My biggest regret of my life has just now become official.......

[Wetzelbill]

Well, it has been for a week or so now. She's graduated. And, she's moved on. I will never get to hold her. I will never get to be with her. I have mourned every day since the last time I saw her. Sometimes so bad that my heart literally ached thinking about her.

For over two years I have regretted letting her walk away. I knew I should've stopped her. I was just being stupid. A little shy maybe, but basically just stupid. She was in a bit of a bad mood, so I just let her leave class with only a quick goodbye. We kept in touch through e-mail for a while, but I just couldn't win her over in that manner. I should've done it in person when I had the chance. And, I'm fairly certain I could have too. After a while, we just never kept in touch, she didn't respond to my last few e-mails and I quit sending them.

I held out hope that since we lived in the same city and went to the same campus, or some of the same type of events that I might bump into her. That this would happen and I could win her over. I prayed for it. Dreamed of it. Hoped for it. But, it never came to fruition. Now she's gone, back to wherever she's from, probably has someone else and so forth. And, I will never get the chance to hold her, kiss her, love her and to be loved by her.

I lost a shot with the most intelligent and talented woman I have ever met. Because I was a jerk and a fool. I regret and lament that, and I will until the very day I die. So let this be a lesson to everybody out there.

Don't ever convince yourself that you aren't good enough to get what you want.

And, don't ever let someone you love walk out of your life without putting up a fight.

Because you don't want to feel the way I have felt for two years and the way I do right now.

[Heidi]

1. Ah, Wetzelbill . . .

I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Are you _sure_ there's not a chance? You don't know where she's from or how to reach her? Not even a current email address? If you know any of these things, you still have a chance to put up a fight.

[Wetzelbill]

8. nah no chance

She's gone. I don't even know where she's from for sure. I want to say Portland, but I don't really think so. I only had her school e-mail and now that she's graduated she don't have that one anymore. She may write a book, I suppose and have a signing in a city where I might be, some years in the future I guess. That is about the only way it could ever happen. I'll be long since over her by then, I would think. :)

[BlueIris]

2. "Don't ever convince yourself that you aren't good enough..."

That's goddamn right, cutie.

Respectfully, however, your post makes me perversely glad about the wretched, life-destroying relationship nightmare which has made me content to live without romantic affection or love until pretty much...ever. So happy at this moment. You're right, I don't want to feel the way you do. And I'm quite certain I never will again.

[Wetzelbill]

10. I get what you mean

I'm usually like that. I'm actually a loner, but I screwed this one up so bad, that I've never fully gotten over it. I have always been content without affection or love, I love being single, but this one really got to me. She had me won over totally. But, yeah, I just needed one last lamentation and I should be good now. :)

[SoCalDem]

3. Some things just aren't meant to be. It sounds like you

sent all the signals. She just was not receptive to them. It hurts like hell to not have the person you want, but most people do survive it, and often an idealized love is not real..

If she was not interested, there was NOTHING you could have done to "change her mind".

Don't beat yourself up over this.. the "right one" is out there waiting to give you 100%, 100% of the time, and will get the signals.:)
:hug:

[Wetzelbill]

11. no it wasn't

We used to flirt a lot etc, but really, I never closed the deal when I could have. By the time I realized what a fool I was it was too late. I couldn't do a damn thing about it once it got to that point. I usually don't beat myself up over it, I just have some serious regrets. Knowing she is all gone now, just brought it all to a head tonight. :)

[SoCalDem]

13. There are girls who flirt, but that's IT.

I was friends with a girl like that.. she flirted with EVERY guy, and all the guys wanted to go out with her.. She rarely even remembered their names, and yet they all seemed to be madly in ove with her ..

Don't let this flighty girl eat up your brain..

You might try to find some of her friends (if you know who they are) and ask for her address, or maybe a teacher you had in common.. You could make up a story about wanting to return something of hers, but you lost the address?

then send her a noncommital note, along with your address..

Do NOT pour out your feelings on paper if you do get an address..The thought of that note being passed around to her friends and laughed at will burn your brain for years :)

If you get an address and IF she responds, you could always "have a business trip to her town" and casually set up a lunch or something light..

If you make that trip and nothing is there on her side..give it up !

