Insiders predict dim future for critically-lambasted Tucker Carlson

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

Situation Normal, All @$%*ed Up
Tuck Never Lasting

Propeller-necked pundit Tucker Carlson may have found a platform for his towel-snapping brand of conservatism on MSNBC’s The Situation, but industry insiders are predicting a dim future for the critically-lambasted show. Positioned dead last in prime-time cable news ratings, the political rant-fest has been a disappointment from day one, sources say—a sentiment echoed by New York Times’ TV critic Alessandra Stanley, who last month suggested MSNBC pull the plug on the crapulent show and “end the misery.”

According to a network source, the 36-year-old motormouth landed the job after promising MSNBC he could deliver raucous debates with high-profile guests like Jon Stewart—who famously called Carlson a “dick” on Crossfire and accused him of “hurting America”—but that the debates have yet to materialize.

“The incident with Jon Stewart made Tucker a household name, and MSNBC thought they could parlay that into a show that would appeal to 18-30 year old men,” says our source. “The problem is, most 18-30 year old men are watching baseball or Sports Center at 9 p.m., and Tucker has yet to have one interesting person on his show.” (Instead, he’s been reduced to relying on fellow MSNBC commentators like Monica Crowley and Dan Abrams to fill the gaps in his guest list, the source notes.)

But Carlson, who snagged a high six-figure salary and stock options from MSNBC after being booted from CNN, is still sitting pretty. “For some reason the higher-ups keep kissing his ass, even though the show was DOA the week it premiered,” the source gripes. A spokesman for Carlson’s show did not return calls for comment by press time.

[RPM]

1. shame, really...

hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[wtmusic]

2. Smug, noisy, elitist

no wonder the public adores him!

[terrya]

3. I'd prefer not seeing the words "kiss" and "ass" when describing...

Tucker Carlson. Even figuretively.

[SouthoftheBorderPaul]

4. "I'm 35."

"....and you wear a bowtie."

Gees, Stewart put a much needed hurtin' on that man.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

10. Link to the complete transcript:

CARLSON: Jon, Jon, Jon, I'm sorry. I think you're a good comedian. I think your lectures are boring.

STEWART: Yes.

CARLSON: Let me ask you a question on the news.

STEWART: How old are you?

CARLSON: Thirty-five.

STEWART: And you wear a bow tie.

(LAUGHTER)

-----SNIP-----

CARLSON: OK, up next, Jon Stewart goes one on one with his fans...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.

(LAUGHTER)

CARLSON: Now, you're getting into it. I like that.

STEWART: Yes.

CARLSON: OK. We'll be right back.

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/bljonstewartcrossfire.htm

[LeftyDarthBrodie]

5. Another show in Donahue's time slot

not doing anywhere near as well as Donahue was doing when he was fired for being liberal.

[theshadow]

6. "Propeller-necked". That's great!

[tanyev]

7. WTF is a "towel-snapping brand of conservatism"?

:wtf:

[Alcibiades]

9. Immature

...as when he called Stewart Kerry's "butt-boy." Tucker thought that this is how all the tough kids how beat him up in school talked.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

11. Yeah, but at least Stewart didn;t sit still for it...

STEWART: But the thing is that this -- you're doing theater, when you should be doing debate, which would be great.

BEGALA: We do, do...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: It's not honest. What you do is not honest. What you do is partisan hackery. And I will tell you why I know it.

CARLSON: You had John Kerry on your show and you sniff his throne and you're accusing us of partisan hackery?

STEWART: Absolutely.

CARLSON: You've got to be kidding me. He comes on and you...

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls.

(LAUGHTER)

STEWART: What is wrong with you?

CARLSON: Well, I'm just saying, there's no reason for you -- when you have this marvelous opportunity not to be the guy's butt boy, to go ahead and be his butt boy. Come on. It's embarrassing.

STEWART: I was absolutely his butt boy. I was so far -- you would not believe what he ate two weeks ago.

(LAUGHTER)

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: You know, the interesting thing I have is, you have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.

CARLSON: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.

STEWART: You need to go to one. The thing that I want to say is, when you have people on for just knee-jerk, reactionary talk...

CARLSON: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny.

STEWART: No. No. I'm not going to be your monkey.

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/bljonstewartcrossfire.htm

[Alcibiades]

8. He's a jackass

We all knew this kid in college, didn't we? Even though he wasn't bad looking, he was completely unlayable, so he poured all his frustrated energy into the Young Republicans. Tucker (WTF? Who names their kid "Tucker?" Golly, I'll bet he was sadistically teased at school) Carlson has made a career out of playing the overly earnest college Republican on television, but it's wearing a bit thin.

Can we please outsource this guy's job to India? Please?

[Catshrink]

12. I like Rachel Maddow

I hope she lands a spot on another show if bow-tie boy's show is cancelled.