I think I want a divorce. When is it time to move on?

[Blue_Roses]

I never thought I would say this, but marriage sucks. I feel like I am a maid and cook instead of a spouse. :banghead: Me and the kids just got back from a week long visit to see my mother before school starts and the house was a wreck. The litter box could practically walk on it's on...even the cats didn't want to go in it. The clothes were stacked. And to top it off, my spouse got drunk tonight and fell asleep. So much for spending time together after being apart for a week. Guess I see where I stand on the totem pole. At this rate I'd be lucky to be on the totem pole. I see why people have affairs.

[CanuckAmok]

1. Don't have an affair.

"Fish or cut bait", as Dr. Joy Browne always says.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

49. Dr. Joy Browne is way too polite.

I say shit or get off the pot.
Duckie

[CanuckAmok]

58. either/or.

the point being that cheating demeans you both.

[REP]

2. I Knew It Was Time

When I would lie there at night and think how easy it would be to kill him and dispose of the body. Fortunately, I have never married anyone, so getting rid of the ex didn't involve homicide or lawyers.

[mike_c]

3. that's a good sign....

K-- is that you? :hi:

[REP]

7. Those Are My Initials - Not a "K"

Apparently, I have described a not uncommon phenomenon.

[Blue_Roses]

4. well

that's definitely ready. ;)

[Skittles]

15. OMG REP

YOU IS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! :o

[Starlight]

23. I think it was already PAST time!!

:yoiks:

[WCGreen]

36. Remind me to stay away from you LOL

[REP]

41. So Not A Problem - Celebrate 13th Anniverary August 16th

Obviously, I met someone whose body I don't to dispose of.

[WCGreen]

44. Good for you ,, Have at the happiness....

[rwenos]

5. If You Want to Walk Away and Never Come Back

I used to lie in bed and think about the drive away from the city where I lived with that spouse. I thought about the gas stations I would pass, the coffee shops where I'd stop.

Then I came home one day and she told me she had thought a lot about it, and become a fundie. And there was no God in California, so she could never go there to live with me. (I'm a California native.)

You'll know when you absolutely must get out of that house. Right now.

[Swede]

6. You've lost that lovin' feeling.

Maybe a counsellor can save the marriage.

[bluestateguy]

8. When he has a beer gut and a wandering eye.

n/t

[Blue_Roses]

9. what about my wandering eye

who says he has the last say

[madinmaryland]

13. What about my beer gut?

No wandering eye here.

[Merrick]

10. Why marriage is a bad idea:

Tonight I'm going to get drunk and pass out on the couch in my messy apartment much like your husband. Tomorrow, I will see my girlfriend at her place, go out, do something fun, be attentive to her stories of her vacation (she's on her way back from Croatia now) and all will be well.

I sympathize with your plight, though. I'd say cut and run, but realize having kids complicates things in which case I'll have to reserve my opinion. If you're really really unhappy though I'd bet its best for all that you separate.

[radwriter0555]

11. Well, you could try talking to him. But the thing is, these fellas really

don't change. It seems all they want is a maid and a mother and someone to get off on once in a while. So if you're not appreciated, tell him to leave. We women do a fine job raising our kids on our own; always have, always will. But first, some words of advice. First, don't play your hand too early. Don't mention seperating, don't suggest counseling, don't drop any hints.

Before you talk of it with him, get your financial affairs in order. FIRST talk to your tax accountant, BEFORE YOU TALK TO AN ATTORNEY. And, when it comes to the seperation and divorce, don't be the good guy and don't roll over.

Then, hire the attorney you hate the most. The meanest asshole you can find. This is business. Don't screw you and the kids out of any assets and advantages. See, you are the one who will be raising these kids, not your ex-husband. He'll show up on weekends to play weekend daddy and take them to McDonalds while you're still doing 99.999% of the work. Be pleasant, be nice, but don't roll over. Also, it is very important to make sure he signs any documentation that you will need so you can travel or move, even internationally. We are a global world now where traveling around the planet occurs at the drop of a hat. I had the devil of a time getting my ex to sign off on allowing my daughter to relocate to europe.

And finally, remember, half of all marriages end in divorce and humans weren't genetically programmed to be monogamous... you'll be fine!

[Blue_Roses]

16. wow

you have me pegged. I love my husband, but sometimes love isn't enough. He has a troubled childhood that he desperately needs counseling for, however, after my fit tonight it looks like I'm the crazy one. I always end up looking like the bad one in the relationship because of the frustration I feel.

