The worst song in the history of the universe?

[Orrex]

Well, probably not, but hear me out...

I have no ear for contemporary country music, the most popular of which is, to me, indistinguishable from a brutal satire of the stereotypical American hick, complete with terracotta moonshine jug (with the three X's) and numerous teeth MIA.

Of course that's a stereotype and not a fair or realistic representation. Nevertheless, what I hear oozing out of my radio, when I chance upon it, panders so obscenely to the most insipid pseudopatrotic bullshit that I can only think of our esteemed President, who likewise suckles at the teat of opinion-poll nationalism.

Just two hours ago, if you'd asked me to name the worst country song currently in the popular consciousness, I'd have had to go with anything by Toby Keith. If not that, then probably Alan Jackson's "Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning," which wins on the sheer arrogance of its self-absorption, even if it's a few years old.

But now I've heard "Arlington" by Trace Adkins. Ignoring his ineffectively sandpaperish voice, I can hardly stomach the lyrics even as I read them now, and hearing them crooned with the full power of good ol' boy gravitas was nearly enough to make me drive off of a bridge.

Big Corporate hiphop is awful, to be sure, but even at its most bootilicious it doesn't whore itself out to the paired zealotries of God and Country. The fact that Charlie Daniels still lives and breathes and performs "In America" only makes it worse.

I know, I know. You can skim crap off the top of any class of music, film, or literature. But we've reached the point at which this week's Republican talking points are as likely as not to be featured in the week's hottest Country single, and if that doesn't herald the end of American civilization, I'd like to know what does.

By the way--don't think I'm overlooking the execrable "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy," either.

[raccoon]

1. MacArthur Park

I know it's not country, but when I saw the title of the thread, I felt a compulsion to post that here.

[ForrestGump]

34. Yes. You win.

Richard Harris was a great actor but...well...his original release still scars me. Donna Summer savaged this, to some degree, but the sing should never have existed in the first place.

Also the longest bad song out there...

[Initech]

2. Excellent rant! And I agree about Toby Keith.

Absolutely horrible "musician"! :toast:

I seriously want to puke every time I hear "Courtesy Of The Red White And Blue".

[jobycom]

40. Toby's good, you just have to change the channel when he starts

that pseudo-patriot stuff. He's actually claimed he's not a Republican, but he supported Bush this last time through because (my words) he bought all the media lies about him.

His non-kool aide songs are good, usually.

[Initech]

67. So he is a liar, too?

"Not a Republican" my ass!

[jobycom]

68. No, but he reads better than you.

[Initech]

72. I meant about the "he claims he's not a Republican" part

[mcscajun]

3. "In the Year 2525" -- still the worst song Ever.

by a wide margin.

And creepy, too.

Zager & Evans -- 1968

[Richardo]

4. You're in my head, mcscajun. Don't worry, there's plenty of room. :)

:yourock: That song is the worst.

[mcscajun]

24. LOL

Too much!

[Terran]

18. Hey, I like that song!

For its creepiness, for one thing. Its creepiness is what saves it, IMO. I mean, a song about the fate of mankind, how can that be so bad?

[mcscajun]

26. Someone liked "Tea for Two" and "Sugar, Sugar", too...

...doesn't save 'em. :)

[Terran]

36. "Sugar, Sugar"??

Gaack. We're talking the Archies, right? Erp.

[mcscajun]

Yup. We sure are.

Belch.

[Bridget Burke]

5. "I'm Proud to be an American"--Lee Greenwood

I love many forms of country music. Old timey, bluegrass, western swing, honky tonk, etc.

But I avoid commercial radio.

[Pystoff]

74. Bingo

That song and anything by Charlie Daniels after 1980 and anything ever by Toby Keith.