[LastKnight]

4. ah bill, man...

stuff will improve. i promise... if you still have that email address, fire one off if you feel so inclined, see what shes up to... you never know you may get a response.

i know what the whole missed opprotunity boat is like, im sure everyone does to some extent. i was too chicken to tell a girl how i felt once and now shes off with a kid somewhere (which she dropped outta school for). 2 and a half years i was in ruin due to her absence in my life... we still talk now and then and i cant help but wonder what would have happened if i woulda asked that simple question of 'wanna go out for a bite to eat sometime?' and how would life be different for both of us. and honestly it still hurts sometimes. but it will get better, trust me. i let go of her awhile back and yea, i miss her. but things are better.

someday when you least expect it some woman will kill you with a smile or with a sidelong glance and youll have a whole new girl to dream of.

in the meantime :toast: to the past. for it is every choice we made in our life, that to some degree that has brought us to where we are today. And if we got one thing goin for us- were alive, and thats something; cause as long as we are, it isnt too late to make our lives better.

[Wetzelbill]

19. why did I know that you would relate?

:)

That's been the worst for me. I chickened out too. A few times, I was thinking....hmmmm...she's flirting with me, or I would tell her something nice and she'd get this big smile etc. The regret just kills me, because I know that whatever would or would not have happened, I never fully took the plunge to find out. I have her school email, but if she's graduated it isn't functional anymore. What's odd is last month another woman I used to have a thing for got married and then last weekend another woman I had a thing for got married, and now, I found out this one - far and away the most special to me - she's gone. Those other two I let go a long time ago. This one, just haven't quite gotten there. But, we are alive so, you're right, we have that.

[WCGreen]

5. Dude, morn the loss and get on with your life....

Learn from your mistake. You are young. And believe you me I know how much the love that gets away tears at you heart and soul....

But it gets better.

Now listen to me very carefully. If you let the memory of this girl haunt your life, you will never be able to love again. You'll set this mythical standard that you will never be able to fill and evey woman that comes along will be compared to some impossible imagined standard......

Love hurts.

I hate to be flippant, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger....

But everyone always forgets the second part of that saying....

Here is is....

If you let it....

If you aren't made stronger by the pain you feel now, it will eat you and stunt your potential to love......

That's just my opinion.....

[SoCalDem]

6. and I might add this

the "perfect, yet imaginary" girl will always be just that.. perfect and imaginary..She was never "real", so her shortcomings were never known.. She's always perfect..

Real people and real love do not always have total perfection (in fact rarely do)..

The one that got away is common to everyone..,,

[Wetzelbill]

16. oh I won't

I can't let her memory get to me like that. I don't think she sets a mythical standard really. I more or less just regret that I never went for her the way I should have. I froze up when the chance was there, she gave me a few. Soon enough, I'll be moved away from here too and doing some things with my life that are important. She'll go away slowly but surely, I know. In some ways, I have already felt stronger, yet, I never had to deal with her being totally gone. Now that I know she is, well, it all hit me tonight.

[WCGreen]

17. Good......

I like you kid, you got spunk.....3

don't let it fester

[fudge stripe cookays]

49. Right on!

I was in love with "the perfect guy" back in 92. He was everything I thought I had always wanted...gorgeous, classy, cool (had been in a band), incredibly intelligent, and we could talk about music until the cows came home.

But I wasn't it for him. I kept trying to tell myself if I'd done THIS different or THAT different I could have held on to him, but deep down, I knew that wasn't true.

It took me 6 more years of screwups to find the perfect man, and he fell in my LAP when I was not looking for him. He has been the best thing to ever happen to me- and I have no doubts about him the way I might have with Mr. Perfect if we'd ended up together.

What can I say about a man who has seen me at my absolute worst (puffed up from steroids, puking my guts up when I had to drink barium before a CT scan), and still adores me. He's held my hand in the hospital, between MRI runs, and he has helped me with my Betaseron shots. I could never have asked this from Mr. Perfect.

Don't worry, Bill. She's out there. Give yourself time to heal, then get involved in something you enjoy doing and ignore women for awhile. It will happen when you're least expecting it.

Trust me on this.
FSC

[Wetzelbill]

7. jeezus that was a rant......

:)

[XemaSab]

9. I hear ya

I have one of those, and though there are other people out there, he's the only person I've ever met where I was like, "wow, this is what the right person finally looks like."

And he was a jerk, and he's a loser, and he did a lot of things that made me very, very, unhappy, but I still think about him all the time.

Nothing else compares to his memory. I miss him so much, but I know that I am better not being around him at all.