I just need a long break from him. Me and the kids do much better when we are away from him. He keeps us on eggshells with his hyper behavior--that and so much more.

Thanks for the advice. It hit home:)

[SarahB]

47. Sounds a little like my ex.

Lots of childhood issues he still isn't quite ready to face. Hyper-reactive behavior (and the ensuing eggshells), but primarily toward me. It was easier for him to be emotionally detached from me through various means than risk getting truly intimately close to another human being (even his wife).

We have joint custody. He's a very good dad and loves them a lot. I didn't screw him or stick it to him and I've had to make some sacrifices, but it was about what was best for my children in my situation. It wasn't about him (or me).

[BiggJawn]

17. Damn, rad, I thought *I* had "issues"....

"Then, hire the attorney you hate the most. The meanest asshole you can find."

Does that mean hiring your soon-to-be ex if he's a mouthpiece?

And from my experience, you're spot-on about not being programmed for monogamy...At least both my ex's thought that way...

[radwriter0555]

24. Well, it's not about *issues*, it's about experience. I hired a really

nice attorney once and he SUCKED as far as working for me. He wasn't greedy enough to be the asshole I needed him to be for an auto accident I'd been in. He only managed to get me $2,500 for being injured and out of work for 4 months.

You need a mean SOB who gets passionate about the work they do. And no, don't hire the spouse *sigh*.

And the majority of humans just aren't engineered to stay with the same spouse for centuries. If we were, we wouldn't fall in love more than once, now would we?

:)

[Robeson]

30. I know what you are saying. I used to work at a family owned....

...company - my family - which was started by my dad. We had to go to court onetime over a suit, and the lawyer opposing us, used the one representing our company. The guy was ruthless and good. After that court case, my dad fired the services of our lawyer, and started using the one who had just kicked our ass in court. Business is business.

[rwenos]

19. Spot On

Best advice, you hit all the best high points.

My community property professor in law school said he'd handled cases where the woman set up the Big Exit for 10 years.

There are many plans to be made. Your accountant will know what to do, where to put things.

[NNadir]

33. I hate these "me first" divorces.

My son's best friend is the child of a divorce. The parents are hostile and hate each other.

If you think that has NO effect on the kid, think again. He loves BOTH his parents, and finds himself caught in a very painful middle. When he's in our home, I can see his pain. He's only eleven years old, for crying out loud and he's got to mediate two very immature adults.

I don't know what people are thinking when the start out a divorce with hostility and confrontation, but it's not about the kids, its window dressing for complete selfishness and disregard for the children.

For many years my wife and I speculated that my wife's childhood might have been better if her parents divorced, since they are clearly don't love one another. But now that we've seen the children of divorce, we have growing respect for my in laws. They saw their commitment to their children through. They weren't even close to being the best parents, but they certainly weren't the worst either.

I believe that people have a right to divorce if they must, but people who put their kids in a cross fire between mean "son of a bitch" lawyers, frankly disgust me.

[Kathleen04]

35. That's too

bad that the parents of this kid couldn't be more mature and at least tolerate each other for the sake of the kid.

But I don't think that it has to be that way..my parents have been divorced since I was four years old and there was a short period of time of course where both parties were hurt/angry, but they're "friends" and the divorce never affected me negatively.

Remarriage is a different story. x(

[NNadir]

40. I have a cousin who did his divorce with class; gave his wife 5 M bucks.

He invited her to his wedding to his second wife and everybody came, was gracious, and had a good time. All the ex-husbands, ex-wives, kids from both marriages get together and hang out without a trace of discomfort.

It was not to that kind of thing that I was reacting however. It was the advice to start out hostile.

One can marry well, and I think, one can divorce well. (This is not to say that I know for certain, having never come close to divorcing except early in our marriage when we had no kids.) It doesn't matter if no kids are involved, you are free to be mean and nasty to your own delight. But kids should change everything.

[skygazer]

55. You can divorce well - I have

My first husband and I were very young when we married and we married for all the wrong reasons - to make his mother happy (and make her stop bugging us to get married), because we had kids, etc. I loved him, I suppose, but I was not in love with him (there's a difference, I discovered) and it was too early to be tied into a lifetime with anyone.

