Why is it that brothers and sisters become indifferent with....

[readmylips]

each other? We come from the same family, same parents and yet many of us could care less if we had a brother and a sister. I speak for myself. I liked the posting of how families fight over money after the death of a parent(s). I'm gearing up (me step mother) for this type of challenge down the road.

I got three brothers and one sister, I'm the baby. My oldest brother was a mommas boy and a wacko. My second brother, we keep in touch but we're not close. I was the flower girl at his wedding. My third brother lives out of the country and I have not seen him in over 40 years. My sister was always a whiner to the point of being toxic. We're not close. There's a lot of years difference between us. They went off with their lives as if my mom and I never existed.

[Lady Effingbroke]

1. Perhaps because you and your brothers and sisters have little in common?

I have one (younger) brother. We live 10 miles apart, but it may as well be 1000. We see each other perhaps 3-4 times a year - on major holidays, etc. I suppose it's because we both lead such different lives and have very little in common. I don't hate him, it's more a situation of "you have your life and I have mine, and rarely our paths shall cross." :shrug:

[sbj405]

3. Sounds like my relationship w/ my bro

except we're 600 miles away. We see each other once a year where he can barely manage a conversation with me.

I don't really feel bad about it. We have nothing in common other than parents. On the other hand, my bf feels compelled to keep in touch with his siblings, though he has little in common with them and thinks they're whacko.

[BrklynLiberal]

2. I always wondered if it was up to the parents to foster closeness

between the children...and if they didn't if it was due to some dysfunctionality they themselves suffered as children.

I know this does not always hold true. Sometimes abusive parents foster a closeness between children. Not sure if there is an answer that will serve for all situations.

[madmom]

4. I have one brother not close at all..

we remain civil see each other rarely he lives 2 states away, my husband has 4 sisters and 1 brother same thing only they live in the same town. Beats me why things are the way they are!

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

5. I think when some people marry, their spouse's family becomes their family

I have a sister (you know her as Bullwinkle925) and a brother. I had another sister who died in 2001. Bullwinkle and I are thick as thieves despite living 1600 miles apart. Our brother never, EVER communicates unless he needs something. He did e-mail me to congratulate me on my law school graduation after I sent him an announcement, but that's it. When he married, he seemed to completely forget his blood family and gravitated to his wife's family. He'd help her dad with all sorts of household renovations, etc., despite the fact that her dad is 30 years younger than our dad (actually MY dad; long story), who had a bum leg and couldn't do things like climbing on the roof to replace shingles.

I find it astounding that people can so thoroughly forget the families they grew up with. I still feel a bond with my brother and would be happy to be in frequent contact with him, but I'm tired of making all the moves and want him to initiate contact for a change.

I'm sorry your family is behaving this way.

[Darth_Kitten]

7. There's no excuse for failing one's own family.

:(

[Darth_Kitten]

6. Because some siblings choose to have chips on their shoulders....

I'm really not impressed with my siblings right now.

My sister makes it very difficult to have a relationship with her and her eight kids. My stepbrother and stepsister don't really communicate anymore (or that much!) with my parents.

I'm the only child who phones, and visits, and stays in touch in my parents. I guess I have a sense of family.

None of my siblings could be even bothered to call us all on Xmas. It was always my parents, particularly my mother, who was the one to establish and maintain contact. Now she is kind of backing off, I mean, if you give and give and then give some more and don't get any thank yous or appreciation or even simple respect, then why should you always be the one making the effort? It's very painful of course, but the siblings have to get off their butts and do something for a change.

I could go on, and if people say that children don't really use their own kids against their own parents on a pretty regular basis, I will say they are living in a dream world. I thought it was only my family until I heard the stories of friends and others.

[Kat45]

8. Reading all this, I don't feel so bad being an only child.

It never bothered me much until I got older. I'm 50 now and I'm also single and unattached. I worry about being totally alone as I grow old; I thought that if I had siblings, I'd have people to turn to and people to watch my back. But from reading these posts, it sounds like in some families, siblings wouldn't even react if one became homeless. Wow!

[tenshi816]

9. This is an interesting subject to me,

particularly because I'm an only child and sibling relationships have always fascinated me since I have no concept of what it's like. I have a stepbrother and stepsister (5 and 6 years younger than I am) but we never lived together when we were growing up and rarely see each other. They don't consider me their sister, and I don't think of them as my sibs. They're not close to each other either.

When I was small, I used to wish for a brother for some reason, and I always assumed that in families with more than one child, everyone was close. I now know that's not true.

My sons were born 5 years apart, and they can't stand each other. I keep hoping for some sign that things will change, but the elder one is 14 now and is still not showing any brotherly affection. They're both great kids separately, but together it's constant fireworks and it causes me so much distress. Since I have no experience with siblings, I don't know whether their behaviour is normal, nor do I know how to help them get along with each other. Sometimes I tell them both that they should work harder at getting along with each other because one day they'll be adults and need each other, because they don't have many relatives on either side of the family.

I'm an only child because my mother didn't really like kids, plus she came from a family with 9 children and hated it. She had a couple of sisters and one brother that she was really close to, but would go years at a time without talking to the rest of them. When my mom was dying of lung cancer, most of her estranged siblings all of a sudden turned up wanting to get close to her again because they were hoping to benefit from her will (not kidding about this either, they're vultures).

[billyskank]

10. We didn't

When we were kids my brother and I were always fighting. Now we're both grown up we're very close.