And radiohead sings "I think you're crazy baby, and I will see you in the next life..."

Aye.

[Wetzelbill]

12. sounds familiar

As soon as I saw her I knew something was up. Then we hit it off from the moment we ever spoke. We respected each others abilities -both writers. She was a jerk too. She once said it to me in an e-mail. But, she wasn't too bad, just not interested at that point.

I know how you can miss someone. Many times, you can't help but go against your own best interests. Your heart is the damndest thing. Once it wants something it'll tear you all up to get it. :)

[XemaSab]

18. totally

it was very, very close to love at first sight.

and usually I'm tongue tied around people I like, but this was different... I actually felt comfortable around him, and I totally trusted him. Which was a huge mistake.

Also, he's one of the rare people I felt like I had something in common with... he's a birding GOD, and most birder lads are interested in birds and know nothing about anything else, but this lad was interested in a wide variety of things. he reads books, he likes to talk and think about different things, he's taught himself a huge amount about natural history. he's also REALLY good looking, like if I described "my type" it would be him to a tee. it was too perfect.

and the real kicker is that I have deep and abiding suspicions that he had feelings for me, but somewhere something went very wrong.

I only put the moves on him once, and the first words out of his mouth were "now is not the time to be making important decisions."

he's also said that nobody is smarter than me, and when his ex gf brought me up to him a few months ago (and mind well it's been 2 years almost exactly), he shuddered and said "nobody affects me more than her."

heinous.

[WCGreen]

14. I had this woman that I loved so much...

But it was all about the sex. When it became apparent that we had absolutely nothing in common but a love for monkey sex, well it just fell apart....

Now, I still long for her, but in a far different way than I mourn for the others that got away.......

Probably more about my lost youth than anything else.....

[Cathyclysmic]

15. That's too bad

I think everyone has at least one regret about someone. I feel obligated to say you will find someone ( I know, very cliche)

[Wetzelbill]

20. cliche' is good

I can handle a Capra-esque ending. :)

[Cathyclysmic]

21. Seriously

there was a guy I let 'get away' in college. Compared to the guy I'm married to now, he's easy to forget. At the time, I was kicking myself for acting so aloof every time he talked to me.

[Left_Winger]

22. Damn, we have a lot in common!

I went through a similar experience back in '94-'98. While I was in Germany I met a wonderful young woman and we really hit it off. I was rather reluctant to start something romantic with her because I was sixteen years older so I held back. When I did finally mustered the courage to do so, she backed away, then warmed to the idea; she even took me home to meet her family. After I left Germany to complete my degree we kept in contact by snail-mail on a weekly basis (she was something of a romantic that way). I invited her to come visit me and she accepted, spending the entire summer of '97 with me. Oh, what a wonderful summer that was.

Now here comes the difficult part: She was born and raised to be a good Communist (she was from East Germany) and her family truly believed in socialism. Life in America did not appeal to her and she told me so; she could not stay here. The reasons she gave me are the same things I complain about when looking at our country. We continued to write for about a year then her letters slowed to a trickle, then stopped in ‘98. Maybe her feelings for me diminished, I don’t know; she never told me. However, I do know where she is and I have an e-mail address, but she will not answer. Maybe she has found someone else, maybe she has a broken heart… who knows?

In my case it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

[GalleryGod]

30. Sheesh, LW ! Your story is sadder than Bill's !

Wow! A whole Summer! I would've thrown myself in front of her at the airport.

Mine: Alexis Gallagher, Summer of '67...you guessed it :hippie:
San Francisco !

Anyhow...chins-up, Gents !

Once MORE into the breech !:patriot:

[Left_Winger]

34. I had to let her go as she had to finish her degree in Germany...

and I could not stand in the way of her education. Now she is in Russia.

[Wetzelbill]

38. you aren't a long lost sibling are you?

:toast:

Yeah, at least, you shared that with her. It's tough.

[Left_Winger]

41. About the lost sibling thing... your guess is as good as mine.

Yes indeed, it is tough.

[caty]

23. Are you sure that the e-mail address you have for her

is invalid? Take a chance and step up. Send her an e-mail and title it "update". Bring her up to speed on what's been going on in your life. At the end, tell her that you regretted not asking her out and if she would be interested in trying to develop a relationship. She might take you up on it. And, if she doesn't, then you can move on without always wondering about what could have been.