We always got along but eventually, it was like brother and sister rather than married couple. In the last two years of our marriage, I think we may have had sex twice. And it wasn't really enjoyable. But what we were passionate about was our kids and when the time came when we knew it had to end, we devoted all our energy into those kids, doing our best to let them understand that we both loved them, that it was not their fault, that we would both always be there for them and that we were still both their parents.

It was hard for them at first, as it always is, but we were determined to be the adults in the situation and not let our sadness and bitterness overwhelm what needed to be the focus which was the well-being of our two kids. We always kept in contact, we attended school conferences together, we bent over backwards to both spend time with them, etc.

Our kids are now grown and they're grateful for that. They don't have a lot of issues stemming from our divorce. They are close to us both and I am still good friends with my ex and his second wife who he's been with for 15 years now.

[NNadir]

62. I'm sure you did it with grace. Congratulations on your happiness. n/t.

[LastKnight]

70. ya know, i have a feeling thats one reason why alot of guys

fear committment...

make sure its more about getting whats needed for raising the kids rather than screwing the ex.

[quiet.american]

71. Excellent advice.

My mom walked away when my siblings and I were kids, and for that I was happy, but she let my "father" have absolutely everything - the house, the car, the furniture, the dishes, everything. This devastated us financially, and she spent the rest of our childhoods dragging him in and out of court to compel him to pay child support and his share of their marriage debts.

[hickman1937]

12. I was told by a good friend, picture your life without him.

Be honest about what he contributes, then picture your life with him gone, day to day. When I did it he was an adult child that took 2 loads of wash out the door with him. And spent the first 6 months making mommy pay for kicking him out.

[u4ic]

14. I would try counselling first

especially with kids involved. However, some partners don't want to try counselling...if he doesn't, then you've got a huge decision to make by yourself.

I recently left a long term live in relationship (not marriage). We went for counselling for a number of months, and realized it couldn't work. Not necesssarily in all cases, but in ours it gave us a sort of peace - understanding where each other was coming from, and feeling like the decision to split was mutual (more instigated by me, in truth), and that we gave it a good try.

I had been thinking of leaving for over a year before I did. I agree with the poster who said when you know you've got to get out. I had inklings before, but my feelings slowly snuffed out, and I knew it was time.

Sorry things are crappy for you. From your description, he does sound insensitive. Hopefully you can sit down, air your feelings and it will be a wake up call for him. Good luck. :hug:

[Blue_Roses]

18. thanks so much

yes, he's insensitive and I've often thought it was just him being lazy, but he always has time to go play a video game with the guy across the street. In fact, he usually does that, only the guy and his family went out of town.

I know it's time. I do love him, but it's not working and I can't do it alone.

[u4ic]

20. Sounds like my ex

being away for a while, coming back and finding he's made plans with his friends (even though he knew I would be back). Those sorts of things. I'll give him credit for not forgetting our anniversary or my birthday, though.

We didn't have kids, but I have a disability, and needed his help with things. That alone kept me there longer than I should have - fear, "how will I do this on my own"?.

My health has improved since leaving, so while I still have the concern, I realize how much it took a toll on me physically and emotionally.

Here's hoping that whatever decision is made, it will be the best for you and your children. :hi:

[bliss_eternal]

21. I'm so sorry that you are having a tough time of it...

Marriage is work. But you can't be the only one working...

I hope that you can work it out (if that is what you want). If you decide you want to walk, I agree with the above poster that said to put your affairs in order and don't tip him off to your desire to leave.

They have a way of trying to 'get it together' if they think you are leaving--just long enough to derail your plans. Then it all goes back to hell as soon as he's back in his comfort zone.

Kwim? Maybe you just needed to vent?

:hugs: to you...

[Blue_Roses]

22. I definitely needed to vent

and I've held back for so long ...just didn't want to air the dirty laundry, so for me to be talking about it publicly like this should tell me something. The advice helps and makes me feel like I'm not alone.
Thanks so much:)

[bliss_eternal]

25. You're not alone...

Marriage is much harder than I ever thought it would be. But I am still in a place where all the good outweighs the bad. The bad is minimal compared to the positive.

It sounds like that isn't the case for you--if it isn't then you deserve better than to suffer in silence. Maybe it may help to check into counseling for yourself?

:hugs:

[radwriter0555]

26. Well, be careful having an affair. It could be used against you in

the divorce. I know we all need loving, but it could cost you in the long run. Get things buttoned up legally first...

It will be FINE!