[MemphisTiger]

6. Anything by Toby Keith

it seems that modern country, meaning 1995 till present, is pop country. It's not all together all bad, but with so many artist saturating the market, there are a few talented souls in a field of mostly crap. I will say that I can't stand Big n' Rich or Montgomery Gentry These duo groups seem to try to capture the Brooks & Dunn audience without the talent. The women are a whole breed of crap in country music. They seem to be there to look pretty and try to carry a tune, but most can't. I'm not saying the men are much better, but it seems that there are more men singers now that can sing as opposed to the female country singers. Just my $0.02.

[SteppingRazor]

7. If your criteria is jingoistic, overly sentimental country songs...

Then nothing you've mentioned comes close to "Have You Forgotten" by Darryl Worley. Worst song of this type ever. Makes Toby Keith look subtle and nuanced by comparison.

[Orrex]

12. Good grief--I want to die now

I just read the lyrics. :banghead: :puke:

[LSK]

8. Have you forgotten - Daryl Worley

Country song that came out right before we went into Iraq. Its obvious that it attempts to make the Iraq - 9/11 connection. I nominate this for worst song of all time.

LYRICS:

I hear people saying we don't need this war
I say there's some things worth fighting for
What about our freedom and this piece of ground?
We didn't get to keep 'em by backing down
They say we don't realize the mess we're getting in
Before you start preaching
Let me ask you this my friend

CHORUS 1
Have you forgotten how it felt that day
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away?
Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
We had neighbors still inside
Going through a living hell
And you say we shouldn't worry 'bout Bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

They took all the footage off my T.V.
Said it's too disturbing for you and me
It'll just breed anger that's what the experts say
If it was up to me I'd show it every day
Some say this country's just out looking for a fight
After 9/11 man I'd have to say that's right

CHORUS 1
Have you forgotten how it felt that day
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away?
Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
We had neighbors still inside
Going through a living hell
And we vowed to get the ones behind Bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

I've been there with the soldiers
Who've gone away to war
And you can bet that they remember
Just what they're fighting for

CHORUS 2
Have you forgotten all the people killed?
Yes, some went down like heroes in that Pennsylvania field
Have you forgotten about our Pentagon?
All the loved ones that we lost
And those left to carry on
Don't you tell me not to worry 'bout Bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

Have you forgotten?
Have you forgotten?

[SteppingRazor]

10. Get outta my head, LSK (see post #7)

:)

[LSK]

13. glad we think alike

People need to see the lyrics. It is IRaq that MOFO is talking about.

Im getting angry just thinking about it.

[Napoleon Dynamite]

23. I'll agree with you on this one

I hate this song on so many levels. Propaganda set to music.

[obxhead]

29. now that is crap

Bin Laden had nothing to do with Iraq. This drives me insane. I actually know people who BELIEVE that Iraq attacked the U$.

[Orrex]

9. Sorry Mod!

I didn't even think of The Lounge--I thought the subject matter was sufficiently "general" to be General...

Oops.

[pointblank]

11. No, the worst fucking song in the universe...

is that LET FREEDOM RING, LET THE WHITE DOVES SING bullshit that Hannity plays at the opening of his show, dont know who is responsible for that POS.

[LSK]

17. not sure if i got the right song but

Those lyrics are from a Martina McBride song written in the early 90s about spousal and child abuse. The song is called Independence Day. What a shame that scum Hannity uses it.

[jobycom]

43. That's it. It was written by one of the best songwriters of her age, too.

Well she seemed alright by dawn's early light
Though she looked a lil worried and weak
She tried to pretend he wasn't drinking again
But Daddy left the proof on her cheek
And I was only eight years old that summer
And I always seemed to be in the way
So I took myself down to the fair in town
On Independence Day...

Well, word gets around in a small, small town
They said he was a dangerous man
But Momma was proud, and she stood her ground
She knew she was on the losin' end
Some folks whispered, some folks talked
But everybody looked the other way
And when time ran out there was no one about
On Independence Day...

