Shell Beau
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Wed Aug-03-05 09:29 AM
Original message |
If we believed everything in the movies... |
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Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people -- whether they are employed or not.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off even while scuba diving.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
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CBHagman
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Wed Aug-03-05 09:32 AM
Response to Original message |
1. Labor lasts a few minutes. |
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The kid comes out looking to be about four or five months old.
And don't get me started on the sex scenes. I don't want the mods to come after me! :-)
A person can run away from an explosion, be thrown through the air in slow motion when said explosion takes place, and walk away without broken bones or third-degree burns.
Bad guys are TERRIBLE shots.
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Shell Beau
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Wed Aug-03-05 09:34 AM
Response to Reply #1 |
2. The good guy always wins, the |
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Edited on Wed Aug-03-05 09:40 AM by Shell Beau
bullets always come real close, but never hit.
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Hell Hath No Fury
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Wed Aug-03-05 09:35 AM
Response to Original message |
3. Women can have orgasms... |
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by the sheer power of a man's manliness during sex -- a clitoris? what's that! :)
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gollygee
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Wed Aug-03-05 09:38 AM
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4. IF a woman feels sick, she's pregnant. If she coughs, she's dying |
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One bit of nausea, pregnancy every single time.
One cough, she'll die by the end of the movie.
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CBHagman
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Wed Aug-03-05 10:04 AM
Response to Reply #4 |
12. The coughing bit applies to both sexes. |
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I've seen it in TV movies.
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Hugin
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Wed Aug-03-05 09:39 AM
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5. There is never any need to reload a weapon. |
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If you are on the correct side... There is no need for a helmet in battle.
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Richardo
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Wed Aug-03-05 09:44 AM
Response to Original message |
6. No matter how advanced the computer, all characters make a sound |
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Edited on Wed Aug-03-05 09:45 AM by Richardo
...when displayed on the screen.
Corollary: the CPU makes noise when searching the database. :eyes: Corollary 2: You have to describe exactly what you are doing with the keyboard every step of the way.
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Missy M
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Wed Aug-03-05 09:47 AM
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7. All older men (ie. Clint Eastwood) have wives or girlfriends who are... |
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23 - 25 years old, gorgeous, crazy about them and are always horny!
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Hugin
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Wed Aug-03-05 09:48 AM
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Burma Jones
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Wed Aug-03-05 09:53 AM
Response to Original message |
9. Ancient Romans spoke with an English Accent |
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Every damn gladiator/historical epic/steamy toga drama, Brit or American, Cheapo or Big Budget has every actor affecting an English Accent
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XemaSab
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Wed Aug-03-05 10:14 AM
Response to Reply #9 |
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You say that Romans didn't speak properly, like the newsreaders on the Beeb? Well have a butcher's at "I, Claudius" and you'll learn diff'rent, I say.
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NoPasaran
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Wed Aug-03-05 09:55 AM
Response to Original message |
10. One hunky American with a pistol |
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Is more than a match for any number of dusky foreigners firing machineguns.
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LibDemAlways
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Wed Aug-03-05 10:01 AM
Response to Original message |
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Young, attractive women routinely pair up with or marry guys old enough to be their father.
People in general have a quick wit and a ready comeback.
Children are precocious and wise-cracking.
Suburban moms look like Susan Sarandon. Suburban dads look like Richard Gere.
People's best friends are usually homely and good listeners who dispense sound advice.
Ordinary looking women become instantly beautiful and sexy simply by removing their eyeglasses and shaking their heads.
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Hugin
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Wed Aug-03-05 10:06 AM
Response to Original message |
13. The lamest pick-up line always results in a torrid affair. |
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For example, "Hey, babe... Nice hat."
As opposed to real life where comments like that cause a range of responses from a mild cold shoulder to getting your face slapped off of your head.
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XemaSab
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Wed Aug-03-05 10:19 AM
Response to Original message |
15. Any home anywhere in the bay area |
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is affordable for a young married couple or young family.
Suburbs are hotbeds of intrigue and deceit.
All high school kids are either cheerleaders, jocks, nerds, drama freaks, preppies, stoners, or gang members.
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Richardo
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Wed Aug-03-05 10:20 AM
Response to Original message |
16. Tires *always* squeal - even on dirt roads. |
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Edited on Wed Aug-03-05 10:21 AM by Richardo
:eyes:
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Richardo
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Wed Aug-03-05 10:21 AM
Response to Original message |
17. You can out-run, out-drive, or out-fly an explosion |
Missy M
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Wed Aug-03-05 10:36 AM
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18. The heroes house or apartment is bullet riddled, bombed, doors kicked.. |
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in, windows shattered, furniture broken and by the end of the movie it is always put back together and fixed just as it was.
When police or the bad guys are chasing someone it is always through the kitchen of a restaurant or hotel and the person being chased shoves carts with food, bread etc. in front of the chaser which for some unknown reason slows them down.
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swimboy
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Wed Aug-03-05 11:19 AM
Response to Original message |
19. Convenient curbside parking is always available |
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even in our major cities.
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DU
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Fri Apr 26th 2024, 07:39 AM
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