Homer Simpson's Words of Wisdom

[Kire]

Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually!

Because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything!

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on every car!

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well...all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

It's like something out of that "twilighty" show about that zone.

Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for love...

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close!

Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

More: http://funny2.com/homer.htm

[Streetdoc270]

1. and my favorite

Weasling out of things is what seperates us from the animals.....except the weasels

[Richardo]

2. I'm not normally a religious man but if you're up there, save us Superman!

:)

[sabbat hunter]

4. another homeresqe

Save me Jeevus save me

[ghostsofgiants]

7. Missionary? But I don't even believe in Jebus!

[Mizmoon]

3. "If elected Mayor, my first act wil be ...

to KILL THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU AND BURN YOUR TOWN TO CINDERS!" --groundskeeper Willy

[ghostsofgiants]

9. "Uh, Willie, the mic is ON..."

"I KNOW IT'S ON!"

[ET Awful]

5. It's time to do what Americans do best . . . . act unilaterally!

while trapped in a roundabout in London :)

[quisp]

6. "But I love solid food." n/t

[tridim]

8. I hate to nitpick, but wasn't that quote,

"But I love solids." ?

[quisp]

13. C'mon, don't lie...

you obvoiusly LOVE to nitpick!

and google bears you out
http://www.geeksuperstar.org/2003_04_01_archives.shtml

I hate that!

[tridim]

16. You got me pegged..

I guess Simpsons quotes are one of the things I love to nitpick. :)

[Rising Phoenix]

10. "Everything seems bad if you remember them"

[Rabrrrrrr]

11. Just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening

[ProfessorGAC]

12. Lisa, In This House We Will Obey The Laws Of Thermodynamics!

THe Professor

[Coventina]

14. Mmm Beer....now THERE'S a temporary solution!

Beer.....my love for YOU will never die!

[myrna minx]

15. To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problem.

[Rising Phoenix]

18. "Alcohol: the cause and solution to all of life's problems."

[Rising Phoenix]

19. jinx, minx

[Initech]

17. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... sacrilicious!"

[quisp]

20. heheheheh

that's one of my favs too.

[Initech]

22. "Homer, that's not god! That's a waffle that Bart tossed up there!"

"I know I shouldnt eat thee...."

[Initech]

24. "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably!"

"The lesson is: never try."

[DelawareValleyDem]

21. "Kids are the best, Apu"

"You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the Internet and all."

[SmileyBoy]

23. My fave: "I wish God were alive to see this right now..."

LOL

[mnmoderatedem]

25. Upon being informed of the 7 day cooling off period before buying a gun

"7 days?!? But I'm mad now!"

[no name no slogan]

26. "So, they got the internet on COMPUTERS now...."

I use this one at work all the time. Which is somewhat humorous, considering I'm a webmaster :silly:

[Devil Dog Dem]

27. "Sure I'm flattered, perhaps even a little curious."

"But there will be no back-door shenanigans between us."
When he mistakes Mr. Burns attempt to bribe him (during collective bargaining) for a pass.