[jobycom]

24. Dude, with Google, and a million search engines, you can find her!

I mean, if you really think there was a chance, you can find her now and find out. Live up to your own advice, don't convince yourself you're not good enough, and don't let her walk out of your life without putting up a fight! Chase her, find out for sure.

I'm forty, and just separated, largely in part because I married the woman I thought I should instead of the one I wanted most. I've regreted that most of my life. Although, frankly, with the incredible children I now have, the regret has faded to a minor "what if" in my life. Time heals, and life has a way of finding the best path for you, anyway. If you haven't pursued her, and she hasn't pursued you, then there is a difference that maybe should keep you apart. Maybe you aren't aggressive enough to keep her. Maybe she isn't patient enough to wait, or independent enough to make the first move. Maybe those are differences that would come back to haunt you.

I still say it isn't too late, though! Hunt her down, romantically slay her. She may be feeling the same thing you are. Or she may be so excited about starting her new life that everything will seem new and fresh, including a bolder you.

I say go for it. Make it or break it, don't hang on to a weak self-pity as a substitute for the real thing. Love is more beautiful in ideal longing, but it's a hell of a lot more fun in the flesh! This is a defining moment, and if you don't go after this one, you'll miss the next one, too. People aren't hard to find. You know her name, you know the date she graduated. There will be a list somewhere of all the graduates, with more information, maybe her home town. You can find her.

[caty]

33. I think most of us have

at least one "what if" in our lives.

[GinaMaria]

25. It really shouldn't be this tough

If you have to struggle and suffer over a relationship, my philosophy is that it is not right. Relationships are work but it really shouldn't be that difficult. There is a certain ease and comfort when you're with someone who's a good fit for you.

I suspect your instincts were right on. You say you had 3 chances to make a move, but didn't take them. Something held you back. Something wasn't quite right and maybe some part of you knew that. Trusting that what happened was right for you, can be difficult. I hope you can do that instead of blaming yourself or doubting yourself or playing the hindsight game (it isn't always 20/20).

It is also possible that your heart was a bit confused. She may be similar to the woman you ultimately end up with. She may be similar spiritually or physically or in some other way and your heart was tricked for the moment, or your heart thought it was her but your mind wasn't fooled.

Take good care of yourself and trust yourself.

G

[bicentennial_baby]

26. Oh sweetie

:hug:

next time, and there will be a next time, just go for it. i know you know that, but seriously...you never know what can happen. :)

angels fall from heaven with alarming regularity, you just have to have your self out there to catch them. ;)

[I Have A Dream]

27. In my opinion, you need to do whatever you can to make sure that there...

really isn't still a chance. You owe this to any future women with whom you might have relationships in the future. My feeling is that there's nothing more toxic to a relationship than one of the people pining (even secretly) for another person. Unless you get closure on this, you'll always be wondering "What if...?". If she flat out says that she's not interested, then you at least get this closure that will give your future relationships a chance.

You don't come across as shy, although you may be in person. However, my guess is that you could force yourself to do this even if there's a big chance of rejection. (You seem like a really strong person, so I think that you can handle this rejection.) There's a big chance that nothing will come of it. However, you need to do everything that you can to be sure that she's really, totally, truly not interested.

Hope this helps! :hug:

[Deja Q]

28. Been 12 years since my one chance to find love...

I still kick myself for being such an ignorant idiot. I didn't know how to act. The feeling was intense and it weas mutual.

Oh well. Pass the ice cream please. The extra fattening one.

[NNadir]

29. You'll get over it - Trust me.

Been there, done that.

Life is an exercise in learning from one's mistakes. You will meet someone just as exciting again, and this time you will know what to do.

[Champ]

31. This is really a great thread

The posts have inspired me, I'll remember this advice for life.

And, don't ever let someone you love walk out of your life without putting up a fight.

Reminds me of a song, even though it sounded like Tim McGraw sung his verses through a telephone

I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything

[SmokingJacket]

32. I know it's hard to believe right now, but...

there are so many more great people out there. Really.

I would never have dreamed, back when I was in college, just how many interesting, talented, brilliant, good-looking people I would meet: in my travels after college, then in graduate school, among colleagues, etc.

You're such a smart, sweet guy. The worst thing you could do is give up and fall into yourself and become cynical. Pursue your dreams -- make your life what you want it to be -- and you'll find all kinds of wonderful people doing the same thing.