Let freedom ring
Let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today is the day of a reckoning
Let the weak be strong
Let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away
Let the guilty pay
It's Independence Day

Well, she lit up the sky that Fourth of July
By the time that the firemen come
They just put out the flames and took down some names
and sent me to the county home
Now I ain't sayin' it's right, or it's wrong
But maybe it's the only way
Talk about your revolution
It's Independence Day...

Let freedom ring
Let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today is the day of a reckoning
Let the weak be strong
Let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away
let the guilty pay
It's Independence Day

Roll the stone away...

It's Independence Day...

[jobycom]

41. That is a fantastic goddamn song, bite your tongue!

Written by Gretchen Peters, sung by Martina McBride, it's about a woman who kills her abusive husband to save her child. It's one of the best country songs ever. It was banned from many country stations when it was released.

Sad to see Hannity using it, considering it's a feminist protest song.

[jmowreader]

71. Hannity used to play a second song...

He'd start out by playing Martina McBride's "let freedom ring" line then back it up with Bruce Hornsby's "that's just the way it is."

The fact that "The Way It Is" is the most anti-people-like-Hannity song written in the last twenty-five years just goes to show that Hannity is the single biggest dumbfuck to ever walk the face of the earth.

[miss_kitty]

14. Let the Eagle Soar

:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:

Edited to add 1 more puking smilie

[Terran]

15. "Afternoon Delight"

Trite pablum shallowly dipped in saccharine and drizzled with gooey grotesqueness.

[Chovexani]

38. Ha

I love the scene in PCU when Jeremy Piven had the college alumni in the room and forced them to listen to that on repeat...god that song is terrible.

[Terran]

55. Heheh, I forgot about that.

The sounds of the screams from inside the locked room was quite amusing!

[Brotherjohn]

16. VH1 just re-aired their "50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs..." they pegged it.

Or at least came close.

No. 1? "We Built This City" by Starship.

Sorry for planting that earworm in everyone's ear who just read this.

They also had some funny comments bout the Toby Kieth song...
"What would Jesus have done? No, Toby, I don't think Jesus would have 'put a boot in their ass'."

[Orrex]

25. I still hear every song on that 50-list

I am, unfortunately, exposed to corporate radio in my workplace. Rest assured that no matter how "awesomely bad" those songs are, each of them still gets primo airplay at least several times per week.

Already I've heard "We Built This City" twice since yesterday morning, and the week is young...

[Terran]

30. LOL, goddammit, I like "We Built This City"!!

It's got a good beat and you can dance to it! :headbang:

[Brotherjohn]

37. I guess it's badness is greatly accentuated by the marked contrast with...

... Jefferson Airplane's groundbreaking early stuff.

[Terran]

57. Oh yeah, there is that to consider.

I wasn't real familiar with the early Airplane stuff, except for the best known songs.

[AValdoux]

19. In defense of country music

Please don't write off all country music because of the corporate nashville crap on the radio. Try Steve Earl or Robert Earl Keen before you judge the whole genre. Also you can't forget Willie Nelson or Johnnie Cash. Merle Haggard fought against the Nixon campaign using his Okiee from Muskogee. Kris Kristoferson speaks his mind also.


AValdoux

[Orrex]

27. Exactly! (edited because I spell like a chump)

which is the worst of the worst, IMO.

I'll give someone big money if they can name a current Country song with the power of "Folsom Prison Blues," to name just one example out of many.

Country, when it's done right, can be as powerful as any form of music.

When it's done wrong, you get Toby Keith and Gretchen Wilson.

on edit: Thanks XemaSab!

[XemaSab]

33. Folsom

not "Fullsome"

It's a town in California.

[Dogmudgeon]

39. But it must be said ...

... that the mental image of a "fullsome" prison is worth a laugh or two. Or five.

And it's not a ridiculing laugh, either, because I've made many similar misstatements.

--p!
But let's not go there ...

[jobycom]

47. I'll defend it more strongly than that

It goes through these stages because Nashville record execs are worse than any others. But at it's best, you have artists like Garth Brooks, Trisha Yearwood, Shelby Lynn, K.T. Oslin, K.D. Lang, Willie Nelson, Lyle Lovett, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, Dolly Parton, Emmylou Harris, Dwight Yoakum, etc.

