Why Men Turn Marriage Proposals Into Public Events

[question everything]

The Wall Street Journal

August 4, 2005

MOVING ON
By JEFF ZASLOW

Love and the Jumbotron: Why Men Turn Marriage Proposals Into Public Events
August 4, 2005; Page D1

Two saturdays ago, a scuba diver jumped into a 150,000-gallon fish tank inside the restaurant at Houston's Downtown Aquarium. As curious diners looked on, he swam toward a young couple at a far table, and held up a sign: "Tisha, will you marry me?"

The romantic stunt was planned by Kavon Rajabi, the man at the table. He turned to his tearful girlfriend, Tisha Avara, and in the presence of dozens of cheering strangers and 1,000 indifferent fish, slipped an engagement ring on her finger. "I was proud to let everyone know I love this woman," Mr. Rajabi said later.

In past generations, "Will you marry me?" was often asked very privately, with the woman on a porch swing and the suitor on bended knee. Now, of course, marriage proposals are routinely delivered publicly and extravagantly. Marriage researchers say the public-proposal phenomenon is being fueled by businesses looking to ratchet up wedding-related billings, by reality TV shows such as TLC's "Perfect Proposal," and by a culture that celebrates attention-seekers. "A wedding is a moment of 'lay celebrity' -- you're the star of your own show -- and now people want to extend that to the proposal," says Elizabeth Freeman, a wedding historian and associate professor at University of California, Davis.

(snip)


These days, even married couples are being encouraged to go public with "proposals." In ads for Diamond Trading Co., ring-toting husbands loudly declare their love in busy town squares. In one spot for "anniversary" diamonds, a man on one knee asks his wife: "Will you marry me ... again?" In another, a man shouts, "I love this woman! I love her! I love her!" Startled pigeons fly away. Passersby stare. His wife whispers, "I love this man. ... I love him."

(snip)

Some men now feel obliged to propose publicly because women have come to expect it. Researchers say public proposals have been gaining steam ever since Nov. 28, 1985, when sportscaster Ahmad Rashad proposed to actress Phylicia Ayers-Allen during an NFL telecast. (They've since divorced.)

(snip)


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[Richardo]

1. It's the height of egotistic assholery

"Women expect it" Nuh-UH.

All the women I've talked to (including Mrs R) state that they would exact some kind of dire vengeance if any guy ever did that to them. Not one said she thought it was in any way romantic.

[Bunny]

3. Yep. I posted about this a couple of months ago.

Very few people thought it was a good idea.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=3290384

[Richardo]

7. How did I miss that?

Good one, Bunny.

[question everything]

4. LOL, love the new word (for me) assholery

and, yes, I agree with your point.

[MalibuChloe]

12. I would just say NO....

that would be my revenge.

[GOPisEvil]

15. Exactly! Rampant egomania!

Romance is private, and proposals should be too.

[bleedingheart]

2. what happens when the woman says ..."no thank you" and makes

an ass out of the guy?

[Richardo]

5. I heard this happened recently

They put them on the Jumbotron and she took off up the steps :rofl:

[Shoeempress]

6. Done to pressure the woman into saying "Yes". Love to know how many

break off the engagement after wards.

[kick-ass-bob]

8. My wife helped set one up at a Durham Bulls game

many years ago.

I hope that wasn't the one that started it all. Because I sure hadn't heard of any to do that at a ball game. It made ESPN and everything.

:scared:

[nickinSTL]

9. I've never gotten the whole

propose in public thing.

I proposed in private, outdoors in a setting we both like.

Maybe I just don't have the self-confidence to face public rejection :shrug:

(if I'd proposed in public, btw, I'm pretty sure my fiancee would have injured me horribly at some point in the future ):P

[mark11727]

10. I proposed to the missus in the crown of the Statue of Liberty...

.. we walked all the way up, looked out upon the harbor, and I looked at her and said

"So you want to get married or what?"

and so we've been, lo these eighteen years.

(on edit) the only "public" around was a handful of tourists, and I don't think they even heard us.

[jane_pippin]

11. It's tacky, lame, and I second the "assholery" sentiment

I'd say no if anybody pulled a stunt like that on me. In fact, I'd rent a jumbo-tron to say no. :P

[DS1]

13. I'm going to take my lady skydiving

With a tag on her pack that says "The application of this handle indicates the desire and will to marry me".

She can make up her own mind in private.

:-)

[bicentennial_baby]

14. ....

:rofl:

even from 3,000 miles away, you still crack me up Martin :)

[DS1]

18. Merci!

:hi:

[Old_Fart]

16. To make others sick? n/t

[chaska]

17. Jesus.... It's like I always say...,

FUCK MONEY! It IS the root of all evil, advertising not the least of these.

[Taverner]

19. Because men think thats what women want

Men don't understand the difference between romance and drama - for them they are one and the same.

[EC]

20. Gee, I always thought it was because the guy felt

she'd be less likely to say no in front of a bunch of strangers...

[Bouncy Ball]

21. I'm just glad Mr. Bouncy proposed to me

at sunset in a park. We were ALONE. It was nice. Bended knee, ring, question, answer, hugs, kisses.

Then we drove back and told everyone.

No biggie. It was special to us, but we didn't make everyone around us (who probably wouldn't even know us in a public space) be a witness and clap and all that.