:hug:

[LaurenG]

35. You know no matter what

You won't always feel this badly. The same thing happened to my niece. She went across the world as an exchange student met someone and after the semester went back to her own college leaving behind a person she really liked. Nothing but a "see ya". Now she's going back to this other country for graduate school and out of the blue this person emails her. You never know.

I hope that you get what you really want or something even better.



on edit: spelling... again..

[CaliforniaPeggy]

36. What a great and beautiful thread this is, Weztelbill...

I truly feel for you and your situation right now. Hang on, it will get better...There's a lot of good advice here; Take It! And don't let the bastards get you down, either...

:hug:

[Wapsie B]

37. You don't know how close this parallels an experience I had.

Same kind of feeling, with the same kind of woman. I've had to live with this for a long time. The only advice I can offer is to find a sane way of dealing with it and move on. When I say sane I mean don't drown your sorrows with beer and food day after day like I did. You'll feel like shit for awhile, no doubt about that. The thing that helped me was the realization that I have a fair amount of self-reliance in life. I made it through WITHOUT her. It's her loss at least as much as mine.
You won't forget her, even with an unrequited love. Find your inner peace and allow yourself to move on.

And for god's sake don't settle. Don't tell yourself that it's all downhill from here and settle for anything in a relationship. I speak from experience.

[Wetzelbill]

39. Thanks everybody, I e-mailed her one more time

I'll see what happens. I was always looking for closure from her. That was the worst part, never really seeing her or talking to her to say goodbye. I doubt she'll get back to me, but I said what I felt I needed to say.

Soon, I'll be moving back to Montana. I'm going to finish my degree there and run for state senate. I'll have so many things on my plate and lots of ways to recover. Usually I'm ok about her, but sometimes it just haunts me the way it ended up. I hate how I let her walk out of my life so easily. That's always been the worst. But, you know, I'll be able to get over that and I have lots of time to pursue other things as well.

[jobycom]

40. Well, if you're wrong

You owe us the details on how wonderful it is, okay? :-)

[no name no slogan]

42. Man that sucks

but you have to let go. If it's meant to be, it will be.

I'm in the middle of a divorce from somebody who I thought was my perfect match, my soulmate, my ultimate partner in crime. We were together for ten years, married for nine, and she dropped me without even an "I'm sorry"-- and she won't talk about it either.

For you, my brother, I present you the esteemed words of Bad Brains:


SAILIN' ON

You don't want me anymore
So I walk through the door
I play the game right from the start
I trust you, you use me, now my life's all torn apart

So I'm sailing, yeah I'm sailing on
I'm moving, yeah I'm moving on
Sail on, sail on, sail on, sail on

Tried to see if I'll give up
But there wasn't any luck
It's a fact, a fact of life
That's the game, game of strife everything is all in stride

So I'm sailing, yeah I'm sailing on
I'm moving, yeah I'm moving on
Sail on, sail on, sail on, sail on

So I'm sailing, yeah I'm sailing on
I'm moving, yeah I'm moving on
Sail on, sail on, sail on, sail on
Yeah, La-la-la, La-la-la

Too many years with too many tears
And too many days with none to say
So how will we know when there's nowhere to grow
The fact of life, life too short oh

There's too many years with too many tears
There's too many days with none to say no, no
So how will we know when there's nowhere to grow
The fact of life, the fact of life yeah

Too many years with too many tears
And too many days with none to say
So how will we know when there's nowhere to grow
The fact of life, life too short oh

[Wetzelbill]

43. thanks a lot

Sorry about your divorce, that's a tough one. I hope you're doing ok and everything.

[LSK]

44. that sounds like me about 5 years ago

While I am not with anyone right now, I dont think about her every day anymore and am happy being single.

[roguevalley]

45. There is always tomorrow, sweetie. I am so sorry for this. Don't be

so hard on yourself. Learn and move on, honey. Tomorrow is another day. Until then, HUGS! times ten.

[SarahB]

46. I'm sorry.

:hug:

I'd agree with this. You fight for the person and do your best (but if it really is too late, take that lesson and move on). It's better to open yourself up, take the risk of being honest about how you feel, and risk your pride because at least in the end, you know you tried your best.

[bicentennial_baby]

47. Agreed

"It's better to open yourself up, take the risk of being honest about how you feel, and risk your pride because at least in the end, you know you tried your best."

:thumbsup:

[GOPisEvil]

48. Knowing the answer is "no" is better than not knowing.

Trust me on this. :)