[Blue_Roses]

28. honestly,

having an affair is the last thing on my mind. If I get out of this marriage there is no way I will do this again.

I keep telling myself this will get better...am I fooling myself?

[lizzieforkerry]

27. When you just can't take his breathing anymore....

In and out, in and out, over and over and over again!

I agree, get everything in order. You have lived with him this long, another 52 weeks won't hurt you. It might be easier because you know it's not permanent. You can sit at the dinner table and think "Enjoy the meal buddy because you only have 100 left with me".

[Lydia Leftcoast]

29. I've never been married, but I KNEW I had to get out of one relationship

when the phone rang one evening and I found myself thinking, "I hope it's not him."

[GoddessOfGuinness]

31. An affair will only serve to confuse you more

Try yoga instead.

And counseling for yourself, if not for him as well. Good luck! :hug:

[leftofthedial]

32. try to make him meet you half way

divorce sucks

try to save your marriage

[kodi]

34. its the day you realize that your future is better apart than together,

you look down that long road called the Future and note that it forks and one path is what you have right now and the other path is simply something else, when you get to the point that the other path is more attractive to you than the one you are on, you pick up and leave.

[jobycom]

37. When the children would be better off with you split up

I've just separated after 19 years. We lived in separate rooms for 10. I missed romance, but I didn't feel I had the right to ruin the home of my children.

Over the past year things got really bad. She began to shout all the time at my oldest daughter, and when I broke it up, she turned on me, accusing me of undermining her (a valid argument, but her screaming was way out of hand, and it became her first attack, not a last resort.) We have two kids-- one 12, one 6 (during a brief attempt to reconcile). She favored the younger because I had stayed at home with the older one. So she would so obviously favor the younger daughter that even the younger daughter, even at five, would point it out to her.

The housekeeping has been a mess for the ten years. When I stayed home with my oldest daughter (I was in grad school, and worked only part time), I cleaned and cooked. When I got a full time job, I cooked, and we divided the cleaning. By agreement. She never would live up the agreement. It got so bad that, like your house, our cats wouldn't use the litter box because it was too dirty. It became a silly point of contention that the litter box was her duty, and so I wouldn't do it. Consequently the cats peed on our furniture, on the dirty clothes. The house stunk so bad I hated to come home with the kids. I realized then that it was completely dysfunctional, that we were dragging each other down, and that I didn't trust her enough to even seek counciling (I left off some of the personal reasons for the lack of trust).

So we talked about splitting, the little bit we actually talked. Then I discovered that she had been getting my youngest to school late almost every day, and we both wound up with charges filed against us. She had been lying about this because she was afraid I'd start taking the kids to school, and for some reason she wanted to do it.

I decided then that the kids would be better off with us split. I got a nearby apartment, and though the kids were very upset, we both made an effort to make the kids feel a part of it. My youngest helped me choose the place. My oldest was in denial the longest, and still is a bit, but they both get to choose where they are going to stay each night, and we usually abide by their decisions. This has made them feel less like either of us has abandoned them. We never tried to hide the tension, because we always expected to split up one day, so the kids can see that things are easier now. So the kids seem to like it, now. I overheard my oldest tell a friend it was a good thing, because she saw me more now. This surprised me, because I spend the most time with both of them, since I get home from work first. But thinking back, I realize that when my spouse was in the room, I left it, which meant I usually left the kids, too. So even though we are less often in the same house, we are actually in the same room more often.

Oddly, I was most worried about my oldest kid being abused by my wife. Now, though, she spends the most time with her mother, and the youngest, my wife's favorite, always wants to be with me. I had to force her to stay with her mom tonight, in fact. She told me I don't yell like her mother, so she likes being at my place better.

Anyway, that's how and why I decided to move on. It's still new. I still wake up in the middle of the night wondering what I've done. But most of the time it feels like the right thing.

That's my input, for what it's worth.

[Heidi]

38. You sound like a good person and a good dad, joby.

I like you, and Ginger likes you (though he may be using you to get closer to Minnie. ; ) Hang in there, my friend. :hug:

[jobycom]

42. Thanks

Of course my spouse has her version of the story, and I'm a good writer, so I may not be as good as I sound. I can't tell anymore.

I like you, too, but I'm just using you to get to Ginger. It's all about the cats, you know.

[Heidi]

43. That made me smile.

Yes, it _is_ all about the cats. (And you _are_ a good writer. I know exactly what you mean about that.)