There aren't a lot of better songs than The Dance, or A Bus to Saint Cloud, or My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys, or, as you say, Folsom Prison Blues. Or I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry. Or Independence Day.

At it's worst, you have Lee Greenwood, Chelye Wright, and Darrel Worly, and a lot of pretty hat boys who are there to look good on posters.

Another problem is you have otherwise good artists, like Toby Keith, who feel the need to pander to the market with pseudo-patriotic tripe. Or worse, you have such a shortage of decent songwriting that even people like Garth Brooks record garbage. "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" is the worst song ever recorded, imo, and Chesney isn't really bad.

It sucks right now, mostly, though. But that's just pop country. There's still good stuff being done, it just doesn't get played. Like every genre.

[slackmaster]

20. Lovin' You by Minnie Riperton

Accept no substitutes.

[MojoXN]

21. "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy,"

Har dee har har! I hate country, am deaf in one ear, and have trouble understanding people with a southern accent. Thus, when I first heard this song, for weeks afterward, I thought that the inbred retard was singing, "She thinks my truck is sexy," which would make a hell of a lot more sense. Then I learned that the singing retard in question was saying "tractor's" and not "truck is". It was then that I realized just how goddamn stupid redneck music really is.

MojoXN

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

22. There are too many

"Lucille"
"Afternoon Delight"
"Fly Robin Fly"
"The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
"Shout"

All of these songs set my teeth on edge.

[NYCGirl]

28. There's a song entitled, "They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Ha" by

Napoleon XIV

If you've ever heard it, you've never forgotten it. The B-Side was the same song, RECORDED BACKWARDS. Rock critic Dave Marsh said the B-side could clear out a crowded room in 30 seconds.

http://www.abc.net.au/newengland/stories/s1266455.htm

Remember when you ran away
And I got on my knees
And begged you not to leave
Because I'd go berserk?
Well. . .

You left me anyhow
And then the days got worse and worse
And now you see I've gone
Completely out of my mind
And. . .

They're coming to take me away, HA HA
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those nice, young men
In their clean, white coats
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

You thought it was a joke
And so you laughed
You laughed when I had said
That losing you would make me flip my lid
Right. . .

You know you laughed, I heard you laugh
You laughed, you laughed and laughed
And then you left
But now you know I'm utterly mad!
And. . .

They're coming to take me away, HA HA
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA
To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

I cooked your food
I cleaned your house
And this is how you pay me back
For all my kind, unselfish loving deeds?!!
Hah. . .

Well you just wait
They'll find you yet
And when they do they'll
Put you in the ASPCA, you mangy mutt!
And. . .

They're coming to take me away, HA HA
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those nice, young men
In their clean, white coats
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see
Those nice, young men
In their clean, white coats
And they're coming to take me away, Ha-haaa!

[6000eliot]

51. It's actually Donovan

One time, I had a rocking party going on, until I put on Donovan's greatest hits album, and the room cleared in minutes.

[I Know How To Do it]

53. Lard did a version of that song that's pretty weird.

[blindpig]

54. and you think that's bad?

kind of liked it myself. The text alone does not convey the breathlessly deranged quality of the recording. Oh for the day when such art available on the top 40.

[NYCGirl]

65. The first time you hear it, it's sort of compelling. After that, it's

the worst song in the history of the world!
;)

[stopbush]

31. "It's A Small World After All" - hands down

Disney's crap-o-rama.

I defy you to name anything worse...or to get this particular earworm out of your head now that I've mentioned it.

[NeoTraitors]

32. 'Feelings' and 'You light up my life' were generally

considered the worst of the '70's. I think Charlie Daniels 'Uneasy Rider '88' is the worst of all-time. The strange thing is that his original version of the song from '71 is quite good and very much the work of a liberal.

