Please critique...

[madeline_con]

The H-O-E Report here:

http://www.itsacrime.us/satire.html

Let me know... (crossing fingers)

[Wetzelbill]

1. did you write that?

I liked it. It has some pretty highbrow humor, you kinda have to know your stuff to understand it. The ripping the kids apart thing made me wince and didn't sit well with me, but that is probably a good thing to get that type of reaction. I think it was a little long. Wordy satire ends up being work after a while. It's always best to shorten it up a bit. I liked it though.

[madeline_con]

2. Yes, but I used Ann's latest rant as a model.

You'll see the original at www.anncoulter.com

[Wetzelbill]

5. yeah, for one thing Ann should be edited too

She should be flat out censored. :)

But what I mean is you probably don't need to parody her whole screed. Coulter is a really sloppy writer who loves putting words on paper to sound cute and vitriolic. She'd better serve herself -well besides actually doing research- by cutting her columns by 100-200 words. So I'll still think you could go a little shorter in yours. I liked it a lot though.

[madeline_con]

8. Cool...

I'll take that into consideration. I'm considering keeping The H-O-E Report as a regular feature.

I don't find Ann all that hard to keep up with.

[Wetzelbill]

10. yeah as I said

I liked it alot. I'm a writer so when somebody says critique I will tear it up a bit, but really it is fine pretty much as is. I was just being picky.

[madeline_con]

17. being picky...

I can't leave anything lone, I'll keep tweaking and then realize it's ruined and delete. :(

[Robeson]

3. Off topic. I've mean't to say for some time, that as a young boy full...

...of boyish hormones in the 70's, that picture of Madeline Kahn in your sig line brings back many, many happy memories...:9

[madeline_con]

9. She gets a lot of attention.

;)

[Bucky]

4. You've got the voice down--the forced "coolness", the superiority complex,

change:
"Fascist Satets of America" to "States",
"Queeens" to "Queens",
"if he hsan't said anything to" to "hasn't said",


Some could be trimmed down a bit. I don't think you need to riff her whole article to make the parody work. But some very good stuff in there. I liked this bit:

We've got skills now. We need a challenge, dammit!

Republicans are large and in charge, we control the media we're pissed and set on vengeance... so Dubya nominates some nobody, hurling us into a strange Rorschach test where all the inkblots resemble someone falling off of a bicycle.

Lefties are converting in huge numbers; they nominate nut-jobs like Ruth Bader Ginsburg . Most Americans hate her.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if most Americans were for abortion, porn, gay, criminal and property rights, lefties wouldn't need the SCOTUS to get what they want by inventing "rights" that no one but People for the American Way even know exist. Let me remind the American people that Democrats support abortion, sodomy and atheism, and a Supreme Court nomination is a perfect chance for them to push that agenda.

If anything, it's not over the top enough for Coulter. That list of what Democrats are "for" could be far more ludicrous and still only barely pass the real Coulter up for audacity.

Another great line: "something about Barry" That one got me laughing.

Hmmm, try out a couple of other endings. I don't get the Rochambeau reference in the last line and I'm "pretty damn smart"^TM so maybe bring this back to her personality, foibles, pugnaciousness, or plagiarism.

[madeline_con]

6. GAWD, it's embarrasing to see all the typos!

Thank you for your input. :)

[Wetzelbill]

7. yeah, you could even go nuttier, Ann is absolutely crazy

You could just nutball out, totally and be fine.

[madeline_con]

11. That's funny...

I took my cue from her, she does get off on tangents a bit.

Do you think she was rejected by Clinton at a party, and never got over it? ;)

[Wetzelbill]

13. you know.....

I wonder what would make somebody hate like that. Something had to happen to her. She's got some problems I think.

[madeline_con]

18. Bill Clinton wouldn't "do" her, I think.

That's the only explanation I can come up with for her obsession with him in almost all of her columns.

[WCGreen]

12. Is that you in the blue dress....

The work flowed and stayed in charactor, which is the hardest thing to pull off in satire......

Stay with it kid, ya got talent there.....

And a great set of gams....

If, you don't mind my sayin'

[Heidi]

14. Ack!

I think that's "adult film star" Mary Carey (a Republican) in the blue dress, WC.

[WCGreen]

15. Damn, I love when the true meaning of repulicanism

shines throught the skimpy dress when a light is shinning on her fro behind....

[madeline_con]

21. Let's clear something up...

The hot blonde with the red background is Mary Carey, porn star cum California gubana (can't spell, wants to be governor) who went to the White House and had such a great time, she converted.

The skinny, bony ole hoe in the blue dress with the washed-out look is the "Facist Party Doll (according to Richard Belzer), Ann Coulter.

You're confusing me.

[WCGreen]

22. I knew who ann coulter was.....

And I had no idea who the porn star was or did, didn't look that close. I thought she might me Britney Spears....

Up on porn stars? Even one's who are swayed to the dark side.....

I can't even keep the Cleveland Indians straight, and I'm a big fan...

The last Pron Star I knew by name was Linda Lovelace.......

But you were the porn star part if that mini fantasy.

(Ann Coulter came up on spell check. I love it when I can click on ignore....... )

[madeline_con]

20. Oh, the "voluptuous" Mary Carey.

I didn't know which one in which blue dress. :dunce:

[madeline_con]

19. "Is that you in the blue dress...."

No, it's that anorexic skank Ann Coulter. No offense taken, though, for some reason. :)

[yewberry]

16. Details?

Oof, sorry. On first glance:

¶2 s1--use colon, not semi-colon

¶6--"states" misspelled

¶7--use semi-colon, not colon

¶17--period goes inside parentheses; omit comma s2; Queens misspelled

¶27--sentence structure s1 (use colon); insert "and" between "porn" and "gay"


Sorry--I'm a born proofreader.
Good luck!