:hug:

[RummyTheDummy]

39. This is precisely why I do most of the house and yardwork

Around my wife and I's home. I enjoy it for one, and number two, if I'm not pro-active, I'm the consumate slob.

[KamaAina]

45. As soon as you meet a desperate DUer from the tropics?

my housekeeping skills are only a notch above those described, but if anyone here would let me have a popoki (cat), you could be sure that her box wouldn't go a whole week unchanged! My clothes are in a hamper, not stacked, and I'm drunk and still awake (11 PM HST)! :-)

[Left_Winger]

46. I can sympathize...

as to the part about feeling like a cook and a maid, not to mention that I was also the primary income provider. My ex went through six jobs in two years: Fired or quit as a result of a dispute with the boss. Heck, I was paying the bills so why should there be any worries? The problem I made was not getting to know the person I married well enough before taking that fatal step. During our second anniversary celebration, I kept thinking to myself about how much I felt like a phony, a fool, etc. I left four days later, filed for separation and finally obtained freedom; it was expensive, but worth every penny. Luckily, there were no children involved. Our main problem was that in the beginning we were not in love, but rather, lust.

You have my support, do what you think is right and be firm in your decision.

[SarahB]

48. I wrote more above, but...

For me, when I felt so trapped, stuck, and miserable with him that I seriously considered cheating and was beginning to feel like suicide was a better option than marriage, I knew it was pretty much beyond hope.
No regrets. It's not easy, but the best decision I ever made. It's much better for my children to have a happy, healthy mom who has to work more than one who feels like a miserable prisoner.

[latebloomer]

50. I would advise trying marriage couseling

When kids are involved, it seems to me that you need to do everything you can to salvage the marriage before giving up.

My husband and I have gone thru some rough times, but today we are doing great, and I attribute much of it to counseling.

[pitohui]

52. agreed

divorce not a fair reaction, sins described are leaving a messy house and playing some video games, big whoop

stay together, spend a few extra $$$ to have merry maids come in twice a month, way cheaper than divorce

romance after kids is an unrealistic expectation, avoid all movies and chick lit, women who buy into that crap will always be unhappy

real heterosexual men do drink beer, do goof off at video games and sports, don't quite understand why they should have a job and clean the house, are you really going to be able to replace the children's father w. someone better

appreciate what you have saves a lot of angst

[Lars39]

57. "Real heterosexual men"?

Mature men of any sexual orientation realize that households and kids take a damn lot of work and don't expect the spouse to do everything.

[pitohui]

63. mature women don't go on vacation

and come home expecting the house scrubbed

hubby is not a slave either

when i go on separate vacations, i accept it will be boy's night out

i can't fathom the mentality of, well, honey, i'm going on vacation, and you stay home and clean the litter box

this is the father of her children, she should be a little more fair to this man

neither are behaving in mature fashion to my mind

[oldcoot]

66. She is being fair

I am sure if her husband was gone on vacation, she would continue to clean the house and the litter box (which only takes a few minutes). While she and the kids were gone, he should have done the same. After all, he lives there too.

The problem is not maturity but the fact that she feels that he does not appreciate her. She was clearly hurt by the fact that he spent his time drinking than with her when she returned. He gave her the impression that he did not give a damn. It is natural that she would resent being treated this way.

[Blue_Roses]

67. "mature women don't go on vacation"

LOL! That statement makes me laugh. I was at my mother's with 2 small kids. My mother has moved into a one bedroom apartment since my dad died and we bunked on air mattresses and the floor. Not much of a vacation taking care of 2 kids either...

On the other hand, hubby had a nice vacation having the place all to himself with no responsibility of childcare ...amongst other "vacation" things. Is is too much to ask to have him help out some after I've driven 6 hours home. Is it too much to ask him to clean up HIS mess:shrug:

Not a very fair statement.

[Bat Boy]

64. Uh oh....

I don't goof off at video games and sports, I totally understand why I should have a job and do my share of the house work, and I only drink beer occaisionally.

Ah crap. I'm gay!

Honey....we gotta talk...

[Blue_Roses]

68. "real heterosexual men"

that sounds a little bigoted. From your post, it sounds like I should be like June Cleaver and vacuum in my high heels and pearls too:eyes:


"don't quite understand why they should have a job and clean the house,"

tell me you don't really believe this.

:spray:

[Lars39]

73. I think that poster has a few issues of his own to work out.

Take care, Blue_Roses. :hug:

[miss_kitty]

51. when you ask a question like this on a large message board

on the Internets, I think it's time.