'88 is a biggoted song targeting homosexuals.

[DrDan]

61. another vote for Feelings

I HATE!! that song

[XemaSab]

35. I don't think anyone who hasn't been on the ride

can UNDERSTAND.

:scared:

[jobycom]

44. I love the song and the ride

I've actually planned whole trips around getting to DisneyWorld just for that ride. Bizarre, yes, but true.

[Chovexani]

46. I thought I was the only one!

Sure it's cheesy but I love it.

I also miss the old kitschy '50s Ed Wood version of Tomorrowland. I haven't been down to Disneyworld since the makeover, though I would love to see the new one. I guess the old one appealed to the part of my brain that loves those cheesy old sci-fi movies, the kind they used to make fun of on MST3k.

[jobycom]

48. Some of it's still there

The still have the Carousel of Progress, and that Tomorrowland Transit that goes past the old "cities of tomorrow" display.

I love Tomorrowland. That whole retro sci-fi feel is fun. No better place than DisneyWorld for retro. MGM Studios, too.

[stopbush]

56. Bizarre, yes, but...BIZARRE!

[mcscajun]

60. It *does* win for world's most prevalent earworm

hands down.

[ElsewheresDaughter]

42. hands down "tip toe through the tulips"

[Felix Mala]

45. Jeans On -- David Dundas

It sucks on so many levels. The title suggests that the treacle of the lyrics had drained the author's mind of all imagination so when they got to the title the just decided to use the 23rd and 24th words of the song.

It's not really a song, but something more of a lyrical chant. Why? Because everybody knows that lyrical chanting and casual wear go together, moron.

This was in the early days of synthesizers. Like their video game counterparts in the seventies, the synthesizer gives us the aural version of pong -- two hand clap (smack-smack). This punctuates the fact the individual in the song has, indeed, put his jeans on...

Finally, some of you born too late have no idea how free the 70's were before AIDS. There was lots of sex! TONS of sex. Every situation in this song -- hanging out on the weekend, motorcylcing in the country or going to a bar -- emphasizes putting "Jeans On" and not, as would be more appropriate for the era, taking "Jeans Off."

There's more to criticize, but this is a good start.

[JAbuchan08]

49. What is it about country music? The lyrics are almost always crappy.

Take the most standard song-writing subject and then use the most awkward mawkish lyrics to flesh it out, abandon all but the most trite metaphors and you've got yourself a pop-country song.

[chaska]

50. Pina Colada song ... Hot Child in the City

[I Know How To Do it]

52. The song, "Cherish" makes me physically ill.

[maveric]

58. "Havin my Baby" Paul Anka.

Sexist, mysoginist, just plain BAD!

[WoodrowFan]

59. Muskrat Love (NT)

[Love Bug]

62. "Everybody was Kung-fu fighting..."

[SKKY]

63. "Heartbeat" by Don "Miami Vice" Johnson

Absolutely, totally, horrific.

[NYCGirl]

66. Even worse? The video! The horror! NT

[donheld]

64. Butterfly Kisses

:puke:

[LeftyMom]

69. The Thong Song nt

[abbeyco]

70. Drop-kick me Jesus through the goal posts of Live

Back in the early '70's by some Xian/Country hack.

Swear - it's a real song!

[elshiva]

73. YES that is a song, hon!

But my favorite awful song is "My Ding A Ling" by Chuck Berry:
"Those of you who would not sing/ you must be playing with your ding a ling!"

[benny05]

75. This thread ought to be re-run bi-monthly

and it would be interesting to see if the answers were the same. Someone asked this question 2 months ago, and the top worst songs are still listed: MacArthur Park, 2525, Cherish, etc.

One of the worst performed songs I've ever seen was "I've Seen It All" by Bjork on the Academy Awards in 2001. Her outfit was ghastly. She should have been doing stand-up comedy with a swan neck over her shoulder. Jon Stewart would have had a field day with that act if the Daily Show had been around then.