"You're giving away all your power."

[GoddessOfGuinness]

What does this mean, and how does one avoid doing it?

Please discuss.

[mcscajun]

1. Context is all...what's the context for this?

:)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

6. A person was discussing

what sounded to me like an emotionally abusive relationship. Her husband (among others) would criticize her, and she'd always apologize and try to "do better", all the while becoming more depressed. Her therapist made the comment to her.

[mcscajun]

9. Now it makes sense...

...when someone is criticizing you, and all you do is meekly accept it and apologize, you give up your right to defend yourself, you give up your anger, and yes, you give up your power.

No one can hurt you unless you first give them permission to do so. By apologizing repeatedly, you relinquish all power little by little, and you validate their criticism, both in their eyes and internally, where it wears you down through depression and despair.

You have to own your anger; let no one rob you of it. If someone is abusing you...you get angry! You fight back! You don't cave in to the abuse and apologize.

[applegrove]

12. Learned helplessness. I would hope she can get him into counselling if

it is as bad as it sounds. Find out where the anger & control are coming from, expectations, trust, and learn to communicate.

She really could be learning how to be a helpless person. Bad.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

14. She already got the therapy...

She eventually divorced the man who was so critical of her, after trying to get him into counseling for quite some time. As a result of her decision to leave, he got help for himself.

I was interested to hear her talk about it though, because I sense that her experience can be applied to my own life in many ways. There have been many times when I should have defended myself, or spoken my mind with greater conviction, but didn't; and I became hurt, angry, and resentful instead.

There are other times when adopting the suggestions of others really seems the best way to go; and I have no problem with their criticism as long as it's delivered in a mutually respectful manner. So I don't think I have a problem handling criticism; though I've been accused of that by people that I've felt were not respectful of others (women in particular).

I'm also painfully aware of the fact that there's a fine line between "assertiveness" and "bossiness" which seems to fall in different spectrums for different individuals. I suspect that this may be where my difficulty lies...in caring too much about how others perceive my intentions.

So I'm wondering why I have this problem with certain people; and if my giving into others equates to "giving my power away". And if so, what can I do about it?

[applegrove]

18. Well if you are in a position of choice you are in a position of power

indeed.

[redqueen]

2. Pick up the little energy boost thingies?

:shrug:

[Akoto]

3. Stop letting your neighbors use your electrical sockets.

:evilgrin:

[jeff30997]

4. Hehehe.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

7. Like that Simpson's episode?

Where Homer let all the RV guys hook up to his house?

[applegrove]

5. Having been turned powerless as a teen - it is when you allow someone's

big huge dramatic emotions to overide your own senses & reality.. in a word you allow someone else to trump your feelings/nees with their own incarnation.

The more you fall for it..the less and less self-knowledge you have.

Knowledge is power.

Why the people in that torture experiment kept zapping the subjects when the Scientist told them too. And those who had more self-esteem, education or or less awe of authority or position said "Fuck this..I'm not hurting anyone or turning up the dial".

Behave as an adult & take responsiblity for your actions.

As the neocon said to me during a discussion "you are not taking direction". I said: "What! Am I twelve? What adult takes direction on their opinions and world view?".

[GoddessOfGuinness]

8. Interesting...

How did you interpret "you are not taking direction"?

Was s/he criticizing the fact that you were neither pro-war nor pro-Saddam? Or was s/he saying "You are not following instructions"?

[applegrove]

10. They were criticizing that I would not buy their whole thing. I was not

criticizing the war. I was asking what their President had brought out in them - were they better people - or adolescents. And they couldn't answer. Then they claimed it was 'religious direction' I was not taking after the fact. When I pointed out that 'direction' was something for kids. So if they were all taking direction..my question had in fact been answered.

[MrScorpio]

11. Do you have any Mana left

It might help you

[GoddessOfGuinness]

15. Thanks MrScorpio

Cheers!

[OrwellwasRight]

13. I thought we were supposed to analyze and discuss the anteater photo

and I'm not even drunk. I'm glad the other posters knew what was up.

:silly:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

16. That's another thread...

;-)

[Floogeldy]

17. Please. Get out of my HEAD.

:smoke:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

19. I'll get you my pretty!

And all your power, too!