Good Luck.

[ScreamingMeemie]

53. Think back to your wedding day? Are there still times you feel that same

way about him. Do you snipe at each other in front of the kids? Would you rather be anywhere else in the world besides next to him?

My father (who recently left my mother after 40 years/35 of them miserable) put it this way..."I didn't want to get to the point where I was hoping that she would die".

Some things can be saved if the feelings are still there. I wouldn't walk out on my marriage for anything short of adultery without getting some counseling first.

Good luck Blue_Roses, I get that feeling from time to time as well.

:hug: ~Laura

[Blue_Roses]

72. I have mixed emotions

when it comes to our future. So many factors go into my thoughts on how I came to post this in the first place. For one thing, he has ADHD and only recently began taking meds. He's out of meds at this time and maybe that's why we are struggling again. It's so much more than not cleaning up the house. When he's on his meds he is a different person, but he doesn't realize the impact of his behavior when he's not. I often think of what would life be like without him and it makes me sad. He has alot of great qualities, but he can be so difficult without the meds. It took me threatening to leave him to get him to go see a doctor in the first place. But his doctor isn't very good. He doesn't follow his meds except to schedule an appointment and charge him an arm and a leg and my husband isn't much of a proactive person regarding his healthcare. That's so frustrating. I wish I had someone to stay on him about this besides me.

This is the root of the problem. I guess I'm just burned out, but you make a good point. Thoughts of living without him make me sad at times, but then other times I'm ready to get the hell out.

Thanks so much for the feedback. :)

[LynzM]

54. I can see why you are so frustrated

A spouse should not just be there to serve the other spouse, IMO. Have you talked to your husband about any of this stuff? I think you need to do that as step one, if you haven't. If you do still love him, as you say, then counseling is a good plan, if he will go. People can change their habits, but they need to know they need to, you know? If, on the other hand, he has no desire to change, and likes the status quo, then I think it's time for you to really do some serious consideration. There's some advice I agree with and some I don't in this thread, but I think the fact that you are thinking about it means you probably ought to talk to both your husband and a counselor. Good luck to you :hug:

[pitohui]

56. messies don't become neatniks

people who don't pick up after themselves won't pick up after themselves after counseling, waste of $$$ and makes the messy partner feel picked on

much cheaper to have a damn maid come in once in awhile

if you want an equal, don't be a mommy, your husband is an adult not a project that needs to be "changed"

[LynzM]

65. True

But people CAN make an effort to change and try harder. I think that in most cases, even putting some amount of effort out makes a big difference.

Cheaper to have a maid? Maybe.

"If you want an equal, don't be a mommy"... I agree. But also, people become, to some extent, what you expect of them. If you never address the issue, if you just lower the bar, there is NO chance of change. If you bring it up, you might have a chance. Talking to your partner as another adult, an equal, expecting that they will have some ability as an adult to make their own decisions, is part of having an equal.

[peacebuzzard]

59. It is time to move on when you have a drunk slob for a mate.

eom

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

60. I read the whole thread. I don't have any advice, but I wish you

well whatever you do. :hug:

[Dastard Stepchild]

61. Is this person your partner?

I am thinking back to the foundations of my current marriage. I was a very independent gal, and had a difficult time adjusting to married life. Actually, so did my husband.
During those times when I think the marriage was in trouble, it was because we saw each other as adversaries, not as partners. Everything was a power struggle to see who would come out on top. EVERYTHING. I won't even go into the mundane issues that went from innocuous molehills to massive mountains. This pretty much went on for about 3 years. At some point, I think we both started to realize that if this was going to work, we would have to be partners. Life is difficult and stressful, and I needed someone in my corner backing me up. But to do that, I needed to do the same for my husband. And we needed to make decisions for "us," not for ourselves. It's a simple realization, but one we had been actively ignoring for years. So, we are slowly but surely working towards becoming good partners for one another. Sometimes, we even have to verbally acknowledge that we are not against one another so that we can make the right decision.

I think where I am going with this is that you might have to ask yourself if your husband is your partner. If he is, then some counseling may be able to get you back into a more stable partnership. If he isn't, you'll have to ask yourself if that would be possible with him. Because I don't know that love is enough... I think there has to be commitment from both to be partners to make the marriage work.

Best of luck!

[LaurenG]

69. When you are done you will know.

:hug: