yes, go look now.

gotta run now.
see ya later, babe.
let's try and keep this threadjcked and focused on paris, okay?

[Sugar Smack]

35. Here.

[MissB]

39. I wouldn't take it personally

I mean - I wouldn't take the barf responses personally. I don't think they mean any ill will.

I'm glad you have found happiness. It's even more wonderful that you found a DUer. :hug:

[Redstone]

3. Having some fun, aren't you two?

Good for both of you. Keep it up.

Redstone

[bettyellen]

6. hey, you get in some trouble with the ladies, Red?

well, no one could stay mad at you.
:hug:

[bearfan454]

5. Thanks Sarahbelle

I'm glad you two are happy together. Congratulations.

[sundog]

13. xxoo

:hug:

[GreenPartyVoter]

16. *hugs*

[DS1]

18. Finding happiness, after all, is the entire point of life

So I don't mind that being wished for me :-)

[bettyellen]

21. hey i caught your belly dance the other thread.

and it made me happy, so thanks.

[DS1]

22. anytime, Hotness O' Plenty

:D

[bettyellen]

29. but your shimmy is astounding

it should have been raining dollars.
:*
we'll have to work on your figure eights just a little.

[bicentennial_baby]

24. I wish soooooo much happiness for you...

that you should check your pm in a minute... ;)

[SarahB]

28. I hope everything continues for you...

in wonderful directions. :toast:

[merh]

19. Thanks for the well wishes SarahBelle.

So glad you and yours are happy. :grouphug:

There is nothing wrong with celebrating and sharing the love! :loveya:

If folks don't like the parade, they don't have to attend. :hi:

[Zomby Woof]

31. Happyhappyhappyhappyhappy

:bounce: :D :loveya: :grouphug: :hug: :bounce: :D

One week from TODAY, I will be driving into L.A. County for the most exciting new chapter of my life YET! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[DS1]

34. That's fucking cool, man

:toast:

Enjoy!

[Old_Fart]

32. Finding true love is like a business

Your first business goes under and you learn what went wrong and you don't make that mistake again. The next (business) is the one that will end up making it because of your lessons from the first one. You become strong and you know what you are looking for and what you want and don't want.

People envy the both of you and I hope that you know that.

Congratulations! Don't let the jealous fools on some of the message threads in the lounge bring you down. You deserve a good man and happiness.

[I Have A Dream]

37. Amen! n/t

[kwassa]

55. Finding true love is learning to make better quality mistakes

Sometimes it takes more than one relationship to find what one's strengths and weaknesses are, and where one needs to learn.

The gift is to not repeat the same relationship and expect different results.

[Left_Winger]

33. Thanks for the positive vibes !

:hi:

[gmoney]

36. I'm happy for you both...

:hide:

[SarahB]

43. Here's the last thing I'll say.

The only person who should have any problem whatsoever with my relationship with Finnfan is someone who I had involvement with prior. He and I have worked out our differences privately. I was fine with toning things down out of respect for him and so was FF. Then someone kicked this and the criticism remains. The only people this should matter with have solved it. Case closed.

I wrote this thread because I was trying to take the high road with all the criticism FF got with another thread. The man is happy. The man feels lucky. He loves me. I love him. We both went through a rough few years- divorces, have families, etc. Anyone who knows us at all knows we're nothing if not nice, normal people who are simply happy and attempted to share that happiness. Frankly, I'm a little tired of hearing the "issues" of every lonely, neurotic person who can't handle it. Frankly, get some help, use the ignore feature, and leave us alone.

We are not the first people to have a relationship here. We are not the first people to be open or mushy about it. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. This is an internet message board. Some people I like, but there are relatively few people I feel at all close with. He and I met through here, but ultimately what happens here matters little. We see each other regularly in real life, have kids, jobs, etc. to keep us busy enough. Frankly, I have neither the time nor energy to deal with the type of people who sit around in cyberland complaining all day about us. I have a life.

[fudge stripe cookays]

46. How quickly things change, then.

Not so long ago, you seemed to be a lonely neurotic person posting your issues here for us to read about your soon-to-be-ex, your kids, your depression about your life as a single mom with a complicated living situation.... and you are still talking about your "issues", as things relate to Forrest and Finn.

Some people I like, but there are relatively few people I feel at all close with.

So I'm still trying to figure out why it is so important for you to keep airing your laundry (clean or dirty) in public. Is it that important for you to be the center of attention? As you said, what happens here matters little.

If you see each other regularly in real life, then LIVE it. If the opinions of a bunch of strangers on the internet mean so little to you, then why do you feel it so necessary to keep posting TMI?

That's all I'm going to say about this.
FSC

[SarahB]

47. But I never purposely tried to hurt anyone.

That's the difference between people like me and some of you. I never told anyone who was happy or in love (or openly expressing that) that because of my problems, they shouldn't be.

p.s. I didn't kick this thread. I was happy for it to end. I asked for it to be locked several minutes ago in fact.

[Champ]

48. I don't believe anyone in the other thread

Tried to purposely hurt you. I recall several comments along the lines of 'I'm not jealous but happy for you two'. I believe many of the posters were turned off by the "Every guy is jealous of me right and completely right to feel that way", - I was, but at the same time happy for anyone who can find someone to spend their life with.

If he posted the same thing in a similar way you posted, "I hope all of you find love, fulfillment, etc because I have found it" he would've recieved alot more positive responses. As I look back, there was probaly 1 or 2 negative responses but most were stating they weren't jealous, they're perfectly happy but happy for you 2 at the same time.

I wouldn't of taken that big of offense, it really isn't that big of deal.

[billyskank]

50. You're in a good mood, aren't you? :)

Anyway, thanks. :hug:

[nytemare]

53. Hi!

:hi: :)

[RetroLounge]

57. Hey, thanks, and more back at you

"happiness, love, and fullfillment" is definitely a wonderous thing.

:hi:

RL

[Midlodemocrat]

62. Locking.

At this point, it seems that everyone has had their say.

Thank you.

DU Moderator.