Believing in oneself

[Nikia]

How can one believe in oneself when one has let oneself down so many times? Where do you get faith in yourself? How do you do this inspite of occaisional faliures and bad decisions? Where do you get confidence when you haven't done anything that has really impressed yourself lately?

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. Find your true self

One of the hardest things in life is to forgive onesself. When you make a mistake, take it as a learning experience. Remember that you are more than your possessions or even your actions. It's really more a matter of perception than anything else. Know that you ARE loved and cared for.

[roughsatori]

2. Here is an excerpt by the Buddhist Nun Pema Chodron

from her book: The Wisdom of No Escape: and the path of Loving-kindness: http://www.shambhala.com/pc/html/stwhyo-ex.cfm/

If you like it at all here is a link that will provide other free excerpts from her work: http://www.shambhala.com/pc/index.cfm/

I find the idea of looking at one-self with non-aggression to be quite profound. It is true in my life that when ever I want to change that impetus is based on aggressive self-judgment as opposed to self love--I am still learning to just observe myself with kindness, so am not good at explaining. Best Wishes

[nuxvomica]

9. That is profound.

I had never thought that I look at myself with aggression until I read those words. I realize now that I often do and to what purpose? I can't come up with one. What is the danger of letting go of constant self-judgment? The times I have found myself beyond these concerns have been the best moments in my life. They have also been the times I have grown more in knowledge without effort. Much for me to think about. Thanks for the link.

[populistmom]

3. I think we often know

I think our inner self doesn't let us down most of the time. It's about learning to listen to it. Things I find difficult sometimes are due to the fact I made a choice based on something other than what my "gut" was telling me at the time. I find things go better when I really am more tuned into that inner me rather than what I think I "should" do based on someone else's expectation's.

[Kamika]

4. I dont know

I just know that I'm practicly always right and a quick thinker compared to other ppl. Often I get frustrated when ppl are slow so that just increases my confidence in myself.

[Nikia]

6. But I compare myself to better people

Since childhood, I have identified people in my life who I have considered role models. They themselves as people might be complete role models or just the aspects of them that I greatly admire. I think that I might even exaggerate how good they are in my mind. That becomes my standard, not people who are below average in some way.
Maybe, I do agree with you somewhat. I do better and feel better about myself when I am directly competing with people who are suppose to be my peers (school, running, and certain jobs). Unfortunately, life is not like that in general. My job is not like that either. I am the only one who does my job so there is no standard except the vague idealized standard. That is one reason that I want to get a job at a bigger company and have thought about starting over at an entry level position. That would fix one problem. That does not fix life in general, though.
I don't think it is just comparing myself to others who I consider better. I sometimes realize that I did the wrong thing after the fact. Sometimes, I am oblivious to things or lazy or feel distracted or let my feelings get in the way of me working as hard as I should or treating people as I should or doing the right thing.
You sound like a perfectionist. I consider myself a fallen perfectionist. How do you deal with not meeting your own standards?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

10. I find this comment disturbing Nikia...

You might consider letting go of the comparisons and simply settle into the task at hand. This is not to say that you shouldn't admire people who excel at certain skills. But instead of using their success to keep your self-esteem low; utilize your cleverness and your talent for observation to learn from their success. The same principal applies to those who suffer from an over-inflated opinion of themselves, but this affliction is far more difficult to recognize; and scary to attempt to change.

I hope you feel better about yourself soon. :hug:

[proud patriot]

5. Just pinch yourself

and remember the puzzle is not complete without
your piece .

[Nikia]

7. I need more ideas on this

I can't even get my thread to generate more than a few posts. I know. Perhaps, I am a ridiculous spolied brat. Perhaps, I already have all the answers that I need. I just need to believe that I do. Right now, it just seems like a paradox. In the past, I believed in myself because I did well or overcame some challenge or truly helped someone. It is hard to do well if I don't believe in myself and the evidence against me just seems to accumulate. It becomes a downward spiral.
This thread is not just for me though. I know that I am not the only one with these issues. Some people that seem so talented and good in every way are even less confident than I am. Perhaps, it just as simple as accepting ones humanity and learning to forgive oneself as if that is simple.

[Kamika]

8. Dont worry

Im also a spoiled brat and my posts only get a few responses aswell

[corarose]

11. From within

You have to pick yourself up and go on. I have done is so many times that I can't count and each time I have felt like giving up but I didn't.

Do you remember that old song or saying Pick Yourself Up brush Yourself off and start all over again. Well, that's what you have to do and don't let anyone or anything get in your way either.

I have lost my confidence so many times that I can't count but I keep saying to myself that I can't quit and next time I will do it better.
Like in Culinary I don't get it right most of the time but I keep going in an practicing until I do get it right.

Just keep saying to yourself that you can do whatever it is that you are trying to achieve and you will do it no matter what.