LOL! Church bulletin bloopers

[supernova]

Ah the vagueries of the English language! Originally posted in the progressive people of faith group.



* * * * * * * * *

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at

Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.



* * * * * * * * * * *

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.



* * * * * * * * * *

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."

The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."



* * * * * * * * * *

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the

recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.



* * * * * * * * * *

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those

things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.



* * * * * * * * * *

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a

conflict.



* * * * * * * * * *

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at

someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much

about you.



* * * * * * * * * *

Don't let worry kill you off......let the church help.



* * * * * * * * * *

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving

obvious pleasure to the congregation.



* * * * * * * * * *

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

downstairs.



* * * * * * * * * *

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the

help they can get.



* * * * * * * * * *

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more

transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping. She has requested

tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.



* * * * * * * * * *

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will

sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."



* * * * * * * * * *

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church

and so ends a friendship that began in their school days.



* * * * * * * * * *

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music

will follow.



* * * * * * * * * *



At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"

Come early and listen to our choir practice.



* * * * * * * * * *

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of

several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.



* * * * * * * * * *

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.

Proceeds will be used to cripple children.



* * * * * * * * * *

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased

person you want remembered.



* * * * * * * * * *

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.



* * * * * * * * *

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and

gracious hostility.



* * * * * * * * * *

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.



* * * * * * * * * *

The ladies of the Church have cast-off clothing of every kind. They may

be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.



* * * * * * * * * *

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across

from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.



* * * * * * * * * *

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.

All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.

is done.



* * * * * * * * * *

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would

lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.



* * * * * * * * * *

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the

back door.



* * * * * * * * * *



The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church

basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this

tragedy.



* * * * * * * * * *

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door at the side entrance.



* * * * * * * * * *

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan

last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

[LaurenG]

1. lol really funny, thanks for posting this nt

[Shell Beau]

2. Ha ha ha ha ha!

:rofl: :spray: :rofl: :spray: :rofl: :spray: :rofl: :spray:

[Felix Mala]

3. Rev. Hankins is forming a Little Mothers Club. All women wishing

to become Little Mothers should see Rev. Hankins in his office.

[supernova]

6. Bwahaha!

:spray:

[GOPisEvil]

4. I've seen those before, but still...

:rofl:

[supernova]

5. Mee too,

I got the email years ago, but I can't help laughing every time I see them.

:rofl:

[Napoleon Dynamite]

7. here is something heard at church by a friend

The preacher was talking about a service project for young men in the church and said something like the following.

"Every young man will needs a hoe. We have several available here at the church for no charge. Feel free to take them and use as needed."

Snickers followed, but the preacher had no idea why.

[supernova]

8. Wow!

:spray:

[jane_pippin]

9. I made it this far before I almost shot salsa out of my nose:

"Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the

recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King."


:spray:


Today is full of laughs. Thanks!